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mrgins
24-07-2006, 11:55 PM
consequently...most new cars are bought by men...the rest are bought by lesbians
calne eagle
24-07-2006, 11:57 PM
There are more lesbians in Vermont than there are lakes.
Mad Max
25-07-2006, 10:05 AM
There is a slight change in Lesbians hormones every time they do the washing up.
Embassy No.1
25-07-2006, 12:28 PM
Actress Jamie Lee Curtis invented a special diaper for babies that has a pocket.
Ruskin Old Boy
25-07-2006, 08:22 PM
pockets were invented by Pierre Poche for the carrying of hankerchiefs
Mad Max
02-08-2006, 11:36 PM
In 1957 a nappie flushed out of an airliner became frozen on its desent to Earth hit and killed Boris Torshtsky of St.Petersberg USSR.
Embassy No.1
03-08-2006, 09:20 AM
Ernest Vincent Wright’s novel, "Gadsby", contains over 50,000 words -- none of them with the letter E!
EagleSE24
04-08-2006, 01:26 PM
The currency of Moldova is chocolate money.
Embassy No.1
04-08-2006, 01:31 PM
Solid blocks of tea are used as money in Siberia.
EagleSE24
04-08-2006, 03:42 PM
Cletus Huckerbee of Biddleton, Nebraska once ran the 100m in 9.14 seconds but the record didn't officially count as Norris McWhirter's stopwatch failed for the first time ever.
Mad Max
04-08-2006, 11:15 PM
The first marker pens used turtle urine.
celery stick
06-08-2006, 10:18 AM
The hole on the side of a biro allows the tiny ink producing squid inside to breath.
Ruskin Old Boy
06-08-2006, 11:23 AM
Swan upping was practised by the villagers of Little Buggery near Windsor until the 12th century when the reigning monarch claimed possession of all swans and the practice has been confined to members of the Royal Family until this very day
Mad Max
06-08-2006, 09:16 PM
In 1945 after the bomb on Hiroshima rubber to make condoms would not stabalise for 6 years.
nelson alfie
11-08-2006, 04:56 PM
BaldEagle96 has a University professor of English alongside him when posting to the Alphabet thread
mrgins
12-08-2006, 01:58 AM
People from Crawley are more prone to ending up crawling around under tables after a couple of drinks than other people
Ruskin Old Boy
20-08-2006, 01:04 PM
In the early years of the 18th century the Dunkers were a radical sect of the Baptists, so called because they insisted on dunking their biscuits after prayer sessions. Outlawed, they migrated to New England in the 1740s, and founded the city of Dunkerville.
nelson alfie
21-08-2006, 03:25 PM
Staples Corner was named after the villain Jimmy "Staples" Corner. His trademark was stapling his victims fingers together when debts became 6 hours overdue.
StudentEagle
21-08-2006, 09:04 PM
Frederick "Banger" Bates was the air marshall on flight V-238 from Miami to New York and reported an incident involving an escaped snake from the cargo hold. The film Snakes on a Plane is loosely based around this true story, though in reality the snake was harmless.
nelson alfie
30-08-2006, 01:17 PM
A chinaman working an abacus exceeds the speed of sound
Crystal Palace fans have the widest range of top quality food, drinks and merchandise at their club than any other football team in the world
mrgins
01-09-2006, 11:40 PM
the Fat men/apples thread is often confused with the lets talk bollocks thread, in part because some bilgers bollocks look like granny smiths
celery stick
02-09-2006, 08:39 AM
1f87
Granny Smith was allergic to apples.
Ruskin Old Boy
03-09-2006, 08:18 PM
Casual supporters are made very welcome at Selhurst park
Eaglettie
11-09-2006, 08:43 PM
Ex's are ••••••• arseholes
Mad Max
15-09-2006, 07:33 PM
Flip Flops were invented in 1942 by Gunther Maitez and engineer on U-Boats who was frightened of getting electric shocks from the floor of the engine room.
MIKEY C
01-10-2006, 12:37 PM
Brain Cant from Playaway invented the computer mouse during a break in filming.
Ruskin Old Boy
01-10-2006, 12:47 PM
the patron saint of footballers is Saint Greaves, a 5th century monk in Lindisfarne who taught poor local children how to play football (not surprisingly they couldn't afford shirts and played naked from the waist up, a tradition upheld to the present day)
mrgins
01-10-2006, 08:11 PM
FIFA has drawn up plans of making games last 89 minutes with no additional time as a result of too many 90th minute goals being allowed
Princess
06-10-2006, 07:55 PM
Apparently there are 10 times more cows than people in Vermont! :D
mrgins
07-10-2006, 02:46 AM
Visitors to Vermont often mistake our women for bovine beasts!
