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PalaceMonkey
03-11-2005, 02:09 PM
Originally posted by James Melody
Saint Etienne advise Tord Grip and Sven on team selection. They are responsible for the selection of Peter Crouch.
Melody, your shameless attempts to make 3rd place in FMCDA postings are demeaning the group.
It's quality not quantity.
Or in J_E's case, both. :love:
James Melody
03-11-2005, 02:09 PM
Jalfrezi_Enema 441
Oddjob 273
PalaceMonkey 219
James Melody 197
DANCOO 156
RickyB 116
EagleSE24 94
Micky Droy 90
u8mygoat 89
Smurph 79
It looks like J_E is unstoppable...
James Melody
03-11-2005, 02:11 PM
Originally posted by PalaceMonkey
Melody, your shameless attempts to make 3rd place in FMCDA postings are demeaning the group.
It's quality not quantity.
Or in J_E's case, both. :love:
The monkey is sweating at the site of me coming up his rear!!!
:eek: :eek:
PalaceMonkey
03-11-2005, 02:13 PM
It's not the first time, and I'm sure it won't be the last :(
James Melody
03-11-2005, 02:17 PM
Originally posted by PalaceMonkey
It's not the first time, and I'm sure it won't be the last :(
:p
Oddjob
03-11-2005, 02:22 PM
For the whole of tomorrow, it being the 4th of November, all FMCDA'ers must use the avatar and signature of another FMCDA'er
They cannot be your own, and cannot be from the same person.
Its the rules dammit.
EagleSE24
03-11-2005, 02:23 PM
What is the definition of a FMCDA'er? Anyone who's ever posted here?
Oddjob
03-11-2005, 02:24 PM
Originally posted by EagleSE24
What is the definition of a FMCDA'er? Anyone who's ever posted here?
You have to have over 50 posts on this thread as well
However if your username rhymes with Rames Telody you will never become one
Originally posted by Oddjob
For the whole of tomorrow, it being the 4th of November, all FMCDA'ers must use the avatar and signature of another FMCDA'er
They cannot be your own, and cannot be from the same person.
Its the rules dammit.
It is a little known fact the the thread Fat Men Cant draw apples has a rule book which is strictly adehered to by its members the first set of rules for the thread were in fact drawn up in 1842
James Melody
03-11-2005, 02:44 PM
Originally posted by Oddjob
You have to have over 50 posts on this thread as well
However if your username rhymes with Rames Telody you will never become one
My username is pronounced Bob Jones. The James Melody is silent
PalaceMonkey
03-11-2005, 02:48 PM
Originally posted by Oddjob
You have to have over 50 posts on this thread as well
However if your username rhymes with Rames Telody you will never become one
:p
Jalfrezi_Enema
03-11-2005, 02:48 PM
Originally posted by EagleSE24
What is the definition of a FMCDA'er?
You.
Unlike Bob Jones. ;)
James Melody
03-11-2005, 03:06 PM
Originally posted by Jalfrezi_Enema
You.
Unlike Bob Jones. ;)
Oi!! :veryangry
PalaceMonkey
03-11-2005, 03:10 PM
The Consortium of FMCDA has summarily rejected the application of one, James Melody (aka Bob Jones) due to his powerful body odour.
He will be able to re-apply in 36 months.
There is no leave to appeal.
Oddjob
03-11-2005, 03:12 PM
Originally posted by PalaceMonkey
The Consortium of FMCDA has summarily rejected the application of one, James Melody (aka Bob Jones) due to his powerful body odour.
He will be able to re-apply in 36 months.
There is no leave to appeal.
Black Balled, youve been black balled !!
To the tune of 'we know your shagging will young'
Oddjob
03-11-2005, 03:12 PM
Originally posted by PalaceMonkey
The Consortium of FMCDA has summarily rejected the application of one, James Melody (aka Bob Jones) due to his powerful body odour.
Dont forget his middle name, which is Mandrake.
1f4c
James Melody
03-11-2005, 03:15 PM
Originally posted by Oddjob
Black Balled, youve been black balled !!
To the tune of 'we know your shagging will young'
Well the Masons didn't have a problem with me!! ;)
Sussex Eagle
03-11-2005, 03:59 PM
If you eat too much Peanut Butter it can become extremely onerous to go about your usual business, as the shit sticks to the roof of your anal cavity.
Oddjob
03-11-2005, 04:06 PM
Mr and Mrs Roger Mason of Newbury Berks, have just called to advise they DO have a problem with JM, and stated that he's never coming over for tea and scones again, at least not until he shaves.
Supa Ol
03-11-2005, 06:30 PM
Due to gullible people accessing fragments of the BBS through Google, many of the fake facts stated in this thread are now being reported as true facts in the new edition of Encyclopedia Britannica. (See 'Apples, Fat Men Can't Draw', Volume I, Encyclopedia Britannica, 2005).
Oddjob
03-11-2005, 08:19 PM
James Melody has 4 of the 5 stars attainable whilst working for Mcdonalds, unfortunately he is struggling with the milkshake star currently, which he needs to complete the set
Oddjob
03-11-2005, 08:20 PM
When this thread reached a 100 pages, RickyB went and stood outside and saluted everyone with a raised Granny Smith
Smurph
04-11-2005, 07:42 AM
Originally posted by James Melody
The James Melody is silent
If only...
Smurph
04-11-2005, 08:12 AM
Vanessa Cessity (Ness to her friends) is the proud Mother of a boy called Invention.
Oddjob
04-11-2005, 08:54 AM
Einstein was a genius and all, but couldnt do the coffee time crossword in the Sun !
