Facts about Alan Lee

[cpfc4evandeva]

Inspired by Brooklynlou's suggestion on another thread, please list an interesting fact about the great man. Try to be as honest as possible.

Here is mine...

Alan Lee is the only man to have won The Crystal Maze, Total Wipeout and Takeshi's Castle all on the same day.

FACT

[TopKnot]

Alan Desmond Lee was born in Galway, Ireland, on 21 August 1978. He is 6'3" tall.

FACT

[Woosie]

Alan Lee cannot cry, if you see tears running down his cheeks that's his way of washing his face (shamelessly stolen from the FB group)

[cpfc4evandeva]

Alan Desmond Lee was born in Galway, Ireland, on 21 August 1978. He was 6'3" tall from birth.

FACT

EFA

[ChristalPalace]

On his holidays, Alan Lee becomes the man from Del Monte.

[Benzhiyi]

Alan Lee can be seen three nights a week on national TV, playing the character of John Stape in the popular soap Coronation Street.

[Tony]

When Alan Lee scores vital goals at Sheffield Wednesday an unknown chemical enters his body which gives him superhuman powers. Those attempting to congratulate him bounce off and should a passing truck get in the way he will simply knock it over. The military are trying to tap into this super strength in order to re-establish the Empire and help stop train crashes.

[elgin eagle]

When Alan Lee petulantly stamps his feet, earthquakes occur in several regions of the world simultaneously.

[BulletEagle]

Despite being Irish, Alan Lee could play for Brazil if he wanted to.

FACT

[Jordan's Jacket]

Anal Eel is an anogram of Alan Lee. Fact.

[The Good Man]

When Alan Lee falls in water, Alan Lee doesn't get wet. Water gets Alan Lee.

FACT

[unsensibleLiam]

Alan Lee can touch MC Hammer.

[The Good Man]

Alan Lee can increase his size at will in order to intimidate others. See evidence below:

http://www.cpfc.org/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=33204&d=1280844865

FACT

[cpfc4evandeva]

Alan Lee can increase his size at will in order to intimidate others. See evidence below:

http://www.cpfc.org/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=33204&d=1280844865

FACT

:lux:

You can see Ambrose looking at his legs thinking 'When will they stop growing?!' :D

[unsensibleLiam]

It takes Alan Lee 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

[BulletEagle]

Alan Lee knows where Wally is.

FACT.

[BulletEagle]

Alan Lee knows every digit of pi.

FACT.

[Spanish Dan]

B.A. Baracus will only ever get on a plane if Alan Lee is flying it.

[ChickenDipper]

Alan lee wrote the lyrics to the sugar hill gangs rap

FACT

[ReadingPalace]

When Alan Lee was 4 years old, he blew out the candles on his birthday cake so hard, that both the cake and candles ended up on the floor, mysteriously leaving the four flames hanging in mid-air.

[kestoneagle]

Alan Lee can complete the rubics cube with his feet and is longer in the shower than Ali N'Dye.

FACT

[CPFC_R_GREAT]

Alan Lee spelt backwards is G.O.D.

FACT

[unsensibleLiam]

Alan Lee doesn't plan football, football plays Alan Lee.

[CPFC_R_GREAT]

During the conception of Alan Lee...only one sperm left his fathers gentleman parts...all the others were too scared.

[brooklynlou]

Alan Lee is the only one allowed to talk about Fight Club.

In some cultures it is forbidden to even say the words "Alan Lee"

[eastend eagle]

Alan Lee submitted the original patent for the Dyson vacuum cleaner, which was rejected due to a technical error with the application process itself, thus handing the glory to his arch rival Sir James Dyson.

On a side note, Mr Lee feels that he has achieved more within the game of football than his counterpart - a claim that Sir Dyson strenuously denies.

[THETwins]

Alan Lee brushes his teeth with carpet gripper and uses shít for toothpaste. FACT

[Bigtoe82]

Alan Lee brushes his teeth with carpet gripper and uses shít for toothpaste. FACT

woah woah woah woah.....are you suggesting alan lee does not have nice breath?...If he gets wind of this- you can count yourself a dead man.

[stinky]

Oh god.

I can't stop laughing.

Have got to logoff

[THETwins]

Alan Lee brushes his teeth with carpet gripper and uses menthol shít for toothpaste. ...because he's hard. FACT

EFA ..sorry Alan :p

[RUSSELL]

Alan Lee is seven feet tall and Kills men by the hundreds, if he were here he'd consume the Brighton (spit) with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his ass.

[RUSSELL]

Alan Lee doesn't have a knighthood. But he *fights*, with *passion*, and he *inspires*!