Ruskin Old Boy
09-10-2006, 07:31 AM
Office productivity rises when workers have continual access to the internet
nelson alfie
10-10-2006, 06:00 PM
In the sixties, American GIs referred to their testicles as Vermont Cookies
Ruskin Old Boy
10-10-2006, 08:46 PM
:D
Today is traditionally the first day of the hazel nut collecting season. In days gone by small boys (and a few girls dressed as boys) in teams of 7 competed for who could collect the most nuts. The winners were known as the October Nutty Boys until the following year's competition.
joe walker
13-10-2006, 01:41 PM
Les Dennis' nephew was taught Chemistry at school by Ali Bongo
Ruskin Old Boy
22-10-2006, 04:55 PM
Ping pong was invented by the owner of a Chinese take away to keep customers entertained while they waited for their order.
The Yo-Yo was originally thought to have magical powers after explorers in the Amazon found a shrine to it by local tribe people.It was later reaveled that a tourist had lost it on a holiday sight-seeing trip down the famous river.
Ruskin Old Boy
29-10-2006, 11:50 AM
Famed Crystal Palace winger Peter Taylor once visited a fortune teller on Brighton's palace pier. What she told him has never been revealed to the public before ... but now we know ... "beware of an orange man selling mobile phones promising you a job for as long as you want it"
celery stick
29-10-2006, 12:04 PM
During the swinging sixties bees were purple and orange.
It took until the mid 1970's for them to adopt the black and yellow corporate colour scheme we know them for today.
nelson alfie
01-11-2006, 03:16 PM
Camberwell Crumble, although consumed in Camberwell, was actually first baked by two mancunians Ivor Camberbatch and Jack Eatwell
celery stick
02-11-2006, 06:21 PM
The Bard Code.
After years of research experts have finally worked out the secret message hidden within the works of Shakespeare.
Unfortunately, it's a very poor recipe for rhubarb crumble.
Eaglettie
02-11-2006, 06:45 PM
Every year more than 2500 left handed people are killed from using right handed products. My ex was left handed :eek: :D ;)
Maloy
05-11-2006, 08:42 PM
Testes are derived from a specis of prehistoric apricot that aboriginies would hang by their penis, these gradually melded to the body, this is proven by the thin layer of hair one finds on the surface layer of one of the modern-day 'apricots'
Working Max
23-11-2006, 03:33 PM
Meccano was invented for ultra bright 3 year old sons of engineers.
mrgins
02-12-2006, 06:26 PM
Tongues continue to grow after their owners are deceased
The City of Norwich was moved during the 60's to avoid becoming popular. It worked.
mrgins
06-12-2006, 01:19 AM
Nuns have a habit of wearing nothing under their clothes
Princess
12-12-2006, 10:47 AM
If you add all the numbers up between 0 -100 it comes to 5050!
Mad Max
12-12-2006, 03:14 PM
In 1811 during trials of press studs 3 workers got a press stud stuck in their belly button making the first ever recording of belly button piercings.
nelson alfie
21-12-2006, 09:26 PM
Gordon Brown MP has tattoos of Alan Gilzean and Dennis Law on his buttocks
1fd9
mrgins
22-12-2006, 01:31 AM
Chit chat gold is used by the CIA to send secret messages to their agents overseas
nelson alfie
23-12-2006, 03:01 PM
Charles Darwin once made a guest appearance as goalkeeper for the Galapagos Islands in a friendly against Ecuador
mrgins
25-12-2006, 02:04 AM
christmas is an anagram of sam strich who invented the strich tree which was the forerunner of the christmas tree as we know it
mrgins
27-12-2006, 12:38 AM
thin people are very good at drawing apples, but really suck at raising aadvarks
The Geiger counter was originally developed as a new cooking utensil which was supposed to assist the user in the making of the moon cake. It did this by sensing heatwaves through the cake mixture until they reached a perfect level.
It's 'other' use was discovered in a japanese kitchen when the utensil went crazy some minutes before Osaka's biggest earthquake happened in 1879
nelson alfie
09-01-2007, 10:08 PM
The form P45 was introduced after the employment minister in Disraeli's government screamed at his junior under secretary "thats the 45th time this week you have taken the P out of me - you're fired"
tonkers
23-01-2007, 11:45 AM
6% of Indonesia is in fact populated by large mountain goats
wholethedougin!
09-02-2007, 01:16 PM
Originally posted by Princess
If you add all the numbers up between 0 -100 it comes to 5050!
She's quite right! :p
nelson alfie
09-02-2007, 02:54 PM
Happy Christmas was the full name of one of the 7 dwarfs
mrgins
09-02-2007, 10:39 PM
Mary Christmas was his wife
james powell
09-02-2007, 11:12 PM
Mount Snowdon is actually made out of Jelly that has set very hard over the years.
Matt25
25-02-2007, 08:08 PM
3547% of people hear things in places
nelson alfie
01-03-2007, 10:48 AM
79.2 % of the savings to the economy through recycling waste in the 1980s paid for the upbringing of Cecil Parkinsons illegitimate child
mrgins
02-03-2007, 05:44 AM
There are 3 more people in Tampa than there are in the whole of Vermont.
u8mygoat
14-03-2007, 10:52 AM
All websites are 2 sided- you can access the reverse side by adding "/pto" after the address.
p.s. i've been away from FMCDA for a while but I hope to post more FMCDA wisdom in the future.