PalaceMonkey
04-11-2005, 08:58 AM
Oddjob has broken my brain
Micky Droy once tried to bring out a cover version of YMCA, entitled FMCDA, but failed due to the lack of foresight in attempting to fit another extra letter into the song title.
Maxi Priest isnt a real vicar
None of Judas Priest are either
Status Quo's first single was realeased in 1937 and knocked George Formby of the Number one spot.
Oddjob
04-11-2005, 09:11 AM
The Fun House from ITV is now used for corporate functions, though rest assured they don't let any boozed up businessmen drive the fun karts after a couple of drops of the old vino !
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 09:12 AM
Originally posted by Oddjob
Black Balled, youve been black balled !!
Black Balled (verb): To be black balled - to be rogered in the shower by four 300lb black geezers in Wandsworth jail.
Enjoy!
EagleSE24
04-11-2005, 09:12 AM
Somewhat coincidentally, Dennis Taylor, the big glasses(ed) snooker legend makes some of the finest men's suits in London.
EagleSE24
04-11-2005, 09:15 AM
At the bequest of 'Barmy Pen pushing Brussels Bureaucrats', from 2007 the capital of England will change every year. The first city to receive this honour will be Droitwich.
Oddjob
04-11-2005, 09:16 AM
PM's forthcoming BBS marriage is off ! (better take that hat back j_e) because his bride to be disagreed with his insistence of including at least 4 FMCDA facts in his vows..............
EagleSE24
04-11-2005, 09:17 AM
In order to gain city status, residents of Droitwich are working round the clock, converting the local T.K.Maxx into a wonderous domed cathedral.
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 09:21 AM
Aliens are already among us.
Eh, Oddjob?
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 09:22 AM
The Spanish say 'Jesus' when you sneeze as this was one of his more minor, though popular miracles. If you were about to sneeze Jesus would tickle you under the chin until it went away.
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 09:23 AM
The Disciples were 84% sneeze free.
Oddjob
04-11-2005, 09:23 AM
I beat up Ross Kemp the other night, and have cleverly made it look like his wife did it.
Oddjob
04-11-2005, 09:24 AM
j_e's 2000th post will be the least memorable of the lot
EagleSE24
04-11-2005, 09:25 AM
Do you (J_E) keep taking the signatures of others and using them as your own?
Oddjob
04-11-2005, 09:34 AM
Originally posted by EagleSE24
Do you (J_E) keep taking the signatures of others and using them as your own?
Nope !
He just pays attention to the thread ;)
1f48
James Melody
04-11-2005, 09:34 AM
Confucius say "FMCDA is source of all enlightenment"
Oddjob
04-11-2005, 09:37 AM
Officials in China are said to be shocked by a massive downturn in trade in the sex industry in October, believed to be about 35% down !
Trade and industy minister X-Wing Pilot said ' Its very odd indeed, prior to October trade in all areas had been superb, but suddenly it just stopped, its as if we had one guy going to all the massage parlours and shops who then just left, its more than likely he was a foreigner'
James Melody
04-11-2005, 09:38 AM
I have just returned from a business trip to China where I invested in 2 large sweatshops.
Oddjob
04-11-2005, 09:38 AM
James Melodys 4000th post will contain an awful lot of profanity
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 09:38 AM
Originally posted by EagleSE24
Do you (J_E) keep taking the signatures of others and using them as your own?
No.
Originally posted by EagleSE24
In order to gain city status, residents of Droitwich are working round the clock, converting the local T.K.Maxx into a wonderous domed cathedral.
Droitwich is actually going to be the 2006 European City of Culture after beating Milan,Prague and Vienna in the final round of voting
James Melody
04-11-2005, 09:40 AM
BUM WANK COCK BALLS FANNY TIT SHIT ARSE
Originally posted by James Melody
I have just returned from a business trip to China where I invested in 2 large sweatshops.
On a similar note, I have just returned from Taiwan where I invested in 2 large sweatshirts.
James Melody
04-11-2005, 09:41 AM
My two sweatshops in China sold 57gallons of sweat last month in what is becoming an increasingly tough market
Oddjob
04-11-2005, 09:41 AM
Reason number 127 to shop at Morrisons is the very lax security, making shop lifting extremely easy
EagleSE24
04-11-2005, 09:41 AM
Originally posted by Oddjob
Nope !
He just pays attention to the thread ;)
I getcha. I view the BBS in black and white...and grey (literally) so find it harder to notice these things. I don't even get avatars with this view :sob:
Oddjob
04-11-2005, 09:42 AM
James Melodys 4005th post will be one apologising to the mods for his potty mouth
Oddjob
04-11-2005, 09:43 AM
Originally posted by EagleSE24
I getcha. I view the BBS in black and white...and grey (literally) so find it harder to notice these things. I don't even get avatars with this view :sob:
Boo !!
My avatar is of a minge btw
EagleSE24
04-11-2005, 09:43 AM
And you know what the worst part about it is? I can't even read.
I hope what I'm randomly typing at the moment happens to appear as something legiblekalsf sldkfj
Originally posted by Oddjob
Reason number 127 to shop at Morrisons is the very lax security, making shop lifting extremely easy
:D
The initials from B & Q, the famous DIY superstore, actually mean 'Bum' and 'Queer', as the CEO of the company is actually a 10 year old schoolboy.
James Melody
04-11-2005, 09:44 AM
I am the deposed Archduke of Vienna
James Melody
04-11-2005, 09:45 AM
I am a fictional construct controlled by the ruling FMCDA junta
Oddjob
04-11-2005, 09:45 AM
Originally posted by EagleSE24
And you know what the worst part about it is? I can't even read.
