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Murray mints are named in honour of veteran radio man Pete Murray
Dave Lee Travis launched his own breakfast cereal in 1974.
Unfortunately 'Hairy Cornflakes' proved to be very unpopular and were withdrawn a month later.
james powell
14-12-2005, 09:34 PM
Originally posted by Psychokiller
Plankton exists because cavemen used to w@nk in the sea
:o
:D
Mad Max
18-12-2005, 02:28 PM
Men first wore earrings in 1774,pirates wore them for somewhere to hang their dinner spoons during battle.
mrgins
18-12-2005, 03:21 PM
crystal palace fc is believed to be a football team
JOHN1509
18-12-2005, 04:54 PM
mrgins was once human
Mad Max
18-12-2005, 08:40 PM
In 1904 it was commercially agreed by companies to change the colour of Santa from green to red in case he reminded people of Brussel Sprouts.
RickyB
18-12-2005, 10:28 PM
Just heard this one on the telly and had to post it! was on 100 Greatest Christmas Moments on C4 with a clip of the Good Life:
The Ooh-Argh bird is so-named because it lays square eggs.
Micky Droy
19-12-2005, 09:13 AM
Jimmy Hill invented stairs.
RickyB
19-12-2005, 01:35 PM
The Chemical Brothers invented stars.
Mad Max
19-12-2005, 01:38 PM
There is one cog in particular in the big ben mechanism that has to be oiled 22 times a day
mrgins
19-12-2005, 02:29 PM
Iain Dowie turned down a chance to be a poster boy for Brut to become a footballer
Mad Max
20-12-2005, 11:10 AM
Ian Dowie once failed an audition to become a morris dancer
A 500g tin of Quality Street contains 40% green triangles and only 0.3% toffee pennies
Roy Keane audtioned for Boyzone but lost out to Ronan Keating
jordanismygod
20-12-2005, 06:15 PM
I can jump over 1,068 slices of bread
mrgins
20-12-2005, 09:49 PM
If you stack 1,069 slices of bread, and tell JIMG to jump over them, he will trip on the top slice and fall on his face
nelson alfie
20-12-2005, 09:55 PM
68% of the inhabitants of Vermont live below ground level
butch03
20-12-2005, 10:56 PM
i can jump over 1,071 slices of bread three more than jordanismygod
The world record bread jumper is a German called Hans Hitler (no relation) who jumped 2675 slices of medium wholemeal in a Munich car park in June 2001.
Britains record bread jumper Colin 'The Loaf' Thompson successfully cleared 1927 slices of Hovis in Wolverhampton in 2002
u8mygoat
21-12-2005, 12:26 PM
Fat men can't jump.
joe walker
21-12-2005, 07:30 PM
...whilst drawing apples
E.X Moontoad
21-12-2005, 10:17 PM
jimg will be pleased to hear that the next Depeche Mode recording will be a concept album based on the phenomenom that is Bread Jumping.
mrgins
21-12-2005, 10:20 PM
fat men have no desire to draw any sort of fruit
u8mygoat
22-12-2005, 11:18 AM
The saying that inside every fat man there is a thin man trying to get out is true and this is why they are so fat.
1f6a
jordanismygod
23-12-2005, 04:33 PM
Originally posted by E.X Moontoad
jimg will be pleased to hear that the next Depeche Mode recording will be a concept album based on the phenomenom that is Bread Jumping.
I'll look forward that that then EX.
Did all you lovely people know that i can now jump over 2,072 slices of thickcut hovis.
james powell
23-12-2005, 04:49 PM
2% of camels have 3 ears, the other is on their stomach
james powell
23-12-2005, 04:51 PM
Gary Barlow smells like lemon
E.X Moontoad
23-12-2005, 05:52 PM
Confirmed for celebrity Bread Jumping are: Malcolm Rifkin, Sam Fox, Felicity Kendal, Richard Bacon and some bloke from New Kids On The Block.
mrgins
23-12-2005, 06:49 PM
Originally posted by u8mygoat
The saying that inside every fat man there is a thin man trying to get out is true and this is why they are so fat.