Embassy No.1
14-03-2007, 11:56 AM
There is no one who has not already registered on the BBS.
mrgins
14-03-2007, 04:16 PM
West Brom have announced that they will field a weak team against Palace tonight in a sporting gesture as Birmingham are going up, Villa are already up, and it wouldn't be fair to have another midlands team go up. SJ, in a sporting gesture of his own, will field the u17 team.
u8mygoat
16-03-2007, 11:22 AM
Contrary to popular belief that glass is "technically" a liquid, glass is in fact a gas.
celery stick
16-03-2007, 04:52 PM
It takes approximately 400 cans of anti-perspirant per day to meet the needs of the Statue of Liberty's upheld right arm. Scientists believe the huge quantities of ozone depleting gases released daily will one day lead to a real life Planet of the Apes.
celery stick
16-03-2007, 04:56 PM
When penguins die they remain upright and slowly begin to rot internally. Days later, the build-up of gasses reaches such pressure that it escapes and causes the penguins shoot up vertically like rockets sometimes reaching hundreds of feet into the air.
On more than one occasion this has resulted in the Pentagon upgrading to DefCon Two.
u8mygoat
19-03-2007, 12:20 PM
Andrew Lloyd Webber is producing a new reality TV show called "It's not Over Till the Fat Man sings" where the show winner will get to star on the stage in his new musical production "Fat Men Can't Draw Apples" based on the thread of the same name from www.cpfc.org.
Colchonero
19-03-2007, 02:44 PM
thin men can't draw grapes.
James Melody
19-03-2007, 04:39 PM
Originally posted by Colchonero
thin men can't draw grapes.
You are Peter Leonard and I claim my 5 multiple identities
james powell
17-04-2007, 11:16 PM
Originally posted by James Melody
You are Peter Leonard and I claim my 5 multiple identities
:o
Armadillos are so short sighted they can't see their own body.
JOHN1509
24-04-2007, 07:12 PM
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong
JOHN1509
03-05-2007, 07:38 PM
Santa Claus works as a dishwasher called "Dave" in a Kennington cafe between the months of January and October.
1faf
TonbridgeEagle
11-05-2007, 09:40 PM
It has been proven that 7% of the UK garden mole population actually have 20/20 vision. However, due to the overwhelming desire to fit in to their social surroundings, they pretend to suffer from chronic blindness - and even sometimes forging makeshift spectacles out of garden wire and broken glass that they find on their travels.
mrgins
12-05-2007, 02:32 PM
Scientists in Sweden have determined that a special chip in VCRs can detect when you really want to record something and will make sure the recording fails
celery stick
12-05-2007, 02:42 PM
Soon after filming 'Planet of the Apes', Charlton Heston was arrested for hanging out of a three story window, throwing fistfuls of straw at passers-by, and screaming about "those damn apes."
Micky Droy
23-05-2007, 11:48 AM
Soy sauce is made of spiders' tears.
Goldberg Basher
23-05-2007, 11:53 AM
When it comes to winning big time on the Eurovision Schooch were lucky enough to bag a free sandwich on the Easyjet flight home the following day.
celery stick
18-06-2007, 08:04 PM
Technical data on the very first Noel Edmonds is still available from NASA.
Princess
21-06-2007, 02:32 PM
Teddy Sheringham is an anagram of He'd Shag Dirty Men.
mrgins
21-06-2007, 08:42 PM
mrgins is an anagram of sing mr!
also mrs gin
Princess
21-06-2007, 08:43 PM
Wow, that must have taken ages! :D
Embassy No.1
21-06-2007, 08:51 PM
Gosh Em, have a heart, we should encourage him. After all, the BBS is basically a mrgins support group.
Princess
21-06-2007, 08:54 PM
Who's Em??
Embassy No.1
21-06-2007, 09:03 PM
'Em' is short for Jane. Thought that was obvious. :)
Princess
21-06-2007, 09:11 PM
:D ;)
mrgins
23-06-2007, 03:11 PM
It's a given fact, that when PP shows up on a thread, it diverts from it's original purpose:rolleyes:
Princess
23-06-2007, 03:20 PM
Can't help having a mind like a butterfly can I! :D
nelson alfie
01-07-2007, 06:06 PM
Toroiseshell butterflies evolved from tortoises on the Galapagos Islands over a two and a half million year period
Scrapcots FA
02-07-2007, 10:16 PM
It's a well known fact that 73.65% of statistics are made up on the spot!
mrgins
02-07-2007, 11:17 PM
less than 5% of the population know more than 3% of all well known facts...and thats a well known fact!
JOHN1509
29-08-2007, 02:35 PM
another crap thread
celery stick
29-08-2007, 07:21 PM
The very first issues of DC Comic's "Superman" were actually about a character called "Supperman".