FACT!

[Bigtoe82]

Another one nicked form the FB group...

Someone suggested to me today that Alan Lee is a man that hires 12 bodyguards. That could not be more wrong. Bodyguards hire Alan Lee.

[BulletEagle]

In some cultures it is forbidden to even say the words "Alan Lee"

In the blue half of Sheffield :lux:

[Alan Key]

I... LOVE this thread.


Alan Lee is worshipped in 8 continents worldwide. 'But I thought there was only 7?' I hear you say. Well, the 8th is Atlantis, and only Alan Lee knows where that is.

[unsensibleLiam]

Alan Lee is the reason Waldo is hiding.

[cpfc4evandeva]

Alan Lee formed the Men In Black but had his mind erased so he has no knowledge of this.

[FORZA SELHURST]

Alan Lee was orphaned and raised by coyotes.

[Burgess]

Alan Lee wrote the words to the 90's hit - I'm too sexy
FACT

[cpfc4evandeva]

Alan Lee wrote the words to the 90's hit - I'm too sexy
FACT

For some reason this one made me laugh more than any other :D

[Alan Key]

Alan Lee can make you pregnant just by looking at you.

[busker]

Anal Eel is an anogram of Alan Lee. Fact.

Man in China was nearly killed by anal eel... Fact

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/world/7939609/man-nearly-killed-as-eel-swims-in-bottom

[Voldo]

Alan Lee is Spartacus

FACT

[ChristalPalace]

In his spare time Alan Lee becomes a drunk Mancunian man in his 50s and goes by the name of Mark E. Smith.

To answer the long-asked question, he wrote 'Elastic Man' by being plainly awesome.

[cpfc4evandeva]

Alan Lee after training...

http://stigman.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/the-stig.jpg

[BulletEagle]

Alan Lee is Palace's new (and old) number 9.

FACT.

[AJ's right boot]

Alan Lee exterted total ownage over JFK after he dared to question his sexuality.

[GrayP41ace]

When Moses parted the Red Sea, it was only because Alan Lee told God he was to busy practising his Alan-Lee Death Grip. FACT

[rhynoeagle]

Alan Lee was Driving the Truck that hit Stephen Jordan. FACT

[webbo1990]

Alan Lee doesn't use deodorant - deodorant uses Alan Lee. FACT!

[Alan Key]

Forget all you know about science. When it gets dark, Alan Lee has told the sun to f*ck off.

[Bellyman]

Alan Lee is an amazing golfer

[Mark_cpfc]

Alan Lee doesn't fear the dark, the dark fears Alan Lee!

[FORZA SELHURST]

Alan Lee is invisible to radar and can breath underwater.

[CPFC_R_GREAT]

Alan Lee IS our Trident Defence System

FACT

[pardew's shorts]

Alan Lee, born 21 August 1978 in Galway, has scored 148 goals in 419 career appearances. He started his career at Aston Villa, and he has had spells at Torquay, Port Vale, Burnley, Rotherham, Cardiff, Ipswich, Crystal Palace, & Norwich. He has won 10 caps for the senior Ireland side.

[pardew's shorts]

I don't think I get this game.

[pardew's shorts]

Alan Key jumped the shark in April 2010.

[AJ's right boot]

The Rambo films were inspired by Alan Lee - Fact.

[BulletEagle]

The clocks don't go back. Alan Lee stops time.

[ChristalPalace]

Alan Lee's Wikipedia page wrote itself.

[EagleinOz]

Alan Lee never ever misses the target with a football- ever. If his shot or header goes wide of the goal or is saved, it’s because that’s what he intended to do.

The explanation is thus: Alan enjoys playing with Chaos Theory, utilising and bending it to his every whim. As far back as 2005 in a Cardiff City reserves game he ‘embarrassingly’ scuffed a shot to the corner flag. Unbeknownst to everyone else however, he had already recognised the plight of Crystal Palace football club spending beyond their means and- much like a butterfly flapping its wings over the ocean- had intentionally set off a chain of events that would lead to Alan eventually joining Crystal Palace, a consortium of local businessmen taking over the club and leaving it on a firm financial footing, and ultimately scoring the winning goal for CPFC in the 2014 Champions League final. With the power and status that this success then affords CPFC and indeed Alan, the club then goes on to right the wrongs of English and worldwide football, improving the game financially from a grass roots level and bringing down the monopoly of the demonic Sky broadcasting coorporation. With a new wealth of emerging homegrown talent, England go on to win the 2018 world cup with a squad made up (somewhat ironically) entirely of Crystal Palace players, all brought through from the youth academy. And who is the manager of this impending successful England World Cup team? You guessed it- Alan Lee.