I have never eaten your goat, but I have known certain females who would for a fiver
E.X Moontoad
23-12-2005, 08:05 PM
Chris Rea actually took a wrong turning when he was "Driving Home For Christmas", and as a result didn't arrive until Easter.
james powell
24-12-2005, 10:44 AM
Hitler actually had 4 fingers on one hand and 6 on the other! weird eh?
mrgins
24-12-2005, 08:47 PM
60% of holiday shoppers forget to purchase wrapping paper:bash:
The Bishop
24-12-2005, 09:35 PM
72% of disused toy cars in the UK are eventually recycled and used to build warships for the Malaysian navy.
james powell
24-12-2005, 10:04 PM
God was actually the donkey in the story all along. :bash:
E.X Moontoad
24-12-2005, 10:11 PM
Santa Claus works as a dishwasher called "Dave" in a Kennington cafe between the months of January and October.
james powell
24-12-2005, 10:37 PM
Santa Claus has just delieverd presents in France and is now moving on to Wabawabadobe Land
mrgins
25-12-2005, 12:08 AM
In Iceland, if Santa leaves a lump of coal in your stocking, it's charged on your fuel bill as a special delivery at twice the normal rate
james powell
25-12-2005, 12:16 AM
If an elephant falls over in England you can feel it in Russia
mrgins
25-12-2005, 01:06 AM
If an elephant falls over in Russia, its probably lost
The Bishop
26-12-2005, 11:22 AM
The Queen actually has a cockney accent.
Supa Ol
26-12-2005, 01:00 PM
FCEK is the top selling leisurewear brand in Ireland.
james powell
26-12-2005, 02:39 PM
Palace win every 3.54 games
The Bishop
26-12-2005, 02:43 PM
Panto actors Danny LeRue and Christopher Biggins once had trials for Brighton & Hove Albion.
james powell
26-12-2005, 02:45 PM
Bottles of Coke where originally given in exchange for houses in the Victorian Era in the ratio of 3 cokes per room.
The Bishop
26-12-2005, 02:48 PM
Fried Hamsters and Gerbils are reputed to be a delicacy in Norfolk.
james powell
26-12-2005, 02:51 PM
Chairs where originally made of glass
The Bishop
26-12-2005, 03:25 PM
The ex-Tory Leader, Iain Duncan-Smith, once defended a Kenyan village from a horde of giant ants using only a glass of water and feather duster.
james powell
26-12-2005, 03:29 PM
Tissues are made from used glasses, crushed with vasiline
The Bishop
26-12-2005, 04:06 PM
Cow's have the ability to flatuate repeatedly for 11 hours, whereas Sheep can only manage 3 hours of continuous flatuation.
james powell
28-12-2005, 11:21 PM
Fat men can't draw apples
Has that one been done? :o
mrgins
29-12-2005, 12:14 AM
it's impossible to detonate an explosive device with a 2 volt cat
james powell
29-12-2005, 12:14 AM
:o It is possible to detonate an explosive device with a 9V Elephant Ray
mrgins
29-12-2005, 12:19 AM
No it isn'.....BOOM!
james powell
29-12-2005, 12:19 AM
See - Einstien was deaf!
mrgins
29-12-2005, 12:28 AM
mr teazyweazy was einstein's barber
1fd0
butch03
29-12-2005, 01:04 PM
i can put six snooker balls in my mouth at once
Mad Max
30-12-2005, 12:33 PM
In 1908 at the Crawley Town V Brentwood game Peter Cavendish scored a goal which went in off the homestand.
james powell
30-12-2005, 12:38 PM
1,000 flies die a day
Mad Max
30-12-2005, 12:40 PM
5oz of snow has the nutritional equivalent of a prawn
james powell
30-12-2005, 12:41 PM
Wallpaper is an afrodisac in holland
Mad Max
30-12-2005, 12:46 PM
Gunpowder rubbed into a wound prevents gangreene
james powell
30-12-2005, 12:47 PM
Clocks don't tell the time, they say how long it is untill each meal
jordanismygod
31-12-2005, 09:13 AM
Eric Cantona used to live in Latvia as a field mouse.
The Bishop
31-12-2005, 09:39 AM
Norman 'Fat Boy' Slim's real name is Wendy MacArthur.
jordanismygod
31-12-2005, 09:40 AM
Toes used to be called Bennydoms
Mad Max
03-01-2006, 11:34 AM
Ancient Brittons used worm poo as eyeshadow
Originally posted by james powell
Gary Barlow smells like lemon
Whilst surprisingly Jason Orange smells of Toilet Duck
E.X Moontoad
04-01-2006, 11:31 AM
Ironically Howard Donald is the one who smells of Orange, whilst Mark Owen still has the smell of a freshly born baby.
E.X Moontoad
04-01-2006, 11:35 AM
Ross Kemp has celebrated the first birthday of FMCDA by stroking a Porcupine.
Diggers digs in?
