James
30-06-2000, 07:02 PM
They are having problems at the Zoo.
They have a valuable pair of pandas, but the male shows no interest in mating with the female.
So the Zoo Keepers decide that someone needs to go into the cage, and, erm, demonstrate to the male Panda what to do.
High level discussions are held about who might be the ideal person to do this. They clearly need someone big, dumb and hairy. Finally, they agree that the only suitably qualified person is our own Simon Paterson (or possibly to avoid a writ, some other Simon Paterson).
So they call him up and explain what they want to do - they suggest that £10,000 would be fair compensation.
Paterson says that he will need 3 days to consider the proposition. On the third day he calls them back, and agrees to do it, but on three conditions, namely:
1) That any offspring from the Union must be named Mark and brought up as an Accountant.
2) That there must be no kissing on the lips - and finally
3) That he can pay them the £10,000 in installments over 3 years
They have a valuable pair of pandas, but the male shows no interest in mating with the female.
So the Zoo Keepers decide that someone needs to go into the cage, and, erm, demonstrate to the male Panda what to do.
High level discussions are held about who might be the ideal person to do this. They clearly need someone big, dumb and hairy. Finally, they agree that the only suitably qualified person is our own Simon Paterson (or possibly to avoid a writ, some other Simon Paterson).
So they call him up and explain what they want to do - they suggest that £10,000 would be fair compensation.
Paterson says that he will need 3 days to consider the proposition. On the third day he calls them back, and agrees to do it, but on three conditions, namely:
1) That any offspring from the Union must be named Mark and brought up as an Accountant.
2) That there must be no kissing on the lips - and finally
3) That he can pay them the £10,000 in installments over 3 years