I hope what I'm randomly typing at the moment happens to appear as something legiblekalsf sldkfj
You speak Polish ?
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 09:45 AM
Scientists have made a huge cock-up. The Atomic weight of Uranium is 237 AND A HALF not 238 as previously thought.
Beards are currently being scratched.
Oddjob
04-11-2005, 09:46 AM
We are all going to get fired
James Melody
04-11-2005, 09:46 AM
If you take two frogs and place them in a blender with ice, celery and garlic when blended they form a light broth that tastes just like chicken soup
EagleSE24
04-11-2005, 09:47 AM
Originally posted by Oddjob
You speak Polish ?
I don't know what you're saying...I'm just hitting the keys, in fact I'm not even looking at the computer...tra la la la la la.
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 09:48 AM
If you blow some dust from the wings of a butterfly and filter it thought the fine comb of a Unicorn's eyelashesonto the first drop of dew in the morning, it will form the image of a perfect rose.
Turns out God's a soppy b@stard after all.
1f8c
James Melody
04-11-2005, 09:48 AM
I would like to apologise for my earlier potty mouth.
Oddjob made me do it.
Oddjob
04-11-2005, 09:50 AM
JM, Maz and AfB are at the centre of a very bizarre love triangle
EagleSE24
04-11-2005, 09:50 AM
Dave is planning an audio version of the BBS where all posts must be spoken.
Toenails are made purely from pink coloured crayons.
EagleSE24
04-11-2005, 09:53 AM
Oh my God! Look behind you before it's too late! I'm serious! Look behind you NOW!!!
hehe suckers
Smoking 25 Benson and Hedges a day can increase your life expectancy by 11 years
James Melody
04-11-2005, 09:54 AM
99% of people over the age of 80 smoke at least 20 ciggies a day
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 09:54 AM
Originally posted by Jalfrezi_Enema
Scientists have made a huge cock-up. The Atomic weight of Uranium is 237 AND A HALF not 238 as previously thought.
Beards are currently being scratched.
Christ. Unforseen consequences. The change in weight means that Uranium is no longer suitable for bomb making. This means that 400,000 japanese have just reappeared in a small village in the Chugoku district of Honshu.
The Gallagher brothers escaped from Port Lympe animal park in 1978, and no-one has noticed yet.
David Blunkett has just released the following brief statement regarding his resignation
:: ..: ::: .. :: ..:. ::.. ... :...: ::.:: :. ...: :::: :. :.:.: ...: ::: : ::... :: ..
:: ...: ...: ::. : ::: .::. :: :...:::: ..: :: .... :: ..: ::... ::: ..: :: . ..:
:: :: .. ::.::: ::.. :: ..:
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 09:58 AM
Originally posted by DDD
David Blunkett has just released the following brief statement regarding his resignation
:: ..: ::: .. :: ..:. ::.. ... :...: ::.:: :. ...: :::: :. :.:.: ...: ::: : ::... :: ..
:: ...: ...: ::. : ::: .::. :: :...:::: ..: :: .... :: ..: ::... ::: ..: :: . ..:
:: :: .. ::.::: ::.. :: ..:
:lux:
EagleSE24
04-11-2005, 10:00 AM
Ha, I knew it...Jose Mourinho isn't Jose Mourinho at all. He's mild mannered David Turner.
http://www.splitting-images.com/josemourinho-davidturner.html
Smurph
04-11-2005, 10:02 AM
Originally posted by Jalfrezi_Enema
If you blow some dust from the wings of a butterfly and filter it thought the fine comb of a Unicorn's eyelashesonto the first drop of dew in the morning, it will form the image of a perfect rose.Turns out God's a soppy b@stard after all.
I want that one to be true :lux:
Smurph
04-11-2005, 10:03 AM
Pacifist poets write exclusively in blank verse.
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 10:03 AM
..... . . ..... . . . . .... . .
... . . . . . . . . . .
. ..... .... . . . .... .....
The PM's reply.
Ha! worked a treat that, you'll have to trust me that when I edit it all the dots line up perfectly and spell F U C K Y O U.
EagleSE24
04-11-2005, 10:05 AM
Interestingly enough Mr Blunkett will only write braille in 1950s American street slang.
James Melody
04-11-2005, 10:06 AM
Oddjob in his IT Support office
http://tinyurl.com/agf8o
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 10:06 AM
Originally posted by Smurph
I want that one to be true :lux:
It is. You just have to believe!
Smurph
04-11-2005, 10:16 AM
My self-cleaning oven has gone on strike.
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 10:19 AM
Alexei Sayle has sold himself on ebay.
James Melody
04-11-2005, 10:22 AM
I have been thrown out of the freemasons due to my attempted membership of FMCDA
Smurph
04-11-2005, 10:29 AM
In the upper eschelons of the Civil Service spankings used to form part of the official disciplinary procedure but this practice was abandoned once it became classed as a taxable benefit and had to be declared. Subsequently, applications to join the service by Oxbridge candidates have fallen by more than 60%.
EagleSE24
04-11-2005, 10:32 AM
London is short for LongDong. It was changed in the 30s when it was feared the name would offend elderly holidaying Floridians.
Micky Droy
04-11-2005, 10:45 AM
The worst person in the history of the world was born three weeks ago. He is called Adult Nyman. When the midwife bore him from his mother she looked down upon his hellish visage, screamed, and dropped him. The infant Adult looked up at her, grasped his umbilical cord, bit through it with his gleaming incisors, and hurled himself, gnashing, bloody and rasping at the poor woman's ankle. He has still not let go.
1fbe
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 10:46 AM
Metal Mickey had really sensitive skin.
