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If you laid the entire poulation of Brighton end to end it wouldnt prove anything but it would be a fun thing to do
RickyB
05-01-2005, 04:04 PM
Originally posted by DDD
Despite the famous lyric of the song n-n-n- nineeteen by Paul Hardcastle the average age of a combat soldier in Vietnam was in fact 61.
Paul later admitted that the book about the conflict he was reading at the time that inspired his seminal piece was in fact upside down...
:D
CanveyEagle
05-01-2005, 04:05 PM
In laboratory conditions it was actually proved that 9 out of 10 boys go to Kelis's back garden after drinking a milk shake made by her, and thus she is legally able to make the statement that her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, as the 10th boy is still undecided on his yard-going
Jonboy
05-01-2005, 08:21 PM
If you laid the entire student nurse population of London end to end no one would be in the least bit surprised.
Jonboy
05-01-2005, 08:21 PM
Originally posted by Kevan Woz Awful
Not true.
The analogy used to be about the population of China being able to stand on the Isle of Wight . But this ceased to be possible on 18 July 2004 when having reached a population of 1,366,041,600 (which increases by 20 million per annum) they now can't all fit on.:D
But they will when the tide goes out.
EagleSE24
05-01-2005, 08:55 PM
I invented the fork.
firesign
05-01-2005, 09:17 PM
The Sylvanian Family of children's toys was originally called the Sylvian Family ; their creator, Hugh Booster-Flush, was a gay designer who had a schoolboy crush on David Sylvian leader singer of eary 80's New Romatic combo Japan. Unfortunately, the factory producing the packaging for first consignment of figures spelled the name incorrectly. Owner MB Games at first considered having everything re-done but then decided it would be too costly and stuck with the Sylvanian monicker. The sad footnote to this story is that a heartbroken Booster-Flush, who saw the figures as the ultimate tribute to the deep-voiced singer once described as the "most beautiful man in the world", was so distraught that he threw himself off Brighton Pier while listening to Tin Drum on his Sony Walkman.
Blind_Eagle
06-01-2005, 07:33 AM
Amazingly no Jack Russells have ever been admitted to freemasonry
Blind_Eagle
06-01-2005, 07:35 AM
The site of the Garden of Eden can be found on the A22 in Kent where the original bridge still stands to this day.
Blind_Eagle
06-01-2005, 07:36 AM
Most europeans are allergic to heron eggs
Blind_Eagle
06-01-2005, 07:37 AM
Left undisturbed the human head louse can grow to the size of a large pumpkin
t_appletart
06-01-2005, 08:05 AM
david beckham has never played for real madrid. its is in fact a david beckham look a like.
the real david has emigrate to japan, where he is working as a david beckham look a like, earning 34p more than his contract at real is worth
Selhurst300
06-01-2005, 12:06 PM
The original Crystal Palace was built to house the UK nuclear weapons manufacturing facility.
CanveyEagle
06-01-2005, 12:08 PM
All Russians are allergic to Marzipan............
u8mygoat
06-01-2005, 12:14 PM
TV show the Simpsons is actually filmed using live actors who are then coloured in using felt tips at a later date.
Moonbeam
06-01-2005, 12:17 PM
My uncle played the lead in "Mary Poppins" subsequently credited to Julie Andrews
u8mygoat
06-01-2005, 12:21 PM
Due to the change in pressure most sharks are only one third their normal size when at depths of over 15m.
CanveyEagle
06-01-2005, 12:22 PM
WWE Wrestling sensation Andre The Giant, was in fact only 4 foot tall, and starred in Time Bandits, clever camera work though made him look like a behemoth
Fatman
06-01-2005, 12:26 PM
Vicks vapour rub is actually a delicacy in the Congo
1f46
CanveyEagle
06-01-2005, 12:30 PM
The playing of Fruit Machines is currently being considered as an event for the 2016 Olympics in Tunbridge Wells.
DANCOO
06-01-2005, 12:32 PM
The "Great Wall Of China" is not a wall, it is actually a bridge which spans the worlds longest narrowest river.
Moonbeam
06-01-2005, 12:37 PM
Swallowing chewing gum can make you cross eyed
u8mygoat
06-01-2005, 12:48 PM
Construction is the only word in the English language that spelss the same backwards and forwards.
CanveyEagle
06-01-2005, 12:50 PM
Playing regular Bingo increases a womans life expectancy by around 14 minutes
Moonbeam
06-01-2005, 12:50 PM
Mum is the most commonly used "last word"
DANCOO
06-01-2005, 01:12 PM
Rules state that :
"The mawashi, ( silk belt ) of a Sumo wrestler, must not only weigh the exact same weight as the wrestler, but must also match the colour of his eyes. IF ,( as in the case of Kintunkinowa ( The Ice Cream Van )), the wrestler has two different coloured eyes, the wrestler may choose the colour of his more prominent 'seeing' eye".
u8mygoat
06-01-2005, 01:21 PM
In the Ukraine the judicial system for big trials has been replaced by a Pop Idol style game show. The true criminal is accompanied by 11 other supposed criminals and after each day of the live televised trial the public votes off one contestant. The final remaining contestant is then jailed for the crime.
Faithless
06-01-2005, 01:31 PM
It is possible to lick your own elbow
CanveyEagle
07-01-2005, 08:51 AM
Morgan Freeman has never eaten a muller light yoghurt.
Jalfrezi_Enema
07-01-2005, 01:04 PM
The Elephant is so called because there is an ant at the centre with a quality set of egyptian remote controls in a giant blow-up Eleph suit.
The trunk, however, is separate and does what the f*ck it likes.
Jalfrezi_Enema
07-01-2005, 01:12 PM
Contrary to popular belief there are only eleven days of Christmas. The supposed twelfth day having been added by a dozen drummers, eight of whom we're fed up with 10 lords leaping about on their eight milk maids, who used to come home knackered every night.
CPFC_R_GREAT
07-01-2005, 01:13 PM
The internet company Yahoo! was actually created by a man with severe depression.
Jalfrezi_Enema
07-01-2005, 01:13 PM
B is really just a double D. That reminds me, my jellies are set.
Jalfrezi_Enema
07-01-2005, 01:18 PM
Supernnovas are classified by God (or Yahweh as he is known in Welsh) as a little above average, thus confirming the belief of most space faring races that they're a bit jumped up.
CanveyEagle
07-01-2005, 01:20 PM
13 of the 50 American states have outlawed the word ' Blancmange'
E.X Moontoad
07-01-2005, 01:24 PM
The young Tony Blair appeared as an extra in an episode of Robins Nest.
