Kevin Phillips Bong [Archive]

Jack Regan

15-05-2000, 02:13 PM

For Kevin Phillips to score 30 goals for ‘Sunlun’ this season is magnificent. But no-one has picked up on the fact that back in the early 70’s he lost the Minehead North by-election whilst standing for the Slightly Silly Party. I seem to recall that he managed to poll no votes at all, not a sausage, bugger all.

Or am I getting him mixed up with someone else?

Anyone recall which candidate and party did actually win the seat?

Vic Eagle

15-05-2000, 03:37 PM

Spot on Jack...I've got the video back in England but was the victorious candidate's name Tarquin...can't remember all the bloody middle names..ole Biscuit Barrel?

And shouldn't you have called this thread something like 'Python Bores Corner'?

Egg Sample

15-05-2000, 05:03 PM

there are some on thesweeney site under Images, but bigger than the 20K limit for the BBS

Gooders

15-05-2000, 07:37 PM

You bugger Aidan - I was just going to do the Arthur Negus bit...

So I'll have to restrict myself to "I'm just getting...I'm just getting a buzzing noise in my left ear..."

Jack Regan

16-05-2000, 04:08 AM

Vic, G'day,

You sound like a fellow Python bore to me!

I made a mistake though, the Minehead North By-election was the one with Mr. Hilter.

Kevin Phillips Bong and Tarquin fin tim wim bim lim bim bim bus stop f'tang f'tanf ole biscuit barrel was on Election Special

Check out http://www.montypython.net/

Egg Sample

16-05-2000, 04:24 AM

Jack, you been at the sauce again?

Check this out http://www.theseeney.com

"I've met some by-the-book-*******s, but that Station Super..."

Egg Sample

16-05-2000, 04:26 AM

that should, of course be thesweeney.com

Jack Regan

16-05-2000, 04:30 AM

Egg,

Top site!

Next time, get the URL right first time son or I'll have you back in a tall hat directing traffic!

Egg Sample

16-05-2000, 04:39 AM

http://www.cpfc.org/ubb/uploads/regancup.jpg

interested in sydney.

16-05-2000, 04:52 AM

Jack ,Don't forget to climb every mountain after your next post, and can I say this is the first time i 'vr appeared on Television,or havent we got time?

ammiller

16-05-2000, 04:56 AM

I'm just hearing that arthuer Negus has held Bristol(s).

That's not a result - just a bit of gossip....

Jack Regan

16-05-2000, 04:56 AM

Egg,

I remember that episode - Regan was doing an impersonation of Jimmy Durante for some reason.

You havn't got a picture of Regan punching a villian have you, or pointing a shooter at some b'stard?

ammiller

16-05-2000, 12:20 PM

Originally posted by Gooders on 05-15-2000 03:37 PM
You bugger Aidan - I was just going to do the Arthur Negus bit...

So I'll have to restrict myself to "I'm just getting...I'm just getting a buzzing noise in my left ear..."

Nice one Gooders, - I myself was going to do that one, but couldn't work out how to spell the noise John Cleese makes afterwards...

Jack Regan

16-05-2000, 05:47 PM

Gooders,
Do you mean....

Idle: Can I just say that this is the second time I've been on television?

Cleese: No, I'm sorry there isn't time, we're just about to get another result.

Palin: And this one is from Harpenden Southeast. A very interesting constituency this: in addition to the official Silly candidate there is an unofficial Very Silly candidate, in the slab of concrete, and he could well split the silly vote here at Harpenden Southeast.

Jones: Mrs Elsie Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Cleese: Silly

Jones: 26,317 (applause). Jeanette Walker...

Cleese: Sensible

Jones: 26,318...

Cleese: Very close!

Jones: Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Blackpool Rock Stoatgobbler John Raw Vegetable Brrroooo Norman Michael (rings bell) (blows whistle) Edward (sounds car horn) (does train impersonation) (sounds buzzer) Thomas Moo... (sings) 'We'll keep a welcome in the...' (fires gun) William (makes silly noise) 'Raindrops keep falling on my' (weird noise) 'Don't sleep in the subway' (cuckoo cuckoo) Naaoooo... Smith.