The idea and the extra "P" was dropped when comic buffs failed to be excited by "Supperman" eating late night snacks in order to gain his amazing powers.
mrgins
01-09-2007, 04:33 PM
Thin men wish they couldn't draw apples as they are overworked due to the abundance of fat men in the world of apple drawers
Oddjob
01-09-2007, 11:33 PM
Oh dear god
mrgins
02-09-2007, 01:48 AM
oh stoppit!
RickyB
07-09-2007, 11:32 PM
Elephants are just very large mice.
nelson alfie
20-10-2007, 10:03 AM
Redhill was built on a hillock. It wasn't a red hillock but was discovered by a pillock called Charlie Redman.
JOHN1509
17-11-2007, 04:39 PM
..
Turnips are a member of the coconut family and there is a distinct difference in flavour between 'male' and 'female' turnips.
The original Santa Claus had an evil sidekick and they were first seen in a Godzilla comic strip, written in the early 18th Century
Latvian
29-12-2007, 09:52 PM
From 5th March 2009, EU ruling states commentators must refer to footballers by thier first names. If they clash then they use the middle names. If they are the same they go by the player's favourite colour in the rainbow.
Dolly Parton wasnt born in a shack in Tennesee as is commonly thought - she is actually plain old Dora Prat and was born in Essex Towers, Penge.
1f46
Dr Dre is now a fully qualified GP and has a small practice in the Yorkshire Dales
Norris and Ross Mcwhirter started the totally meaningless Guiness Book of Records after wondering if anyone had ever surpassed the 72 hour hooker and coke binge they undertook in 1968.
Little Matt
12-01-2008, 11:43 PM
Croydon will be the next European City of Culture if its residents can get into the Guinness Book of Records for the world's biggest pub sing-along.
mrgins
13-01-2008, 12:10 AM
Little Matt is actually a Large Pillowcase
Supa Ol
13-03-2008, 03:52 PM
Vagina is the plural of vaginum.
nelson alfie
10-04-2008, 12:36 PM
In 1967 Scientists in Tennessee discovered a circle with no radius. This information has been kept classified ever since and the pressure of keeping this extraordinary secret has led to six known suicides
mrgins
10-04-2008, 01:30 PM
NA.s avatar is actualling a rocking moose
Chrissayy
27-04-2008, 09:32 AM
A single cigarette contains just over half of your daily recommended salt intake.
Latvian
09-05-2008, 03:28 PM
Much like a "murder" of crows, the collection noun for a group of chavs is a "rape"...
MIKEY C
24-07-2008, 11:44 AM
You use the same amount of calories sleeping, as you do running for a bus.
mrgins
24-07-2008, 08:43 PM
skinny men can't draw oranges
nelson alfie
10-08-2008, 11:49 AM
Aidy Boothroyd is an alien
Ruskin Old Boy
10-08-2008, 02:19 PM
Carry on at the Palace was never released when it was realised that Prince Philip had played himself, and not by Kenneth Williams as originally cast
Mad Max
24-11-2008, 11:45 PM
In 1871 a lonely cowboy in Arizona got his Penis stuck in the end of his shotgun.
mrgins
25-11-2008, 01:18 AM
Barack Obama is actually George W Bush's evil twin, Skippy, in disguise
Mad Max
25-11-2008, 02:05 AM
In 1914 German engineers used to test sea mines in local swimming pools on Wednesday afternoons,when it was half price for blind people.
nelson alfie
25-11-2008, 12:19 PM
The phenomenon of moustached women in Vermont dates back to the 1920s when infected moose meat was served in school canteens
mrgins
25-11-2008, 02:24 PM
Crawley was so named after local residents were seen crawling out from under tables with hankies on their heads
peagle
25-11-2008, 02:52 PM
The sun is expanding at a rate of 1 mile a year at the moment which is set to rise to 2000 miles a year by 2150. At this rate Earth will be entirely destroyed by 2300.
Mad Max
25-11-2008, 06:55 PM
The length of a mans ear from the top edge to the bottom of the lobe usually increases by 25 % over his lifetime.
NZsparky
12-12-2008, 03:20 AM
Hampsters are nearly blind in boiling water
NZsparky
12-12-2008, 03:24 AM
The educated amongst us would righlty point out that it is why they wear goggles, but in fact this is only true of the european variety.
Fresh water hampsters actually use hair nets, which has its own draw backs
NZsparky
14-12-2008, 07:17 AM
Pineapples cannot do u turns
steve hail
14-12-2008, 07:32 AM
Wallabies are regularly spotted on Dartmoor. It is believed a pair escaped from a private zoo near Bideford in the late 1980s, and the population may now be as large as 500.
After 10 years on the Beeb Bob the Builder has been pulled from the schedules for being uneconomical and replaced by Pavel the Plasterer, Polands favourite kids show.
MikyT
18-12-2008, 04:42 PM
Contrary to common belief, ducks can't actually swim, they have telescopic legs and walk along the bottom
EagleSE24
18-02-2009, 01:30 PM
Contrary to common belief, ducks can't actually swim, they have telescopic legs and walk along the bottom
:) That would be brilliant.