Jalfrezi_Enema
07-01-2005, 01:26 PM
The word cat will score 264 points on a normal scrabble board if spelt using the Klingon alphabet. NB. a *Triple Letter Score* must be had for the Klingon letter Thackerynolan for this to be true.
CanveyEagle
07-01-2005, 01:29 PM
When Phil Collins was originally asked to star in Buster, he assumed it was a bio-pic about loveable Buster Merryfield who played hilarious Uncle Albert in Only Fools And Horses.......he was somewhat dismayed to find out that it was actually about a great train robber, and only agreed to play the part if he could release a shocking version of ' A Groovy Kind Of Love'
Jalfrezi_Enema
07-01-2005, 01:39 PM
The heat output from a 40-watt lightbulb is enough to cook a hamster
Jalfrezi_Enema
07-01-2005, 01:40 PM
A zippo lighter can stay lit in anything up to a force 8.1 gale
Pidster
07-01-2005, 01:41 PM
The pop star Sting is so called because during puberty he had problems pronouncing the letter "B".
u8mygoat
07-01-2005, 01:42 PM
Not a lot of poeple know this but melons are also a fruit.
CPFC_R_GREAT
07-01-2005, 01:43 PM
The phrase "dont count your chickens until they are hatched" was originally brought about by the irrational birthing patterns of medievil chickens. Some eggs would contain as many as thirteen chickens whilst others would hold merely a napkin. Thus rendering a farmer incapable of estimating his chicken crop.
Jalfrezi_Enema
07-01-2005, 01:44 PM
The theme tune to The Banana Splits was composed by Brahms whilst Liszt.
It will narrowly miss out on becoming the Latvian National Anthem in a phone vote in 2020. Or so astronomers tell us.
Jalfrezi_Enema
07-01-2005, 01:46 PM
2130
Scunthorpe is a fine example of tmesis.
Moonbeam
07-01-2005, 01:47 PM
Originally posted by CanveyEagle
if he could release a shocking version of ' A Groovy Kind Of Love' That was our wedding dance. Sums it up really
u8mygoat
07-01-2005, 01:48 PM
Most chairs are quadrapeds.
Jalfrezi_Enema
07-01-2005, 01:53 PM
Subsection 8 (iii) of national by-laws states that no work need be done if an interestingly inane thread is posted to a bulletin board.
's true that.
DANCOO
07-01-2005, 02:02 PM
My boss isn't a prick!
Jalfrezi_Enema
07-01-2005, 02:08 PM
Andy "The Viking" Fordham is, in fact, an Aztec.
He holds the record for the shortest appearance on the FBI's twelve most wanted list in 2003 after he ate Mount Rushmore.
The briefness of his time on the list is due to the fact that he was quickly caught.
Edited so that Any now reads Andy:clown:
CanveyEagle
07-01-2005, 02:09 PM
Originally posted by Moonbeam
That was our wedding dance. Sums it up really
We had that song by Aerosmith from Armageddon so I cant really talk...............
Jalfrezi_Enema
07-01-2005, 02:17 PM
An infinite amount of monkeys on an infinite amount of keyboards would eventually bang out a load of sh*te saleable only under the nom-de-plume, Jeffrey Archer.
Jalfrezi_Enema
07-01-2005, 02:23 PM
Rabbits are just briefly animated slippers with long ears.
3 is half of 8.
4 is H with cramp.
u8mygoat
07-01-2005, 02:24 PM
Originally QPR was going to stand for "Mighty Power Rangers" until someone pointed out Mighty doesn't start with a Q.
Pidster
07-01-2005, 03:02 PM
Little known glamour model Unitedarabemirates inspired Katie Price to change her name.
RickyB
07-01-2005, 03:05 PM
Rabbits are so named because they talk too much.
CanveyEagle
07-01-2005, 03:08 PM
Chas and Dave only turned to making rubbishy mockney folk type music when they failed to qualify for the final of the 2 man Bobsleigh in the 1976 Winter Olympics in Bonn, following Chas's refusal to be the one who has to push.
KevTheOptimist
07-01-2005, 03:19 PM
To call the Australian policy you DO need to dial 666
Jalfrezi_Enema
07-01-2005, 03:42 PM
Weirdly, tooth fairies prefer toe nails.
Gnomes are merely elves microwaved on full power until Wednesday.
Moonbeam
07-01-2005, 03:47 PM
Originally posted by KevTheOptimist
To call the Australian policy you DO need to dial 666 I would worry if Lucifer turned up
RickyB
07-01-2005, 03:51 PM
Originally posted by Pidster
Little known glamour model Unitedarabemirates inspired Katie Price to change her name.
:D
RickyB
07-01-2005, 03:54 PM
Originally posted by Jalfrezi_Enema
The Elephant is so called because there is an ant at the centre with a quality set of egyptian remote controls in a giant blow-up Eleph suit.
The trunk, however, is separate and does what the f*ck it likes.
hahahah!
Larry Grayson fathered 14 children, all girls.
Originally posted by CanveyEagle
he was somewhat dismayed to find out that it was actually about a great train robber, and only agreed to play the part if he could release a shocking version of ' A Groovy Kind Of Love'
A song which was originally written by Wayne Fontana of the Mindbenders. This song was originally written to feature in an advert promoting a new brand of condoms made from corduroy.
RickyB
07-01-2005, 07:52 PM
Originally posted by Smoz
A song which was originally written by Wayne Fontana of the Mindbenders. This song was originally written to feature in an advert promoting a new brand of condoms made from corduroy.
Ribbed?
Originally posted by RickyB
Ribbed?
Best worn inside out
ExeterEagle
07-01-2005, 09:09 PM
If you butter the top of a cat and drop it from a great height it will revolve indefinitely a metre above the floor, unsure whether cats should always land on their feet or whether they should always land butter side down.
ExeterEagle
07-01-2005, 09:18 PM
They say, if you are in Ursa minor in 18 million years time, you will be able to hear the chant of 'Rudi, Rudi, Rudi' for Rudi Hedman from the Palace-Swindon game in 1988!
Jalfrezi_Enema
08-01-2005, 06:39 AM
I think this thread invaded my sleep last night as I woke up this morning thinking more rubbish than usual. Nod to RickyB for a top thread. :lux:
Did you know that Richard Whiteley's sister has the second largest collection of vowels in Europe.
If you examine the molecular strucutre of Frankie Dettori under a microscope you will find all his cells to be the shape of small ponies. His reproductive organ is a horse crop.
25% of Charlton supporters are actually Gills fans who are biologically incapable of passing up a free bus ride.
