View Full Version : Fat men can't draw apples
Pages :
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
[
13]
14
15
16
EagleSE24
08-11-2005, 09:36 AM
Originally posted by PalaceMonkey
Never go with balsa wood.
CANNOT be trusted
Agreed. A mate of mine bought some balsa to a party once. It stole my Creedance CDs, left the freezer door open and overwatered my Yucca.
The rights to the thread FMCDA have been sold and a movie based on the thread is due to go into production later in the year with Guy Ritchie directing...
Rumour has it that Bradd Pitt and Cameron Diaz are being lined up as the leads
PalaceMonkey
08-11-2005, 09:58 AM
Pah, if it's Ritchie directing, I bet I get played by Jason Statham.
Originally posted by PalaceMonkey
Pah, if it's Ritchie directing, I bet I get played by Jason Statham.
Could be worse - someones got top be played by Dexter Fletcher :(
Oddjob
08-11-2005, 10:24 AM
This isnt on, we are going to be moving all over the place in CCG !!
PalaceMonkey
08-11-2005, 10:27 AM
Apparently Ritchie has seen me play football, and is now giving my part to Vinnie Jones.
EagleSE24
08-11-2005, 10:33 AM
:lux: by my calculations I unwittingly got the 3000th post on the thread. Shame it had to be celebrated in CCG though.
PalaceMonkey
08-11-2005, 10:36 AM
Celebrating post counts in CCG is thing to do AFAIK.
Morning dew is actually gnome sweat.
They toil very hard during the night to make sure goblins don't escape from their hellish confines and snuff out the sun.
So next time you see some old dear with lots of gnomes in their garden, don't mock!
Originally posted by Oddjob
This isnt on, we are going to be moving all over the place in CCG !!
This thread needs to be moved back to its rightful home....
:(
Christopher Biggins is able to suck his own earlobes
EagleSE24
08-11-2005, 10:41 AM
Originally posted by PalaceMonkey
Celebrating post counts in CCG is thing to do AFAIK.
Good point. I'll make less effort to assimilate as hopefully we won't be here long.
Stairs were intially invented so that the slinky would have something to 'slink' down.
mik59
08-11-2005, 10:47 AM
Some work colleagues very kindly likened this thread to "I'm Sorry, I Haven't A Clue", to to honour both products here's some excerpts from the New FMCDA Dicitionary:
fivehead - a forehead with exceedingly receded hair
bananosecond - the amount of time between slipping on a banana skin and hitting the ground
borgasm - when you fake it just to get it over and done with
taterfamilias - patriarch of the Potato Head family
Joe 90 now works as an insurance salesman in County Durham
Circus impressario Billy Smart only had an IQ of 57
Oddjob
08-11-2005, 11:52 AM
Its just not the same anymore
Plus you cant tell anymore when a new post has been posted from the front page, if that makes sense
move it back
PalaceMonkey
08-11-2005, 11:53 AM
i agree.
The humour is somehow extracted before the words reach your eyes.
Micky Droy
08-11-2005, 12:06 PM
Originally posted by PalaceMonkey
i agree.
The humour is somehow extracted before the words reach your eyes.
You're right, and if we feel bad about that, just imagine how the words themselves feel :(
DANCOO
08-11-2005, 12:25 PM
Originally posted by Micky Droy
You're right, and if we feel bad about that, just imagine how the words themselves feel :(
It's the pixels I feel sorry for.
t_appletart
08-11-2005, 01:01 PM
Originally posted by DDD
Could be worse - someones got top be played by Dexter Fletcher :( Palacemonkey
204d
Originally posted by t_appletart
Palacemonkey
He is more worried that he'll be Jason Statham
t_appletart
08-11-2005, 01:19 PM
Originally posted by DDD
He is more worried that he'll be Jason Statham
nah, he's more of a dexter fletcher than a jason statham!
PalaceMonkey
08-11-2005, 01:22 PM
piffle.
anyway, GR has cast Vinnie Jones as me.
Originally posted by PalaceMonkey
piffle.
anyway, GR has cast Vinnie Jones as me.
The rumour mill has suggested thet Christopher Biggins is keen for a small part
t_appletart
08-11-2005, 01:34 PM
and that guy from gimmee gimmee gimmee/ thin blue line
Originally posted by t_appletart
and that guy from gimmee gimmee gimmee/ thin blue line
Havent got anything to say but just not used to FMCDA being that low down in the thread pecking order
its not the same as in GCC
t_appletart
08-11-2005, 01:58 PM
Originally posted by DDD
Havent got anything to say but just not used to FMCDA being that low down in the thread pecking order
its not the same as in GCC
er
lovely day, huh? bit cold though
Originally posted by t_appletart
er
lovely day, huh? bit cold though
yes but i hear its going to be a degree warmer tomorrow due to high pressure moving in from the continent
stevek
08-11-2005, 03:26 PM
In 1993 the Met Office weather computer broke, so they used a die with rain, sunshine, cloudy, snow, fog and light drizzle on its six sides to randomly predict the weather for different parts of the country. It proved to be the most accurate weather forecast since records began.
E.X Moontoad
08-11-2005, 03:59 PM
Peter Crouch has been caught out by lip reading experts, who noticed that he was singing the Bucks Fizz hit "The Camera Never Lies", instead of the national anthem, at a recent international.
Oddjob
08-11-2005, 07:11 PM
Candy Floss is used as wigs by.............