05-01-2006, 12:17 AM
James Powell's posts are ALWAYS great and the delve into CCG hasn't seen any slump of quality as yet
mrgins
05-01-2006, 12:25 AM
Oral Roberts first name is actually a nickname given to him for being caught by his religion teacher performing an illegal act in the state of Arkansas
The Bishop
05-01-2006, 10:39 PM
A Blue Whale has the acute accuracy to ejaculate its sperm from the North Atlantic Ocean to hit someone in the left eye in Kettering, United Kingdom.
The Bishop
05-01-2006, 10:41 PM
Sheep's brain tastes of Stilton Cheese.
The Bishop
05-01-2006, 10:45 PM
You can comfortably fit 14,583 Tortoises into an average three-bedroom semi in Saffron Walden.
butch03
06-01-2006, 01:18 AM
i can fit 6 snooker balls in my mouth while juggling plates
fish finger
06-01-2006, 11:01 AM
Howrad Donald's mum was a duck
Cityside
06-01-2006, 07:35 PM
99.9% of Charlie Kennedy is Alchohol
james powell
06-01-2006, 08:28 PM
Originally posted by fish finger
Howrad Donald's mum was a duck
:D:D
24% of animals have more than 3000 fleas on their body at one point
mrgins
07-01-2006, 01:12 AM
84% of Kent schoolboys can't spell the word "flea"
:lux:
Micky Droy
07-01-2006, 09:27 AM
Originally posted by jordanismygod
Eric Cantona used to live in Latvia as a field mouse.
Poor FMCDA - it used to be so beautiful.
Amongst the bilge, this one made me laugh, though.
RickyB
07-01-2006, 09:29 AM
Soccer AM impressario Tim Lovejoy once considered a career as an antique dealer, but turned it down as he considered it 'a bit gay'.
Morning MD! :hi:
james powell
07-01-2006, 09:35 AM
Originally posted by mrgins
84% of Kent schoolboys can't spell the word "flea"
:lux:
99% of Mrgins is bollox! :D
butch03
07-01-2006, 12:08 PM
girls aloud all used to be toilet atendants
rhino_mik
09-01-2006, 11:35 PM
The average male in his lifetime will spend 8% more of his income on insect repellant than diamonds.
Originally posted by Micky Droy
Poor FMCDA - it used to be so beautiful.
Amongst the bilge, this one made me laugh, though.
I know its a sad end - perhaps its time for the vets injection :sob:
Gerry from Sussex
11-01-2006, 11:46 AM
Originally posted by mrgins
84% of Kent schoolboys can't spell the word "flea"
:lux:
Empty your mailbox!!
1f81
nelson alfie
11-01-2006, 12:53 PM
Jazmans 25,000th post was predicted by the three witches in Macbeth
RickyB
12-01-2006, 12:21 AM
Originally posted by CanveyEagle
14% of Japanese women have never been to the cinema.
Envelopes have enough adhesive on them to glue a small rodent to a wall. I love you Oddjob! :love:
butch03
12-01-2006, 02:55 AM
on average women sleep 17 hours a day
EagleSE24
12-01-2006, 11:22 AM
All horses are called Dobbin. However some choose to be known by their middle names such as Hardy Eustace and Beef or Salmon.
cupid stunt
12-01-2006, 11:42 AM
eating egg mayonaisse between the hours of 0600-1800 on thursday`s in CR and SE postcodes carries the death sentence
Mad Max
12-01-2006, 09:37 PM
An Anteater only eats male ants with gay tendancies.
butch03
12-01-2006, 10:24 PM
silent movie super star buster keaton was actually deaf and dumb
berg787
13-01-2006, 10:02 AM
steve martin used to be funny......now he's not
jordanismygod
14-01-2006, 08:51 AM
Grass was blue until the 12th century
JOHN1509
14-01-2006, 02:43 PM
running on broken glass with your thumb up your nose makes you look silly
You eat approximatey 63 flies a day!
james powell
17-01-2006, 08:53 PM
Pop ups are ••••••• annoying and 115% of popup blockers don't work.
jordanismygod
18-01-2006, 11:50 AM
Eastenders Star Steve Mcfadden used to work in a butchers
Palaceman2002
19-01-2006, 12:43 PM
If the whole of China held there breath for 1 minute the amount of extra oxygen would be enough to sink the Cayman Islands
jordanismygod
19-01-2006, 02:08 PM
Liverpool football club used to play in exter before they remembered where they came from.