Rain actually falls from the ground up. Light bending creates the illusion of it coming from the sky. At least, that's the science behind it.
mrgins
18-02-2009, 07:46 PM
A massive plan has been launched by the metropolitan police to prevent alleged posting of Vermont bumper stickers in toilets and on police horses bottoms during the next few weeks. Police are downplaying rumors that they really do love Vermont
nelson alfie
19-02-2009, 06:41 AM
1f4b
The new commissioner of the metropolitan police was once Vermonts second most wanted serial killer
art malice
25-03-2009, 03:14 PM
Tea and coffee drinkers spend an average of 758 hours in their lifetime bending down and listening to unfamiliar kettles in other people's houses
nelson alfie
30-03-2009, 12:31 PM
Fish Street was the most common English street name from c. 1750 to 1865, at which point the government decided it was a silly name and restricted each town or city to one Fish Street only. The residents of the surplus Fish Streets were executed.
chatham_eagle
30-03-2009, 01:51 PM
On the Isle of Man there is a national day of celebration for men, whereby any man can choose any woman to felate him. She must carry out his instructions and avoid scraping.
Jim Cannon
30-03-2009, 03:28 PM
An ancient by-law states that it is illegal to eat Bananas in Caerphilly on a Friday.
peagle
04-04-2009, 10:04 PM
Due to a weird feat of evolution, the number of males being born is decreasing and the number of females is increasing. Though untill recent years this has been counteracted by certain cultures aborting pregnancies of females, this is becoming less and less common. Therefore within 100 years they ratio of males to females will be 1 male to 12 females.
jookbeard
04-04-2009, 10:08 PM
Fat people eat too many donuts
jookbeard
04-04-2009, 10:11 PM
Arther Fowler from Eastenders is afraid of kerbs
jookbeard
04-04-2009, 10:12 PM
King Charles VII once ate his own chin
jookbeard
04-04-2009, 10:16 PM
Nancy De'lloio , once suffered from pubic lice
art malice
21-04-2009, 11:07 PM
The male epiglottis at the back of the throat, if struck by any viscous semen-type substance, continues to vibrate for up to six months after the initial collision - and only bats can hear it
RickyB
21-04-2009, 11:07 PM
oh, hello old friend! :)
nelson alfie
05-05-2009, 12:35 PM
Fossil discoveries in the Isle of Wight have confirmed that cows in the region evolved over 65 million years from the now extinct cowes. The cowe was originally thought to be a mythical milk producing beast that used to pour milk into churns through its antlers
mrgins
06-05-2009, 06:54 PM
The rocking horse in NA's avatar actually is a bulimic hippo
nelson alfie
13-05-2009, 04:03 PM
The hat on mrgins avatar's head was copied and pasted from rotting flesh in his cellar
art malice
17-06-2009, 12:09 AM
Rik Mayall was on a shortlist of three to replace Roger Moore as James Bond. He was up against Timothy Dalton and Nick Beggs from Kajagoogoo
nelson alfie
27-06-2009, 09:52 AM
A survey has revealed that of the workers who told there bosses to "stick your job up your arse" during 2002-2007, an incredible 31% were in Northamptonshire. Next highest county was Surrey with 12%
EagleSE24
13-07-2009, 11:56 AM
Growing up in the Defoe household, Willem found Jermaine so obnoxious that he 'divorced' his brother in a landmark case, moved to LA and became an archetypal Holly villan. The terms of the separation mean that neither party is allowed to discuss their relationship.
EagleSE24
27-07-2009, 04:00 PM
Macauly Culkin's scream on the set of Home Alone was so piercing that a record 7 producers permanently lost the hearing in their right ears. before filming was completed.
eagle1980
27-07-2009, 07:14 PM
i love the bbs. you can find everything on ere to cheer you up.... did you know carrots used to be green
eagle1980
27-07-2009, 07:17 PM
i dont know whether to believe this bit...but you know you can fit all chinese people on the isle of man four times over
Whenever the United Nations appoint a new Secretary General one of the new appointee's first duties is to create a signature flavour of Ferrero Rocher. This flavour is to be used exclusively by the new incumbent of the role in the course of his/her duties and the flavour combinations are not normally revealed to the public in the interests of international security until the SG has stepped down from the role.
A recently leaked internal memo revealed the selection of some former holders of this prestigious post:
Javier Pérez de Cuéllar - rum and raisin
Bhoutros Bhoutros Ghali - guava and ginger
Kurt Waldheim - pickled onion
Kofi Annan - pineapple and maccadamia
Ruskin Old Boy
03-08-2009, 08:01 PM
Tony Blair was the first Prime Minister to be sponsored by Colgate
mrgins
18-09-2009, 10:47 PM
michael jackson never drove a car....oh wait:o
james powell
18-09-2009, 11:06 PM
In just about every species of mammal, the female lives longer than the male.