Cleese: Very Silly

Jones: ...two.

Cleese: Well there you have it, a Sensible gain at Harpenden with the Silly vote being split.

Palin: And we've just heard from Luton that Tony Stratton-Smith has with him there the unsuccessful Slightly Silly candidate, Kevin Phillips Bong.

Idle: Kevin Phillips Bong. You polled no votes at all. Not a sausage. Bugger all. Are you at all disappointed with this performance?

Neil Innes: Not at all. As I always say:
Climb every mountain
Ford every stream,
Follow every by-way,
Till you find your dream.
(Sings) A dream that will last
All the love you can give
Every day of your life
For as long as you live.
All together now!
Climb every mountain
Ford every stream...

Cleese: A very brave Kevin Phillips Bong there. Norman.

Palin: And I've just heard from Luton that my aunt is ill. Possibly gastro-enteritis, possibly just catarrh. Gerald.

Cleese: Right. Er, Colin?

1fcd

Vic Eagle

16-05-2000, 05:58 PM

Bloody hell, Jack. I just used your link to the Monty Python web site and have spent about an hour posting messages on their bulletin board. Please don't tempt me by putting in that link again.

Can you believe there's some w****r on there (presumably a Yank oops racial stereotyping) who thinks that Benny Hill is the greatest comedian who ever lived?

Jack Regan

16-05-2000, 06:24 PM

[quote]Originally posted by ammiller on 05-16-2000 12:49 PM
Just a thought,

I wonder if anyone can find any other references to Football in Monty Python sketches.

Yes.

That sketch where goalkeepers recite poetry about the River Yangtse features:-

Peter Shilton (Leicester)
Gordon Banks (Stoke)
Gordon West (Everton)

Oh Yangtse
Beautiful Yangtse
River full
Of fish

(Peter Shilton, Leicester)

Gooders

16-05-2000, 10:28 PM

Me and my big mouth!

Good God Jack! - and I thought I was a bit sad to still remember much of the Python stuff we used to listen to...

"Do you play cricket?

No I play tennis actually.

Tennis? Really? I used to play cricket..."

Anyway, speaking of Benny Hill...

Having spent a lot of time working in Europe these last few years I've seen a lot of appalling television but Germany really takes the biscuit. They dub everything. Including Python - don't know if you've seen the Parrot Sketch in German and without Cleese's voice but it doesn't hit the spot I'm afraid.

I worked with a Danish girl for a while who told me that she was 21 before she realised that John Wayne wasn't German!

Anyway, where was I...oh yes, Benny Hill - I could not believe that they still show it a lot in Germany even now but the most stunning thing is that you know how there was always a sequence where Hill and the little baldy bloke would go running around after a bevvy of scantily clad page 3 models? - well they even dubbed that! There was no speech, just that funny little signature tune and a lot of grunting and groaning but on German TV, it has to be German grunting and graoning!

Unbelievable but true.

Blackfen Eagle

17-05-2000, 01:28 AM

Jack Regan\Gooders

There was me posting something last night about the alleged name of the new owner being ..... bus-stop fatang fatang ole biscuit barrel when "albatross" the Monty Python themeraises it;s head again. Do we have two sheds or what?

ammiller

17-05-2000, 04:49 AM

Just a thought,

I wonder if anyone can find any other references to Football in Monty Python sketches.

In the Australian philosopher's song there is a line which says

"Socrates himself was permanently Pi33ed"

Was there ever a player called Denis Moore?

[This message has been edited by ammiller (edited 16 May 2000).]

Gooders

17-05-2000, 04:50 AM

I don't think it can be spelt using the English alphabet.

Wasn't there a candidate with a fairly simple name like "Charles Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzip!" or something similar?

Gooders

17-05-2000, 12:41 PM

Good old Arthur two-sheds Jackson.

I have two-desks at the moment.