Jamiroquai has the best collection of non-ferrous barge fittings in the Northern Hemisphere.
Germain Greer is the smartest woman she knows.
1f7b
Moonbeam
08-01-2005, 06:42 AM
At 07:39 in the morning? You need help
Jalfrezi_Enema
08-01-2005, 07:01 AM
Moonbeam,
I think you could well be right, unfortunately for me, help is unavailable having run away screaming.
By way of an explanation for my sorry life, it is merely a truism that if you come in to work early on a Saturday to get in some post Christmas overtime (and so you can get away to watch a bit of footie later on) the system will not be 'up'.
TOP CAT
08-01-2005, 07:20 AM
Fat people are hard to kidnap.:(
Te Pouakai
08-01-2005, 07:56 AM
Further proof that the world is nuts!
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but
the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male
animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.)
-------------------------------------------------------
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is
prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He
may only see their reflection in a mirror.
Do they look different reversed?)
------------------------------------------------------
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also
applies to undertakers. The organs of the deceased must be covered
with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick??)
-----------------------------------------------------
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
Much worse than "going blind!")
-----------------------------------------------------
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the
countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the
privilege of having sex for the first time...
Reason: Under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the
world that even comes close to this?)
---------------------------------------------------
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her
adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The
husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)
---------------------------------------------------
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in
tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)
---------------------------------------------------
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the
first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness
the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
---------------------------------------------------
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a
woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
---------------------------------------------------
In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with
one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine
only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on
the premises."
(Is this a great country or what? Not as great as Guam!)
---------------------------------------------------
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own
weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of...? How did the govt. pay for this
research??)
---------------------------------------------------
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez)
---------------------------------------------------
An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.
(I know some people like that.)
---------------------------------------------------
Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that, too)
--------------------------------------------------
And, the best for last..... Turtles can breathe through their arse.
(And you think you have bad breath?)
--------------------------------------------------
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend
will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"
----------------------------------------------------
Jalfrezi_Enema
08-01-2005, 08:06 AM
Tony Blair has more teeth than the Californian average for 2004.
CPFC_R_GREAT
08-01-2005, 03:25 PM
The popular CD BIG HITS 1997 was actually compiled in 1362
Originally posted by Jalfrezi_Enema
25% of Charlton supporters are actually Gills fans who are biologically incapable of passing up a free bus ride.
Yet some of them still tried sneaking through on the back door.
DANCOO
08-01-2005, 04:56 PM
Ginger haired people can only be created from one brown haired parent, and one blonde haired parent.
There are over ten million ginger haired people living in Britain who do not know their biological parents.
Pidster
09-01-2005, 02:21 AM
Whilst most people have heard of Gotham City’s caped crusader, few are aware of the inspiration behind our hero’s name.
Creator Bob Kane was thumbing through old newpaper crime reports, when he stumbled upon the bizarre case of Walter D Elkin, who was dubbed “The Batman” by local crime hacks. Elkin (32) was arrested by members of the NYPD in Central Park, for “pleasuring himself, whilst inserting Pipistrelle bats into his rectum”.
Whether the name Robin was similarly inspired, remains unknown.
Jalfrezi_Enema
10-01-2005, 08:05 AM
Undercover mice invaded Warner Brothers in the fifties to spread the rumour-by-cartoon that cheese in traps is the best method of catching their brethren. Meanwhile, all self-evolved mice laugh at our pathetic attempts and help themselves to another bite of swiss roll.
Odd leg callipers are so named as there are three of them.
Jade Goody (ex Michelin girl) has the smallest number of brain cells of any plant living or dead.
The annual one-man band competition at Wilmington-on-Sea was once again won by Billy the Octopus.
76% of sheds sold by Hammerhead sharks in the ’03 – ’04 fiscal period fell to bits in a month meaning they’re not quite the handymen their name implies.
1f70
Jalfrezi_Enema
10-01-2005, 08:15 AM
The only prophecy of Nostradamus to ever come true is number 13: Princess Di.
Jalfrezi_Enema
12-01-2005, 08:08 AM
Dear God, I promise never to get bored of this thread even after everyone else does. Amen.
Under Finnish FA law no other professional player is allowed an i in his name as Aki Riihilahti has them all.
The international gesture for good driving is more commonly known as the w@nker sign.
(Judging by this there are a number of critics on the road who think I'm just brilliant.)
Miniterracottaphobia is the morbid fear of Oompah-Loompahs.
RickyB
12-01-2005, 08:12 AM
Good work Jalfrezi!
In France, you are just as likely to get run over by an onion farmers truck as you are to eat an onion based salad. Be careful out there!
PalaceMonkey
12-01-2005, 08:15 AM
ok I'll help you out JE.
The phrase "there's not enough room to swing a cat" actually came from the practice of two domestic cats swing dancing. Two cats swing dancing require an area of floor of 5 square feet. So the phrase can only be used on smaller areas than this.
** In Africa however, the phrase refers to two lions dancing, and they require 20 square feet.
Jalfrezi_Enema
12-01-2005, 08:24 AM
Hurrah for the loonies! Welcome back friends.
PM - Brilliant. My sides hurt. People in the office, most of whom already think I'm a little, um, odd are now thoroughly convinced since this thread started.
Anyway:
Thunderbirds less well-known mission was to gather up every copy of puppet on a string by Sandy Shaw and have Parker burn them.
Although China has the largest nuclear strike capability of any nation, the heart of their Defence System is run on a Sinclair ZX Spectrum and can be easily defeated with the line: 120 Poke 417,8
Juicy Fruit are technically vegetables and specifically cabbage.
CanveyEagle
12-01-2005, 08:40 AM
Many people assume the Ice Cream Van franchise Mr Whippy was named as such due to the consistency and taste of the ice cream itself..............this is wrong however, the first guy to drive an ice cream van (Mr Donal Jeffpot) actually had a penchant for extremely kinky sex, involving BDSM games, and thus the name came from his peversion...................
CanveyEagle
12-01-2005, 08:43 AM
The Fonz is the patron saint of Lithuania...............
PalaceMonkey
12-01-2005, 09:04 AM
The Aztec Monkey God Quzetacocal used to bathe every day in molten brass, and then one fine day the Spanish invaded. A leading Conquistador, Fred, found the big Q hiding in a cooking pot.
Fred took a liking to Q and took him back to Spain with him. Fred & Q became very close over the years, and one of Fred's favourite pastimes was to keep Q's brass coat nice & shiny.
