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Eastern Boy
01-10-2017, 08:21 AM
It's not great being a palace fan at the moment. What we are missing are the old terrace wags, who would make a satirical comment, which would make people laugh around them and subsequently raise spirits.

I wondered if we could create an online version?

Are there any comedians out there? And I don't mean the players!

mcmean
01-10-2017, 08:59 AM
The loudmouth at the back of Block C you mean?

little al
01-10-2017, 09:23 AM
It's not great being a palace fan at the moment. What we are missing are the old terrace wags, who would make a satirical comment, which would make people laugh around them and subsequently raise spirits.

I wondered if we could create an online version?

Are there any comedians out there? And I don't mean the players!

No, because the whole point was it was spontanious humour. Anyone posting would have thought about their"humour" the respondants would have time to think about the "humour" making any good quips not as funny as they would have been at the time, however funny they were "off the cuff"

eastend eagle
01-10-2017, 09:32 AM
Rose tinted glasses. Only about 1 in 5 were genuinely funny. The rest were just irritating tw@ts who damn near ruined your afternoon with their waffle.

eastend eagle
01-10-2017, 09:33 AM
What has stopped this? The internet in some way? People a bit more reserved in public? (genuinely not sure)

Eaglesfan1
01-10-2017, 09:41 AM
Nelson Muntz has been quieter recently...

CP-RJW
01-10-2017, 10:08 AM
There's a fella a couple rows behind me that yells "NONCE" every time one of the oppositions players touches the ball. Comedy at its finest...

Baffled Bob 2
01-10-2017, 10:44 AM
There's a fella a couple rows behind me that yells "NONCE" every time one of the oppositions players touches the ball. Comedy at its finest...

Says a lot about me, but I do genuinely find that funny.

Purepalace
01-10-2017, 10:49 AM
There's a fella a couple rows behind me that yells "NONCE" every time one of the oppositions players touches the ball. Comedy at its finest...

Must be shouting it alot then.

NorthPalace23
01-10-2017, 10:57 AM
There's a fella a couple rows behind me that yells "NONCE" every time one of the oppositions players touches the ball. Comedy at its finest...

Against Chelsea he'll shout nonce 450 times!

Ooh Betty
01-10-2017, 11:07 AM
All spontaneity is sucked out of people when we have to endure that confounded bloody drum and funeral type dirges at home games.

IanH
01-10-2017, 11:51 AM
My favourite comment was at Fulham away many years ago when Fulham were really bad and we were slightly better. I was standing down the side terracing and a Palace player went down injured - the Fulham players stood around, hands on hips, whilst the Palace physio came on and did his stuff with the magic sponge. Someone shouted out "Don't just stand there Fulham! Practice!"

Harry Bassett
01-10-2017, 12:21 PM
Not terrace humour but ages ago a relative bought a sailing dinghy and asked for suggestions for a name, naturally I said Crystal Palace to which he responded " It will always be going down" hurtful but funny!

dim
01-10-2017, 12:25 PM
There's a fella a couple rows behind me that yells "NONCE" every time one of the oppositions players touches the ball. Comedy at its finest...

Nonsense.

Mad Max
01-10-2017, 12:47 PM
Watching Harlow once the ref was having a mare.He came close to the stand at one point to which someone shouted out"Oi ref,your guide dog has just had a shit in the changing room"

TouchyAndalou
01-10-2017, 01:16 PM
If it's humour you want it's humour you'll get!

Christian Benteke? More like CRAPstian BINteke, am I right? Because he's a crap bin hahaha.

Hey guys, have you heard the one about sticking to your defensive assignment? No, neither has Joel Ward LOL

I don't know what you guys are talking about, the team I watched was committed, confident, threatening and ready to challenge the top half of the league. Ugh I really have to stop tuning into Brighton games BOOM!

That's it for now, gold like this doesn't come easy.

jimmy the gent
01-10-2017, 01:19 PM
All spontaneity is sucked out of people when we have to endure that confounded bloody drum and funeral type dirges at home games.

Cant help but agree. It's all a bit naff. Whoah whoah whoah droning on, instead of the old pisstaking and spontaniety used to get when the away fans were closer.

macstar
01-10-2017, 01:24 PM
All spontaneity is sucked out of people when we have to endure that confounded bloody drum and funeral type dirges at home games.

exactly...and the home form proves that it doesnt help the team AT ALL.

What does help is the whole stadium as one getting each other going, not a selected few in the corner.

fang
01-10-2017, 01:27 PM
Not exactly humour but whats happened to whistling bloke at the back of the Arthur?