Fact.

[cpfc4evandeva]

Alan Lee never ever misses the target with a football- ever. If his shot or header goes wide of the goal or is saved, it’s because that’s what he intended to do.

The explanation is thus: Alan enjoys playing with Chaos Theory, utilising and bending it to his every whim. As far back as 2005 in a Cardiff City reserves game he ‘embarrassingly’ scuffed a shot to the corner flag. Unbeknownst to everyone else however, he had already recognised the plight of Crystal Palace football club spending beyond their means and- much like a butterfly flapping its wings over the ocean- had intentionally set off a chain of events that would lead to Alan eventually joining Crystal Palace, a consortium of local businessmen taking over the club and leaving it on a firm financial footing, and ultimately scoring the winning goal for CPFC in the 2014 Champions League final. With the power and status that this success then affords CPFC and indeed Alan, the club then goes on to right the wrongs of English and worldwide football, improving the game financially from a grass roots level and bringing down the monopoly of the demonic Sky broadcasting coorporation. With a new wealth of emerging homegrown talent, England go on to win the 2018 world cup with a squad made up (somewhat ironically) entirely of Crystal Palace players, all brought through from the youth academy. And who is the manager of this impending successful England World Cup team? You guessed it- Alan Lee.

Fact.

:lux:

[ChristalPalace]

The next World Cup trophy is a statuette of Alan Lee. It is still taller than most of our squad.

[hoskingt]

The hole in the ozone layer was made when Alan Lee visited the sun to get a tan.

[brooklynlou]

When Ambrose poses after a goal, he is looking up at the sky for Alan Lee's approval.

[Littlecaesar]

Alan Lee is Keyser Soze.

[Kiraly_legend]

Alan Lee CAN believe its not butter!

[elgin eagle]

Alan Lee was in X men before it became too dangerous for the others.

[Madden]

The Anglicisation of of Pog mo thoin is Alan Lee!

[cpfc4evandeva]

Alan Lee was banned from Mr Ireland last year after it was deemed it would be unfair on everyone else who entered.

[smileysmith]

When Mr. C ranted Eezer Goode, "Eezer Goode -He's Ebeneezer Goode" in 1992 many people thought he was talking about a drug called Ecstasy. This is wrong, he was in fact talking about Alan Lee.

"A gentleman of leisure, he's there for your pleasure
But go easy on old 'Eezer, he's the love you could lose
Extraordinary fella, like Mister Punchinella
He's the kind of geezer who must never be abused."

[Mark_cpfc]

Alan Lee never ever misses the target with a football- ever. If his shot or header goes wide of the goal or is saved, it’s because that’s what he intended to do.

The explanation is thus: Alan enjoys playing with Chaos Theory, utilising and bending it to his every whim. As far back as 2005 in a Cardiff City reserves game he ‘embarrassingly’ scuffed a shot to the corner flag. Unbeknownst to everyone else however, he had already recognised the plight of Crystal Palace football club spending beyond their means and- much like a butterfly flapping its wings over the ocean- had intentionally set off a chain of events that would lead to Alan eventually joining Crystal Palace, a consortium of local businessmen taking over the club and leaving it on a firm financial footing, and ultimately scoring the winning goal for CPFC in the 2014 Champions League final. With the power and status that this success then affords CPFC and indeed Alan, the club then goes on to right the wrongs of English and worldwide football, improving the game financially from a grass roots level and bringing down the monopoly of the demonic Sky broadcasting coorporation. With a new wealth of emerging homegrown talent, England go on to win the 2018 world cup with a squad made up (somewhat ironically) entirely of Crystal Palace players, all brought through from the youth academy. And who is the manager of this impending successful England World Cup team? You guessed it- Alan Lee.

Fact.
:lux: :o

[xab]

Alan Lee eats Soylent Green for breakfast, dinner and tea.

[cpfc4evandeva]

Alan Lee was originally going to play a part in Star Wars but George Lucas decided that no one would seriously believe that a man could be good looking, intelligent and as strong as the Irishman.

[Dingle]

Alan Lee was in the Spice Girls

[unsensibleLiam]

Alan Lee shits gold.

[smileysmith]

Alan Lee was in the Spice Girls
What all of them?? :eek:

I suppose I shouldn't be suprised.

[ChristalPalace]

Alan Lee is Harry Monk's source.

[unsensibleLiam]

Human Cloning is outlawed because if Alan Lee was cloned, it would be possible for a Alan Lee Elbow to meet another Alan Lee Elbow.

Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.

[WorthingEagle]

The entire known universe is just a figment of Alan Lee's imagination projected onto space-time via a USB cable connected to his brain.

[Tony]

Alan Lee can make you pregnant just by looking at you.

This, of course, only applies to men. Alan Lee knows how to lurve a woman. In fact when Muddy Waters wrote Hoochie Coochie Man, the line "when I make love to a woman she just cain't resist" was specifically intended as the blues legend's own personal tribute to Alan Lee.

Other songs which are direct or indirect tributes to Alan Lee include:

I Fell in Love With a Starship Trooper by Sarah Brightman and Hot Gossip
You're So Vain by Carly Simon (it was not about Warren Beatty or Mick Jagger but in fact now confirmed by Carly herself as Alan Lee)
Paddy McCarthy's Goat by Val Doonican

Evelyn Waugh once tried to write a novel trilogy about Alan Lee but words failed him.

[eagle mart]

Alan Lee, Born in Anerley and he invented Alan Key’s

[the digger]

Alan Lee has never been seen in the same room as Dr. Manhattan.

FACT

[PhyshtaMagishta]

Can I suggest that someone updates his wikipedia page, because at the moment there is so much missing information on it, and its not really fair to Alan Lee :D

[smileysmith]

The much theorised about Big Bang was actually just Alan Lee clicking his fingers.

[kiwikev]

The stig is >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[CPFC_R_GREAT]

Human Cloning is outlawed because if Alan Lee was cloned, it would be possible for a Alan Lee Elbow to meet another Alan Lee Elbow.

Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.

This is what they are trying to recreate in Switzerland...

[ChristalPalace]

A is the first letter of the Alphabet because Alan Lee created the whole thing.

[SeaEagle]

Alan Lee destroyed the Periodic Table, because he only recognises the element of surprise.

[Phil's Barber]

Alan Lee constructed the channel tunnel in two days.............for a laugh.

[CPFC_R_GREAT]

Alan Lee has no blood in his body...he runs on Agricultural Diesel. This is why it maintains the appearance of blood when he headbutts someone's elbow.

[MasterYoda]

Mount Everest dreams of the day it might climb to the summit of Alan Lee

[Jaserob]

If Alan Lee was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris

[EagleinOz]

I... LOVE this thread.




I was suprised when I opened the thread to see you hadn't started it!

The only time Alan Lee was ever wrong, was when he thought he'd made a mistake.

[MasterYoda]

I'm going to go through this thread repping the funniest comments. :D

[Red Stallion]

When Alan Lee listens to music on iTunes, apple pay Alan Lee

FACT

[rhynoeagle]

Alan Lee was Newtons Conscience when he "Discovered" the laws of Gravity. FACT

[smileysmith]

Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Jim Morrisson did not, in fact, die. They were all Alan Lee, but he got bored of making music and decided to look for something else to do.

[PhyshtaMagishta]

When Alan Lee puts on Factor 50 Suncream, it is not to protect his skin from the sun, its to stop the sun being damaged by Alan Lee

[unsensibleLiam]

Superman wears Alan Lee underpants.

[CPFC_R_GREAT]

Alan Lee is Defcon 1

FACT

[brooklynlou]

Alan Lee can't go swimming because he would change the water into wine.

[Phil's Barber]

Superman wears Alan Lee underpants.

This is fact and is in response to Alan teaching him how to fly.

[GMan]

Alan Lee's tears cure cancer....too bad he has never cried

[CPFC_R_GREAT]

Prior to filming 24, Keifer Sutherland spent 3 weeks with Alan Lee to learn 'the ways'...

FACT

[stinky]

Oh god, I came back. And now I'm crying at my desk.

I'd love to rep you all. But I think i'd get a hernia from the laughter.

How did this all start?

[brooklynlou]

Alan Lee's tears cure cancer....too bad he has never cried

In Asia, people dissolve Alan Lee's hair roots in water and drink the potion for increased virility

[Phil's Barber]

Alan Lee is Bruce Lee's brother and bashes him up every Thursday.

[the digger]

Oh god, I came back. And now I'm crying at my desk.

I'd love to rep you all. But I think i'd get a hernia from the laughter.

How did this all start?

Alan Lee started it.

[rhynoeagle]

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Alan Lee.

[SeaEagle]

Alan Lee can win a game of Connect 4 in three moves.

FACT.

[brooklynlou]

Only N'Diaye playing Right Back can make Alan Lee crack a smile.

[the elusive k]

Alan Lee is magnetic north and all compases point towards him.