Mad Max
19-01-2006, 08:14 PM
If you eat 20 Salmon fillets in one go within an hour your blood is so rich in Omega 3 its as thick as gloss paint.
selhurst.cpfc
19-01-2006, 09:53 PM
If you collected all the grass at an 18 hole golf course it would feed 1,000 cows for a year.
ksinclair6
19-01-2006, 11:40 PM
I am just about to sleep with Charlotte Church
JOHN1509
21-01-2006, 03:47 PM
do fish ever get thirsty
wilf789
23-01-2006, 08:05 PM
This one may actually be true.....The doner meat on the big spinning stick on display at kebab shops isn't actually meat, as it is illegal to have meat on show in this manner, with no glass covering, such as the chicken/shish meat has.
mrgins
23-01-2006, 08:30 PM
In response to Johns question, catfish are the only fish that actually get dehydrated unless they are given a bowl of milk twice a day
selhurst.cpfc
24-01-2006, 04:42 PM
It would take an average person 12 years to eat Britains average burger daily consumption.
james powell
24-01-2006, 07:28 PM
On avarage, 2 in 4 people have seen a badger close up.
mrgins
24-01-2006, 08:09 PM
Originally posted by james powell
On avarage, 2 in 4 people have seen a badger close up.
the other two survived?
james powell
24-01-2006, 08:16 PM
34% of cheese is eaten by mice
Trust me I am a policeman!
wilf789
24-01-2006, 10:03 PM
James Blunt is straight
james powell
24-01-2006, 10:04 PM
Freedman means Legend on the Planet Mars
Mad Max
24-01-2006, 10:06 PM
In 1923 a Mr Armour Bender invented a rifle which shot round corners.
james powell
24-01-2006, 10:06 PM
On television there are 35,345,349,647 channels world wide
Mad Max
24-01-2006, 10:08 PM
To produce all the TV guides in the world requires the destruction of 1,213,804 trees
james powell
24-01-2006, 10:09 PM
Of those 1,213,804 trees, 564,334 of them were due for a hair cut any way
Mad Max
24-01-2006, 10:12 PM
1fb8
Of which 101,673 had bad roots.
james powell
24-01-2006, 10:13 PM
and 776 had squirrels inside! :eek:
wilf789
24-01-2006, 10:48 PM
Guatamalan tribes eat squirrels as a wedding dish
Mad Max
25-01-2006, 11:31 AM
And their testacles are pulped to make a fertility drink.
james powell
25-01-2006, 07:23 PM
Rabbits are not considers animals in Ginea
mrgins
25-01-2006, 09:35 PM
MrT doesn't know his alphabet
Mad Max
25-01-2006, 10:03 PM
In 2006 people called Mr.T should be shut away.
selhurst.cpfc
27-01-2006, 03:58 PM
If you lined up every coin of every country it would reach the moon and back 3 times.
Mad Max
29-01-2006, 07:23 PM
The first ever monetery note was written on an oblong piece of human skin.
celery stick
29-01-2006, 11:04 PM
Switzerland had two official currencies; the Swiss Franc and chocolate money.
butch03
29-01-2006, 11:08 PM
mrgins will become top poster and there for become bbs king
fish finger
31-01-2006, 10:51 AM
Swiss Chococlate money is made with a high concentration of Cocoa solids. The current soaring cost of the cocoa bean means that, by November, a pocket full of chocolate money will be worth 1.5 times more than a pocket full of swiss francs.
selhurst.cpfc
01-02-2006, 05:58 PM
Enough artillary was used in the Korean war to cover the coast of the country.
mrgins
01-02-2006, 08:43 PM
Queen Elizabeth is not really the queen. Martha Higginbottom of Crawley Close, Islington is the real queen. Liz just does the job to help her out.
mrgins
01-02-2006, 11:01 PM
Good King Wenceslas looked out, on the feast of Arnold, not Stephen as has been widely reported
butch03
02-02-2006, 08:59 AM
you have enough slaiver in your mouth to fill a bath
cupid stunt
02-02-2006, 09:58 AM
i could have been a pro footballer, but i injured my knee
celery stick
02-02-2006, 10:02 AM
Cats are very nervous animals. What most people believe to be "cat naps" are actually fainting spells brought on by over-excitement. A quiet, empty house can build up a level of suspense in a cat sufficient to render it unconscious for hours.
celery stick
02-02-2006, 10:06 AM
In the 1950s, the Isle of Man declared war on the USA as a protest against the Korean war.
u8mygoat
02-02-2006, 10:08 AM
Despite everyone being taught at school that glass is a liquid, new research suggests it is actually a gas.
mrgins
02-02-2006, 05:25 PM
When asked about the newly discovered status of glass (as referred to above), students replied "it's a gas gas gas"
Kevin T
02-02-2006, 06:42 PM
I think this thread has run its course. Would anyone mind if I closed it?
mrgins
02-02-2006, 07:48 PM
every feb 2, kevinT threatens to close a thread...but he never does:D
cupid stunt
03-02-2006, 06:42 AM
jesus christ had such a bad gambling problem he once sold his new sandals in a game of kerplunk
selhurst.cpfc
03-02-2006, 10:12 AM
Enough water is wasted in one household in Britain a year to supply a Village in Sierra Leone for a decade.