Anyways, one August morning Fred got a brochure through the door advertising sight-seeing tours to see the Fog on the Tyne (all mine, all mine). He was so excited that he booked a pair of first class tickets to Newcastle.
It was a slow boat and took 4 months to get to Newcastle :(
Fred & Q hadn't been to England before, and had only packed clothes suitable for a Spanish summer.
But looking through the portholes on the boat, they could see all the locals wandering around in t-shirts and v short skirts.
They both rushed out of their cabin to to see the fog and greet the locals. In their hurry however Q fell off the gangplank and into the icy waters below.
Fred had just been shining Q's balls, so they were quite warm at the time, so when they fell in the water the extreme temperature change caused his balls to shatter :eek:
thus the phrase "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey" was coined
Jalfrezi_Enema
12-01-2005, 09:59 AM
‘Fat Tony’ Salvatore, the gangster God, is currently in hiding after recently waking up to find the horse head nebula on the pillow next to him.
CanveyEagle
12-01-2005, 10:02 AM
Nokia is actually Finnish for ' annoying c*nt on train'
E.X Moontoad
12-01-2005, 10:15 AM
Two audience members stormed out of a Cliff Richard concert at the Watford Palace Theatre in December 1991, when the veteran popstar was heard to mutter the words 'oh bums', upon hitting a wrong note during his Christmas smash 'Mistletoe and Wine'.
Jalfrezi_Enema
13-01-2005, 08:12 AM
The Great Tit is the referee of the avian kingdom.
Jalfrezi_Enema
13-01-2005, 08:13 AM
The trade deficit will be lowered by 12% in May when Jeremy Clarkson’s new product, The Inflatable Ego, goes on sale in America.
CanveyEagle
13-01-2005, 08:29 AM
Darts player Steve ' The Adonis' Beatons bubble perm actually accounts for half his body weight..............
Phil's Barber
13-01-2005, 09:33 AM
In England it is an offence to be courteous to a BMW driver on the Queen's highway. Tho only exception to this is in the South London area where it is illegal to be courteous to anyone.
DANCOO
13-01-2005, 09:36 AM
Like doplhins, headlice stay with the same partner for life.
Jalfrezi_Enema
13-01-2005, 09:41 AM
The Starfish is so called for winning Hughie Green’s Opportunity Knocks two years running in ‘74 and ‘76.
Jalfrezi_Enema
13-01-2005, 09:41 AM
Um, The Open University have yet to elect a new ‘Chair of Consecutive Year Counting’ meaning the course is unavailable for the foreseeable future.
RickyB
13-01-2005, 10:50 AM
1f55
banana's are actually cucumbers gone wrong.
RickyB
13-01-2005, 10:51 AM
Due to bad translation, when Napolean Bonaparte said "not tonight josephin", he had actually said "•••• you bitch, go get me some more melon."
PalaceMonkey
13-01-2005, 10:53 AM
Contrary to popular belief a Glasgow Kiss is not a headbutt, it's where you run up to a "lady of the night" kiss her proffered hand and run off giggling.
It's one of Frankie Dettoris' fave pastimes!
RickyB
13-01-2005, 10:54 AM
a chipatti is exactly that - a Chip Pattie!
Jalfrezi_Enema
13-01-2005, 11:12 AM
Una Stubbs is literally covered in cigarette burns.
Jalfrezi_Enema
13-01-2005, 11:13 AM
Ray Stubbs, however, has virtually no toes left on his right foot.
PalaceMonkey
13-01-2005, 11:14 AM
in reality only 2 men went to mow a meadow, and no dogs were present.
CanveyEagle
13-01-2005, 11:15 AM
Burberry is the official tartan of Canvey Island..........
as216
13-01-2005, 11:28 AM
A distant relative of mine had a bit part in Star Wars.
His line was "I've been hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttt" before his X-Wing crashed into the Death Star.
Jalfrezi_Enema
14-01-2005, 07:57 AM
The true or false format first appeared in 1731 as a mini-game in the American-Indian game show, Big-Cow-Humping’s - The Barter is Right.
NB. The lucky winner got a tent flap.
Jalfrezi_Enema
14-01-2005, 11:52 AM
Although scientific mouse, Bert427, has a large human ear growing out of his back, he is in fact, deaf as a post.
u8mygoat
14-01-2005, 12:05 PM
The Beano was the world's first edible comic and came in orange, tropical and chocolate falvours.
u8mygoat
14-01-2005, 12:07 PM
Contary to what the London Wax works Museum will tell you the famous "Madame" only had one sword.
Jalfrezi_Enema
14-01-2005, 02:29 PM
The Hershey Bar is purely for lesbians.
PalaceMonkey
14-01-2005, 02:30 PM
the USA has very few roundabouts. This is because americans are terrified of big circular things.
Il Padrino
14-01-2005, 02:33 PM
Cows can't walk down stairs
CanveyEagle
14-01-2005, 02:36 PM
The spelling category in popular gameshow 'Bullseye' in 1986 was dropped following many complaints, it transpired that people were offended by a cartoon bull walking along the bottom of the screen checking the contestants spelling of ' pissflaps'
When driving their tractors, Farmers wear a small timepiece in their undergarments to ward off the anguished spirits of foals who died at birth.
A few little known facts about the UK
The City of Birmingham smells of tangerines
The principal export of Glasgow is alcoholism
Milton Keynes has the highest proportion of spectacle wearers in the whole country
More people in Brighton work for MacDonalds than in any other company
The Museum of Sandpaper in Dudley was the most visited tourist attraction of 2004
Selhurst Celtic
14-01-2005, 03:42 PM
Pooh is actually white until it hits the atmosphere where it promptly turns brown.
Try it. Defecate over a mirror and watch as it miraculously changes colour.
PalaceMonkey
14-01-2005, 03:44 PM
There is a parallel universe where Ron Noades is a nice person
Jalfrezi_Enema
14-01-2005, 03:53 PM
Jackie Stillalone, Celebrity BB contestant and professional horse, ruptured and died 4 years ago.
RickyB
14-01-2005, 03:57 PM
You soooooooo know it's getting close to 5.00pm on a Friday when this thread pop's back to life!
Don't let this thread die! some real BBS quality here! :-)
CanveyEagle
14-01-2005, 04:05 PM
Scrumpy Cider actually runs through the veins of people who were born in Somerset.
Phil's Barber
14-01-2005, 04:13 PM
The holes in Swiss cheese are left when maturing Swiss roll is removed.
Burglarly is legal in Greenland
Barry Manilow has the worlds largest collection of 18th century French Pornography
Phil's Barber
14-01-2005, 04:18 PM
Maltesers are strictly forbidden in Malta, where as Venetian Blinds are compulsory in Venice.