And a colleague of mine has two-ponds (don't ask!)

ammiller

17-05-2000, 12:54 PM

OK Gooders, taken from Monty Python's previous record. Try reading this out loud without cracking up.

Hesitantly, reluctantly, Helen slipped out of a sling, tight-waisted waspy and stood naked in the moonlight before me. Somewhere a clock chimed three. An owl hooted in the nearby copse. No wind stirred the casement window. She stood in the pale, translucent light on the Persian carpet. A minute passed. Then another. Then, another minute. Then... another minute passed. Then another minute passed. And another. A further minute passed quickly, followed by another minute, when suddenly, a different minute passed, followed by another different minute. And another. And yet another further different minute. A minute passed. I glanced at my watch. It was a minute past. This was it. A minute passed. After a moment, another minute passed. I waited a minute while a minute passed quickly past. And then, a minute which seemed to last an hour but was only a minute... passed.

Announcer: That was "A Minute Passed", by John Finlissom. You can hear Episode Nine of "A Minute Passsed" tomorrow night at a minute past.

Jack Regan

17-05-2000, 01:50 PM

On the subject of Kevin Phillips of Sunderland and his England Euro 2000 prospects, what about this article I spotted :-

Voice Over: (Michael Palin) June the 4th, 1973, was much like any other summer's day in Peterborough, and Ralph Mellish, a file clerk at an insurance company, was on his way to work as usual when... (da dum!) Nothing happened! (dum dum da dum) Scarcely able to believe his eyes, Ralph Mellish looked down. But one glance confirmed his suspicions. Behind a bush, on the side of the road, there was *no* severed arm. No dismembered trunk of a man in his late fifties. No head in a bag. Nothing. Not a sausage. For Ralph Mellish, this was *not* to be the start of any trail of events which would not, in no time at all, involve him in neither a tangled knot of suspicion, nor any web of lies, which would, had he been not involved, surely have led him to no other place, than the central criminal court of the Old Bailey.

(muttering voices, Judge's gavel banging.)

Voice Over: But it was not to be (ominous music returns). Ralph Mellish reached his office in Dullsells Street in Peterborough, at 9:05 a.m., exactly the same time as he usually got in!

(door opens)

Enid: Morning, Mr. Mellish

Ralph: (Terry Jones) Morning, Enid

Voice Over: Enid, a sharp-eyed, clever young girl, who had been with the firm for only 4 weeks, couldn't help noticing the complete absence of tiny but tell-tale blood stains on Mr. Mellish's clothing. Nor did she notice anything strange in Mr. Mellish's behaviour that whole morning. Nor the next morning. Nor at any time before or since the entire period she worked for that firm.

Ralph: Have the new paper clips arrived, Enid?

Enid: Yes, they're over there, Mr. Mellish. (faintly)

Ralph: Oh...

Voice Over: But for the lack of any untold circumstances for this young secretary to notice, and the total non-involvement of Mr. Mellish in anything illegal, the forweight of the law would insure that Ralph Auldus Mellish would have ended up like all who challenge the fundamental laws of our society. In an iron coffin with spikes on the inside.

669

interested in sydney.

17-05-2000, 02:40 PM

Surely the Long John Silvers v The Gynaecologists? was the great Python football reference.

Blackfen Eagle

18-05-2000, 03:23 AM

Four yorkshire men must be favourite.

And the CD to get is Monty Python live at Dury Lane. the original album was released in the 70's.

Jack Regan

18-05-2000, 01:38 PM

Interested in Sydney,

(to be read in Graham Chapmans voice)

Is your name not Bruce ?

Might get a bit confusing, mind if we call you Bruce ?

Gooders

22-05-2000, 05:51 PM

I'd completely forgotten "A minute passed"...a classic. And Mellish and Enid.

You buggers have to stop now or I'll be trawling the CD shops before you know it!

"Tonights the night we're going to talk a bout of flu the subject of word association football. This is a techn eke out a living much used in the practice makes perfect of psycho-analy sister and brother..."