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View Full Version : Premiership women allstars - enjoy


PeterH
11-05-2004, 11:12 PM
ARSENAL = NAOMI CAMPBELL

Manages to disguise her South London roots. Obsessed with style and has

had some problems on her travels. Can look good but volatile under

pressure. Prone to lashing out when provoked.

ASTON VILLA = JUDY FINNIGAN

Shakier than she used to be and the cracks are increasingly starting to

show

- it's hard to believe that only a few years ago she was quite well

fancied.

BIRMINGHAM = JADE GOODY

Was a bit rough round the edges but starting to look quite tasty after

a lot of work - particularly at the rear. Not always the brightest, but

surprising everyone by sticking around in the spotlight.

BLACKBURN = KYM MARSH

Plucked from obscurity to enjoy one flash of success a few years ago

but only because of the pots of money behind her. Could very easily get

relegated this year.

BOLTON = DEIRDRE RACHID

Lancashire institution who surprises her fans just by being there year

after year, though overshadowed by more glamorous neighbours. Fond of

foreigners. The axe has got to come one day, but perhaps not yet.

CHARLTON = DENISE VAN OUTEN

Inoffensive, welcoming sort who has gone a long way on very little

resources. Slowly gaining respectability with some good shows but a

fall from grace could come any time.

CHELSEA = CATHERINE ZETA-JONES

Looked good on and off for many years without achieving anything of

note. Suddenly gets into bed with a wealthy foreigner who splashes out

a ton of cash and starts to impress overseas

EVERTON = DEMI MOORE

Best years are long gone despite lots of surgery and a

hanging-on-in-there attitude. Recent find of a star toy-boy may improve

her prospects slightly, as long as he doesn't leave for pastures

greener.

FULHAM = SADIE FROST

A few rough patches after a steady rise to the top, thanks to one man.

He's since got rid of her but she's picking up again with the help of a

new, younger manager.

LEEDS = MEL B

Yorkshire lass who enjoyed a spell at the top but whose taste for the

finer things in life has left her out of pocket. Recently had to sell

assets. Needs substantial investment to rediscover old form.

LEICESTER = JORDAN

Looking to get by with a minimum of talent, no subtlety and a couple of

big lads up front. Gets through a fair share of journeymen players too.

Favourite to go down.

LIVERPOOL = MADONNA

Top class back in the 80s and early 90s and blew all the competition

away. Now living off past glories. Appears distinctly lacking in decent

new ideas and is no longer as attractive to look at.

MAN CITY = MARTINE McCUTCHEON

Tried to re-invent herself recently but everyone remembers her

unremarkable past. Seems to have a fiercely loyal support but no one

quite knows why they've stuck with her.

MAN UTD = POSH SPICE

Pouting prima donna, never afraid of flashing her cash or shameless

self-promotion. Struggling to hit the heights of 1999 but still a

merchandising phenomenon in the Far East. Constantly changing her

outfit.

MIDDLESBROUGH = EMMA BUNTON

Still struggling to do anything major, despite some expensive signings

and looking good a few years ago. A few promising single performances

but could soon be fighting relegation.

NEWCASTLE = CHERYL TWEEDY

Fighting the North East's corner - literally. Sassy Geordie with plenty

of attitude. Dangerous when provoked. Assets looked after by one of the

most respected managers in the game.

PORTSMOUTH = CLAIRE SWEENEY

Been around a while and recently found herself back in the big time.

But most of her assets are past their best. Got a bit of ability,

however can't see her going the distance.

SOUTHAMPTON = RACHEL STEVENS

Girl next door - recently moved to pastures new. Everyone's second

favourite. Might go far, might not. Who cares? Definite lack of

strength in depth but manager making the most of her.

SPURS = JOAN COLLINS

Hasn't done anything for decades but still acts like a big star. Puts

on a good show for the die-hard fans but best days are behind her,

despite injection of young talent.

WOLVES = SHERYL GASCOIGNE

Who else would be deluded enough to give Gazza another chance? Looked

good on the B-list but out of her depth in the top flight. Overshadowed

by far more glamorous rivals.

grey ghost
12-05-2004, 01:27 AM
quality

What?
12-05-2004, 01:44 AM
Good stuff there!