Ouch that Hurt!
14-01-2005, 04:20 PM
When turning the map of Great Britain in line with True North on a world scale Southampton is 3.45 miles north of Northampton.
1f4a
The architect Norman Foster got the idea for the Swiss Re: Tower, otherwise known 'The Gherkin' whilst 'pleasuring himself' in the bath.
A pint of bitter was named, not after it's taste, but down to the fact the orginal brewer of ale, a Mr J Harkins, promptly bit his wife shortly after creating his tipple through sheer excitement.
mrgins
14-01-2005, 06:36 PM
one bottle of beer sitting on a wall, could never accidentally fall, let alone 99 bottles
RickyB
14-01-2005, 06:44 PM
The 100 bottles in aforementioned nursery/rhyme cum dirge, were actually smashed before falling off the wall by a 'suprised' Humpty Dumpty, on a much higher wall.
Humpty was said to be 'disappointed' with this turn of events.
mrgins
14-01-2005, 06:47 PM
It has just been announced that a committee is to be formed to investigates Humpty Dumpty's alleged fall. It appears evidence has surfaced to the contrary, bringing an element of suspicious or foul play to the fore.
RickyB
14-01-2005, 06:55 PM
It is thought that Prince Harry is not one of the people that the Humpty Investigation Panel (HIP) are wanting to speak with about this terrible accident/crime.
Jalfrezi_Enema
17-01-2005, 09:20 AM
If the cat hadn't run away with the spoon Humpty wouldn't have had to chase it up the wall in the first place.
CanveyEagle
17-01-2005, 09:25 AM
The purchase of speedboats in Warrington went up by approx 13% following their use as a prize on TV gameshow ' Bullseye'
CanveyEagle
17-01-2005, 09:26 AM
Adding on to that last point, its little known that Tony Green has actually copyrighted the phrase ' And Bullys special prize'
You should send him a cheque for 42p every time you say it........
Jalfrezi_Enema
17-01-2005, 09:29 AM
Tarry Nae-Moore, the Scottish inventor of Velcro, died of starvation in 1908 after a tragic confluence of events brought together a litre of whiskey, the velcro underpant and the velcro toilet seat.
PalaceMonkey
17-01-2005, 09:30 AM
Cats are totally bald.
During the pregnancy female cats steal hair clippings from their owners whilst they sleep, and use this hair to give the illusion of fur.
This is why pets come to look like their owners.
stray cats, not having owners to steal from, have to make to do with whatever they can find lying around.
This is why some stray cats look like hubcaps
CanveyEagle
17-01-2005, 09:32 AM
At the recent Indoor Bowls world championship, it is estimated the crowd had had 71 hip replacements between them...........which is enough to build the new robocop.
Kevan Woz Awful
17-01-2005, 09:46 AM
Neil Byemouth starved to death in hospital.
Jalfrezi_Enema
17-01-2005, 10:14 AM
The term ‘Buffalo Soldier’ refers to Eric the Bison, the gung-ho member of the 9th cavalry who was always trying to get everybody to stampede the enemy.
Eau de Toilette was orginally invented by a young French chap who was to tight to purchase proper perfume for his mistress, and used actual 'scented toilet water' instead.
stevey_d
17-01-2005, 11:29 AM
Try as you might you cant see your own neck without looking in a mirror or reflection of some sort.
Theoretically some lottery numbers will win you more money than others. The least chosen six numbers will mean less people to share the winnings with. (i think that makes sense)
suits_you
17-01-2005, 11:41 AM
Originally posted by PalaceMonkey
Cats are totally bald.
During the pregnancy female cats steal hair clippings from their owners whilst they sleep, and use this hair to give the illusion of fur.
This is why pets come to look like their owners.
stray cats, not having owners to steal from, have to make to do with whatever they can find lying around.
This is why some stray cats look like hubcaps
rofl
Jalfrezi_Enema
17-01-2005, 11:47 AM
PM,
Aaah, this probably explains why my hubcap keeps running off to shag next doors Persian and why I often find it sitting contentedly on my warm bonnet.
Jalfrezi_Enema
17-01-2005, 02:03 PM
66 year old woman gives birth to baby girl....hold on, apparently, that's a fact.
Spiders are able to tie a perfect 8-bight braid knot with their legs behind their ears. They don’t often do so, however, as it generally leaves them with their face in the dirt.
Jalfrezi_Enema
19-01-2005, 01:19 PM
Emperor Ming was made of ancient fine-bone china and if Flash Gordon had only known, a quick shot with a .05 catapult would have smashed him to bits.
RickyB
19-01-2005, 01:26 PM
This weeks award for tenacity goes to Jalfrezi_Enema for his unerring effort in keeping this thread going... Bravo fella'!
:-) :-)
Keep up the good work.
CanveyEagle
19-01-2005, 01:37 PM
RickyB doesnt actually exist
He is just a figament of our imagination, designed to make us think up all sorts of crap
2040
RickyB
19-01-2005, 01:40 PM
I iz Trolley and I claim my five bucks.
Jalfrezi_Enema
19-01-2005, 02:03 PM
RB,
It's not my fault, I just can't stop, Dear God, help me.
;)
Arsenal are so named as their players can fling a whole cow from a buffet table, arse ‘n’ all.
CanveyEagle
19-01-2005, 02:07 PM
Motorway service stations, and in particular ' Little Chef' cafes, are to be used to hold and torture terrorists from now on
PalaceMonkey
19-01-2005, 02:08 PM
Ray Charles could see perfectly, he just thought it was cool to wear sunglasses all the time. :cool:
CanveyEagle
19-01-2005, 02:12 PM
Linda Lusardi has completed more Times crosswords than any other person in the history of mankind
EagleSE24
19-01-2005, 02:13 PM
On average men can have 15000 orgasms in their lifetime. Once they have all been used up you can never have another.
DANCOO
19-01-2005, 02:13 PM
Originally posted by PalaceMonkey
:cool:
Hey, hey, hey...just wait a minute. NO-ONE said we could use visual aids.:veryangry
PalaceMonkey
19-01-2005, 02:20 PM
Originally posted by DANCOO
:veryangry
pot, kettle, black?
;)
DANCOO
19-01-2005, 02:22 PM
Originally posted by PalaceMonkey
pot, kettle, black?
;)
er, yeah...it was sort of meant to be a joke.:hmph:
CanveyEagle
19-01-2005, 02:26 PM
In Tasmania , jokes are illegal, and punishable by death by stoning, but they dont use stones, they use Jawbreakers - which as most people know, are rock hard.