TouchyAndalou
01-10-2017, 01:30 PM
Not exactly humour but whats happened to whistling bloke at the back of the Arthur?

He changed his tune.

Glɑzier
01-10-2017, 01:36 PM
exactly...and the home form proves that it doesnt help the team AT ALL.

What does help is the whole stadium as one getting each other going, not a selected few in the corner.

Yes I reckon it would be worth trying a few games without the drum, see if it helps. I reckon it doesn't help the team concentrate at all.

tomlig
01-10-2017, 01:42 PM
Not exactly humour but whats happened to whistling bloke at the back of the Arthur?
Back of the Arfur is much sparser this season. A few of the usual suspects aren't there

macstar
01-10-2017, 01:43 PM
Yes I reckon it would be worth trying a few games without the drum, see if it helps. I reckon it doesn't help the team concentrate at all.

none of the teams in the top 10 has a drum. It it was a proven good aid to football it would be everywhere.

It doesnt make selhurst unique either, just makes it easier for teams to get 3 points at.

macstar
01-10-2017, 01:44 PM
Back of the Arfur is much sparser this season. A few of the usual suspects aren't there

moved because of that crap gantry thing thats in the way?

foresthillbilly
01-10-2017, 01:48 PM
Whilst the drum has always bemused me, as to its purpose,...I think there are far more comedians on the pitch, than on the terrace.

Someone is 'having a laugh', and it aint the fans on the terraces

jimmy the gent
01-10-2017, 02:07 PM
none of the teams in the top 10 has a drum. It it was a proven good aid to football it would be everywhere.

It doesnt make selhurst unique either, just makes it easier for teams to get 3 points at.

No fan of it, but I think you're stretching it to claim the drum effects performance on the pitch. The fact we have over indulged, past it players, a woeful goalkeeper and a terribly balanced squad made up of 4 manager's / the chairman's panic buys is the reason we're so bad at home (and away)

macstar
01-10-2017, 02:09 PM
No fan of it, but I think you're stretching it to claim the drum effects performance on the pitch. The fact we have over indulged, past it players, a woeful goalkeeper and a terribly balanced squad made up of 4 manager's / the chairman's panic buys is the reason we're so bad at home (and away)

i think it affects the mood in the stadium which then in turn affects the players on the pitch,although yes the many errors made lately by the owners are the main issue

tomlig
01-10-2017, 02:12 PM
moved because of that crap gantry thing thats in the way?
It's not in the way now it's sparser. You can stand low enough for it not to be in the way

MENTALLY TOUGH
01-10-2017, 02:12 PM
The comedians are the ones at CPFC/ManBet who will be sending out the September Player of the Month selections in the next week.

orp pisshead1
01-10-2017, 02:47 PM
No, because the whole point was it was spontanious humour. Anyone posting would have thought about their"humour" the respondants would have time to think about the "humour" making any good quips not as funny as they would have been at the time, however funny they were "off the cuff"

This ^^^^^ close thread!








Joking op:p

orp pisshead1
01-10-2017, 02:48 PM
The comedians are the ones at CPFC/ManBet who will be sending out the September Player of the Month selections in the next week.

Goal of the month on FYP is genius :D

CP-RJW
01-10-2017, 03:13 PM
Goal of the month on FYP is genius :D
Did Liz, the 7 year old Palace fan win it for her half time penalty?

Martin H
01-10-2017, 04:14 PM
Goal of the month on FYP is genius :D

Did make me smile but then realised we couldn't run one for the whole of Aug or Sept even now.

philsick
01-10-2017, 04:34 PM
none of the teams in the top 10 has a drum. It it was a proven good aid to football it would be everywhere.

.

Leicester won the fooking league with a drum you twistedfreak.

And loads of the top teams in europe have one.

Our home form has been shit for years because we play like the away team and let the oppo have the ball and when we have it we can't break them down,but you carry on with your agenda driven nonsense.

little al
01-10-2017, 04:36 PM
Not terrace humour but ages ago a relative bought a sailing dinghy and asked for suggestions for a name, naturally I said Crystal Palace to which he responded " It will always be going down" hurtful but funny!

Would have been funnier if it was a submarine.

little al
01-10-2017, 04:37 PM
My favourite comment was at Fulham away many years ago when Fulham were really bad and we were slightly better. I was standing down the side terracing and a Palace player went down injured - the Fulham players stood around, hand on hips, whilst the Palace physio came on and did his stuff with the magic sponge. Someone shouted out "Don't just stand their Fulham! Practice!"

Terrace humour at its best. Brilliant.

Skiddo
01-10-2017, 04:45 PM
The loudmouth at the back of Block C you mean?