[UrethraFranklin]

Alan Lee smokes 200 Benson a day. FACT

[Brockie]

The police often question Alan Lee, just because they find him interesting.

[cpfc4evandeva]

When Alan Lee is cooking, he just breathes on his food and it is instantly ready.

[MasterYoda]

Alan Lee can win a game of Connect 4 in three moves.

FACT.
He can also win a game of noughts and crosses going second

[MasterYoda]

All roads lead to Alan Lee

[Johnnieboy]

Alan Lee is Gypsy Rose Lee

FACT

[Johnnieboy]

Roger Bannister was running away from Alan Lee

[Phil's Barber]

Alan Lee's full name is Alan Lee Travis.

[SeaEagle]

Alan Lee never wears a watch - he decides what time it is.

FACT.

[Scrumpy]

Alan can make nude supermodels appear just by eating a can of tuna.

FACT

[Chrissayy]

Alan Lee doesn't sleep. He waits.
He is the only man to have beaten a brick wall at tennis.
He can believe it's not butter.
FACTS

[EagleinOz]

Alan Lee is Keyser Soze.

And following on, the greatest trick Alan Lee ever pulled was in convincing the world that he's not the greatest ever footballer.

[Dingle]

Alan Lee once defied the laws of physics and bent the space time continuum because a drunken mate dared him to.

[CrawleyEagle]

Alan Lee invented cheese.

And after that, the cow.

FACT

[Dingle]

Alan Lee also invented the Big Mac

[Dingle]

Bruce Willis's character in the film Armageddon, was inspired by and based on Alan Lee

[hoskingt]

Alan Lee invented the chicken BEFORE he invented the egg.

[Johnnieboy]

Alan Lee did in fact put the ram in the ram-a-lang-a-ding-dong

[Johnnieboy]

He also let the dogs out

[Voldo]

Alan Lee Killed Kenny

FACT

[MasterYoda]

Alan Lee sent Eve to Adam for sloppy seconds.

[mickiet09]

Alan Lee did in fact put the ram in the ram-a-lang-a-ding-dong

but not before he put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop.

[Johnnieboy]

Gok Wan wants to be Alan Lee

[cpfc4evandeva]

Alan Lee is so good he got given two firstnames!

[grovesy]

Alan Lee is THE Son of God, if he gets crucified in the papers then he will forgive them, "because they do not know what they have done".......

[jackstacks]

Why does the sun go on shining ?
Why does the sea rush to shore ?

[Spanish Dan]

Alan Lee knows exactly what goes on in Chile, if you get what I mean.

[Paicey]

Alan Lee was cloned by scientists and the out come was Owen Garvan. The photos say it all!

Also

Alan Lee doesn't pay for the theatre. The theatre pay for him.

[Phil's Barber]

In the mirror Alan Lee sees Lily Allen.

[thehalifaxman]

cpfc4evandeva didn't start this thread Alan Lee did

[Selhurst Celtic]

Alan Lee kindly agreed to remove the 'flick-on' clause in his contract as there's not enough money in the world to pay for the amount of flick-ons the great man can produce in 90 minutes.


Alan Lee was an accomplished Gaelic Footballer and Hurler in his native County Galway, but decided to play football instead as the other sports were too easy and too soft for him.


Only when he left Ireland did the country get brave enough to change the lyrics to 'Lo Lie the Fields of Alan Lee' to 'Athenry'.


His surname means 'Fair haired courageous one'.


Alan Desmond Lee in Irish is: Ailín Deas Mhumhaín Lidh and means 'Bandaged Beast, King of the Flick-On'.

[unsensibleLiam]

When girls have sex with god, they scream ALAN LEE!!

[thehalifaxman]

Alan Lee has only pissed once in his life. We know this as the great flood for which Noah built his arc to survive

[thehalifaxman]

Palace don't need anymore strikers, they have Alan Lee

[CPFC_R_GREAT]

Alan Lee cloned a cow just do he could eat its offspring and drinks its milk.

[Phil's Barber]

Alan Lee drives his nan to the shops every Tuesday. Here is a picture of him doing just that.

http://www.ultimatecarpage.com/images/potd/20070801_Ford%20Escort%20Mk2%20RS2000.jpg

[thehalifaxman]

Alan Lee invented baked beans

[PhyshtaMagishta]

The incredible hulk has actually always been misquoted... he actually says, "don't make me Alan Lee, you wouldn't like me when I'm Alan Lee".