Smurph
04-11-2005, 10:49 AM
Funnily enough, Faith, Hope and Charity from the band "Faith, Hope and Charity" are now working in a shoe shop, a pub and a Phyllis Tuckwell Hospice shop respectively.
mik59
04-11-2005, 10:54 AM
Originally posted by Smurph
In the upper eschelons of the Civil Service spankings used to form part of the official disciplinary procedure but this practice was abandoned once it became classed as a taxable benefit and had to be declared. Subsequently, applications to join the service by Oxbridge candidates have fallen by more than 60%. It's been abandoned ... why wasn't I told?! :o
Smurph
04-11-2005, 10:59 AM
The island of Madagascar is in fact a small portion of a doomed planet which blasted itself into space in order to ensure the continuance of its species. As soon as the hyper-intelligent ring-tailed lemurs evolve sufficiently they will rule the planet. This should happen in around seven hundred million years time, so they are nearly half way through their project, but the lemurs are keen to point out that this is only an estimate and blame the continued delays on the Fossas.
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 11:04 AM
Originally posted by mik59
It's been abandoned ... why wasn't I told?! :o
Looks like my four o'clock has been cancelled then. :confused: :sob:
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 11:05 AM
The Thames Barrier is to be rebuilt at a fraction of the cost next year. The new £38.50 version will be made almost exclusively out of new improved Bounty.
PalaceMonkey
04-11-2005, 11:07 AM
I was used as a chimney sweep up until the time I got wedged into a particularly narrow flue.
I was pushed out when Santa Claus himself, came down to deliver presents.
And that's how I know the true meaning of Xmas.
Which is - If Santa sits on your head, you are likely to pop out of a flue
:love:
Everyone knows that Def Leppard had a one armed drummer, it lesser known that weird 80's one hit wonders Wang Chung actually had a drummer without a head.
To fix that leaky tap its cheaper to pay Rio Ferdinands his hourly rate than he rates of an emergency plumber
Smurph
04-11-2005, 11:39 AM
Johnny Cougar once wrestled the Sultan of Brunei to win the heart of Ava Gardner, but all he got was a dislocated shoulder and a little shield.
Michael Barrymore was innocent
Smurph
04-11-2005, 11:40 AM
Jeannette Winterson has been retained by the makers of Chloraseptic pastilles to help publicise the fact that lozenges are not the only throat sweet.
Phil's Barber
04-11-2005, 11:48 AM
Originally posted by Jalfrezi_Enema
Alexei Sayle has sold himself on ebay.
It is being reported that Sayle is attempting to raise funds to assist his mate John with the purchase of a new motor.
Anton Deck, a former pipe fitter and welder from Harrogate is suing LWT for the use of his name in Anton Decks Gameshow MArathon.
Phil's Barber
04-11-2005, 11:55 AM
Thames Valley Police are trailing a new penalty for speeding motorists. The offending motorist will recieve a sharp slap to the side of his face from the arresting officer instead of the usual 3 penalty points and a 60 pound fine.
The 1977 Derby Winner was disqualified in the winners enclosure after it was discovered he had a large electric motor strapped to his back
PalaceMonkey
04-11-2005, 11:59 AM
Geese are the most venomous animals on the planet.
However, they have no delivery system for their venom.
Which really peeves them.
The Bee Gees discovered their unique falsetto sound after Maurice had cut off brother Barrys testicles in a knife fight
Ex white Rapper Marky Mark Wahlbergs real name was Coliny Colin Wahlberg before he changed it.
Phil's Barber
04-11-2005, 12:02 PM
Boffins have designed a car that runs entirely on Goose Venom. They are now working on a reliable method of extracting venom from a goose.
Smurph
04-11-2005, 12:04 PM
Mucus was a popular name for boys amongst the descendants of the Pilgrim Fathers.
All Fiat cars since 1973 have been made from old lino and cardboard
Micky Droy
04-11-2005, 12:12 PM
Anita Dobson is a qualified dentist.
Micky Droy
04-11-2005, 12:12 PM
Charles Dance is half man, half idea.
Micky Droy
04-11-2005, 12:13 PM
1fbe
Frankie Howerd had a small scaley tail. It vibrated when an available homosexual came within 10 yards of him.
Micky Droy
04-11-2005, 12:15 PM
Peter Schmiechal has a conjoined twin living in his tummy. It is called Hans and lived on crisps and ink.
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 12:16 PM
Disappointingly, BBS poster, DDD has really small breasts.
Micky Droy
04-11-2005, 12:16 PM
Trevor MacDonald is a very clever bear.
Smurph
04-11-2005, 12:16 PM
Originally posted by Micky Droy
Frankie Howerd had a small scaley tail. It vibrated when an available homosexual came within 10 yards of him.
MD, that's another true one, surely?
Originally posted by Micky Droy
Frankie Howerd had a small scaley tail. It vibrated when an available homosexual came within 10 yards of him.
On the set of Carry on Doctor, during Frankies famous scene with Charles Hawtrey and Kenneth Williams he shook so violently he was actually taken to a real hospital with suspected Parkinsons disease
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 12:16 PM
Rik Mayall is a girl.
Smurph
04-11-2005, 12:17 PM
The Kia Pride can accommodate a whole family of lions in comfort.
Originally posted by Jalfrezi_Enema
Disappointingly, BBS poster, DDD has really small breasts.
I am however undergoing breast enhancement surgery shortly which should increase them to a 34DD
Smurph
04-11-2005, 12:18 PM
The Suzuki Cappuchino is the only car available on the UK market with a frothy top.
Micky Droy
04-11-2005, 12:19 PM
Only 16 episodes of Playschool were ever screened. It just lives large in our minds.