No, its no use, its just not the same.
RickyB
08-11-2005, 07:14 PM
Poor Oddjob... I feel your pain... :(
mik59
08-11-2005, 08:08 PM
Weird innit. Still got time to do the FMCDA compendium now, and there's the T-shirt line and a website ....
Originally posted by Oddjob
Candy Floss is used as wigs by.............
No, its no use, its just not the same.
Its not is it...FMCDA filled a void in the daily grind that is working life.
Still at least now people wont think I am odd for laughing, no make that snorting out loud at my desk for no apparent reason.
God bless everyone who made me p*ss myself laughing over the last ten months - Its been a blast:p
james powell
09-11-2005, 01:19 PM
The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
Every year more than 2500 left handed people are killed from using right handed products.
RickyB
09-11-2005, 09:15 PM
Two of those are true tho! :rolleyes:
new breed...
mik59
09-11-2005, 09:48 PM
Originally posted by DDD
Its not is it...FMCDA filled a void in the daily grind that is working life.
Still at least now people wont think I am odd for laughing, no make that snorting out loud at my desk for no apparent reason.
God bless everyone who made me p*ss myself laughing over the last ten months - Its been a blast:p I echo every word, sadly.....
Originally posted by james powell
The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
Every year more than 2500 left handed people are killed from using right handed products. All, I struggle to say it, from oft duplicated sites .... fun and all that, but not FMCDA.
squeezy
09-11-2005, 10:46 PM
Originally posted by RickyB
Two of those are true tho! :rolleyes:
new breed...
i noticed that too - see what happens when it gets moved!
RickyB
10-11-2005, 07:11 AM
Who are you squeezy? do we know you? :)
PalaceMonkey
10-11-2005, 08:45 AM
mat ov?
RickyB
10-11-2005, 09:24 AM
Researchers recently discovered that a nun's habit is actually that they pick their noses.
The term 'lurgee' was actually taken from a maggot-infested ingrowing toenail.
nottsunieagle
10-11-2005, 10:30 AM
The parasol was actually invented in biblical times as a makeshift raft to protect the foxes and sheep from the great flood.
nottsunieagle
10-11-2005, 11:10 AM
Originally posted by RickyB
Who are you squeezy? do we know you? :)
sorry, that was me! don't know how it happened - i was logged out, but thought i was logged in, posted that and 'squeezy' came up!
i've no idea how that happened:(
1fc1
coolthing
10-11-2005, 12:06 PM
Red smarties are dangerous to eat. If you have more than three in a row without changing colour.
Oddjob
10-11-2005, 07:47 PM
If a cow was to drink its own milk its udders would fall off, and would then be an outcast from the herd.
Airways86
10-11-2005, 07:55 PM
17% of students, and 24% of male students don't have any curtains.
John.K
10-11-2005, 08:50 PM
:D
Airways86
10-11-2005, 09:04 PM
The average height of a speaker is 31.56 centimetres
Dale Winton was Dorsets middleweight boxing champion three years running before being offered the job of presenting supermarket sweep
Airways86
11-11-2005, 09:51 AM
The Australian Rugby team played in black and white up until the 1950s, until they copied the colours of the Springboks(although they switched the dominant colour from green to gold)
The Misfit
11-11-2005, 10:01 AM
17% of professional footballers are actually capable of performing at (or "giving", in sporting parlance) 110%.
A gorilla named Claude managed to pass his driving test at the third attempt in Caracacas, Venezuala in 1972. He remains tehonly primate to do so.
Airways86
11-11-2005, 10:07 AM
The Wright Brothers weren't actually brothers, they were in fact a gay couple.
Martin Clunes large ears are actually an optical illusion.
He actually has the same size head as he did when he was 8 years old when it unaccountably stopped growing therefore making his normal sized ears look huge.
There is no known cure
Airways86
11-11-2005, 10:11 AM
The Wright brothers weren't actually American, they were from Brighton, and their first plane was called the 'Seagull' but was later changed by the American government because no Americans had heard of it.
The Queen Mothers favourite song was Peaches by the Stranglers and was played at her funeral in accordance with her last wishes.
Airways86
11-11-2005, 10:50 AM
The real home of the chav is in fact Brazil, where youthes started to swap gaudy gold jewellry and burberry caps and scarves they stole from tourists. The word 'chav' is in fact Portuguese for 'cool'.
DANCOO
11-11-2005, 12:35 PM
During the Second World War, hidden messages in musical scores were used to inform allies of POW's state of health.
An incorrectly deciphered message from Marco Cortelio, an imprisoned Italian farmer, sent a message of his supposed failure to escape his prison camp.
His message - Do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-do, was incorrectly deciphered as - Doomed, fail as I rot.
He had actually escaped, and was sending his message from the nearbly coastline requesting a boat to be sent, his message should have read - I am loose, raft I'd do.
The raft never came...
The moustache Tom Selleck used in Magnum PI wasnt real
The fake 'tache was last seen on TV being worn by Gordon Kaye in Hello Hello
Its been estimated by the Home Office that 37% of the UK prison population are currently digging tunnels.
Airways86
11-11-2005, 12:39 PM
The German 'Enigma' machine was actually devised by a group of twelve-year-old German school children. When they were awarded the National Junior Science Award the education minister noticed its potential and passed on the design.