[Biggineagle]

Alan Lee had an earwig living in his ear for 3 months FACT

[MasterYoda]

The incredible hulk has actually always been misquoted... he actually says, "don't make me Alan Lee, you wouldn't like me when I'm Alan Lee".
I wanted to but can't rep that one again

[THETwins]

Alan Lee fingered Boris Johnson outside Bank Tube Station on the eve of the 2010 Election. Alan can choose whoever he wants to finger by law. FACT

[Crazy Eagle]

Alan lee built jerusalem with his little finger

Alan lee aint a pussy like jesus he turns water to whisky and once drank the pacific

[Littlecaesar]

There is an old story about Jimi Hendrix being asked by an interviewer after Woodstock what it was like to be the greatest guitar player in the world. Hendrix replied "I don't know. Go ask Alan Lee".

[ChristalPalace]

New Preston defender Wayne Brown voted BNP to see if they could get Alan Lee deported, because he's THAT scared of him.

In any case, the BNP fear Alan Lee too much.

[Voldo]

On the 8th day God created Alan Lee

[mattheagle]

He is a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. He has been known to remodel train stations on his lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. He translates ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, he writes award-winning operas, he manages time efficiently. Occasionally, he treads water for three days in a row.

He woos women with his sensuous and godlike trombone playing, he can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and he cooks Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. He is an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, he once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. He plays bluegrass cello, he was scouted by the Barcelona, he is the subject of numerous documentaries. When he's bored, he builds large suspension bridges in his yard. He enjoys urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after training, he repairs electrical appliances free of charge.

He is an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over his original line of corduroy evening wear. He doesn't perspire. He is a private citizen, yet he receives fan mail. Last summer, he toured America with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. His deft floral arrangements have earned him fame in international botany circles.

He can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. He once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. He knows the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. He has performed several covert operations for the CIA. He sleeps once a week; when does sleep, he sleeps in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, he successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to him.

He balances, he weaves, he dodges, he frolics, and his bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, he participates in full-contact origami. Years ago, he discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. He has made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a George Forman. He breeds prizewinning clams. He has won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. He has played Hamlet, he has performed open-heart surgery, and he has spoken with Elvis.

[ChristalPalace]

On the 8th day God created Alan Lee

This is untrue. We all know that Alan Lee created God.


By the way, can someone send this to Alan Lee? I mean he knows about it already, given he is omniscient, but still...

[CPFC_R_GREAT]

Alan Lee is actually invisible...he wears an Alan Lee 'skin' so that people can interact with him...

FACT

[Tony]

By the way, can someone send this to Alan Lee?

Do not tempt him, shallow ones. Was not the wearing of the head bandage enough?

[CP Satellite]

Alan Lee appeared in Stanley Kubrik's 1968 sc-fi epic 'A Space Oddysey' as the computer 'HAL'.

<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/7qnd-hdmgfk&amp;hl=en_GB&amp;fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/7qnd-hdmgfk&amp;hl=en_GB&amp;fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>

[SKATE]

Everything is Alan Lee and Alan Lee is everything. FACT

[thehalifaxman]

Alan Lee can draw Muhammad and sensitive Islamic extremists don't mind

[Shipsisourking]

Alan Lee invented the condom to annoy the catholic church.

[AJ's right boot]

Alan Lee just tossed a hand gernade at the Iranian president.

[CP Satellite]

http://img839.imageshack.us/img839/9410/images5h.jpg

[ChickenDipper]

Alan lee licks the lid of life

Fact

[stinky]

Alan Lee is the voice of all Sat Navs. It's not recorded either. It's a live feed.

[drizzt]

Alan Lee was once a client of mine, he owned (may still own) a small bedsit flat in Minehead.

[hoskingt]

The 'A' in SAS doesnt stand for 'Air'...

[FORZA SELHURST]

Fernando Torres began dying his hair recently in an attempt to pass himself off as Alan Lee.

[thehalifaxman]

Alan Lee solved Riemann

[rhynoeagle]

The UFO/Alien conspiracies of Area 51 are not true but are just sightings of Alan Lee living in his Natural Habitat.

[wickham_eagle]

Alan Lee eats 3 BOXES of shredded wheat every morning

[The Good Man]

On Monday, August 6, 1945, at 8:15 AM, Alan Lee was dropped on Hiroshima by an American B-29 bomber, the Enola Gay, directly killing an estimated 80,000 people. By the end of the year, injury and radiation brought total casualties to 90,000-140,000. Approximately 69% of the city's buildings were completely destroyed, and about 7% severely damaged.