Smurph
04-11-2005, 12:20 PM
The Chrysler PT Cruiser was specially designed for kerb-crawling gym instructors.
Micky Droy
04-11-2005, 12:20 PM
Maureen Lipman has no front bum.
Chris De Burghs anthem Lady in Red is actually about Texas's biggest serial killer
Micky Droy
04-11-2005, 12:20 PM
Maggie Philbin shits onyx.
Smurph
04-11-2005, 12:21 PM
Honda are still working on the successor to the Prelude.
Micky Droy
04-11-2005, 12:22 PM
Wood is a substance secreted by subterranean ants. The underground pressure builds as the amount of wood increases and it forces itself up through the earth as 'trees'.
Christopher Biggins once worked as a bouncer at a club in Romford
Micky Droy
04-11-2005, 12:23 PM
Coca Cola was invented by Santa Claus in 1933.
Smurph
04-11-2005, 12:23 PM
If driven when the moon is full the Volkswagen Lupo turns into a Golf Gti.
Smarties definitely DO NOT have the answer
Mad Max
04-11-2005, 12:25 PM
Hilda Ogden once proposed having pole dancers in the Rovers
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 12:25 PM
Originally posted by Smurph
Honda are still working on the successor to the Prelude.
:D
MD,
Are you on some kind of Bob Jones like assault on the FMCDA charts?
The big white blobs in 'The Prisoner' were actally based on the body shape of the former Chelsea goalkeeper, William 'Fatty' Foulkes.
Eatsender hardmen Steve McFadden and Ross Kemp are in real life a couple of big girls blouses
Micky Droy
04-11-2005, 12:28 PM
Originally posted by Jalfrezi_Enema
:D
MD,
Are you on some kind of Bob Jones like assault on the FMCDA charts?
No, I care nothing for commercial success.
I think the problem is that
Anyone who uses J_E's avatar loses their identity and becomes a pale echo of the great man.
Smurph
04-11-2005, 12:29 PM
The Hyundai Accent was frequently misunderstood outside of Korea.
Micky Droy
04-11-2005, 12:29 PM
Oh it's you, not PM. Sneaky bitch.
Pratts Bottom is a criminal offence
Micky Droy
04-11-2005, 12:30 PM
Floella Benjamin invented the word 'flotilla' and the 'espadrille' style shoe.
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 12:31 PM
1f45
Originally posted by Micky Droy
Oh it's you, not PM. Sneaky bitch.
Ooooh, get you. I'll scratch your eyes out. Or I would do if I had any fingernails. Would you mind holding still for a bit whilst I rub your eyes out?
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 12:32 PM
Webbplebb never uses the internet and is the life and soul of parties.
Bell End, a town on the outskirts of Birmingham, was named after everyone's favourite BBS member, follow_cpfc.
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 12:33 PM
Alan Partridge is really a zebra finch.
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 12:37 PM
Originally posted by Smurph
The Honda Accent was frequently misunderstood outside of Japan.
Ths car freakery is really most enjoyable. :p
The Humvee can't carry a tune.
Unlike the new Ford Orchestra which has room for 32 violoncellos and some kettle drums. It rocks man.
Musician Frankie Knuckles is so named because of his excessive masturbation habit
Micky Droy
04-11-2005, 12:41 PM
The blueprints for a new car were stolen from a Ford factory in Michigan in 1976. The car turned up some years later in Douglas Adams' Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. Adams and Ford settled out of court.
Micky Droy
04-11-2005, 12:41 PM
Shakespeare invented the piano.
Smurph
04-11-2005, 12:42 PM
Una Stubbs and Lionel Blair both have sponsored Daihatsu Charades.
Micky Droy
04-11-2005, 12:43 PM
Ducks have brollies that they hide underwater.
James Melody
04-11-2005, 12:46 PM
Software Engineers must learn advanced klingon as part of their university education
Rumours that the the Pope has decided to turn his back on religion where further fuelled last night when he was seen dancing to the Pussycat Dolls hit 'Don'tcha' in Cinatras, Croydon with local porn princess Lyndsey Dawn McKenzie
Smurph
04-11-2005, 12:47 PM
The gold coloured wheels sported by Subaru Imprezas are liable to attack by giant blue tits.
mik59
04-11-2005, 12:47 PM
Birmingham City Council have appealed for emergency aid to handle an outbreak of statistics. In the most extreme case an old peoples' home was savaged by a runaway "26% of Sky viewers watch only 23% of available channels for 34% of the time they spend watching TV which is 28% of their day". This statistic has been recaptured.
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 12:47 PM
Dillon from the Magic Roundabout is in rehab.
Here he has met Hong Kong Phooey, No. 1 Super Guy no longer. He could take dropping down the top ten in the nineties but falling out of the top 50 this year has really hit him hard.
Being over the age of 26 will be banned in Sweden from next month
95% of the worlds South Africans live in Wimbledon
Its perfectly possible to transplant animal penises onto humans
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 12:51 PM
Originally posted by Smurph
The gold coloured wheels sported by Subaru Imprezas are liable to attack by giant blue tits.
:p
The Terrahawks are never around when Zelda actually turns up.
Oddjob
04-11-2005, 12:52 PM
Gotham City is actually based on the scottish town of Arbroath
Micky Droy
04-11-2005, 12:54 PM
One in three ducks are decoys.
Phil's Barber
04-11-2005, 12:54 PM
The Ford Focus is actually ever so slightly blurred.
Oddjob
04-11-2005, 12:55 PM
Digital cameras are actually worked by little pixie men inside the camera, who instantly draw whatever you are pointing at in 5 seconds.