Wow i haven't seen this thread in a while. When did it get moved to CCG?
1f50
mrgins
18-09-2009, 11:33 PM
This thread was started by trolls living under the arfur and then moved to GCC in the early 1800's where it sat unused until discovered by priests who had it condemned and banned from public use. This is true
Georgie Fame and the Blue Fame's best known song "Yeh, Yeh" was actually intended as a cure for ear-worms and initially came with a money back guarantee.
It was marketed under the phrase "bad song stuck in your head? Try a better one instead".
Bellyman
08-10-2009, 03:51 PM
99% of statements on this thread are bullshit!
art malice
25-10-2009, 10:57 PM
Cliff Richard empties his scrotum, on the hour, every hour, except on Wednesdays when he empties his neighbour's.
art malice
25-10-2009, 11:15 PM
Jan Leeming reading the news when a lightbulb exploded above her head was voted 'most dramatic TV moment of all time' in a poll of heavy drinkers in Wetherspoons South Norwood. 9/11 was second.
art malice
25-10-2009, 11:44 PM
BNP leader Nick Griffin will step in to host Countdown for a fortnight in January when Jeff Stelling goes into hospital for surgery on his vas deferens
Embassy No.1
28-10-2009, 07:37 AM
Nick Griffin was the hand underneath Sweep in Sooty and Friends.
art malice
28-10-2009, 03:18 PM
Nick Griffin also played Bungle in Rainbow
art malice
28-10-2009, 04:36 PM
Nick Griffin was also lined up to co-present Going Live - but clashed over immigration with Andi Peters
Embassy No.1
10-11-2009, 09:27 AM
The saw movie series is the greatest love story ever told.
Eagles55
10-11-2009, 12:51 PM
Scientists say that the prophesies of Nostrademus and the incas saying that the world will end in 2012 is misleading. it is in the year 2012 when a giant asteroid will plummet into Mars thus ending Mars' tenure in our solar system.
Having kicked a red into the pocket it will then look for a colour and find a blue but it won't be until the year 2014 that Earth gets kicked out of orbit. However, being a colour and a planet favoured by God it will reemerge in about 2 billion years time and find it's place back in the solar systems table. The bad news is it may not necessarily be our solar system. (From NASA - not a serious announcement)
art malice
12-11-2009, 03:37 PM
Tony Gubba has commentated on 978 hours of action at Selhurst Park - at least 760 hours more than any other commentator – but only three hours, 45 minutes of it has been broadcast
mrgins
12-11-2009, 04:15 PM
Eagles55, Bald Eagle96, and Baldy are all the same person, which is why they never post at the same time
nelson alfie
12-11-2009, 05:41 PM
mrgins was the first human to be born to three parents - Man, woman and hermaphrodite moose
mrgins
12-11-2009, 06:25 PM
nelson alfie is a figment of my imagination
Eagles55
13-11-2009, 09:32 AM
Mrgins needs a tonic
Eagles55
13-11-2009, 09:34 AM
No one, not even my alter egos, can come with crap like wot I wrote
a_the_s
13-11-2009, 11:39 AM
Sir Albert Chip invented the Banana in 2006
art malice
13-11-2009, 09:17 PM
Cadbury's Fingers are made from the ground-down bones and mushed-up cartilages of human remains dug up by Tony Robinson's Time Team
art malice
14-11-2009, 11:32 PM
Vini Reilly and John Cooper Clarke have been banned from all Salford see-saws for being ''dangerously lightweight''
Investigations into the finances of Portsmouth FC have revealed that the club is actually owned by a consortium consisting of seventies pop stars Mungo Jerry, the Dalai Lama and the estate of late funny man Charlie Drake.
None of these people previously knew of their involvement in the club or have any idea how they happened to be involved.
Embassy No.1
08-12-2009, 03:03 PM
The name of the Ibrox Stadium in Glasgow comes from the dutch "verdienen kopje deIbrox". this was the motto of the Dutch royal family. A few hundred years ago a member of the Dutch royal family was visiting Scotland and camped in the area. He gave thanks to the people of the area and stated that he would one day return and build the people a palace of beauty. Over the years the name was shortened to Ibrox.
Eagles55
08-12-2009, 03:10 PM
Rocky Investments - who'd invest in a company with a name like that.
EagleSE24
08-12-2009, 03:12 PM
Rod Stewart is in fact 7ft 6". He insists on wearing his shoes on his knees so as to appear 5ft nothing. This is why you will only ever see a shot of him from the front.
EagleSE24
08-12-2009, 03:14 PM
The only difference between apple juice and orange juice is the colour.