[Palace Bear]

Alan Lee was sent originally sent to England as a special envoy by the Irish government to 10 Downing Street. A platter of fruit was served, an orange rolled off the table and Alan did 10 keepy ups with it before chipping it on the volley into a waste paper basket in the corner. He has never returned to Ireland as a resident, Margaret Thatcher noticed his talent and has been his agent ever since.

[Bigtoe82]

On Monday, August 6, 1945, at 8:15 AM, Alan Lee was dropped on Hiroshima by an American B-29 bomber, the Enola Gay, directly killing an estimated 80,000 people. By the end of the year, injury and radiation brought total casualties to 90,000-140,000. Approximately 69% of the city's buildings were completely destroyed, and about 7% severely damaged.

...Alan Lee calmly walked unscathed with a wry smile across his lips.

[GrayP41ace]

Stars in space don't just burn out and die, Alan Lee uses them to light the hallowed turf on midweek games.

[ChristalPalace]

Alan Lee stood to be SU President at my uni. FACT.

Unfortunately an imposter acted as him because he was too busy being awesome somewhere else, so he lost.

[brooklynlou]

Originally Posted by The Good Man : On Monday, August 6, 1945, at 8:15 AM, Alan Lee was dropped on Hiroshima by an American B-29 bomber, the Enola Gay, directly killing an estimated 80,000 people. By the end of the year, injury and radiation brought total casualties to 90,000-140,000. Approximately 69% of the city's buildings were completely destroyed, and about 7% severely damaged.

...Alan Lee calmly walked unscathed with a wry smile across his lips.

Only to be dropped 3 days later on a unsuspecting Nagasaki ...

[GrayP41ace]

Owen Garvans contract is as long as Alan Lee wants it to be. FACT

[karl.eldridge]

Owen Garvans contract is as long as Alan Lee wants it to be. FACT


WTF!

[thehalifaxman]

Alan Lee scored more goals in 15 appearences for Burnley than in 58 for Crystal Palace. However, he did this on purpose

[ChristalPalace]

WTF!

Neither Ipswich or Palace are prepared to say how long Garvan's contract is, so nobody knows how long we've got him for.

[GreatGonzo]

Julian Speroni is staying at Palace because Alan Lee says so!

FACT

[GrayP41ace]

Neither Ipswich or Palace are prepared to say how long Garvan's contract is, so nobody knows how long we've got him for.

.......Except Mr Lee of course ;)

[Johnnieboy]

Alan Lee won what was widely regarded as the best ever world heavyweight boxing match, the "Thriller in Manila" against Joe Frazier in 1975.

FACT

The evidence was there for all to see, as the belt was held aloft by a certain Mr Muhammed ALee.....

[Scrumpy]

Alan can name every station on the tude network in under a minute

[cartwheel]

Alan Lee was the first footballer to adopt the 'pineapple' haircut. Although this title is commonly (and incorrectly) credited to his son, ex-Forest striker Jason.

[Riley]

Alan Lee wishes his girlfriend was hot like him. FACT.

[Dingle]

Alan Lee sh*s pure gold bars.

[ChristalPalace]

You're So Vain by Carly Simon (it was not about Warren Beatty or Mick Jagger but in fact now confirmed by Carly herself as Alan Lee)

Paul Simon wrote "You Can Call Me Al" referring specifically to Alan Lee.

[TOOPM]

The original script for Die Hard had to be renamed as "What I Did On My Holidays by Alan Lee age 6 1/2" wasn't as snappy

[cockles]

Alan Lee refuses to wear yellow hats. FACT.

[CPFC_R_GREAT]

In the infamous Charlie Chaplain look-a-like contest where Charlie came 3rd...Alan Lee came 1st and 2nd.

FACT

[Johnnieboy]

During the making of the King Kong, Alan Lee's height was brought in especially to lower the monkey onto the top of the Empire State Building

[unsensibleLiam]

Alan Lee can slam a revolving door

[Forever Stripes]

Alan Lee's pet fish starred in Jaws, but was too scared to actually swim with Alan Lee, so Alan never got to star in the film himself.

[Shipsisourking]

Sir Alan Lee is the most googled name on the planet, but as he controls the internet he removes this fact every day.

[Arron]

When Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon Alan Lee was already there.

[saul1664]

Alan Lee is 110/1 to be the championships top scorer.

FACT

Lump on

[Adlerhorst]

Alan Lee knows what happened to the crew of the Mary Celeste.

[fish finger]

The magnetic poles will flip, only when Alan Lee says they can.

[Adlerhorst]

Alan Lee would win a fight between a Hippo and a Shark.

