Chat up lines part two

[Les Butler]

Pick-Up Lines Part 2


I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long.

(Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes.

Nice legs...what time do they open?

Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.

You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Pink-Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?

I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.

I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.

I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.

Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?

Hey baby, why don't you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that POPS up.

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

Are those real?

You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.

You can feel the magic between us...No, lower!

I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.

Girl, if you were a porch I'd take out all the nails and screw ya.

If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

(Look down at the crotch) It's not just going to suck itself.

You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.

You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any Questions?

**** me if I'm wrong but is your name Helga?

Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.

My name is (name)...remember that, you'll be screaming it later.

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute."

Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.

I know milk does a body good, but, DAMN, how much have you been drinking?

If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.

Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? What you don't like pizza?

I may not be Dairy Queen but I'll treat you right.

Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without me.

Do you sleep on your stomach at night? Can I???

Do you wash your pants in Windex because I can see myself in them.

Like Motel 6...I'll leave a light on for you.

If I told you you had a nice body, would you hold IT against me?

I lost my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this motel room.

If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put you and I together.

Let me check the tag on your shirt, I want to see if it says "Made in Heaven"

Hey nice shoes, wanna ****?

[Chocky]

There used to be this fat obnoxious bloke who occasionally drank in the pub, and he knew exactly how to clear the place of women. He's had his nose splattered and been bashed by p*ssed off boyfriends & hubbies whose women he's abused, but nothing stopped him. Once there was a table of 6 lovely little honeys that my mates and me were hovering close to, and this fat nob shuffled up to them, said a few things, they drank up, stood up and sodded off. Nice one fatty. If you're wondering about the sort of thing he'd say, well, the worst thing I overheard once was "you ain'alf got lovely hair darlin...(little smile from girl)...it'd look a lot better wiv my ***** in it"

Charmer.

Les Butler stop sniggering, it WASN'T funny at the time.

[Les Butler]

He heh heh.........Cool

[Dave]

This one aint politically correct and i am just repeating it...


Are your parents disblabled cos your special

[Gooders]

Heard this one just the other day...

Bloke: Would you like to dance?
Girl: No (stoney-faced)
Bloke: I'm sorry, you must have misheard me. I said "you look fat in that dress".

[CPFC Cheerleader Observer]

Like it Gooders.


(Get to use it often do you?!!! I know I do....)

------------------

Now we'll show 'em all the Premiership Palace for next season.

[Men At Work]

The worst I've heard :

A guy walks up to a girl having a drink, takes a cube out of her glass, jumps up and down on it and says "Now that the ice is broken..."

The best I've heard :

"We should shag". This was actually used by a close friend when she espied someone she fancied. They were married two years later.

[SIKO]

I like this one

Hello darlin, would you like to ****

No, well do you mind lying down while I have one

OR

do you fancy a **** and a hamburger

NO, what dont you like meat

Hello darlin, do you like chicken, you do, oh good, well then why dont you suck my d@#k cos it tastes fow(u)l

[Chocky]

Remember Nigel Planer in a bar in Spain in The Comic Strips' Funseekers?

Oi! When did the war end love?
Eh?
When did the war end?
What?
You've still got yer gas mask on.

Oi! The ironing board's over there.
Eh?
I said the ironing board's over there.
You what?
Get your face straightened out a bit.

[Mat ov CPFC]

A mate of mine would use this one ( with some sucess I hasten to add ! )

"Would you like to go halves on a b@stard ? "

Or another one. He would spot a bint he fancied on the dance floor and wait until she had finished dancing. Then he would buy her a drink, walk up to her and hand it to her. Everytime they would ask what it was for and he would reply 'its because we have something in commom ". They would ask what and he would then say " We both cannot dance very well ". 9 nines out of 10 the girl would laugh and as we all know that is half the battle won.

[skm]

I've had a lot to drink and you're starting to look pretty good.

[Egg Sample]

once you've mastered the chat up line then you may get the problem of headaches;
Subject: Headache cure
>
>
>>
>> > > A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was
>> > > climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual,
>> > > "I have a headache."
>> > >
>> > > "Perfect" her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom
>> > > powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally
>> > > or as a suppository,... it's up to you!"
>> > >

[CPFC Cheerleader Observer]

Oh I love that last one so much that I may have to try that on the missus tonight.

(On second thoughts. I doubt a huge shiner on eye will look very good in that meeting I have tomorrow....)

------------------

Now we'll show 'em all the Premiership Palace for next season.

[Dai the Swansea Eagle]

That shirt looks very becoming on you.. of course if I were on you I'd be coming too.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

If you've lost your virginity, could I have the box it came in?

[Neil MacQueen]

I think i might use the

Your clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my appartment floor.

Nice one, thats my holiday sorted out http://www.cpfc.org/ubb/smile.gif

------------------
A nice pint (of Fosters)in the Cricketers

[Pistike]

James V told me of a line once used by an old mate of his.
Standing at the bar with James and a couple of boilers (Sarah and Monika), it was time for another round, he comes out with something like:
"Right then! Jim lager, I'll have a lager, pernod and black Sarah and....(turning to boiler number two)...another bone Monika?"
I guess they must have been from Croydon cos I dont think it spoilt anyones evening.

[Les Butler]

Another Fav

[Parkice]

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?

Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Really? I heard it was because everyone there calls you a fat s1ut!



Man: Is this seat empty?

Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Probably because you'll be on your knees sucking my cock.



Man: Your place or mine?

Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: That's cool, cause after I'm done shagging you in the back of my car, I don't give a f*ck where you go.



Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?

Woman: Unfertilised

Man: No problem, I can always shoot my load up your arse.



Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: Probably, cause you seem like the kind of bitch that's impossible to shake off once you've shagged her.



Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.

Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: That works for me....as long as you are still a bit warm when I put it up your arse.



Male: Would you like to dance?

Female: I'd rather die.

Male: I think you misheard me. I said your arse looks fat you c*nt!

[Phil's Barber]

I'm pissed and you look great....wanna shag before I sober up?

[johanncryuff]

Stare at the girl a few times, look her up and down, and then remove an imaginary speck of dust from her clothing, gently whispering "now you're perfect".
Worked for me!!

[jlmatthews]

You must be Jamacian cause Ja makin me horny!!

The end of my nose smells like Cherries..lean in and take a whiff...

[Les Butler]

bump