James Melody
04-11-2005, 12:55 PM
Billionaire Sol Kerzner drives a robin reliant.
PalaceMonkey
04-11-2005, 12:56 PM
Originally posted by Oddjob
Digital cameras are actually worked by little pixie men inside the camera, who instantly draw whatever you are pointing at in 5 seconds.
You forgot to mention, that they use Etch a Sketch's to draw the pictures.
Micky Droy
04-11-2005, 12:57 PM
The number 9 is considering stealing up on the inside and overtaking 10.
Originally posted by James Melody
Billionaire Sol Kerzner drives a robin reliant.
Coincidentally Robin Reliant drives a Sol Kerzner (the 2 litre version)
Phil's Barber
04-11-2005, 12:57 PM
1f71
Originally posted by Oddjob
Digital cameras are actually worked by little pixie men inside the camera, who instantly draw whatever you are pointing at in 5 seconds.
Mine has 5 megapixies!
Micky Droy
04-11-2005, 12:59 PM
Pizzas get colds too. Anchovies are a good cure.
Smurph
04-11-2005, 12:59 PM
You Are What You Wear would never have reached our screens had it not been for Sony's Trinitron system.
Phil's Barber
04-11-2005, 12:59 PM
Originally posted by Micky Droy
The number 9 is considering stealing up on the inside and overtaking 10.
Coincedentally over taking 10th placed 10 will put it into 9th place.
Oddjob
04-11-2005, 12:59 PM
FCMDA is the new clique, apparently.
ponypunter
04-11-2005, 01:00 PM
He he, I've god a good one.
Grass is purple.
Brilliant.
:rolleyes:
Originally posted by ponypunter
He he, I've god a good one.
Grass is purple.
Brilliant.
:rolleyes:
:D
Phil's Barber
04-11-2005, 01:01 PM
Champagne is made with a cheap chardonnay and a soda stream.....Get busy with the fizzy!
mik59
04-11-2005, 01:01 PM
Last night I walked past my front gate. I was alerted by being hit straight between the eyes by a "you've gone too far this time mate". Normally I don't condone violence but in this case it was justified and I'd like to offer my thanks to it should our paths ever cross again.
Micky Droy
04-11-2005, 01:01 PM
Originally posted by Phil's Barber
Coincedentally over taking 10th placed 10 will put it into 9th place.
Because numbers, like childhood, actually stop at 18.
Micky Droy
04-11-2005, 01:02 PM
Originally posted by ponypunter
He he, I've god a good one.
Grass is purple.
Brilliant.
:rolleyes:
We've survived Melody, we can survive this. :D
Phil's Barber
04-11-2005, 01:03 PM
Originally posted by ponypunter
He he, I've god a good one.
Grass is purple.
Brilliant.
:rolleyes:
Your just being silly now!
ponypunter
04-11-2005, 01:03 PM
and another.
FMCDA is a good thread.
Fab. I can see why you enjoy this so much.
You bunch of bloody simpletons. :D
mik59
04-11-2005, 01:03 PM
1 suffers from the delusion that the counting hierarchy is upside down and it is the most powerful number in the universe.
Thankfully for it's state of mind, it ain't heard of decimals.
It has been discovered that the town of Blackburn has the largest community of pygmies in the world
Oddjob
04-11-2005, 01:03 PM
Originally posted by ponypunter
He he, I've god a good one.
Grass is purple.
Brilliant.
:rolleyes:
Moody, moody, attitudey !!
mik59
04-11-2005, 01:04 PM
Originally posted by ponypunter
and another.
FMCDA is a good thread.
Fab. I can see why you enjoy this so much.
You bunch of bloody simpletons. :D Don't think you've got the hang of this as your assertion is clearly true.
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 01:05 PM
David Blunkett's dog Suzie has resigned, apparently. The whole scandal with the shares in the recently floated Dog Mess Consortium has blown up when it came to light that Suzie and DMC CEO Bingo met and 'got on very well together' in an alley in Seven Sisters in 1972.
Originally posted by ponypunter
and another.
FMCDA is a good thread.
Fab. I can see why you enjoy this so much.
You bunch of bloody simpletons. :D
There is a higher concentration of simpletons on FMCDA than the whole of the BBS put together:D
James Melody
04-11-2005, 01:06 PM
The worlds tallest man is 6' 1" Bob Jones of Skegness
ponypunter
04-11-2005, 01:07 PM
This thread is good.
Micky Droy
04-11-2005, 01:07 PM
Dwarves are excellent minute takers.
EagleSE24
04-11-2005, 01:08 PM
Contempt is the most sincere form of flattery.
Oddjob
04-11-2005, 01:09 PM
Originally posted by ponypunter
This thread is good.
Whose nicked the jam from your doughnut then?
In an effort to increase the amount of useful and relevant vocational courses in schools the government has announced that basket weaving is to be added to the national curriculum from next Wednesday
Smurph
04-11-2005, 01:10 PM
1f76
Originally posted by James Melody
The worlds tallest man is 6' 1" Bob Jones of Skegness
Are James Melody and Ponypunter the same person? There's definitely a similarity in their styles. God help poor old Palace Monkey.
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 01:11 PM
I'd like to bring to the attention of the board that there is a girl on the thread, I said, THERE IS A GIRIL ON THE THREAD!
Run away quickly before we all get pregnant.
Originally posted by Oddjob
Whose nicked the jam from your doughnut then?
Jam theft was up 19% in the latest Met Police statistics although the Met believe this is due to the amount of jam theft victims who now are willing to come forward and report the crime
Oddjob
04-11-2005, 01:12 PM
Women are on the planet purely to take the joy out of everything
PalaceMonkey
04-11-2005, 01:12 PM
Originally posted by Smurph
Are James Melody and Ponypunter the same person? There's definitely a similarity in their styles. God help poor old Palace Monkey.
JM's boobs are a similar size, it's true :eek:
ponypunter
04-11-2005, 01:15 PM
Originally posted by Oddjob
Women are on the planet purely to take the joy out of everything
Don't you mean women are here to put the joy INTO everything?
EagleSE24
04-11-2005, 01:15 PM
In an effort to boost revenue following 6 years of shit television, Channel5 will soon be stocking newsagents nationwide with 'Chewing Gum for the Eyes'.
James Melody
04-11-2005, 01:15 PM
Originally posted by PalaceMonkey
JM's boobs are a similar size, it's true :eek:
I've told you to stop trying to sneek a peekie at my chest!!!
Smurph
04-11-2005, 01:16 PM
Most contributors to FMCDA are thickies.
ponypunter
04-11-2005, 01:17 PM
Originally posted by Smurph
Most contributors to FMCDA are not thickies.
James Melody
04-11-2005, 01:19 PM
Ponypunter takes out her sexual frustrations by attempting to disrupt FMCDA
Smurph
04-11-2005, 01:19 PM
Originally posted by ponypunter
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Smurph
Most contributors to FMCDA are not thickies.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You're beginning to enjoy this, aren't you? :p
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 01:20 PM
Any and all contributors to FMCDA are the brightest stars in the intellectual firmament, sexually attractive to all life forms and all round good eggs.
ponypunter
04-11-2005, 01:22 PM
Originally posted by Jalfrezi_Enema
Any and all contributors to FMCDA are the brightest stars in the intellectual firmament, sexually attractive to all life forms and all round good eggs.
so now you're saying you are your slightly under-educted buddies are dull stars with no intellect and are horribly unattractive to all life forms?
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 01:23 PM
Palace Monkey is the only man on the BBS with a girlfriend.
She despises him utterly, but he's used to that.
Originally posted by ponypunter
so now you're saying you are your slightly under-educted buddies are dull stars with no intellect and are horribly unattractive to all life forms?
Yes welcome to the club :p
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 01:24 PM
Originally posted by ponypunter
so now you're saying you are your slightly under-educted buddies are dull stars with no intellect and are horribly unattractive to all life forms?
If you've caught me fibbing on the FMCDA thread I shall kill myself.
See what you've done now.
And I'm pregnant - where's my maintenance?
mik59
04-11-2005, 01:24 PM
23% of all photocopier errors worldwide are caused by people photocopying their buttocks.
PalaceMonkey
04-11-2005, 01:24 PM
Originally posted by ponypunter
so now you're saying you are your slightly under-educted buddies are dull stars with no intellect and are horribly unattractive to all life forms?
Under-educted?
They didn't teach me that word at school, I must have been poorly educated :(
ponypunter
04-11-2005, 01:24 PM
Originally posted by DDD
Yes
so you're saying no?
mik59
04-11-2005, 01:25 PM
Palace Monkey is currently modelling SteveK's discarded beard and some of RickyB's hair.
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 01:25 PM
Originally posted by ponypunter
so now you're saying you are your slightly under-educted buddies are dull stars with no intellect and are horribly unattractive to all life forms?
And who said anything about slightly?
ponypunter
04-11-2005, 01:26 PM
1f99
Originally posted by Jalfrezi_Enema
If you've caught me fibbing on the FMCDA thread I shall kill myself.
See what you've done now.
And I'm pregnant - where's my maintenance?
so you're not going to kill yourself and you're not pregnant.
Genuis, this thread really is genius. :rolleyes: Men are weird.
brighton_eagle
04-11-2005, 01:26 PM
Why are you all sharing avatars? It's making me dizzy.
Originally posted by Jalfrezi_Enema
And I'm pregnant - where's my maintenance?
J_E's yet unborn child is to be named after his favourite musician and his favourite arist and will be called
Eminem Emin Enema
Originally posted by ponypunter
so you're saying no?
errrrrrrmmm yes, no i mean no, i think...
now i am confused
PalaceMonkey
04-11-2005, 01:28 PM
Originally posted by ponypunter
so you're not going to kill yourself and you're not pregnant.
Genuis, this thread really is genius. :rolleyes: Men are weird.
You have to have the ability to see through the actual falsehoods (most posts) and the true ones (like when we insult Melody)
Keeps you on your toes.
Micky Droy
04-11-2005, 01:28 PM
Originally posted by brighton_eagle
Why are you all sharing avatars? It's making me dizzy.
Because this thread is 3 years old today!
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 01:31 PM
Originally posted by ponypunter
so you're not going to kill yourself and you're not pregnant.
Genuis, this thread really is genius. :rolleyes: Men are weird.
So you're saying that men are normal?
mik59
04-11-2005, 01:31 PM
Just downloaded from SkyNews site:
A major Hurricane (Shazza) measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours of this morning (Friday 4th November). Epicentre: Basildon, Essex.
The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived. Essex FM (County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon.
One resident - Tracy Tiffany Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning."
Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.
Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.
HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after, items most needed include: Fila or Burberry baseball caps Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers) Shell suits (female) White sport socks Rockport boots. Any other items usually sold in Primark.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include: Microwave meals; Tins of baked beans; Ice cream Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms, £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9, £5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
**Breaking news**
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in Claret - 'where are you bleeding from?' they asked - "ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss that got to do wiv it?"