I remember about 10 years ago, Matty Lawrence was deemed to have committed a rather dubious foul on a opposition player who decided to fall to ground. Lawrence sportingly extended his hand in offer of a shake of 'no hard feelings' to the opposition player, which was met by the aformentioned 'loudmouth' to bark "Don't shake his hand, shoot the c*nt!"

:lux:

cdm61
01-10-2017, 04:47 PM
The loudmouth at the back of Block C you mean?

He's been very quiet or he's had a heart attack.

Purepalace
01-10-2017, 04:51 PM
Did Liz, the 7 year old Palace fan win it for her half time penalty?

:D

Slimbloke'H'
01-10-2017, 05:03 PM
One of the funniest I think I've heard was during a game against Newcastle. They won a corner and as they prepared to take it, some wag shouts out:

'Oi Beardsley, is it true your missus irons your shirts in a wok?' :)

macstar
01-10-2017, 05:11 PM
Leicester won the fooking league with a drum you twistedfreak.



that was clearly a bizarre freak occurrence

CP-RJW
01-10-2017, 05:28 PM
that was clearly a bizarre freak occurrence
Right, and Bayern being a footballing superpower with a drum is too?

Bubble Wrap
03-10-2017, 10:45 AM
He's been very quiet or he's had a heart attack.

I used to think he was funny, Now he annoys the shit out of everyone around him. First time i took a pal he nearly shit himself after big mouth started ranting. His voice is so loud.

leicester1
03-10-2017, 11:03 AM
Think we've lost a drum next to the away end but gained a drum over the the other side in the so called kop....i'll be happy with 11th the way things are going so far this season.

Buglebob
03-10-2017, 04:49 PM
Block B sang at 100 mph until the drum appeared; at least other parts of the ground can join in the singing now. I'm afraid the incessant whinging from the stands has far more to do with our poor home than the drum.

jimmy the gent
03-10-2017, 04:52 PM
Right, and Bayern being a footballing superpower with a drum is too?

They're drumming at a faster pace...

4 cryingOutloud
03-10-2017, 05:08 PM
Back of the Arfur is much sparser this season. A few of the usual suspects aren't there

I wonder why?

4 cryingOutloud
03-10-2017, 05:11 PM
The comedians are the ones at CPFC/ManBet who will be sending out the September Player of the Month selections in the next week.

I think it's being put on the back burner until we actually get one.

Oli28
03-10-2017, 05:16 PM
that was clearly a bizarre freak occurrence
I know, right. As if a team with a drum in the stands could also do well on the pitch. Freak occurrence indeed.

trufan
03-10-2017, 05:23 PM
The drummer and HF were outstanding against Hudds in the Cup. We won.

Payroll Legend
03-10-2017, 05:56 PM
It's all a bit formulaic. Same songs, often same order. No spontaneous chants, all controlled by one or 2 blokes.

I dunno. It's been annoying me a bit for a while now.

jimmy the gent
03-10-2017, 06:17 PM
It's all a bit formulaic. Same songs, often same order. No spontaneous chants, all controlled by one or 2 blokes.

I dunno. It's been annoying me a bit for a while now.

Does someone call out tunes and then they all fall in behind them? That is a bit naff. I see the positives they've done, and in the modern all seater era perhaps it's somehow necessary in keeping a good atmosphere, but the spontaniety, pisstaking and wit seems lacking. It was that that kept everyone going in the shit days. These lot all seem to take themselves very seriously.

Se9 eagles
03-10-2017, 07:39 PM
Now it's seats best exchange is-Bloke at the front shouts 'Come on a Palace!'.Bloke at the back shouts back 'Less of that,there's people trying to sleep up here!'Gallows humour has always been pretty good at Palace.No suprise really..........

PoshPalace
03-10-2017, 07:58 PM
Spontaneous songs targeting particular players because of their names has always been a favourite. Bristol City's goalie Gurkin was greeted with 'You're just the sh1t in a burger', but my favourite was Jason Euell's chant: 'You're just a small town near Epsom.'

SE5eagle
03-10-2017, 08:04 PM
One of the funniest I think I've heard was during a game against Newcastle. They won a corner and as they prepared to take it, some wag shouts out:

'Oi Beardsley, is it true your missus irons your shirts in a wok?' :)

:D

Jolly Eagle
03-10-2017, 08:04 PM
Remember going to a pre season friendly, think it was Brentford. This was a good few years ago, They had a keeper who had a Turkish Sounding name. Every time he took a goal kick the fans chanted "Your Shish Ah" spose you had to be there. Even the keeper found it funny.