[fish finger]

19% of women do, because they've all met Alan Lee

[Gark Moldberg]

Alan lee has discovered the cause of the big bang and will announce this after he scores his 100th palace goal in the FA cup game against the 'weed later this season.

FACT

[cpfc4evandeva]

Titanic didn't actually hit an iceberg, it hit Alan Lee.

FACT

[hoskingt]

Alan Lee was the actual first black president of the USA.

[cockles]

BP engineers didn't stop the oil leak, Alan Lee swam down and did it. He didn't want it to spoil his holiday in Florida.

FACT.

[pete eagle]

The Normans didn't win the battle of hastings in 1066, Alan Lee did.

FACT.

[ChristalPalace]

Alan Lee fired the gun that killed Hitler.

FACT.

[Arron]

Alan Lee was the man on the grassy knoll.

[Skiddo]

The courtyard scene in The Matrix Reloaded was based on a typical aerial battle in the penalty area that is fought and won by Alan Lee.

[davemorris04]

Alan Lee is the best player in the world. FACT.

[PoshPalace]

Alan Lee played the role of Pele in Escape to Victory

[The Bishop]

Alan Lee once made a sumptuous three-course meal using only some vegetables and a breville toaster.

[Jono14]

Alan Lee's alter ego is The Rock

[BulletEagle]

Every time Alan Lee claps his hands, we have another "Big Bang"

FACT.

[Phil's Barber]

Alan Lee has topped the Turkish hit parade no less than six times.

[Shipsisourking]

alan lees magic, simple as that. FACT

[Devo]

Alan Lee's head has had more stitches than Jordans tits.
FACT

[ChristalPalace]

Alan Lee presents an overnight slot on Talksport, now that Mike Graham has moved to mid-mornings.

News hasn't spread so not many people know. Once they do, the nation's sleeping pattern will be destroyed.

[Scrumpy]

Alan Lee can tear Blue Whale in half with his bare hands

[Blackfen Eagle]

When they find life on Mars then they will find Alan Lee there on holiday pre-season

[BulletEagle]

Contrary to popular belief, gravity doesn't pull you towards the Earth. It pulls you towards Alan Lee.

[marky1919]

When Alan Lee scores vital goals at Sheffield Wednesday an unknown chemical enters his body which gives him superhuman powers. Those attempting to congratulate him bounce off and should a passing truck get in the way he will simply knock it over. The military are trying to tap into this super strength in order to re-establish the Empire and help stop train crashes.

Didn't do Ambrose much harm though did it! :p

[Kipungu]

Alan Lee sued NBC after they used the names of his left and right leg, "Law" and "Order", for their show.

FACT

[Kipungu]

Alan Lee doesnt do push ups.

He pushes the world down.

FACT

[Kipungu]

Alan Lee has also counted to infinity. Twice.

FACT

[ChristalPalace]

Alan Lee goes to fancy dress parties as Alan Lee.

[milky87]

Alan Lee was not afraid (along with Matt Lawrence and Paul Ifill) to drink my beers on the train home from Sheffield after our 2 - 2 draw (Carle 90+4)

[ChristalPalace]

Alan Lee was not afraid (along with Matt Lawrence and Paul Ifill) to drink my beers on the train home from Sheffield after our 2 - 2 draw (Carle 90+4)

Alan Lee does not drink beer. The beer runs towards Alan Lee to reward him.

[milky87]

Alan Lee does not drink beer. The beer runs towards Alan Lee to reward him.

I wondered why I was chasing a bottle of Bud down the carriage :)

[cockles]

Alan Lee is on a retainer from NASA to catch earth bound asteroids and deflect them safely into the Sun.

FACT

[Blackfen Eagle]

Alan Lee will win 17 golds at the 2012 olympics

[bowers]

When Alan Lee farts it really does smell like roses. FACT

[thehalifaxman]

Alan Lee eats honey with bees still in it

[BulletEagle]

There is a God. His name is Alan Lee.

[PalaceSince2004]

Alan Lee is our only main striker who can get us goals at this very moment

[Swanny32]

Alan Lee taught Ron Jeremy everything he knows.

[Skid Row]

Alan Lee died 2 years ago but death is afraid to tell him.

[Skid Row]

Alan Lee doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.

[WallingtonEagle]

Alan Lee doesn't pray to god. God prays to Alan Lee.

FACT!

[JamieBcpfc]

It is only when Alan Lee cuts his head open that his true powers are revealed

[Alan Key]

The sun actually does shine out of Alan Lee's arse.

[SeaEagle]

Alan Lee can walk into a revolving door behind you, yet come out in front.

FACT.

[Alan Key]

Alan Lee can make a lift take the stairs.