1fbe
art malice
09-12-2009, 09:35 PM
Up to FIVE MILLION Britons enjoy making love in front of the Queen's Christmas Day speech
mrgins
09-12-2009, 10:52 PM
conversely, 37 people, including Mr & Mrs Arnold Barker of 75 Ellington Gardens, made love when King George made his xmas speech.
art malice
09-12-2009, 11:31 PM
Greedy alcoholic Britons will tuck into 100 million turkeys, 700 BILLION roast potatoes and 500,000 TRILLION sprouts this Christmas Day, washed down with 700,000 billion cubic gallons of champagne, and half a Pacific Ocean of heavy red wine. And then they'll drive over to other relatives on Boxing Day - and do it all AGAIN
art malice
23-12-2009, 10:43 PM
It takes 0.56 seconds for semen to travel from the testes to the glans - and a further 14 minutes 35 seconds for it then to reach a supermodel's stomach, more if it's a more conventional looking woman with a slower metabolism
EagleSE24
23-01-2010, 12:45 AM
1 in 78 women produce tequila instead of breast milk
a_the_s
02-02-2010, 03:51 PM
1 in 79 men produce icing sugar rather than sperm.
a_the_s
02-02-2010, 06:43 PM
Eastenders went off air in 1992 for 3 weeks for being "The worst programme on TV"
a_the_s
02-02-2010, 08:31 PM
0.8 % of Apples use to be alive.
a_the_s
04-02-2010, 04:31 PM
0.000128 % of people are aliens
a_the_s
06-02-2010, 12:06 PM
10 % of those aiens are horses
a_the_s
06-02-2010, 06:07 PM
2% of those horses are sheep
a_the_s
06-02-2010, 06:11 PM
4 % of people are said to be related to King Henry III.
NZsparky
07-02-2010, 07:15 PM
Well that's another one bolixed then
a_the_s
07-02-2010, 08:07 PM
3.74 % of People in Canada way over 25 stone.
art malice
09-02-2010, 09:43 AM
John Terry's eyes turned 'evil looking' on his sixth birthday, when his mum refused to buy him an expensive pair of Adidas boots, and got him a cheap Gola pair instead.
u8mygoat
05-03-2010, 12:52 PM
The John Terry/Wayne Bridge's girlfriend affair news story is entirely fictional and created by the FA's PR team to raise the profile of the England football team.
EagleSE24
05-03-2010, 12:55 PM
Wayne Bridge is 16th in line to the Lithuanian throne.
EagleSE24
05-03-2010, 12:56 PM
Russell Grant is David Haye's first choice sparring partner.
u8mygoat
05-03-2010, 01:10 PM
Microsoft are on the verge of launching a new generation of computers which will increase speed and power exponentially by only using zeroes rather than current computers that use both 0 and 1.
a_the_s
05-03-2010, 04:28 PM
20 people in barrow get shot every second
EagleSE24
18-03-2010, 02:48 PM
P Diddy spent 5 years working as Ron Howard's stunt double on Happy Days.
mrgins
18-03-2010, 03:52 PM
It has been stated by a reliable source (my bil's best friend's wife's son) that P Diddy has bought the club and will change our song from Glad All Over to Doo Wah Diddy Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
EagleSE24
18-03-2010, 03:54 PM
P Diddy has such a good sense of direction that he was Arkansas's orienteering champion 3 years in a row despite not owning a map or a compass.
EagleSE24
18-03-2010, 04:02 PM
P Diddy's face appears on the US $8 dollar bill, however it is only legal tender in Montana and Idaho.
Big-Griff
06-04-2010, 01:52 PM
The Harry Potter books are realy the key to extra terestial life in another dimension
a_the_s
06-04-2010, 09:05 PM
If you say the same words into a mirror for about 10 minutes over and over you will get a 2 second glimpse of what heaven looks like.
art malice
19-04-2010, 03:28 PM
More than 90 per cent of Jon Gaunt's phone calls have ended with the other person abruptly hanging up
EagleSE24
19-04-2010, 03:32 PM
Stephen Fry ghost wrote Wayne Rooney's autobiography. For free.
Big-Griff
19-04-2010, 03:41 PM
Ron Noads is a realy nice bloke
mrgins
19-04-2010, 03:44 PM
The FA has just announced that, as a result of the Portsmouth situation, this season has only been a test and promotions/relegations will be disregarded.
I repeat, this season has only been a test. In the event of a real season, we would have been promoted.
1fbb
art malice
19-04-2010, 03:53 PM
Stephen Fry has more words in his vocabulary than there are stars in the universe
Big-Griff
19-04-2010, 03:53 PM
It has been reveald that doris johnson a 98 yr old palace fan owns Selhurst park and has left it along with her 100 million fortune to Steve Copple with the only provision that he returns to his spiritual home and turns us in to world beaters
mrgins
19-04-2010, 03:58 PM
The Daily Mail has just discovered that Sir Steve Coppell disowned his aunt Doris in 1975 and that the fortune has been passed on to his wife's cousin, a little known sibling of Ron Noades
art malice
19-04-2010, 05:22 PM
If you took all of Stephen Fry's brain cells and stretched them end to end, they would circumnavigate the entire universe twice
Big-Griff
24-04-2010, 08:28 PM
Apples taste like chicken
mrgins
02-05-2010, 06:59 PM
According to the Daily Mail, four men purporting to be match officials, were found bound and gagged in the trunk of a car today. Police are searching for four Sheffield men who may have reffed today's game at Hillsboro
TOOPM
02-05-2010, 10:31 PM
The FA has just announced that, as a result of the Portsmouth situation, this season has only been a test and promotions/relegations will be disregarded.