Jalfrezi_Enema
20-01-2005, 09:09 AM
Chameleon faced super-coach ‘The Gaffer’ manages every football club in England.
DANCOO
20-01-2005, 09:41 AM
The world's weakest adhesive - Pritt Stick, possesses no adhesive properties what-so-ever. It's lack of stickiness is due to the fact it merely entices together the objects it is to stick, rather than physically bonding them.
Superglue also uses this method, but unlike Pritt Stick, it has mastered the art of persuasion for the unbreakable bond.
PalaceMonkey
20-01-2005, 09:42 AM
Originally posted by DANCOO
er, yeah...it was sort of meant to be a joke.:hmph:
:D
Moonbeam
20-01-2005, 09:52 AM
It is thought that gravedigging is the only job where you start at the top and gradually work your way to the bottom.
Jalfrezi_Enema
20-01-2005, 02:24 PM
Miss Donna Tellow recently tried her hand at painting and very nearly sold her first effort "Pizza Madonna" (a picture of her favourite singer eating a meat feast) for $1.4 million dollars at auction.
Jalfrezi_Enema
21-01-2005, 09:16 AM
I guess a day just wouldn't be complete without me posting to myself on my favourite thread.
Since David Beckham moved to Madrid, the phrase "tu conoces" is the most recorded sound bite in the history of Spanish tv.
PalaceMonkey
21-01-2005, 09:22 AM
:)
The original Buckaroo game actually contained a tiny living donkey type creature. However it was soon replaced by the plastic one after a heartbreaking suffocation incident on Christmas Day.
Jalfrezi_Enema
21-01-2005, 12:06 PM
PM - :D
“It’s quite simple”, explained Dr. Ghurpal from his office on the banks of the Gangees. “Our holy men find communing with the holy of holies quite deafening and to symbolise this often remove their aural appendages as an act of faith.”
“Later in life, the necessity to see often requires them to have glasses and so prosthetics are prepared for them, hence the term, Fakirs.”
CanveyEagle
21-01-2005, 01:06 PM
Car Insurance in the US is not rated by the car or the drivers profile like over here, it is actually rated by how funny your bumper sticker is, which is given marks out of 10 by the insurers
Hence people who have ' My other car is a ferrari' pay top dollar.
CanveyEagle
24-01-2005, 10:34 AM
Dont let this thread die!!!
PalaceMonkey
24-01-2005, 10:35 AM
Jalfrezi Enema is not just an ordinary palace fan, but is none other than Mr Eddie Izzard!
CanveyEagle
24-01-2005, 10:36 AM
Badgers hate Ludo
Phil's Barber
24-01-2005, 10:39 AM
A little known fact about the freemasons. If you offer the correct handshake they will provide you with stone carvings and repairs at no cost.
CanveyEagle
24-01-2005, 10:39 AM
People on the BBS with an average posts per day of over 10 are clinically defined as ' Addicts'
PalaceMonkey
24-01-2005, 10:49 AM
Originally posted by CanveyEagle
People on the BBS with an average posts per day of over 10 are clinically defined as ' Addicts'
I don't support Charlton :sob:
anyhoo,
To keep up with modern times, the four horsemen of the apocalypse are now known as the Four Vespa-riders of the apocalypse.
1f68
Phil's Barber
24-01-2005, 11:02 AM
The competition run by the Sun newspaper during the Falklands war "Kill an Argie and win a Mini Metro" was won by Trolley of BBS fame.
PalaceMonkey
24-01-2005, 11:07 AM
After the Masters of the Universe cartoon finished, He-man had to get a job as a bouncer at the Brannigans in Crawley.
He is paid £9 an hour.
PalaceMonkey
24-01-2005, 11:29 AM
"mad" Jack McClunty sued ABC television over their program "The Littlest Hobo" claiming false advertising.
Jack is only 18 inches tall and weighs a mere 9 ounces, and has lived on the streets of Torbay for nearly 70 years.
PalaceMonkey
24-01-2005, 11:31 AM
"Beware the ides of March" some person said to Caesar.
Someone else who should be wary of them is none other than the Queen!
This is because it is legal to throw ducks at her on this day.
DANCOO
24-01-2005, 11:34 AM
Herve Villechaize's lungs are so small, he is only able to say words of no longer than three letters. Sentences must contain no more than nineteen words, and swimming underwater is impossible.
Richard Kiel, on the other, won't shut up. He is able to stay underwater in one breath for the same time as a Minky whale.
DANCOO
24-01-2005, 11:39 AM
"What goes up must come down". - Try telling Carlos Qualerez that, who
has been gradually floating upwards through the atmosphere for the last twelve years.
DANCOO
24-01-2005, 11:40 AM
.
PalaceMonkey
24-01-2005, 11:40 AM
you're on form Dancoo :p
PalaceMonkey
24-01-2005, 11:45 AM
everyone on the isle of man is colourblind and smells a bit peaty
Smurph
24-01-2005, 11:48 AM
There's no business like showbusiness, apart from wrestling.
CanveyEagle
24-01-2005, 11:49 AM
Mr Benn was pulled from TV schedules in 1973, when a particuarly contreversial episode aired.
He went to the fancy dress shop as normal, however when he came out he was wearing a polka dot dress, pearls, and blonde wig - and promptly pronounced himself ' Mrs Benn'
With the 70's as it was this was massively frowned upon, and the show has never been seen since.
DANCOO
24-01-2005, 11:57 AM
If everyone on the planet was to run in the opposite direction to the direction the Earth turns, at an average speed of 12mph, the surface of the Earth would roll up underneath our feet like a rug, and expose the delicate clockwork mechanism which keeps the Earth turning.
DANCOO
24-01-2005, 01:25 PM
The props department working on Octopussy were in hot water with the director when they showed up on set with Zsa Zsa Gabor, Ronald Regan and Yoko Ono.
"No, No, No!!!", screamed the director, "I said I wanted a three AQUARIUMS."
PalaceMonkey
24-01-2005, 01:28 PM
The best way to a man's heart is not through his stomach,
but whilst giving him a blowjob, whilst he's watching footy on the box and has a cool can of booze in his hand.
Jalfrezi_Enema
25-01-2005, 11:24 AM
Originally posted by PalaceMonkey
Jalfrezi Enema is not just an ordinary palace fan, but is none other than Mr Eddie Izzard!
it was the red dress wot give it away, I KNEW spangles were too much.
:)
Jalfrezi_Enema
25-01-2005, 11:27 AM
Knicker elastic has the highest tensile recoil of any known material and can repel a groping hand with enough force to take it off at the wrist.
In my experience anyway.
PalaceMonkey
25-01-2005, 11:31 AM
Fraggles were not created as muppet type creatures in the conventional sense but are actually the bastar_d off-spring of Jim Henson & Miss Piggy
Jalfrezi_Enema
25-01-2005, 11:32 AM
Galaxy chocolate really does come from the Milky Way, whereas Nestlé chocolate is extruded from the arse end of chickens.
dowieslovechild
25-01-2005, 11:36 AM
A stiff d**k has no conscience
A naked man NEVER wins an argument
DANCOO
25-01-2005, 11:37 AM
If we are to be historically accurate, it is not "Nelson's Column", but actually "Nelson's Corinthian Pillar".
Jalfrezi_Enema
25-01-2005, 11:46 AM
The original "Nelson's Corinthian Pillar", much smaller than it's inaccurately named replacement, was sold by the Belgians to a Texan. It is now believed to be secreted under the skirts of the Statue of Liberty, who declines to comment.
;)
DANCOO
25-01-2005, 11:49 AM
Jermey Beadle is actually a dwarf, but unlike most dwarves, he has an oversized body, head, arms, legs and hand.
The game of marbles was started totally by accident. A young couple were having a massive argument and the woman split open her partners scrotum, releasing his nuts to the floor! As he stood there looking down a by passer thought he was playing a game and asked the man 'what is that called ?' - to which the new eunuch replied 'My balls' !
1f75
DANCOO
25-01-2005, 12:03 PM
Originally posted by igl
The game of marbles was started totally by accident. A young couple were having a massive argument and the woman split open her partners scrotum, releasing his nuts to the floor! As he stood there looking down a by passer thought he was playing a game and asked the man 'what is that called ?' - to which the new eunuch replied 'My balls' !
:p
Jalfrezi_Enema
25-01-2005, 12:27 PM
In reality 'Chad' was over there.
jordanismygod
25-01-2005, 12:34 PM
Snow drops are actually unwanted particles of a cloud.
Jalfrezi_Enema
25-01-2005, 12:42 PM
By the same token, "Chav woz 'ere" was the most popular grafitti slogan in Gillingham for 3 years running.
CanveyEagle
25-01-2005, 12:48 PM
Dancoo's boss isn't actually a prick, he is just someone who is fed up with the amount of time he spends posting inane ramblings on a site like this - especially when this particular thread has been maintained by the same 4 people for the last 10 days or so.
CanveyEagle
25-01-2005, 12:48 PM
82.6% of statements on this thread are actually true...........
DANCOO
25-01-2005, 12:50 PM
Originally posted by CanveyEagle
Dancoo's boss isn't actually a prick, he is just someone who is fed up with the amount of time he spends posting inane ramblings on a site like this - especially when this particular thread has been maintained by the same 4 people for the last 10 days or so.
..........................he IS a prick.
RickyB
26-01-2005, 07:11 AM
Due to inflation, a bird in the hand is now worth 3.75 in the bush.
:-)
Keep it up lads!
Jalfrezi_Enema
27-01-2005, 10:29 AM
Garlic is a great conductor of electricity, a fact discovered in the late 1800’s by Dynamo Kiev, a chicken factory in Russia who have shocked their livestock to death ever since.
PalaceMonkey
27-01-2005, 10:30 AM
In reality Rik Waller is 7 people secured together with double-sided sticky tape
CanveyEagle
27-01-2005, 10:38 AM
Custard is poisonous, however when eaten with Apple Pie you are safe, as the apple acts as an antidote..........
Jalfrezi_Enema
27-01-2005, 10:52 AM
New York is twinned with our very own York and will house the newly relocated Museum of Traction Engines.
u8mygoat
27-01-2005, 11:55 AM
All dreams have hidden subliminal messages that can only been deciphered if the dream is played backwards.
u8mygoat
27-01-2005, 11:56 AM
"I can't believe it's not butter" is actually butter.
u8mygoat
27-01-2005, 12:03 PM
Sex was invented in 1838.
u8mygoat
27-01-2005, 12:04 PM
73% of garden sheds are female.
CanveyEagle
27-01-2005, 12:08 PM
The Golden Girls on TV had a combined age of 459, amazingly they are all now dead except the one who looked like a shrivelled prune and started in ' Stop Or My Momma Will Shoot' - which incidentally is the biggest grossing move of all time in Belize
Jalfrezi_Enema
27-01-2005, 01:19 PM
David Bellamy, botanist and world class striker, was due to sign for Newcastle this weekend but unfortunately his brother’s f*cked it right up for him.
danibutcher
27-01-2005, 02:19 PM
Every 5 years the Republic of Dominca come together in a village called Killas to sacrifice the countries over 50's in order to keep the country young and vibrant
RickyB
27-01-2005, 02:24 PM
Originally posted by Jalfrezi_Enema
David Bellamy, botanist and world class striker, was due to sign for Newcastle this weekend but unfortunately his brother’s f*cked it right up for him.
:D
Jalfrezi_Enema
28-01-2005, 09:37 AM
When attacked by lions, simply repeating the phrase “Ungowa Simba” in an assertive manner will cause them to flee.
(The same is also true of women and the phrase “Fair enough, it’s a liberated world, you pay.)
PalaceMonkey
28-01-2005, 09:51 AM
Ants are fluent in several dead languages (latin and sanskrit amongst them) , however the fact that they can't speak means they cannot demonstrate their linguistic prowess
Jalfrezi_Enema
31-01-2005, 10:37 AM
Wham! translated back into Greek is âÞåëìþøð! meaning: gay bloke in toilet.
Phil's Barber
31-01-2005, 10:45 AM
Contrary to popular belief, the European butter mountain is just a normal mountain with a thin layer of St Ivel Gold applied to its surface. This is to allow downhill slalom competition on a pair of large knives.
DANCOO
04-02-2005, 02:40 PM
During the heatwave of 1976, seventeen people in Basildon went missing through sinking into soft tar.
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-02-2005, 03:12 PM
1f4e
Oestrogen seriously outranks Testosterone in the list of all time f*ck-you-don’t-mess-with-me-today, chemical exciters.
Pedidextrous: Able to put both feet in one’s mouth at the same time.
PalaceMonkey
04-02-2005, 03:19 PM
osama bin laden's favourite dessert is the muller lite yoghurt.
Sadaam's was rhubarb crumble.
it's easy to see why one is in captivity and one at large :rolleyes:
Jalfrezi_Enema
04-02-2005, 03:21 PM
There are no species of Cuckoo native to Switzerland.
PalaceMonkey
04-02-2005, 03:22 PM
clogs are usually made out of wood, however when they were first invented the dutch used fish scales.
this practice was soon dropped after everyone slipped over and stank of fish
Phil's Barber
04-02-2005, 03:35 PM
Lard is made from fat scotsmen.
DANCOO
05-02-2005, 10:36 PM
Before the 'PC' brigade got involved, "He-Man", was going to be called "She-Man".
Luke Harwood
05-02-2005, 11:35 PM
Originally posted by u8mygoat
If you counted all the people in the world and could count 1 person every second it would take you over 2 hours!
As an aside it apparently would take you 190 years if you counted 1 a second non-stop. :p
mrgins
06-02-2005, 12:23 AM
Palace Fan in Alabama is actually an unemployed milkman in east cheam
E.X Moontoad
06-02-2005, 12:31 AM
There is actually a PC Brigade employed by the Norfolk Constabulary.
mik59
06-02-2005, 02:27 PM
I'm having to read this thread in small chunks. My eyes are watering. Outstanding job by everyone.
Jalfrezi_Enema
07-02-2005, 09:08 AM
Billy Hushbrick of Little Rock, Arkansas, had a tongue the size of an ant eaters. His girlfriends used to disappear suddenly and it wasn't until Sherriff W T Whackinabush solved the case that this amazing fact came to life. It seems that Billy's current girlfriend's were getting whacked by jealous viers for the post.
By the time this was all discovered 30% of the towns female population had perished.
CanveyEagle
07-02-2005, 09:11 AM
In the Latvian town of Beschmirk, its actually illegal to go 'woooo' when the certificate comes up at the start of a movie in the cinema....
Repeat offenders are strapped naked to a yak, and dragged around the town, and are not released until they either they repent their sins, or the yak dies of exhaustion........
Jalfrezi_Enema
07-02-2005, 09:16 AM
Originally posted by CanveyEagle
In the Latvian town of Beschmirk, its actually illegal to go 'woooo' when the certificate comes up at the start of a movie in the cinema....
Repeat offenders are strapped naked to a yak, and dragged around the town, and are not released until they either they repent their sins, or the yak dies of exhaustion........
Class! :p
Jalfrezi_Enema
07-02-2005, 09:17 AM
The phrase “like a rat up a drainpipe” was first coined in relation to squeaky voiced, short arse Tom Cruise who was caught with a small rodent up his very tight trousers in the early eighties.
CanveyEagle
07-02-2005, 09:18 AM
Originally posted by Jalfrezi_Enema
Class! :p
As a side point, the Latvian town of Beschmirk also has the lowest mortality rate for yaks in the world.........
PalaceMonkey
07-02-2005, 09:22 AM
the popular phrase like shooting fish in a barrel, came about during the filming of a Marillion video.
halfway through the shoot the lead singer, Fish, climbed into a barrel and refused to get out.
however this actually made the filming a lot easier as no lighting, make-up etc was needed for Fish.
et voila, "like shooting fish in a barrel" was coined :p
EagleSE24
07-02-2005, 02:01 PM
87% of all people that drink diet coke are officially overwieght.
CanveyEagle
07-02-2005, 02:04 PM
Geoff Capes has spent the past 19 days with a pencil and paper and a Granny Smith in front of him in order to prove the title of this thread as untrue.......
He has so far been unsuccesful, though the Great Soprendo did do a strikingly accurate Mango.
PalaceMonkey
07-02-2005, 02:08 PM
The first planes were created when a bored Wilbur Wright glued hundreds of bees to a plank of wood.
whilst he was sitting on the plank wondering what to do next, the bees frenzied wing flapping caused the plank to rise 0.24 inches from the ground.
so the idea for the plane was born..
EagleSE24
07-02-2005, 02:15 PM
Imelda Marcos had such bad foot odour that she could only wear a pair of shoes once. After each was worn it was thrown in a purpose built cupboard complete with industrial extractor fans and 'christmas tree' air freshners.
u8mygoat
07-02-2005, 02:18 PM
Tests have shown that most people find that, contrary to the old adage, revenge is best served lukewarm.
u8mygoat
07-02-2005, 02:19 PM
After tests on both sides of blades of grass, it has been determined that both sides are equally green.
u8mygoat
07-02-2005, 02:20 PM
cd9
1035 is officially the biggest number in the world.
PalaceMonkey
07-02-2005, 02:26 PM
in an interesting development, Dawn French was brought in to see if fat women could draw apples.
however every time the researcher placed an apple for Dawn to draw, she ate it, proclaiming "it's not terry's, it's mine"
Jay_Palace
07-02-2005, 02:30 PM
Originally posted by PalaceMonkey
in an interesting development, Dawn French was brought in to see if fat women could draw apples.
however every time the researcher placed an apple for Dawn to draw, she ate it, proclaiming "it's not terry's, it's mine"
:D
DANCOO
07-02-2005, 02:31 PM
Jt had iust been confjrmed, that i's are now to become j's and vjce versa, after an announcement that these two letters had became mjxed up, about fjfteen hundred years ago whjle a transcrjpt, found jn Ierusalem was bejng translated.
Jn Iesus Chrjst our Lord, Amen.
BNEAKJRG REWS!!! N's ane row to become R's ard vjse vensa.
EagleSE24
07-02-2005, 02:34 PM
George W. Bush will only eat food that is beige in colour. He ate 'that pretzel' with his eyes closed and upon opening them and seeing it was brown, panicked, choked and passed out.
CanveyEagle
07-02-2005, 02:41 PM
When playing Cluedo, a gibbon will always choose to be Colonel Mustard, in what has become known in monkey board games circles as ' The Mustard Effect'
The rumours that Orang-Utangs always buy Park Lane and Mayfair in monopoly are as yet unproven.
DANCOO
07-02-2005, 02:46 PM
Originally posted by DANCOO
Jt had iust been confjrmed, that i's are now to become j's and vjce versa, after an announcement that these two letters had became mjxed up, about fjfteen hundred years ago whjle a transcrjpt, found jn Ierusalem was bejng translated.
Jn Iesus Chrjst our Lord, Amen.
BNEAKJRG REWS!!! N's ane row to become R's ard vjse vensa.
MONS BNSAKJRG RSWE!!! P'e wipp bscoms L'e ard vjce vsnea, ard S'e wjpp bscoms E'e ard vjcs vsnea.
DANCOO
07-02-2005, 02:50 PM
Jr two daye ths Srgpjsh aplahbst wjpp bscoms urnscogrjesabps.
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