Mad Max
04-02-2006, 08:31 PM
Elephants soles are so thick they can tread on an open Aligator jaw without getting hurt.
mrgins
04-02-2006, 09:16 PM
Alligators jaws are so tough, an elephant can step on them
Ruskin Old Boy
05-02-2006, 10:14 AM
Cartoon character Tintin was based on Ernest Hemingway, the popular American journalist and writer
mrgins
05-02-2006, 07:12 PM
the earth spins clockwise in the am, and counterclockwise in the pm and weekends
Ruskin Old Boy
05-02-2006, 07:35 PM
The earliest form of telephone was invented by the Aztecs but their Spanish conquerors thought it was a pagan method of communicating with the gods so destroyed the entire system
celery stick
05-02-2006, 08:00 PM
20a0
Originally posted by Ruskin Old Boy
The earliest form of telephone was invented by the Aztecs but their Spanish conquerors thought it was a pagan method of communicating with the gods so destroyed the entire system
LMAO
celery stick
05-02-2006, 08:08 PM
Jam was once worshipped by the ancient Aztecs for its miraculous healing properties.
For the Mayans it was peanut butter.
The hedonism that followed once the two civilisations began trading made their ultimate collapse inevitable.
butch03
05-02-2006, 11:53 PM
elephants can jump through hoops if you intise them with current buns
mrgins
06-02-2006, 02:09 AM
hoops can fit around currantbun enticed elephants
MIKEY C
06-02-2006, 05:12 PM
Cold weather was invented in 1834, by Albert Reynolds of Newport, Wales.
celery stick
06-02-2006, 05:52 PM
When Hannibal crossed the Alps with Elephants he ended up with Alaphants.
Ruskin Old Boy
06-02-2006, 07:02 PM
Recent archaeological digs at Cantabriana unearthed an almost complete Bendi bus, previously never found north of Parigi (Roman Paris) and known to ancient scholars as Living Stones
Mad Max
08-02-2006, 01:28 PM
The first known existence of a blow up doll was in 1838.The Black Foot tribe of Indians made a version of rubber doll from Buffalo skins and used them for target practise for long Spears.
Ruskin Old Boy
08-02-2006, 06:01 PM
Sedan chair racing was all the rage in seventeenth century London; devotees would gather in quiet suburban streets and race one another over various distances while large crowds gathered to lay bets and enjoy food from hastily set-up stalls. The practice died a death when the future Prince of a minor German city state, and a distant relative of the ruling English monarch, lost both legs in a multiple pile-up, so causing a major diplomatic incident.
celery stick
08-02-2006, 06:04 PM
Originally posted by Ruskin Old Boy
Sedan chair racing was all the rage in seventeenth century London; devotees would gather in quiet suburban streets and race one another over various distances while large crowds gathered to lay bets and enjoy food from hastily set-up stalls. The practice died a death when the future Prince of a minor German city state, and a distant relative of the ruling English monarch, lost both legs in a multiple pile-up, so causing a major diplomatic incident.
You're rather good at this.
Ruskin Old Boy
08-02-2006, 08:48 PM
Thank you Celery; in a previous life Doctor Johnson sacked me from his Dictionary Staff after one too many exceedingly silly embellishments. (Reading this thread I recognise one or two other miscreants from that period - the jam story above rang a bell, though I think it was marmalade that the Vikings took to the New World which was the cause of the collapse of the Inuit civilisation in Greenland.)
GUCCI Eagle
09-02-2006, 02:50 PM
Estate Agents can't talk sitting down.
Ruskin Old Boy
10-02-2006, 07:56 PM
When the American mid-West was still a wild place, western adventurers were unused to the extremely cold nights and took every opportunity to rob their compatriots of warm weather clothing; the favourite item, not surprisingly were jumpers. Vigilante adventurers would seek out these desperadoes and were soon known as bounty jumpers. As more clothing became available the term bounty hunters replaced bounty jumpers.
mrgins
10-02-2006, 09:54 PM
Sorry RoB, but you're wrong. The term "bounty hunters" derived from the 1800s when cadburys used to hire people to go to the nestles factory and steal their bounty bars, thus creating a shortage so that people would have to buy mars bars from cadburys instead. This came to an end at the onset of WW1 when all chocolate was rationed as it was needed to stick bombs to the fuselage of submarines.
Ruskin Old Boy
13-02-2006, 07:56 PM
Brighton can lay claim to having England's first professional football team thanks to the Prince Regent. Having seen the game played at his first public school he recruited 11 of his servants at his newly built Brighton Pavilion to challenge all-comers. Recent archaeological excavations have shown that the first pitch was underneath what we now know as the Steine.
mrgins
14-02-2006, 02:19 AM
Sorry RoB, but you're wrong...again. Archeological digs in Hove have uncovered the first football pitch under a rubbish dump. Pink tissues were also found preserved in the home team's locker room. Tests show that it was last played on in 1915, which one would assume is when the team was moved to its current location in Brighton.
Please check your facts with a little more care next time, RoB:D
Ruskin Old Boy
17-02-2006, 09:55 AM
During the war of Dutch Independence the Spanish beseiged several of the Dutch cities; in one, the inhabitants survived by eating almost all the children's pets. In memory the Dutch renamed the city Hamster-damm.
james powell
17-02-2006, 09:58 AM
Japanse pandas are more intelligent than Portugese ones!
Ruskin Old Boy
17-02-2006, 08:23 PM
A little known addiction surfaces from time to time in rural counties of England, usually, but not exclusively, brought on by dry weather. Various names have been used to describe this addiction to sneezing and it is believed by some authorities to have reached its height when snuff was most popular.
mrgins
18-02-2006, 06:35 PM
Once again, RoB is wrong...just kidding:D
A little known law, created during nixons brief second term in office, allows vice presidents to shoot with their eyes closed. This gives them an alibi for why they don't have to report "personal malfunctions" to the authorities for 24 hrs because they "didn't see anything happen"
1f82
nelson alfie
24-02-2006, 03:26 PM
A vault in the Palace of Westminster is due to be opened in 2010, 60 years after being locked. Its contents include Chamberlains final dinner (bits he left on his plate) Sir Jack Hobbs' cap and Hitlers testicles.
Airways86
24-02-2006, 10:55 PM
A huge bar/club has been made inside the Uluruhu(Ayers Rock) in central Australia. It has been famed for it's special atmosphere and brilliant acoustics, the bar is called Ayers Rock Cafe.
mrgins
25-02-2006, 01:38 AM
Area 57 in Nevada was not the correct destination of the infamous alien spaceship crash. It has been revealed they were actually on their way to the now defunct Studio 57 in new york city
Ruskin Old Boy
27-02-2006, 05:35 PM
Noah did exist, despite many reports to the contrary, and he did build an ark. But there the reality differs from the Old Testament story; Noah was a circus owner who had established the finest travelling circus in the Middle east. When God told him to build the ark he seemed only natural to include space for his circus animals.
celery stick
27-02-2006, 05:46 PM
Norwich City Football Club is in fact, a team full of aliens bent on destroying the planet Earth through shameless displays of overwhelmingly mind-numbing mediocrity.
jordanismygod
28-02-2006, 07:29 AM
The game of poker has never been invented
nelson alfie
28-02-2006, 03:17 PM
Dogs fouling the foot paths in the Gatwick area in the 1960s were fined £25 whilst there owners were let off scott free and elected to Crawley Borough Council.
mrgins
28-02-2006, 08:08 PM
The name Mrgins is the username for george bush jr
jordanismygod
01-03-2006, 02:45 PM
Pancakes are best eaten when you are asleep
Crofty
10-03-2006, 10:39 AM
Carnations grow best in margarine
u8mygoat
10-03-2006, 01:43 PM
An even global distribution of Jaffa cakes stops the world from imploding.
Ruskin Old Boy
10-03-2006, 08:18 PM
After abolishing Christmas as a public holiday the Puritans introduced a new holiday known as National Being Miserable Day
butch03
11-03-2006, 01:56 PM
fish have both sex organs
Ruskin Old Boy
12-03-2006, 06:18 PM
Tintin's raincoat was the inspiration for Columbo's raincoat
mrgins
22-03-2006, 09:53 PM
Everyone in SE25 loves vermont
gullie
25-03-2006, 12:34 PM
This thread is dying!
Mehdi_hasan
26-03-2006, 09:41 AM
Where are those girls.
Mehdi_hasan
26-03-2006, 09:43 AM
Where are you kate?
mrgins
26-03-2006, 07:27 PM
Kate is actually a gay man who lives in east penge with his mother
butch03
26-03-2006, 07:29 PM
women are more hairy than men
The Bishop
27-03-2006, 08:44 PM
Dale Winton is favourite to become the next president of Cuba.
mrgins
31-03-2006, 02:29 AM
my wife is a nymphomaniac
mrgins
07-04-2006, 03:06 AM
everyone loves raymond
Micky Droy
08-04-2006, 09:50 PM
Eating was invented in 839AD, as a riposte to poo.
The Bishop
08-04-2006, 10:22 PM
Before moving into daytime TV entertainment, the Pantomime actor, Lionel Blair, made 2 appearances for Milwall.
mrgins
09-04-2006, 01:28 AM
13% of south norwood police vans have "I love vermont" stickers
Ruskin Old Boy
09-04-2006, 07:23 AM
Pillows were invented by Romans to reduce snoring.
mrgins
09-04-2006, 08:57 PM
The popular game of smofgrink will not be invented for another five hundred years
u8mygoat
20-04-2006, 02:24 PM
Based on the speed that saliva particles travel at when sneezed, if they were replaced with bullets most people would either blow their own hand off or kill all people within an arc of radius 20m and arc angle 60 degrees.
Given that most people would learn not to cover their mouths or run out of hands, it is believed the effects of swapping saliva for bullets would stabilise the current rapid growth of the world population.
As yet no scientist has provided any cost effective method of making the required swap.
kiralyspyjamas
21-04-2006, 10:56 AM
Standing Heasd to toe, the population of lodon stretches to the moon and back 90 times
1f43
u8mygoat
21-04-2006, 03:59 PM
If all the land on earth was arranged into a cup shape it would be exactly the right size to fit all the sea on earth in it.
mrgins
30-04-2006, 09:48 PM
all lawnmowers have a sacrificial link in them which is programmed to break on the first mowing of the year, usually when half the lawn has been mowed
james powell
08-05-2006, 09:41 PM
Catapillars where first made out of old pillars that had broken up into tiny peices and could be stuck together with cheese melted at 100000 degrees C
mrgins
08-05-2006, 11:45 PM
of the 2% of fans who wear suits to games, 99% of them make large holes in the trouser pocket for half time recreation
AJ's right boot
08-05-2006, 11:48 PM
Originally posted by u8mygoat
If all the land on earth was arranged into a cup shape it would be exactly the right size to fit all the sea on earth in it.
Now you sir are a genius!
jordanismygod
12-05-2006, 07:13 AM
Once the was a time when Needles ruled the world
james powell
14-05-2006, 10:23 PM
i CAN draw apples :sob:
AJ's right boot
15-05-2006, 04:59 PM
Scientists from Bulgaria have recently discovered that if a male cuts off a nipple, it will eventually grow back!
james powell
23-05-2006, 10:53 PM
People in Alaska have finally found a way to keep warm, go on holiday
celery stick
05-06-2006, 04:24 PM
As well as being a popular TV host Ant from 'Ant and Dec' also holds the world record for having the most nipples.
jordanismygod
07-06-2006, 09:24 PM
shit always sticks to the frying pan
Mad Max
14-06-2006, 11:33 AM
When a Gorrila ejaculates he releases a chemical which turns his blood orange.
nelson alfie
27-06-2006, 04:43 PM
Queen Anne started Royal Ascot only because she was bored with sex
james powell
27-06-2006, 04:45 PM
I have told you this before!!!! I CAN DRAW APPLES :sob:
darrenward
28-06-2006, 09:39 PM
Fencing is illegal in Chile unless both competitors are wearing rubber gloves.
Phil's Barber
30-06-2006, 01:41 AM
Hungary will be renamed Stuffed next Tuesday when the entire population will enjoy their first "slap up" meal for 13 years.
clifton jack
04-07-2006, 04:59 PM
There is an old lady of 84 living in Norbury who has never been to Thornton Heath
mrgins
04-07-2006, 05:29 PM
The Bronx is the new vacation hotspot
Embassy No.1
04-07-2006, 05:37 PM
In a recent poll held by the England & Wales Institute of Outdoor Education and Experiential Learning, the prefered national Anthem for England were voted for in this order:
1. Land of Hope and Glory
2. heads shoulders knees and toes
3. God Save The Queen
4. Jersualem
celery stick
04-07-2006, 05:44 PM
The unabridged version of the national anthem of Great Britain, 'God save the Queen' contains 124 unused verses.
Most of them are about taxation.
Embassy No.1
04-07-2006, 05:48 PM
The new Cuban national anthem is to the tune of Row, Row, Row Your Boat.
celery stick
04-07-2006, 05:49 PM
For a fews hours in May 1985 "Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport" was briefly the national anthem of Australia.
The move was overturned again the next morning when Parliament sobered up and felt a bit silly about what they'd done the night before.
celery stick
04-07-2006, 05:50 PM
The German national anthem was composed by David Hasselhoff's grandfather.
Ruskin Old Boy
04-07-2006, 07:35 PM
The Icelandic national anthem is a re-write of a Norse saga which ran to 479 verses; fortunately the final version is a mere 250 verses which include the word 'dottir' 1350 times.
I H8 CWEED
04-07-2006, 08:52 PM
the number 13 is unlucky because thats the day god fell over
clifton jack
05-07-2006, 08:47 AM
Wayne Rooney did not stamp on Carvalho's nuts
Embassy No.1
05-07-2006, 08:48 AM
There are more collect calls on Father's Day than any other day of the year.
Embassy No.1
05-07-2006, 10:30 AM
David Hasselhoff directed those pre-show promo. intro BBC1 clip things.
Proof (http://img139.imagevenue.com/aAfkjfp01fo1i-21451/loc24/de79c_albumsafari2big.jpg)
celery stick
05-07-2006, 03:08 PM
19ab
"The Best of David Hasselhoff" is the fastest selling LP of all time in Swindon.
Embassy No.1
05-07-2006, 04:45 PM
The final words of the last 6 nations were "C'est fini"... spoken by Alain Rolland, the Irish referee, who's something of a linguist.
james powell
05-07-2006, 10:17 PM
36% of weapons bought in Cali are not ones that hurt.
Embassy No.1
06-07-2006, 10:02 AM
There is statistically always one less drunk person at an Irish funeral than at an Irish wedding.
MIKEY C
07-07-2006, 09:31 AM
The longest queue ever formed was on Saturday 4th of May '02 consisting of 30,000 people is held by Tescos Elmers End.
Embassy No.1
07-07-2006, 09:49 AM
Bayern Munich statistically have the worst defence in the knock-out history of the Champions League.
mrgins
13-07-2006, 11:12 PM
Phone cards on average, take 17 attempts before working properly on international calls
Ruskin Old Boy
14-07-2006, 07:20 AM
Buttercups grow better in fields where cowas have grazed within 40 days
nelson alfie
15-07-2006, 07:23 PM
Ruskin Old Boy forgot how to spell cows after an accident in 1962 when his pushbike slid on horse manure, thus giving him memory loss relating to anything ending in the letters ws.
celery stick
16-07-2006, 05:33 PM
Researchers at 'The Holy Jesus Save Us From Burning For All Eternity In Hell Hospital' in Texas believe that the Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) can be transmitted by impure thoughts.
Most of the priests there will not hear confession unless they have their rubber gloves on.
Ruskin Old Boy
16-07-2006, 05:45 PM
Face painting was introduced by in China when trainee porcelain painters practised on one another's faces.
james powell
21-07-2006, 12:48 AM
Cats can wee upto 4 times thier body weight in 2 minutes if they so felt like it
celery stick
21-07-2006, 03:51 PM
New Jersey is the only American state that prohibits it's residents from teaching cats to play any of the wind instruments.
celery stick
21-07-2006, 03:53 PM
Pruning your cat every year will produce a bushier, more attractive animal.
nelson alfie
21-07-2006, 03:56 PM
A court injunction in Leeds in 1963 prohibited the sale of Rice Crispies in the City after local parents complained about the effects of Snap crackle and pop on their children's hearing.
celery stick
22-07-2006, 09:00 AM
Exiting Basingstoke by road is a physical impossibility.
celery stick
22-07-2006, 09:05 AM
The paint Leonardo Da Vuinci used to create the Mona Lisa was made from dye, flower, milk and anchovy paste.
This explains why there is always a long queue of cats outside the Louvre.
mrgins
24-07-2006, 01:34 AM
when tiling a roof using cats, make sure the heads are facing toward the peak so the rain will run off their fur
Embassy No.1
24-07-2006, 08:42 AM
A suprise decision by the ICC has cricket statisticians confused and angry. The ICC has ruled that from now on the boundary previously rewarded with 6 runs will be worth 10. The move is designed to encourage big hitting and exciting cricket. An ICC spokesman is quoted as saying "The crowd likes nothing better than a sixer - yet the danger of hitting the ball in the air is such that many will not attempt big hits. With 10 runs as a reward, the risk will seem much more acceptable. We look forward to faster scoring rates, and new records being set.'' It is believed that the rule change was proposed by Sri Lanka, who stand to benefit more than most.
clifton jack
24-07-2006, 04:20 PM
Every third mongoose is deaf in one ear
Embassy No.1
24-07-2006, 04:30 PM
It has been scientifically proven that men find women in patent leather and rubber exciting because they smell just like a new car.
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