New Zealand has only been a country since 1984 - Its predecessor Old Zealand was sold as scrap to a dealer in Chatham.
ponypunter
04-11-2005, 01:32 PM
Originally posted by Jalfrezi_Enema
So you're saying that men are normal?
No. I'm not playing as it's stupid.
Oddjob
04-11-2005, 01:33 PM
Originally posted by ponypunter
No. I'm not playing as it's stupid.
So you are playing?
Originally posted by ponypunter
No. I'm not playing as it's stupid.
So that means Yes you are playing as its brilliant ?
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 01:34 PM
Originally posted by DDD
J_E's yet unborn child is to be named after his favourite musician and his favourite arist and will be called
Eminem Emin Enema
Like the name, rolls off the tongue like sweet sweet cement dust.
Einmem Emin Enema will lay around in it's dirty bed all day and bust caps into muvvaers.
James Melody
04-11-2005, 01:34 PM
Jalfrezi_Enema 473
Oddjob 300
PalaceMonkey 230
James Melody 218
DANCOO 156
RickyB 116
Micky Droy 114
EagleSE24 109
Smurph 103
DDD 101
u8mygoat 89
CanveyEagle 78
Del Gland 71
mik59 49
Phil's Barber 45
celery stick 24
baroli 23
Panman268 20
Jasper 17
Moonbeam 15
webbplebb 13
E.X Moontoad 12
stevek 12
Pidster 11
Jack Regan 10
ponypunter 10
Swiftly moving up the rankings is Ponypunter!
ponypunter
04-11-2005, 01:34 PM
Originally posted by Jalfrezi_Enema
Like the name, rolls off the tongue like sweet sweet cement dust.
So you don't like the name?
19e3
brighton_eagle
04-11-2005, 01:35 PM
Originally posted by Micky Droy
Because this thread is 3 years old today!
genius.
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-11-2005, 01:36 PM
Originally posted by mik59
Just downloaded from SkyNews site:
A major Hurricane (Shazza) measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours of this morning (Friday 4th November). Epicentre: Basildon, Essex. etc.
Huzzah! a real tour-de-force from the 59'er. A pint of his least favourite drink for that man.
EagleSE24
04-11-2005, 01:36 PM
This is fast becoming the most controversial thread since the Turin Shroud.
mik59
04-11-2005, 01:36 PM
Originally posted by James Melody
Jalfrezi_Enema 473
Oddjob 300
PalaceMonkey 230
James Melody 218
DANCOO 156
RickyB 116
Micky Droy 114
EagleSE24 109
Smurph 103
DDD 101
u8mygoat 89
CanveyEagle 78
Del Gland 71
mik59 49
Phil's Barber 45
celery stick 24
baroli 23
Panman268 20
Jasper 17
Moonbeam 15
webbplebb 13
E.X Moontoad 12
stevek 12
Pidster 11
Jack Regan 10
ponypunter 10
Swiftly moving up the rankings is Ponypunter! I and Phil's Barber look safe in mid-table obscurity, phew!
On average every jar of jam contains the remains of at least 3 different types of insect, except for the fruit fly which was named as a joke 'cos it's actually allergic to fruit.
James Melody
04-11-2005, 01:38 PM
It has recently been discovered that Fat Man CAN draw apples. However Fat Man WON'T draw apples due to an intense fear of all forms of apple. This condition is known as grannycoxaphobia
Oddjob
04-11-2005, 01:38 PM
I work in local government in Brentwood
brighton_eagle
04-11-2005, 01:38 PM
Originally posted by brighton_eagle
genius.
Oh, and I WAS playing then. :D
Originally posted by James Melody
Jalfrezi_Enema 473
Oddjob 300
PalaceMonkey 230
James Melody 218
DANCOO 156
RickyB 116
Micky Droy 114
EagleSE24 109
Smurph 103
DDD 101
u8mygoat 89
CanveyEagle 78
Del Gland 71
mik59 49
Phil's Barber 45
celery stick 24
baroli 23
Panman268 20
Jasper 17
Moonbeam 15
webbplebb 13
E.X Moontoad 12
stevek 12
Pidster 11
Jack Regan 10
ponypunter 10
Swiftly moving up the rankings is Ponypunter!
J_E is 4/6 favourite to be the FMCDA Christmas number One
mik59
04-11-2005, 01:39 PM
Originally posted by Jalfrezi_Enema
Huzzah! a real tour-de-force from the 59'er. A pint of his least favourite drink for that man. To be honest, it was a contribution from a mate of mine ... in Essex!
As a trade union rep I won't be able to post this afternoon as I will have to apply the following constitutional amendment until it's time to go home: "A motion to table a motion to reconsider a vote to table an appeal of a ruling that a point of order was not in order against a motion to table another point of order against a motion to bring to a vote the motion to call up the resolution that would institute a rules change".
ponypunter
04-11-2005, 01:40 PM
Originally posted by brighton_eagle
Oh, and I WAS playing then. :D
So you weren't playing?
This game is brilliant.
brighton_eagle
04-11-2005, 01:43 PM
Originally posted by ponypunter
So you weren't playing?
This game is brilliant.
So i was playing and this game is crap???
Phil's Barber
04-11-2005, 01:43 PM
After an unseasonally hot summer Iceland is to be renamed Waterworld.
Originally posted by Phil's Barber
After an unseasonally hot summer Iceland is to be renamed Waterworld.
:D
Micky Droy
04-11-2005, 01:43 PM
Originally posted by Oddjob
I work in local government in Brentwood
Hang on! That other works there! You're going down you Sneaky Twin Trolley amuthas!
James Melody
04-11-2005, 01:44 PM
Originally posted by Oddjob
I work in local government in Brentwood
In IT Support :p
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