EmmerGreenEagle
03-10-2017, 08:53 PM
Remember going to a pre season friendly, think it was Brentford. This was a good few years ago, They had a keeper who had a Turkish Sounding name. Every time he took a goal kick the fans chanted "Your Shish Ah" spose you had to be there. Even the keeper found it funny.

Tamer Oeuf was the keeper.I was there. Pre season friendly.

Worksop Palace
03-10-2017, 08:55 PM
Tamer Oeuf was the keeper.I was there. Pre season friendly.

Cracking joke

Worksop Palace
03-10-2017, 08:56 PM
He was an eggceptional keeper

Worksop Palace
03-10-2017, 08:56 PM
Loved the odd goal mouth scramble

Worksop Palace
03-10-2017, 08:57 PM
Better than HENnessey

Worksop Palace
03-10-2017, 08:57 PM
He went off the boil soon after though

Worksop Palace
03-10-2017, 08:58 PM
He left Brentford after he was poached by another club

Right, I'm boring myself now

art malice
03-10-2017, 09:01 PM
No, because the whole point was it was spontanious humour. Anyone posting would have thought about their"humour" the respondants would have time to think about the "humour" making any good quips not as funny as they would have been at the time, however funny they were "off the cuff"

Never knew little al was Trolley.

EdMan
03-10-2017, 09:45 PM
No fan of it, but I think you're stretching it to claim the drum effects performance on the pitch. The fact we have over indulged, past it players, a woeful goalkeeper and a terribly balanced squad made up of 4 manager's / the chairman's panic buys is the reason we're so bad at home (and away)

Typical drummer comment :supergrin:

Crunchie
04-10-2017, 10:08 PM
I remember sometime in the early 90's that Le Tissier was flagged by the lino and came over to him swearing and blinding at him. Bloke behind me stood up and said" Le tiss, you were on side, but your nose was well off!"

H.Bomb
05-10-2017, 05:37 AM
Too many armchair fans who have only jumped on the bandwagon since 2013 and have no idea of our history. Add a load of tourists/day out fans and you get the picture.

Ardent Eagle Forever
05-10-2017, 06:04 AM
Tamer Oeuf was the keeper.I was there. Pre season friendly.

I heard that he was poached by another team.

Worksop Palace
05-10-2017, 06:42 AM
I heard that he was poached by another team.

Whoa whoa whoa whoa

Ardent Eagle Forever
05-10-2017, 03:08 PM
Always remember when stan bowles was playing at selhurst. There was this guy who used to yell out "bowles of custard"

Selhurst Celtic
05-10-2017, 03:23 PM
After numerous efforts & arguments with the rozzer in the holding pen outside the away section at The New Den to open the gates, some wag in the scrum at the padlocked fence shouted:

"Oi, Oi, you, you, with the hair. You must be the brains of this operation. Are you going to get the key to open this gate or what?"

A chubby sergeant with a fine head of hair sneaking out from under his hat wanders over and says: "I'll let you lot out when we've dispersed the home fans and when I'm good and ready."

The wag responded: "Excuse me, can you move out of my way please, I was talking to the horse."

(Perhaps you had to be there)

4 cryingOutloud
05-10-2017, 03:24 PM
I heard that he was poached by another team.

You've gotta be yolking?

Richard
05-10-2017, 03:35 PM
My favourite comment was at Fulham away many years ago when Fulham were really bad and we were slightly better. I was standing down the side terracing and a Palace player went down injured - the Fulham players stood around, hands on hips, whilst the Palace physio came on and did his stuff with the magic sponge. Someone shouted out "Don't just stand there Fulham! Practice!"

I am SURE I have posted this anecdote on the BBS before as my favourite example of terrace humour - except that I heard it relayed by a Fulham fan on something like Football Focus when I was a nipper (and I'm pretty sure they weren't playing Palace, because I would have remembered that) ...

GeeTee
05-10-2017, 03:55 PM
I am SURE I have posted this anecdote on the BBS before as my favourite example of terrace humour - except that I heard it relayed by a Fulham fan on something like Football Focus when I was a nipper (and I'm pretty sure they weren't playing Palace, because I would have remembered that) ...

Spot on Richard. It was Ralph McTell who told the anecdote on telly.

orp pisshead1
05-10-2017, 04:20 PM
After numerous efforts & arguments with the rozzer in the holding pen outside the away section at The New Den to open the gates, some wag in the scrum at the padlocked fence shouted:

"Oi, Oi, you, you, with the hair. You must be the brains of this operation. Are you going to get the key to open this gate or what?"