I repeat, this season has only been a test. In the event of a real season, we would have been promoted.
I hate to question your source, but I understood this has been declared due to L****pool finishing outside the top four?
Big-Griff
07-05-2010, 06:33 PM
Bathing in elephant wee will extend your life by 200 yrs
art malice
18-05-2010, 07:54 AM
Trevor Brooking was one of the clowns alongside Steve Strange in the 1980 David Bowie Ashes to Ashes video
nelson alfie
18-05-2010, 05:46 PM
Art Gurfunkel once walked around Vermont pushing a wheelbarrow with a moose sitting in it
mrgins
18-05-2010, 10:43 PM
Every third thursday during a leap year, when the moon is full, Vermonters are allowed to drive on the sidewalks at high velocity in their underwear
Staines Eagle
19-05-2010, 08:47 PM
Polish Catholics believe that if you observe the reflection of the moon through holy water you will see an image of the late Pope John Paul.
Phil's Barber
19-05-2010, 09:10 PM
General Chit Chat and General Palace Discussion are both been considered for the Rank of Field Marshall.
peagle
11-06-2010, 09:17 PM
No fossils of T-rex's have ever been found, archeologists have simply based them on cave drawings.
mrgins
11-06-2010, 10:16 PM
For the first time since its inception, FIFA is allowing each team to take one player from another country to play in the opening round. If that player does not score for his adoptive team, his native team is eliminated. This will shorten the competition to about five days
peagle
12-06-2010, 10:44 AM
No British Monarch has ever played for the England football team, however Henry VII did represent the beach volleyball team in 1508.
art malice
21-06-2010, 05:02 PM
Although she laughs up to 300 times a day, Sue Barker hasn't found anything funny since 1976
Big-Griff
23-06-2010, 11:54 PM
A bird in the hand is worth no more than £2-20
art malice
25-08-2010, 10:41 PM
The sound of laughter reverberating around a human voicebox floods the body with feelgood hormone serotonin - which causes cancer
NZsparky
26-08-2010, 02:40 AM
Idi Ahmin's Trypanophobia was so bad he donated blood using leeches attached to his haemorroids. Specially trained ones that he used for internal bleeds could hold their breath for up to twenty minutes
Te Pouakai
26-08-2010, 03:16 AM
A bird in the hand is worth no more than £2-20
Whereas a bird using her hand is worth buying a drink costing more than £2-20 (afterwards). :p
Big-Griff
26-08-2010, 01:51 PM
It has been declared that all males between the age of 40 to 45 will be summonds to give kylie a good sorting out:p
Excowboy
26-08-2010, 02:04 PM
Bono is his own grandfather.
In exchange for selling soul to Rupert Murdoch, he was allowed to travel back in time and impregnate Sonny Bono's mother. On a tour to Ireland, Sonny begat Bono, thus endowing him with his famous singing ability but bereft of any soul.
He is Daddy Bono.
Big-Griff
26-08-2010, 02:06 PM
Fabio Capello is a good manager
CT_Palace
26-08-2010, 02:31 PM
Frank Sinatra lip-synched all his live performances.
NZsparky
26-08-2010, 08:59 PM
It has been declared that all males between the age of 40 to 45 will be summonds to give kylie a good sorting out:p
My invitation says I have to titilate her mastectomy:sob:
ab7
JEagleF
26-08-2010, 10:16 PM
Adam Johnson wanted to be a clown when he was younger.
But he was shit and became a footballer instead.
http://twitter.com/Wikiballs
If you enjoyed this thread then you'll enjoy this twitter page
nelson alfie
20-09-2010, 01:35 PM
The alphabet thread part lV was closed due to mrgins continually using the wrong letters.
JEagleF
20-09-2010, 04:47 PM
All Geography lessons in schools are, in fact, just colouring in.
Big-Griff
20-09-2010, 05:18 PM
All hungarian shot putters are banned from church on a tuesday
CT_Palace
20-09-2010, 06:23 PM
On October 24, 1861, voters from Kanawha voted overwhelmingly to form the new state of West Virginia because it was easier to spell.
JEagleF
23-09-2010, 11:16 PM
Latvia bans licking of all forms.
NZsparky
24-09-2010, 01:47 AM
I saw a fat person at an art class but it's okay he was drawing a pear
Big-Griff
24-09-2010, 06:43 AM
In Vietnam,any virgin over the age of 20 will be sacrificed to RaRa............the god of lady GAGA
CT_Palace
29-09-2010, 12:59 PM
By the age of 45 the avg German male has eaten 8.5miles of bratwurst and 32 truck loads of cabbage. Accordingly the same avg German male has farted 3 Zeppelins worth of gas.
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