The little known 8th amendment to the US constitution gives all Americans the right to wear checked trousers
Fantasy Island is actually a real place and is a mere 7 miles off the coast of Aberdeen.
PalaceMonkey
11-11-2005, 01:09 PM
Originally posted by PalaceMonkey
The best way to get Danny DeVito out from under the sofa, is to pop a Littlest Hobo video on and lead a trail of Skittles (the sweets not the bowling apparatus) from under the sofa to near the window.
The combination of sugar, ultraviolet light (from the window, can only be performed during daylight hours) and a crime-solving dog calms his rage and lets you replace the harness.
i like this one too :)
Micky Droy
11-11-2005, 01:27 PM
The worst ever recorded human fart was made by Mr Jake Hibbs, a Devon farmer, in 1932. It lasted 63 minutes and killed eight of his sheep, his dog, and a neighbouring barley field.
DANCOO
11-11-2005, 01:31 PM
Due to the recent timeshare crash, you can now pick up shares in any hour, excluding one o'clock, two o'clock and five o'clock.
Have been going randomly through FMCDA and there is pure gold on every page...girl opposite at work must thik I am retarded cos I keep having to stifle laughing - So many absolute gems its unreal.....
''Self Abduction is the fastest growing crime in Pensylvania, Wyoming and New Jersey'
1fa4
DANCOO
11-11-2005, 01:41 PM
Government officials are to scrap the 'Missing Persons Register' - this is due to no-one ever answering when their name is read out.
Pop band the B52's are named after the road the B52 which connects Randalstown and Portglenone in Northern Ireland just of the A6 juntion with the M22.
Airways86
11-11-2005, 02:15 PM
The first Stock Market was actually in Stockton-on-Tees, and was called Stockton Market, but other towns copied the concept and the title was shortened to 'Stock Market'
Micky Droy
11-11-2005, 02:46 PM
Tinsel is made out of solidified fairy wee.
Cityside
11-11-2005, 03:50 PM
People who live in glass houses should pull the close the curtains before removing their trousers.
Airways86
11-11-2005, 04:23 PM
There is actually no difference between bath/shower gel and shampoo.
Airways86
11-11-2005, 04:39 PM
67% of No Smoking signs are put up by anti-smoking vigilantes.
mik59
11-11-2005, 05:45 PM
Dancoo, DDD, MD et al: you're still on form after all these months. Top fellas! Welcome to some new talent too. Oh, how I love this thread.
Micky Droy
11-11-2005, 05:53 PM
The Royal Mint is so named because it was designed by the architect Mr Thomas Trebor, brother of the famous mint manufacturer. For the first ten years of its existence, its production lines produced both money and Extra Strong Mints. When Soft Mints were introduced it was found they clogged the conveyor belts, and £4 billion pounds worth of tenners were soiled.
Micky Droy
11-11-2005, 05:54 PM
These were later turned into light munitions without which some military historians estimate we would have lost the Second World War.
Airways86
11-11-2005, 06:02 PM
Mints were first cultivated in the hanging gardens of Babylon, and were picked by youngsters from the 'Al-Lozengi-Minti' plant. These original mints were mild narcotics and the stoned youngsters would spit their mints from the hanging gardens onto the passers-by below.
DANCOO
11-11-2005, 06:18 PM
Without all the the fur, a bumble bee is on slightly larger than an ant.
DANCOO
11-11-2005, 06:22 PM
By 2010, we will be able to tastes the delights of exotic breakfasts from different universes. These will be transported to us by a Universal Cereal Bus.
Airways86
11-11-2005, 06:39 PM
79% of First Year students have never heard of National Insurance or Income Tax. When asked where they thought the governments funds came from, 63% pointed out the government 'Printed all the money'.
mrgins
11-11-2005, 10:57 PM
81% of women have never "backed up" during sex
Airways86
11-11-2005, 11:13 PM
45% of radiators were made in one factory in Somalia.
RickyB
12-11-2005, 11:05 AM
Originally posted by PalaceMonkey
i like this one too :) Me too - that's quality! :)
RickyB
12-11-2005, 11:09 AM
Originally posted by DANCOO
By 2010, we will be able to tastes the delights of exotic breakfasts from different universes. These will be transported to us by a Universal Cereal Bus. :D :D :D :p :p :p :lux:
Oddjob
12-11-2005, 10:14 PM
Originally posted by DDD
Have been going randomly through FMCDA and there is pure gold on every page...girl opposite at work must thik I am retarded cos I keep having to stifle laughing - So many absolute gems its unreal.....
''Self Abduction is the fastest growing crime in Pensylvania, Wyoming and New Jersey'
That was one of mine !!!
mik59
13-11-2005, 12:08 AM
Originally posted by Oddjob
That was one of mine !!! It certainly was. Aah, wonder if in years to come if I, as the self-appointed historian of FMCDA, may have some reflected glory, sitting in pubs and telling small people that I remember when FMCDA was a hard task and OJ was just CanveyEagle.
mik59
13-11-2005, 12:08 AM
Originally posted by Oddjob
That was one of mine !!! It certainly was. Aah, wonder if in years to come if I, as the self-appointed historian of FMCDA, may have some reflected glory, sitting in pubs and telling small people that I remember when FMCDA was a hard task and OJ was just CanveyEagle.
mik59
13-11-2005, 12:09 AM
How did that double post happen? (Shaking laptop) and when did it become gone 01.00?!!
Palacebird83
13-11-2005, 11:10 AM
Felt that this needed a bump.
Airways86
13-11-2005, 02:29 PM
Speed bumps were first used by the Mormons to stop youngsters racing their handcarts up and down residential streets.
mrgins
13-11-2005, 02:34 PM
Mormons were first used by the Amish to build speed bumps to prevent their horses from trotting too fast
Airways86
13-11-2005, 02:38 PM
1f79
The first speed bumps (as detailed above) were usually made of breezeblocks.
mrgins
13-11-2005, 02:51 PM
the term "speed bumps" is a misnomer as bumps have never been known to speed
Airways86
13-11-2005, 02:55 PM
The Mormon kids who raced their handcarts in 19th century Utah soon took their illegal activity away from the speed-bumped suburban streets and raced them round supermarket car parks late at night.
mrgins
13-11-2005, 04:13 PM
handcarts are so named from the days when theft was punished by amputation of a hand which was then thrown into a cart and wheeled off to be sold at market. Public masturbation meant that both offensive extremities were removed
Airways86
13-11-2005, 07:44 PM
Right-wing supporters of Ulster were one of the main customers of these hands, who would paint them red and display them as signs of patriotism.
mrgins
13-11-2005, 11:19 PM
the term "right wing supporter" derived from the early days of aviation when the first runway faced south and the war "hawks" had to support the right wing during takeoff so that it would veer the plane toward germany
Airways86
14-11-2005, 09:26 AM
The first runways weren't actually used for aeroplanes to take off. No, the first runways appeared in Utah and were constructed by Mormon children to race their handcarts on.
Smurph
14-11-2005, 10:54 AM
Slippers were named after the detective "Slipper of the Yard" who wore soft shoes on account of his chronic bunions.
Smurph
14-11-2005, 10:56 AM
The first ever enema was the result of an incorrectly plumbed bidet.
Gooseberries contain no trace of Goose whatsoever.
Straw berries likewise contain no straw.
Blueberries however have been found to contain contain 0.1% Lee Ryan, Simon Webbe, Anthony Costa and the other one
Zoe Ball is actually the daughter of former TV favourite Bobby 'Rock on Tommy' Ball and NOT Johnny' Think of a number' Ball as commonly thought
Fern Britton and Vanessa Feltz are in training to represent Britain in the 2008 Winter Olympics in the two woman bob.
Smurph
14-11-2005, 12:08 PM
Despite featuring a clock on its masthead The Times newspaper is no substitute for a watch or clock as it is only accurate to within 24 hours.
Smurph
14-11-2005, 12:11 PM
Similarly, The Guardian should not be appointed to look after minors.
Tippex cannot be used as a milk subsitute
Airways86
14-11-2005, 01:00 PM
The last Yeti sighting was in the Himalayas, and he was seen snowboarding down a particularly treacherous mountainside.
Oddjob
14-11-2005, 07:00 PM
The time - the year 1564
The place - Ding Jin Xing - a province in the North East of China.
One day little Mae Wee went out for a walk in the forest, as a special treat her mother had let her wear some of her ever so ornate jewellery.
Mae Wee had a lovely time playing in the forest and came back just before sunset, however on her return Mrs Wee was shocked, Mae Wee has lost one of the delightful clip ons that Mrs Wee had attached to her ear - this particular peice however contained parts of an emerald only found in the mountains behind Ding Jin Xing, and thus was very valuable
It was decided that 4 teams would set off to find it, each team armed with a compass and map to ensure they knew there way round the forest and didnt get lost - due to the upset it caused his family Mr Wee offered a reward for the first team back with the piece
The hours passed and finally a team returned in triumph with the piece of jewellery, and as the teams has enjoyed the challenge so much it became a regular event, and the sport of Orient-Earing was born.
Oddjob
14-11-2005, 07:01 PM
God that was rubbish, and it took me 15 minutes on the train home to think of it.
DANCOO
14-11-2005, 07:05 PM
Originally posted by Oddjob
The time - the year 1564
The place - Ding Jin Xing - a province in the North East of China.
One day little Mae Wee went out for a walk in the forest, as a special treat her mother had let her wear some of her ever so ornate jewellery.
Mae Wee had a lovely time playing in the forest and came back just before sunset, however on her return Mrs Wee was shocked, Mae Wee has lost one of the delightful clip ons that Mrs Wee had attached to her ear - this particular peice however contained parts of an emerald only found in the mountains behind Ding Jin Xing, and thus was very valuable
It was decided that 4 teams would set off to find it, each team armed with a compass and map to ensure they knew there way round the forest and didnt get lost - due to the upset it caused his family Mr Wee offered a reward for the first team back with the piece
The hours passed and finally a team returned in triumph with the piece of jewellery, and as the teams has enjoyed the challenge so much it became a regular event, and the sport of Orient-Earing was born.
I like, but you missed out the *boom* *tish* at the end.:p :D
Oddjob
14-11-2005, 07:20 PM
dont patronise me DC, it was rubbish
The move to CCG has affected my powers
DANCOO
14-11-2005, 07:24 PM
1f8b
Originally posted by Oddjob
dont patronise me DC, it was rubbish
The move to CCG has affected my powers
How dare you!:hmph:
Oddjob
14-11-2005, 07:27 PM
I'm sorry, I think I drank my ovaltine too quickly and its unsettled me a bit
mrgins
14-11-2005, 08:05 PM
ovaltine tends to lose its flavor if not sipped from oval containers
coolthing
14-11-2005, 09:44 PM
The black bits in the middle of spiders eggs are bananas.
Smurph
15-11-2005, 12:49 PM
Whilst working on an early prototype of the internet Tim Berners-Lee invented Wundaweb, the stuff you iron on to take-up trousers.
It is still legal in England and Wales to catch and eat mermaids
mrgins
15-11-2005, 06:41 PM
19% of male brighton fans don't use their rear entrys
coolthing
15-11-2005, 09:03 PM
Major League Baseball is watching us.
DANCOO
16-11-2005, 12:39 PM
Fat men can't draw apples.
DANCOO
16-11-2005, 12:39 PM
o
jordanismygod
16-11-2005, 05:44 PM
200,000 shoes go missing every second
Smurph
17-11-2005, 11:56 AM
News from the world of computer geekery:
The Weightwatchers organisation are to roll out thin-client technology to all their existing fat clients.
W. A. Truelove and Sons are the UK's leading supplier of terminal services.
And finally, in case you were wondering, parity bits are just like bacon bits only made out of parrots.
Smurph
17-11-2005, 01:49 PM
See, it just doesn't work here, the above are more jokes than FMCDAisms. Where's the <shakes head sadly> smiley when you need it?
Tears are the perspiration of emotions being exercised.
mik59
17-11-2005, 04:06 PM
Terry Wogan was whittled from the last surviving Woran tree in Ireland by a small family of Romanies, who were themselves extinguished by the gargantuan task.
Fern Brittons Body mass index is now equal to that of the entire population of Bristol.
Smurph
18-11-2005, 02:19 PM
Literally translated from the Welsh, Merthyr Tydfil means Mother F****r.
Originally posted by Smurph
Literally translated from the Welsh, Merthyr Tydfil means Mother F****r.
Having been there that may actually be true :D
Hollywood hearthrob Mel Gibsons got the showbiz bug after watching Rolf Harris perform his koala juggling act in Wagga Wagga in the late 70's.
Airways86
18-11-2005, 04:20 PM
79% of Welsh people said in a recent survey that they believed Wales shared a border with Scotland.
Mad Max
18-11-2005, 06:32 PM
Ford developed the name Cortina as short for concertina after a bad run of crash tests.
butch03
18-11-2005, 11:54 PM
45% of men wear socks in bed when they have sex
mrgins
19-11-2005, 10:16 PM
thin women can draw bananas
mrgins
19-11-2005, 10:42 PM
the quickest way to clear a room is to announce that mrgins is coming...oh wait, that's true:moo:
Airways86
19-11-2005, 11:51 PM
Rooms were invented by a witty land-owner. He pondered what you might call an enclosed space, bearing in mind an open space was called a 'Moor'. So he spelt it backwards, in order to denote an enclosed space.
mrgins
19-11-2005, 11:53 PM
wow, I didn't know that!
Airways86
19-11-2005, 11:57 PM
Everyday is a school day.
mrgins
20-11-2005, 12:11 AM
schools are for fish
Airways86
20-11-2005, 12:15 AM
pods are for whales?
mrgins
20-11-2005, 12:32 AM
pods are for peas, whales are for blubber
nelson alfie
20-11-2005, 08:47 AM
Withdean was an area of the South East so named after former Mayor John Smith used to visit his local park 'with Dean' Rimmer for after dark fun.
Airways86
20-11-2005, 11:01 AM
Brighton was founded by the Romans who constructed the UK's first male-only spa, that soon gained a notorious reputation across the Empire.
coolthing
20-11-2005, 11:28 PM
1f71
Hannibal crossed the Alps by disolving bolders with vinegar.
Smurph
21-11-2005, 11:58 AM
Boulders or borders?
Typing errors have had more impact on history than you might think. The Miners Strike of 1984 nearly resulted in the collapse of the British banking system when an audio typist working for the Bank of England rendered it as "the Minus Strike" and all overdrafts and other debts were cleared for an hour before the error was noticed.
The swiss army consists entirely of men named Hans..
Tommy Steele is actually made of a nickel / titanium alloy.
Matthew Kelly divorced Lorraine Kelly in 1977 she then reverted to her maiden name which was coincidentally also Kelly
u8mygoat
21-11-2005, 04:52 PM
Don't mean to rain on anyone's parade but....
http://footballonsunday.net/headlines/?id=29271
coolthing
21-11-2005, 06:52 PM
[QUOTE]Originally posted by u8mygoat
Don't mean to rain on anyone's parade but....
http://footballonsunday.net/headlines/?id=29271 [/QUOTE
Classic:D very cool:cool:
coolthing
21-11-2005, 06:56 PM
Carpet burns can lead to spontaneous conbustion!
nelson alfie
22-11-2005, 12:59 PM
Pirates in Penzance were the first known criminals caught on CCTV
Psychokiller
23-11-2005, 09:30 AM
People who have piles are not allowed to vote in Malta.
EagleSE24
23-11-2005, 01:09 PM
Static electricity is a myth. Balloons are just very sticky.
RickyB
23-11-2005, 01:14 PM
Static Electrity is just normal electricity turned apathetic.
RickyB
23-11-2005, 01:16 PM
Originally posted by u8mygoat
Don't mean to rain on anyone's parade but....
http://footballonsunday.net/headlines/?id=29271 :lux:
E.X Moontoad
23-11-2005, 01:50 PM
If you take the first turning on the left past the railway bridge on Holmesdale road SE25, and keep going straight, you will eventually hit The Yellow Brick Road - then straight on for The Emerald City.
Beware of flying Monkeys and Wicked Witches though.
Psychokiller
23-11-2005, 01:58 PM
The queen's illegitimate, black child she gave birth to in 1960 and promptly had executed is buried in Trumble Gardens, Thornton Heath
Carlisle is home to Britains largest Amish community
Michael Crawford invented the worlds first savoury cheese biscuits
RickyB
23-11-2005, 03:55 PM
Originally posted by Psychokiller
The queen's illegitimate, black child she gave birth to in 1960 and promptly had executed is buried in Trumble Gardens, Thornton Heath Sheeeiiit!! :-)
u8mygoat
23-11-2005, 04:53 PM
Sony are delaying the launch of their new rapper. Said to be England's answer to 50 cent, the delay has been caused by a debate over the rapper's name. Real name, Frederick Sanderson, the debate is between 29p or 0.43EUR to appeal to a wider European market.
u8mygoat
23-11-2005, 04:59 PM
In 2003 Coco Pops changed their name to Coco Crispies for a short period as a result of a shortage of o's. The name was turned back after concerns for the s's in "Shreddies" and the discovery of a source of o's in northern Peru.
u8mygoat
23-11-2005, 05:03 PM
A standard rower's set of lycra clothing could be stretched once round the equator, although the resulatant force would squeeze the earth so much that it would divide into 2 new planets.
The Lycra Council of Great Britain has provisionally named the resultant planets "Earth 2: the revenge" and "Pyjamaland", in case the situation ever occurs.
nelson alfie
23-11-2005, 05:04 PM
Notts County are being investigated into a cover up over alleged human breast milk being added to the teas in the away end.
u8mygoat
23-11-2005, 05:09 PM
Misundertsanding news reports about binge drinking, thousands of wannabe rebel teenagers have been drinking dirty liquid out of wheelie bins in Sheffield.
Incredulous doctor's at the Royal Hallamshire Hospital have noted that in some cases the dirty water at the bottom of the bins has acted as a cure for acne.
u8mygoat
23-11-2005, 05:12 PM
Mathematicians at Oxford University have discovered that the largest number in the universe is actually only 2,014,578 putting to bed rumours that numbers as large as 5,000,000+ exist.
Airways86
23-11-2005, 06:06 PM
One of the members of the famous Jamaican bob sleigh team is currently in the Rotherham reserves.
Last years X Factor winner Steve Brookstein is alive and well and living rough in Waterloo
1fb7
Smurph
24-11-2005, 12:27 PM
Judith Chalmers is 75% tangerine and 25% red leicester cheese.
Smurph
24-11-2005, 12:32 PM
The festive season was very different in the olden days of yore gone by. Prior to 1971, when Christmas trees were only available in Scandinavia and parts of Scotland, people would decorate coat stands with tinsel and fairy lights.
u8mygoat
24-11-2005, 02:33 PM
The earliest known Christmas celebrations date back to 320BC.
mrgins
24-11-2005, 04:48 PM
Fairy lights originated in Brighton shortly after a visit by the queen
MIKEY C
24-11-2005, 09:20 PM
Cannon and Ball are actually funny, fact
mik59
24-11-2005, 09:44 PM
I see u8mygoat is back. Fantastic stuff.
u8mygoat
25-11-2005, 09:15 AM
Originally posted by mik59
TRUE: as I'm in the process of reviewing this thread from its humble beginnings, I declare u8mygoat to be a comedy genius.
mik59- just seen this. Thanks for the :p .
u8mygoat
25-11-2005, 09:22 AM
Iain Dowie is the only football manager ever to have over 60% of the letters in his name as vowels.
(this could actually be true- if no one posts a counter example I will have to remove it and hang my FMCDA head in shame)
Airways86
25-11-2005, 11:15 AM
No, well done, I can't find anyone else with over 60% vowels in their name. The only other one with over 50% is Eddie Boot, manager of Huddersfield Town 1960-4. But even he falls one vowel short of Dowie's landmark achievement.
u8mygoat
25-11-2005, 11:29 AM
Cheers for the research Airways86. I guess my post was not in the spirit of FMCDA and I await sentencing from the FMCDA committee.
(btw how do i put a link in my signature rather than just the web address as text? anyone?)
james powell
25-11-2005, 05:05 PM
More Monopoly money is printed yearly than real money throughout the world
mrgins
25-11-2005, 10:53 PM
George Bush is the reincarnation of Alfred E. Newman
mrgins
25-11-2005, 11:23 PM
oh crap...that's true!
coolthing
26-11-2005, 03:05 AM
fish can't hear
nelson alfie
26-11-2005, 08:53 AM
2.8% of fish sold in Crawley Fish and Chip shops are actually not fish
E.X Moontoad
26-11-2005, 11:29 AM
The fabric Suede is named after the band of the same name, not the other way round, as is widely thought.
nelson alfie
26-11-2005, 12:01 PM
When Syd Barrett joined in the sessions for Kevin Ayers' first single, only green socks were worn.
Jalfrezi_Enema
26-11-2005, 01:55 PM
It's alive isn't it. I mean, it really is alive.
So....
People who sulk have larger penises.
:p
Jalfrezi_Enema
26-11-2005, 01:56 PM
The reason there is so much violence in the world is because it comes in big boxes marked Do Not Open.
nelson alfie
27-11-2005, 11:52 AM
Sam Allardyces parents did not conceive their "son". He was constructed over many years in a Frankenstein style laboratory
Airways86
27-11-2005, 08:22 PM
Major London shops increase their prices by an average of 11.4% on Saturdays.
Mad Max
27-11-2005, 09:16 PM
A French chef named the delicacy Es car go after cooking some snails on the manifold of his 1918 Renault 7.
u8mygoat
28-11-2005, 08:27 AM
Inspired by Mad Max's avater...
Subbuteo was invented by Vladimir Llewellyn after observing a footballer standing in a bowl of rice pudding.
E.X Moontoad
28-11-2005, 02:13 PM
An incredible Ninety-two percent of the world's population was Kung Fu Fighting on 28th November 1974.
Ironically one of the few not doing so was David Carradine, star of Kung Fung, the hit TV show that sparked the whole craze off.
MIKEY C
28-11-2005, 03:55 PM
The largest note in excistance was made in Italy in 1982, it was the 123.000.000.000 Lira note, and is currently stored behind the moon. Fact!
u8mygoat
29-11-2005, 10:04 AM
The longest note in existence is a B flat that lasted for over 15 years. It was recorded in its entirety using the latest technology as it became available and can be purchased on a mixture of Vinyl/Cassette/CD/Minidisc.
A burberry flag actually flies next to the union jack on Dartford town hall to reflect the diverse community of the area.
Terry Wogan bathes every night in 20 gallons of Muller light to keep his skin looking youthful and healthy
1f7c
Band Franz Ferdinand are named after Rio and Antons youngest brother who is currently playing for Leyton Orients youth team
Mad Max
29-11-2005, 06:57 PM
When launching their new car Ford were origionaly going to call it the Siesta after its lazy workers but backed off at the last minute and settled for Sierra
rhino_mik
29-11-2005, 07:19 PM
Cannabis cures cancer.
Micky Droy
29-11-2005, 09:46 PM
Beer was invented by Alan Sugar in 8000 BC.
Oddjob
29-11-2005, 09:53 PM
Following the ruling that stated crab sticks had to change their name to seafood sticks as they didn't actually contain any crab, many celebrities are consulting lawyers over similar possible repurcussions, these include:
Quentin Crisp - Doesn't contain one iota of potato
Gloria Hunniford - Doesn't even like bee's
Those tarts from All Saints - The Appletons.
Micky Droy
29-11-2005, 09:57 PM
Did you know the Appleton sisters are both reflections of each other.
Mad Max
30-11-2005, 12:48 PM
In 1889 in New York a fireman named Baxter invented an engine that ran on water and developed a prototype fire tender but the idea was dropped after the tender ran out of fuel on the way back from every shout.
Kentucky Fried Chicken and Kilmarnock Football Club have been involved in a legal case costing tens of millions of pounds for the last 60 years over who has the right to use the letters KFC.
FBI psychological profiles have revealed that corduroy arm patches on mens jackets are a dead giveway that the wearer has had sexual relations with his cousin
Snakes are 33% man made fibres
u8mygoat
01-12-2005, 01:46 PM
Welcome to u8mygoat's FMCDA Advent Calender!
Behind the first door....
In the mid 1990s a Christmas shortage of Power Rangers led to Santa killing and then painting several thousand elves to make them look like the white Power Ranger and delivering them to children across the globe.
Gravity was patented by Sir Isaac Newton and his descendents still receive royalties to this day
Barney the dinosaur is 100,000,000 years old today and is the last surviving purplosauras in existence
Latvian
01-12-2005, 04:15 PM
I f**king love this thread ... how are we going to get it back into the real world?
Airways86
01-12-2005, 04:40 PM
Barney the purplosauras almost became a Power Ranger before the producers realised there was no space for him in the Giant Transformer.
Psychokiller
01-12-2005, 08:58 PM
Brian Murphy (George from George and Mildred) was a goalkeeper at AC Milan the same time as Pavarotti and Pope John Paul II
EagleSE24
02-12-2005, 08:50 AM
Children raised by wolves are 24.46% more likely to go to university than those raised in Pontefract and Dunstable.
EagleSE24
02-12-2005, 09:37 AM
Mensa have reneged their strict entry qualifications. Now entry is based on whether or not you can eat a jam doughnut without licking your lips.
Originally posted by EagleSE24
Children raised by wolves are 24.46% more likely to go to university than those raised in Pontefract and Dunstable.
:D :D :D
Albania was the worlds largest manufacturers of Espadrilles and baggy pink suits in the 1980's unfortunately the economy collapsed following the cancellation of Miami Vice
EagleSE24
02-12-2005, 10:21 AM
The Govt have approved a new compensation scale for lumberjacks hit on the head by falling trees. If you just get a big lump that can be pushed back down with the forefinger you get 50 quid. But if the tree hits you numerous times and knocks you into the ground up to your neck you are liable to get thousands.
The woeful performances and lack of young talent in Scottish football has been traced to the fact that the country only has three balls which have to be shared on a rota basis between all of the countries inhabitants
A member of the British Legion was arrested in 1994 for trying to turn his box of remembrance day poppies into heroin
EagleSE24
02-12-2005, 12:21 PM
Mr Kipling won bronze in the hammer at the 1988 Seoul Olympics.
Michael Winner won an unlikely oscar in 1998 for best short with his film 'Ugly,Whining, Sweaty Fat •••••••' by sending in a home video of his holiday to Paphos in 1997
1f52
Mad Max
02-12-2005, 02:33 PM
In 1904 a test rocket fired by the war department went askew and hit St.Pauls cathedrall
Al from Happy Days was an enforcer for the Gambino crime family when he was in his teens and was said to have killed 11 men.
Psychokiller
02-12-2005, 08:11 PM
A cat ran up a tree in Sinfin, Derbyshire in 1987 and remains there to this day.
DANCOO
02-12-2005, 08:16 PM
Originally posted by Psychokiller
A cat ran up a tree in Sinfin, Derbyshire in 1987 and remains there to this day.
P_K, you have really taken this thread to heart, and after you're dismissive 'don't even know what FMCDA's is' remark, well done.:) :p
Psychokiller
02-12-2005, 09:45 PM
When the eldest child of a famly in the Szechczechczech tribe in remote parts of Siberia reaches 18 years old his right leg is chopped off, roasted with basil and thyme and fed to the youngest male in that family. It is thought that eating it will make the younger child have a penis twice the size of its Fathers.
u8mygoat
02-12-2005, 11:57 PM
A little late but here is day 2 of u8mygoat's Advent calender...
In Port Favinshead in Dorset, the 25th December has been removed from the calender. The local council did not want to offend those who did not belong to the Christian faith and, recognising that the 25th December is so intricately linked with Christmas, they scrapped it.
The day after 24th December is now to be known as 1st Stevekember. Debate is raging as to whether the last week of the year should revert back to December or continue as the 2nd-7th Stevekember.
RickyB
03-12-2005, 08:52 AM
Originally posted by u8mygoat
The day after 24th December is now to be known as 1st Stevekember. Now we know what Stevek did prior to joining the BBS! He was getting pissed at palace! :clown:
Mad Max
03-12-2005, 04:58 PM
The first recorded instance of colonic irrigation occurred in 1991,a young man of 17 years of age was admited to the Memorial hospital New York with a shower attatchment inserted in his rectum.
u8mygoat
04-12-2005, 12:58 PM
Well I guess we were all too busy enjoying the footie yesterday (sort of!) to open u8mygoat's 3rd Advent Calender window so we will have to open 2 days today!
3rd window: The world's largest Christmas cracker was over 17 miles long, contained over $3,000,000 of toys, 12,000 jokes and 100,000 party hats. It's opening was supposed to be a huge party but unfortunately 350 people were killed when the explosives used in the "BANG" caused a large earthquake.
u8mygoat
04-12-2005, 01:01 PM
4th window: Santa actually uses horses with stuck on antlers to power his sled because they are faster and can meet the demands of a growing world population.
mrgins
04-12-2005, 02:45 PM
there is little proof that it was me who 8 your goat, although police are still said to be investigating other avenues, mainly Victoria Avenue, West Addiscombe Avenue, and Chipstead High Street.
If you drink nothing but cider for a year you will actually change sex
In an effort to get more kids involved in its major export cocaine now comes in sherbert dip form on the streets of Colombia.
Due to the success of ITV's I'm a celebrity the BBC will be launching their own version.
Called 'I am a washed up has-been, please humiliate me and stick witchitie grubs in my underpants' goes into production shortly with Keith Harris already quoted as 6/4f to win.
Mad Max
05-12-2005, 08:47 PM
In Kansas in 1904 it was legal to store unhatched Quails eggs inside your wife to keep them warm.
Psychokiller
06-12-2005, 09:33 AM
It is legal in 31 countries to use a cat to wipe your bottom if there is no toilet paper available.
Lenin was an avid collector of granny porn
Mehdi_hasan
07-12-2005, 10:06 AM
I can draw.
Originally posted by Mehdi_hasan
I can draw.
Are you fat ?
RickyB
07-12-2005, 06:22 PM
Originally posted by Mehdi_hasan
I can draw. ••••••• liar.
mrgins
08-12-2005, 12:04 AM
Man Utd have been quoted 10/1 favs to do the triple this year
butch03
08-12-2005, 01:28 AM
54% of men dribble in there sleep while only 34% of women dribble in there sleep
Psychokiller
08-12-2005, 12:23 PM
Plankton exists because cavemen used to w@nk in the sea
nelson alfie
10-12-2005, 10:01 AM
Before Englands opening World Cup game in Frankfurt, 3,000 volunteers are being recruited to clear mice and rat's from the city's hotels
u8mygoat
10-12-2005, 02:55 PM
4b8
Originally posted by nelson alfie
Before Englands opening World Cup game in Frankfurt, 3,000 volunteers are being recruited to clear mice and rat's from the city's hotels
Apparently the Pied Piper would have cost too much.
Psychokiller
10-12-2005, 05:35 PM
If you toss a coin in Bridlington it hits the floor then rolls off the edge of the world.
Airways86
13-12-2005, 05:19 PM
96% of air crashes have happened on Tuesdays.
Tescos will be trialling discounted open heart surgery (at low low prices) at their Basildon branch as a move to get into the lucrative private healthcare market.
vBulletin v3.5.3, Copyright ©2000-2013, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
0