A chubby sergeant with a fine head of hair sneaking out from under his hat wanders over and says: "I'll let you lot out when we've dispersed the home fans and when I'm good and ready."

The wag responded: "Excuse me, can you move out of my way please, I was talking to the horse."

(Perhaps you had to be there)

That sounds very much like youngy or 3 beers at HT old brother from orp pissheads :D

Quality whoever said it:p

SE5eagle
05-10-2017, 04:30 PM
After numerous efforts & arguments with the rozzer in the holding pen outside the away section at The New Den to open the gates, some wag in the scrum at the padlocked fence shouted:

"Oi, Oi, you, you, with the hair. You must be the brains of this operation. Are you going to get the key to open this gate or what?"

A chubby sergeant with a fine head of hair sneaking out from under his hat wanders over and says: "I'll let you lot out when we've dispersed the home fans and when I'm good and ready."

The wag responded: "Excuse me, can you move out of my way please, I was talking to the horse."

(Perhaps you had to be there)

:D

smiler2
05-10-2017, 04:32 PM
Always remember when stan bowles was playing at selhurst. There was this guy who used to yell out "bowles of custard"

Sorry to appear pedantic but I'm a big Stan Bowles fan and am intrigued as to what game and when this might have been ?

Olympian2
05-10-2017, 04:46 PM
Always remember when stan bowles was playing at selhurst. There was this guy who used to yell out "bowles of custard"

:p:p:p Slightly random/leftfield, one-man witticisms are typically the best

SilentAssassin
05-10-2017, 04:50 PM
none of the teams in the top 10 has a drum. It it was a proven good aid to football it would be everywhere.

It doesnt make selhurst unique either, just makes it easier for teams to get 3 points at.

Hate using this lot as an example but Leicester won the league with a drum.... and clappers to boot. Maybe we should start using them?

There is no formula for being in the top 10 off the pitch. What we do off it in the stands, can help but primarily were not there just because we want Selhurst to become a place full of noise but first and foremost because we are proud to be Palace and proud to who we are and where we come from!

The drum is the same for both clubs, the same way both clubs have to deal with the same pitch, the same ref, the same stoppage time.

We're in this position for reasons outside of the fans doing.

Richard
05-10-2017, 11:45 PM
:p:p:p Slightly random/leftfield, one-man witticisms are typically the best

I miss ammiller on here !

Richard
05-10-2017, 11:46 PM
After numerous efforts & arguments with the rozzer in the holding pen outside the away section at The New Den to open the gates, some wag in the scrum at the padlocked fence shouted:

"Oi, Oi, you, you, with the hair. You must be the brains of this operation. Are you going to get the key to open this gate or what?"

A chubby sergeant with a fine head of hair sneaking out from under his hat wanders over and says: "I'll let you lot out when we've dispersed the home fans and when I'm good and ready."

The wag responded: "Excuse me, can you move out of my way please, I was talking to the horse."

(Perhaps you had to be there)

That's very good. Partly, I have to admit, for the way you wrote it !!

Ardent Eagle Forever
06-10-2017, 06:01 AM
Sorry to appear pedantic but I'm a big Stan Bowles fan and am intrigued as to what game and when this might have been ?

God knows, I was a kid then, I'm 59 now. Would be mid to late 70s. Maybe early eighties I'm pretty sure it was a night game.

I also seem to remember that the guy who yelled it had a mobile car repair service called Eagle Autos. I know this cos many years later he turned up at our house to service my wifes car.

His random comment at the time was funny. Stan Bowles was a very good footballer.

Pidster
06-10-2017, 06:16 AM
After numerous efforts & arguments with the rozzer in the holding pen outside the away section at The New Den to open the gates, some wag in the scrum at the padlocked fence shouted:

"Oi, Oi, you, you, with the hair. You must be the brains of this operation. Are you going to get the key to open this gate or what?"

A chubby sergeant with a fine head of hair sneaking out from under his hat wanders over and says: "I'll let you lot out when we've dispersed the home fans and when I'm good and ready."

The wag responded: "Excuse me, can you move out of my way please, I was talking to the horse."

(Perhaps you had to be there)



I heard it was said in a faux Irish accent.

thereichstuff
06-10-2017, 06:23 AM
when they built the new Whitehorse stand we used it or a few seasons . Every game when the away goalie approached the goal he'd relieve his customary polite clap then after the goalie acknowledged it and turned to face the pitch some guy used to shout out " now **** off ! " it was very funny and you could feel the anticipation in the build up to it . As a lot have said you had to be there to find it funny , it was more of a tradition really :supergrin: