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RickyB
04-01-2005, 09:15 AM
Here's a fun one for all those returning to work today and bored already (i go back tomorrow *grin*)
present a statement of fact as if it's true but in all honesty, it's made up, although it would be nice if it was true (you with me?)
i.e. Fat men can't draw apples
Dogs pee three times their own body weight per day.
The first sausage dog was made by Austrian chef Austin von Schlong in 1702.
The name Adam is derived from the russian Adamski, meaning "killer".
will this one carry? :-)
celery stick
04-01-2005, 09:20 AM
29% of doctors surveyed admit to being terrified of apples!
Of those, 83% said they would never approach a person who ate an apple every day.
In his later years, Louis XIV was convinced that his life was being controlled by a large bag of Granny Smith apples.
Granny Smith was allergic to apples.
RickyB
04-01-2005, 09:24 AM
nice! :-)
CanveyEagle
04-01-2005, 09:27 AM
14% of Japanese women have never been to the cinema.
Envelopes have enough adhesive on them to glue a small rodent to a wall.
PalaceMonkey
04-01-2005, 09:30 AM
There's enough iron in the human body to create a ladder that would stretch to the moon
Jasper
04-01-2005, 09:30 AM
Koala Bears have a fatal allergy to apples. If a Koala Bear were to eat an apple he would be dead within 10 minutes
PedroG
04-01-2005, 09:31 AM
48% of all statistics are made up on the spot
jabbski
04-01-2005, 09:36 AM
100% of statements on this thread are bullshit!
Hypodam
04-01-2005, 09:36 AM
Computer keyboards have the "qwerty" layout due to the inventor slipping and falling while carrying the prototype to the manufacturer. When the first one came off the production line he was shocked to see the random nature of the setup but it was too late to change them at that stage. No one has ever questioned the layout since.
RickyB
04-01-2005, 09:37 AM
One detects that you are not getting into the spirit of this jabbski? :-)
RickyB
04-01-2005, 09:38 AM
Originally posted by Hypodam
Computer keyboards have the "qwerty" layout due to the inventor slipping and falling while carrying the prototype to the manufacturer. When the first one came off the production line he was shocked to see the random nature of the setup but it was too late to change them at that stage. No one has ever questioned the layout since.
niiiice Hypodam - very creative! :-) :-)
DANCOO
04-01-2005, 09:53 AM
There is more salt in a gram of sugar than in a gram of salt.
CanveyEagle
04-01-2005, 09:58 AM
Tara Palmer Tompkinson is Bernard Cribbins neice.
73% of Dancoo's colleagues agree that his boss is a prick.
Actually a gram of sugar weighs less than a gram of salt...
bern5161
04-01-2005, 10:00 AM
The total world's population, standing closely together, would fit onto the Isle of Man.
celery stick
04-01-2005, 10:01 AM
Barry Manilow is 97.752% salt.
CanveyEagle
04-01-2005, 10:03 AM
No Bulgarian has ever competed in the Hammer in the Olympics, this is because it is revered as a sacred item in some parts of Sofia, and if it is thrown, its sacrilegous to them.
bern5161
04-01-2005, 10:03 AM
Stan Laurel and Clint Eastwood are Father and Son
Kevan Woz Awful
04-01-2005, 10:08 AM
Originally posted by bern5161
The total world's population, standing closely together, would fit onto the Isle of Man.
Not true.
The analogy used to be about the population of China being able to stand on the Isle of Wight . But this ceased to be possible on 18 July 2004 when having reached a population of 1,366,041,600 (which increases by 20 million per annum) they now can't all fit on.:D
1fb7
PENGE P
04-01-2005, 10:11 AM
Eggs are used to make shell suits - hence the name
DANCOO
04-01-2005, 10:11 AM
Originally posted by kong
73% of Dancoo's colleagues agree that his boss is a prick.
Trust me, it's more than 73%.
celery stick
04-01-2005, 10:11 AM
Originally posted by celery stick
Barry Manilow is 97.752% salt.
I'm sorry, for 'salt' read 'saccarine'.
RickyB
04-01-2005, 10:14 AM
Originally posted by Kevan Woz Awful
Not true.
The analogy used to be about the population of China being able to stand on the Isle of Wight . But this ceased to be possible on 18 July 2004 when having reached a population of 1,366,041,600 (which increases by 20 million per annum) they now can't all fit on.:D
Read the first post on this thread! :-)
mattgood
04-01-2005, 10:14 AM
If al the members of the BBS went to Selhurst only half the ground would be full.
Surprisingly, the wolverine has featured on British postage stamps more than any other animal, with 8 (eight) appearances since 1876.
Next comes the common badger, with 7 (seven) appearances, then the Kittyhawk and the Tanpan (both with 6 (six)).
PENGE P
04-01-2005, 10:14 AM
If you lay on the floor in your house and look up the ceiling will be further away then when you are standing
bern5161
04-01-2005, 10:14 AM
Originally posted by Kevan Woz Awful
Not true.
The analogy used to be about the population of China being able to stand on the Isle of Wight . But this ceased to be possible on 18 July 2004 when having reached a population of 1,366,041,600 (which increases by 20 million per annum) they now can't all fit on.:D
I bow to your superior statistical bullsh*t:p
leeeooooh2
04-01-2005, 10:14 AM
There is enough room to fit 736 Walnut whips in the average skull
RickyB
04-01-2005, 10:15 AM
Originally posted by celery stick
I'm sorry, for 'salt' read 'saccarine'.
:clown:
DANCOO
04-01-2005, 10:15 AM
December's worldwide gross sale of pink wool, outsold white wool by a ratio of 70:1.
RickyB
04-01-2005, 10:16 AM
Originally posted by Kevan Woz Awful
Not true.
The analogy used to be about the population of China being able to stand on the Isle of Wight . But this ceased to be possible on 18 July 2004 when having reached a population of 1,366,041,600 (which increases by 20 million per annum) they now can't all fit on.:D
ah! you did indeed read the first post on the thread. consider me double bluffed :-)
:clown:
Smurph
04-01-2005, 10:17 AM
The average rabbit has 14.276 siblings.
The Average Rabbit is outnumbered 2.5:1 by the Unusual Rabbit...
Kevan Woz Awful
04-01-2005, 10:20 AM
Originally posted by RickyB
Read the first post on this thread! :-)
98% of BBS'ers don't read previous threads before posting a reply.
DANCOO
04-01-2005, 10:20 AM
The American term "Independence Day", was actually stolen from a Jamaican saying "In de pen dance", which originated from dancing in an animal pen to celebrate the birth of a new born child.
Hypodam
04-01-2005, 10:22 AM
"Hard Drives" got their name because the disk inside is made from the brake disks removed from the cars of boy racers.
Hypodam
04-01-2005, 10:22 AM
Originally posted by DANCOO
The American term "Independance Day", was actually stolen from a Jamaicaan saying "In de pen dance", which originated from dancing in an animal pen to celebrate the birth of a new born child.
Excellent. I'm using that.
RickyB
04-01-2005, 10:25 AM
Originally posted by Kevan Woz Awful
98% of BBS'ers don't read previous threads before posting a reply.
:o :o
RickyB
04-01-2005, 10:26 AM
Originally posted by DANCOO
The American term "Independance Day", was actually stolen from a Jamaicaan saying "In de pen dance", which originated from dancing in an animal pen to celebrate the birth of a new born child.
That's quality Dancoo!
LMFAO! hehhe
johnbush
04-01-2005, 10:30 AM
Originally posted by PalaceMonkey
There's enough iron in the human body to create a ladder that would stretch to the moon
Don't think I believe this one.
But there is enough irony in Ben H to stretch the sense of humour of your average reader.
Blind_Eagle
04-01-2005, 10:30 AM
Since 1996 dental fillings have been recycled by most UK crematoriums.
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 10:34 AM
If you counted all the people in the world and could count 1 person every second it would take you over 2 hours!
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 10:36 AM
Most fish have the intelligence to build a wigwam but lack the tools to do it.
1f4d
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 10:37 AM
17 and 41 are the only two prime numbers which can be multiplied together to give another prime number.
Blind_Eagle
04-01-2005, 10:39 AM
Originally posted by u8mygoat
Most fish have the intelligence to build a wigwam but lack the tools to do it.
Except the stickleback, which is actually a competent wigwam builder in UK waters.
It is, however, completely useless at carving totem poles.
Calder2
04-01-2005, 10:40 AM
92.8% of all facts are made up
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 10:41 AM
Beer actually contains 0% alcohol. It turns out men just simply enjoy acting like idiots!
Blind_Eagle
04-01-2005, 10:42 AM
The Cats Eyes used on UK roads are named after the famous Andrew Lloyd-Webber musical.
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 10:43 AM
If you took all the Cambridge colleges and laid them in a line along the bottom of the sea, 83% of people would consider it a good thing.
Moonbeam
04-01-2005, 10:44 AM
Apples only mate in the dark when no plums are watching.
The femur is the only bone in the human body that can repair itself without surgery.
Sealions gave scuba divers the idea for flippers
Bush kangeroo's can go tick tick tick and humans realise that it means "Joey is trapped down a mine with a broken leg and the baddies have flooded the shaft"
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 10:46 AM
In fights between birds, eagles beat seagulls 5 to 0.
CanveyEagle
04-01-2005, 10:48 AM
Nobody has ever laughed at Jim ' Nick-Nick' Davidson
PENGE P
04-01-2005, 10:52 AM
Burnt out cars are placed in housing estates at night by police to increase the income of scrap metal merchants who are also masons
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 10:53 AM
Arnold Schwarzanegger is an anagram of Mary Poppins.
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 10:54 AM
Monkeys can fly a distance of up to 1 mile provided they start from a position 1 mile above the earth's surface.
PENGE P
04-01-2005, 10:55 AM
Masturbation is legal in a single mans abode
CanveyEagle
04-01-2005, 10:55 AM
Junior Kickstart was the most watched TV show in the entire world in the 1980's.
RickyB
04-01-2005, 10:56 AM
Originally posted by u8mygoat
Monkeys can fly a distance of up to 1 mile provided they start from a position 1 mile above the earth's surface.
hahahahaha!
:o :o
Phil's Barber
04-01-2005, 11:15 AM
You burn more calories eating a Large mixed kebab than the kebab has calories in it!
Grim Reaper
04-01-2005, 11:18 AM
11% of men wet the bed egularly. Of these, 92% stay at Grim's guest house :bash:
The best cure for a hangover is rub orange peel on your forehead
In 1982, residents of the German village of Essenheim were shocked to find that after a hailstorm, one hail stone contained a daschund dog. Once it thawed the dog recovered after two days and carried on a perfectly normal life.
Grim Reaper
04-01-2005, 11:18 AM
Originally posted by Phil's Barber
You burn more calories eating a Large mixed kebab than the kebab has calories in it!
If only!!!
Grim Reaper
04-01-2005, 11:19 AM
Mr Ed the talking horse couldn't actually speak. It was another horse that did the talking.
Grim Reaper
04-01-2005, 11:21 AM
The person who plays Po the Teletubby is CBeebies presenter Pui Fan Lee. However, what people don't realise is that Tinky Winky, the biggest Teletubby, is actually played by the youngest cast member. Tom Howling - a 13 year old from Ramsgate.
RickyB
04-01-2005, 11:21 AM
Nice work Grim! :-)
Moonbeam
04-01-2005, 11:23 AM
Originally posted by Grim Reaper
11% of men wet the bed egularly. Of these, 92% stay at Grim's guest house :bash:
. Has stayed there!!! :sob: :angel:
DANCOO
04-01-2005, 11:26 AM
The fear of Tic Tac's is NOT hereditory, as once thought.
ExeterEagle
04-01-2005, 11:28 AM
95% of women can't throw a grenade far enough that it won't blow them up.
KevTheOptimist
04-01-2005, 11:30 AM
My girlfriend comes out with stuff like this all the time, most recently: "Jet planes have back up engines in the wings incase the actual engines stall or break"
Also, If all the ice in the world melted, Kevin Costner would be the only survivor
DANCOO
04-01-2005, 11:31 AM
Originally posted by KevTheOptimist
Also, If all the ice in the world melted, Kevin Costner would be the only survivor
AND the Cracken.
1f8f
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 11:31 AM
Due to the slight time effects of moving very quickly in the opposite direction to the rotation of the earth, Giuseppe Bellini managed to be only 84.5 years old on his 85th birthday simply by running very quickly when going West and walking slowly and backwards when going East.
DANCOO
04-01-2005, 11:32 AM
Originally posted by u8mygoat
Due to the slight time effects of moving very quickly in the opposite direction to the rotation of the earth, Giuseppe Bellini managed to be only 84.5 years old on his 85th birthday simply by running very quickly when going West and walking slowly and backwards when going East.
:p
James
04-01-2005, 11:33 AM
1) A referee must award a free kick against the offending Team if a player handles the ball even if unintentionally BUT ONLY IF as a result the offending team secures an advantage.
2) If more than five players from any Team are sent off (or injured, with no available substitutes) the referee must abandon the game and the other side will be deemed to have won by 3 goals to nil.
3) East Fife Four Forfar Five was the score in Scotland in October 1962 and in April the following year it was Forfar Four East Fife Five.
Diggers digs in?
04-01-2005, 11:33 AM
1 in 3 people is either of Chinese or Indian origin.
lil_b_eagle
04-01-2005, 11:34 AM
This mornig i woke up looked out my window to find a giant blob of white stuff in the middle of the road and i am too scared to go out and find out what it is!
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 11:34 AM
Originally posted by Diggers digs in?
1 in 3 people is either of Chinese or Indian origin.
The other 2 are from Belgium.
DANCOO
04-01-2005, 11:35 AM
Simply by passing 200 volts via attaching electrodes to a horses neck, eye & tummy, and inserting a 6 foot tube from a lake, down through it's throat - You can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
CanveyEagle
04-01-2005, 11:36 AM
It is not illegal to murder someone with a candlestick in your billiard room..............
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 11:36 AM
Originally posted by Diggers digs in?
1 in 3 people is either of Chinese or Indian origin.
Reminds me of the joke....
They say 1 in 4 people are Chinese. Well there;s 4 people in my family so one of us must be Chinese. So it must be either me, my mum, my dad or my brother Wang Yun.
Pidster
04-01-2005, 11:38 AM
cats actually prefer cheese and onion crisps.
Diggers digs in?
04-01-2005, 11:38 AM
Originally posted by u8mygoat
The other 2 are from Belgium.
:D "The armpit of europe"
Apologies anyone from Belgium, i didn't coin that phrase (trilby did)
Sussex Eagle
04-01-2005, 11:41 AM
If you were to touch a DVD while it was playing, you would recieve a third degree burn.
Tap water in Humberside contains so much lead that it could be made into pencils using a Breville sandwich toaster.
Human beings have 99% of the same genetic makeup as a Chimpanzee. However, 82% of our DNA is also identical to that of a potato waffle.
DANCOO
04-01-2005, 11:42 AM
Cigarettes are harmless if lit from a Calor Gas flame.
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 11:42 AM
5 quarters of all people can't do fractions.
JFBeagle
04-01-2005, 11:47 AM
Originally posted by Kevan Woz Awful
98% of BBS'ers don't read previous threads before posting a reply.
97% of BBSers don't read previous posts before posting a reply!
Duffle Coat
04-01-2005, 11:52 AM
Originally posted by bern5161
Stan Laurel and Clint Eastwood are Father and Son :D
DANCOO
04-01-2005, 11:54 AM
Because of the very high acid content in Haliborange vitamin C tablets, sucking five in one go can dissolve the tongue in less than 30 seconds.
Daddy Long
04-01-2005, 11:55 AM
Driving test instructors are told to fail 40% of all people who take the test as a minimum. This is because if everyone passed first time, test instructors would be out of work for 7 and a half months of the year as there are not enough applicants to support the industry.
Moonbeam
04-01-2005, 11:58 AM
Ex wives always say of course I am faithful but I am staying at my best friends overnight. No need to phone her I will call you if I need to talk to you.
CanveyEagle
04-01-2005, 11:59 AM
Canvey Island is the only town in the UK with its own seperate parliament, which is led by that bloke who used to be in Dollar.
Thus Oh 'L Amour is now the national anthem of Canvey.......
DANCOO
04-01-2005, 12:02 PM
Before gun-powder was invented, early chinese bangers were made using a double compartment capsule containing milk in one half, and rice crispies in the other. When the capsule was thrown to the ground, the compartments would break, causing the milk and rice crispies to combine, thus causing the "Snap, Crackle and Pop" effect.
James Melody
04-01-2005, 12:09 PM
The longest word in the English language is "Flockynockynihlifillifillification" meaning "young boy of burberry"
1f8c
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 02:02 PM
Golden Grahams contain traces of both Gold and a man called Graham.
Phil's Barber
04-01-2005, 02:22 PM
Regional news presenters are not gay.
CanveyEagle
04-01-2005, 02:26 PM
Police Academy 5: Asssignment Miami Beach is the biggest grossing film of all time in Borneo.
DANCOO
04-01-2005, 02:38 PM
The poison from a puffer fish is so toxic, in 1992, a man died just from thinking about it.
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 02:48 PM
Before the smash hit film "Apollo 13" the first 12 Apollo films all flopped and many went straight to TV without ever being shown in cinemas.
DANCOO
04-01-2005, 02:57 PM
The last person to be beheaded in England was Doyle Caffery. This incident took place in 1908 in Trafalgar Square in front of a crowd of over 12 people. His crime - "Pig Poking".
PalaceMonkey
04-01-2005, 02:57 PM
most forms of insect life are terrified of anthea turner.
don't buy expensive mosquito repellent, merely staple a photo of her to exposed flesh to keep bite free.
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 02:59 PM
Before Jesus was born people were stoned to death for questioning why the year numbering system was counting down rather than up.
Excowboy
04-01-2005, 03:01 PM
Coffee table serenaders Jamie Cullum and Norah Jones are, in fact, the same person
DANCOO
04-01-2005, 03:04 PM
If you stare at the eagles at the bottom of this page using the "Third Eye" method, the eagles combine and stand out to form the image of a kestral.
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 03:04 PM
Every 270 years the earth turns itself inside out for a period of 15 minutes to avoid the inside getting too hot. This always happens at night to get the greatest cooling effect on the inside- this also ensures that all the people are asleep and do not notice.
Alex De Large
04-01-2005, 03:09 PM
Russia is so big that it is bigger than the three next biggest counties in the world put together!
DANCOO
04-01-2005, 03:11 PM
Julius Ceasar was once accused by a centurion of stealing his red crested helm. Ceaser replied - "Well...u8mytoga".
Blind_Eagle
04-01-2005, 03:16 PM
The common toad (buffo buffo) can be inflated to over 1,000 times its usual size without suffering any lasting ill effects.
CanveyEagle
04-01-2005, 03:18 PM
Originally posted by u8mygoat
Before the smash hit film "Apollo 13" the first 12 Apollo films all flopped and many went straight to TV without ever being shown in cinemas.
Didn't star Brian Dennehy by any chance did they?
Blind_Eagle
04-01-2005, 03:19 PM
The species "Dodo" ate all the Carribean pirates thus eventually starving themselves to death. Hence these days you rarely see either a dodo or a frigate flying the skull and cross bones.
The last survivng pirate was shot by Petty Officer Grommit in 1789 and sent to London where the body was stuffed and displayed at the Horniman Museum where it remains to this day.
DANCOO
04-01-2005, 03:22 PM
In the Democratic Republic of the Congo, numbers are illegal.
Originally posted by DANCOO
The poison from a puffer fish is so toxic, in 1992, a man died just from thinking about it. :D :D :D
Billy Ray Cyrus's hit 'Achy Breaky Heart' is the biggest selling single of all time in Wales shifting 22 million copies.
In fact Billy is still such a big hit in the principality examples of his trademark mullet hairstyle are still worn by a large portion of its inhabitants to this day.
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 03:25 PM
Originally posted by DANCOO
Julius Ceasar was once accused by a centurion of stealing his red crested helm. Ceaser replied - "Well...u8mytoga".
You better not start abusing my name!:veryangry
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 03:44 PM
All websites are 2 sided. Most people only ever view one side but by adding "/p.t.o." after the web address you can view the other side.
The first mobile phone weighed in at a whopping three stone six pounds and had a radius of four feet.
Belly
04-01-2005, 03:54 PM
A zebra, is in fact a horse with pajama's on.
An image of Shane Ritchie performing on Summertime Special was used on a set of stamps to mark the coming of independance in Latvia.
Geezer
04-01-2005, 04:05 PM
Terry Wogan smells of tweed.
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 04:06 PM
If you put the world's strongest super glue in a non-stick frying pan the resulting paradox causes a 10 foot tear in the space-time continuum.
Jeraff
04-01-2005, 04:06 PM
1f60
Driving over the speed limit is not illegal so long as you put your hazard lights on to show you really need to be somewhere soon.
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 04:07 PM
95% of all flat screen TVs are still in fact 3 dimensional.
Jeraff
04-01-2005, 04:10 PM
If you make instant coffee in a microwave oven, it'll be ready before you are.
DANCOO
04-01-2005, 04:11 PM
The true story behind "The Man in the Iron Mask", was that it was no mask. He was actually born with an Iron Face, the mask story was merely a ruse to hide the embarassment of his mother.
Jeraff
04-01-2005, 04:13 PM
Water in its natural form is highly toxic.
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 04:16 PM
Due to superstition the year 1313 was missed out.
The late Arthur Askey had a life long addiction to yoghurt
Bernie Winters canine sidekick Schorbitz the dog was actually played by an actor in a suit.
In fact it gave the then unknown Leslie Grantham his first break into show business.
Gosling
04-01-2005, 04:21 PM
Originally posted by u8mygoat
If you put the world's strongest super glue in a non-stick frying pan the resulting paradox causes a 10 foot tear in the space-time continuum.
Love it
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 04:29 PM
Brian Anderson holds the world record for inconsistency. He was inconsistent for a period of 13 straight years.
west country boy
04-01-2005, 04:29 PM
Popular recording artist Nelly wears a plaster on his cheek to cover up the fact he mistakenly had the word "twat" tatooed on his face.
smileysmith
04-01-2005, 04:31 PM
Originally posted by west country boy
mistakenly
Bullsh!t! ;)
west country boy
04-01-2005, 04:35 PM
Originally posted by smileysmith
Bullsh!t! ;)
No, it's true. He wanted it to say "w@nker".
Phil's Barber
04-01-2005, 04:36 PM
If you put your car key in your front door and turn it , your house will start up.
Jeraff
04-01-2005, 04:38 PM
At the current rate of production, solar panels will absord all available sunlight within two generations.
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 04:42 PM
MsDonalds sell over 3 billion Big Macs every minute.
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 04:42 PM
Despite it's name Pneumonia has been around for donkey's years.
Jeraff
04-01-2005, 04:48 PM
Christmas trees mate in March.
Popester
04-01-2005, 04:50 PM
Riihilaati is the Finnish word for "fruitcake".
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 04:52 PM
The Roman Catholic church was founded in 103BC.
Pidster
04-01-2005, 04:54 PM
X-Factor runners up G4 comprises of finance ministers from some of the richest nations in the world.
Some chinese girls are so tight they can put a pencil up the doo-dah and draw with it.
Eric the Ginga
04-01-2005, 04:56 PM
It is physically impossible to say the word 'beercan' without sounding like a Jamaican gentleman saying 'bacon'.
u8mygoat
04-01-2005, 04:57 PM
If you select "C" for every question of any multiple choice exam you will be guaranteed to get over 70%.
bern5161
04-01-2005, 05:35 PM
The ancient Egyptians believed that the Brillo pad had mystical healing properties.
Kevan Woz Awful
04-01-2005, 05:53 PM
The Long Good Friday is in fact only 114 minutes making it 22hrs 6minutes shorter than normal Good Friday's
DANCOO
04-01-2005, 06:24 PM
All Dinosaurs had an agreement with eachother, that rather than continuing to live in agony of having blood which boiled at 37.6 deg., they would all become instinct.
In a fight between a shark and a hippo the shark would win.
Originally posted by Smoz
In a fight between a shark and a hippo the shark would win.
At least put in a correct fact :grrr:
Addickted
04-01-2005, 07:43 PM
Dick Van Dyke was in fact a road sweeper from Dudley and spent three years in San Diego learning cockney.
mrgins
04-01-2005, 11:54 PM
1f6e
Adolf Hitler died in a bunker, but not in Berlin. It was actually on the 13th hole while playing in the British open, disguised as an Austrian dictator.
TrevorWel
05-01-2005, 01:37 AM
If a German male drinks eggnog in July he will get an instant erection that will last for 8 minutes.
the digger
05-01-2005, 01:56 AM
dick van dyke's real name was penis truck lesbian
the digger
05-01-2005, 01:57 AM
the horniman museum boasts the world's largest collection of elizabethan pornography.
Is this thread too late to be considered for the BBS awards??
Classic !!
grey ghost
05-01-2005, 04:58 AM
7 out of 10 cat owners says whiskers tastes shite
Moonbeam
05-01-2005, 06:29 AM
You can fix a blue light to the top of your car. It is however illegal to make it flash
u8mygoat
05-01-2005, 07:53 AM
All countries were named after items found in the kitchen. Whilst many still exist (Turkey, Grease, China) most of these items have become extinct- like a Botswana which was used for spinning vegetables and a Mexico which was a small stool.
Faithless
05-01-2005, 09:52 AM
The band Keane, who love their Irish footballers, were due to be called Morrison before they had a change of Harte! :D
Grim Reaper
05-01-2005, 09:54 AM
Originally posted by dagga36
Is this thread too late to be considered for the BBS awards??
Classic !!
Late? It's elevens months too early
James
05-01-2005, 09:56 AM
Originally posted by u8mygoat
All countries were named after items found in the kitchen. Whilst many still exist (Turkey, Grease, China) most of these items have become extinct- like a Botswana which was used for spinning vegetables and a Mexico which was a small stool. Please don't stop posting these gems! That one is a classic.
RickyB
05-01-2005, 10:15 AM
There's some stirling work here from u8mygoat - he's come up with some quality ones so far.
RickyB
05-01-2005, 10:18 AM
Ashley Cole was so named, as his father worked in a mine.
Jasper
05-01-2005, 10:26 AM
guitars acctually have 5 strings. People have just been counting them wrong for years.
DANCOO
05-01-2005, 10:29 AM
Sea water is so salty, if all the salt was removed, there would be barely enough water left to fill a small reservoir.
CanveyEagle
05-01-2005, 10:33 AM
Its little known that Giant Haystacks real name was in fact Giant Haystacks
Apparently Mr and Mrs Haystacks were very keen to 'big-up' their children, and thus Giants siblings were named Enormous, Huge and Rather Large.
DANCOO
05-01-2005, 10:36 AM
In 1977 there was a secret Government balot to remove the letters X & Z from the alphabet as they weren't very useful. Unfortunately the balot became embroiled in controversy when ministers were asked to put an "X" in the desired box - the balot was voided due to the obvious advantages of the letter X. Another balot is being planned for later this year to just remove the letter Z.
Jasper
05-01-2005, 10:38 AM
Cobras are despised by other snakes due to their extreme views on race and immigration.
elliott
05-01-2005, 10:49 AM
I'm actually starting to piss myself here cos these are so funny.
Fortunately however, urine, that was accidently excreted when laughing hysterically, is revered by the inuit tribe of Montevideo, who consider it to be a great sauce for lamb when added to a red wine reduction, honey and pepper corns..
This is so much so that when the tribe decided to name their new head tribesman, they named him Luvlysauceapipi.
Great stuff!
downunder eagle
05-01-2005, 10:53 AM
It is not commonly known that Saddam Hussein's mother was Jewish and the fact he is also circumcised.
DANCOO
05-01-2005, 10:53 AM
Icarus would have survived the perils of flying too close to the sun, if only he had opted to use a Thermoplastic Polyurethane Composite, rather than wax, to adhere his feathers to his arms.
CanveyEagle
05-01-2005, 10:57 AM
The film Sleepless in Seattle was originally due to be set in the UK, and titled 'Slightly Restless In Woking'
However when the major stars (Lesley Joseph of birds of a feather fame, and that bloke who plays Minty in Eastenders) had a major fall -out over who got the biggest trailer in Woking, it was moved to the US, and the rest is history!!
downunder eagle
05-01-2005, 11:03 AM
Sri Lankan cricketer Muttiah Muralitharan has an extra digit on his right hand and right foot which apart from giving him extra grip when bowling, actually puts him out of balance in his run up which makes his bowling action more suspect than it really is.
Jasper
05-01-2005, 11:04 AM
Mark Clattenburg was in fact entirely justified in not allowing pedro mendes' goal last night. FA rules state that goals scored against Manchester United at Old Trafford must not only cross the line but also hit the net.
1f85
CanveyEagle
05-01-2005, 11:05 AM
The french fries made by the fast food chain 'Wimpy' contain no potato at all..............
Moonbeam
05-01-2005, 11:06 AM
Ben Hur was originally entitled Ben Her? It was about a transvestite motor racing driver but because he had to wear a dress it was transferred to Ancient Rome and chariots.
downunder eagle
05-01-2005, 11:08 AM
French footballing legend Eric Catona was born on 6/6/66 and was named Lucifer by his parents which he changed by deed poll to Eric when he turned 18.
prs100
05-01-2005, 11:11 AM
The ‘Toilet Duck’ refers to a time before toilets had a flush. A Mallard would be place in the bowl and the lid shut, his frantic flapping would cause the contents of the bowl to be forced down the pipe.
Jasper
05-01-2005, 11:14 AM
37% of Bolivians have never heard of Kate Lawler
PalaceMonkey
05-01-2005, 11:16 AM
kate lawler hasn't heard of 87% of the countries of the world.
ReadingPalace
05-01-2005, 11:18 AM
In Sweden, it is illegal to eat walnuts on a Thursday.
Jasper
05-01-2005, 11:21 AM
Originally posted by PalaceMonkey
kate lawler hasn't heard of 87% of the countries of the world.
Although Vanuatu, Tajikistan and Lethoso are not among the 87%, according to a recent interview with Jonathan Woodgate in 'Garden gnomes and helicopters Monthly'
CanveyEagle
05-01-2005, 11:23 AM
Its widely known that Lard-Arse TV star Lisa Riley was replaced as host of TV's popular camcorder mis-hap show ' Youv'e Been Framed' because she ate the entire production crew, on toast, with jam, and cake.
And more cake.
mentalbarter
05-01-2005, 11:31 AM
Narrow-ruled writing paper was originally conceived for use as lanes in ant racing, a common gambling practice at the turn of the 20th century. The wide-ruled variety was introduced five years later when the larger continental ant species, were matched against british ants in the 1906 ANTs (Ant National Tournament).
E.X Moontoad
05-01-2005, 11:38 AM
Britney Spears is a keen supporter of Whyteleafe FC.
Moonbeam
05-01-2005, 11:42 AM
Originally posted by E.X Moontoad
Britney Spears is a keen supporter of Whyteleafe FC. Wrong. She might serve behind the bar for minimum wage but her heart belongs to Crawley Town.
Ouch that Hurt!
05-01-2005, 11:48 AM
Both of Lee Bowyer's natural parents are actually afro-carribean.
Kevan Woz Awful
05-01-2005, 11:49 AM
On Vodaphone sponsored Mars, Martians refer to the Planet Earth as 'down south'
Micky Droy
05-01-2005, 12:00 PM
In Sweden, every sperm is given a registration number. Any unregistered sperm that slip through are terminated by nanotech 'sperm police' which are implanted in the cervix of every Swedish female, and the right hand of every Swedish male.
E.X Moontoad
05-01-2005, 12:03 PM
Originally posted by Moonbeam
Wrong. She might serve behind the bar for minimum wage but her heart belongs to Crawley Town.
:eek:
Oh well, good to hear that she is a keen supporter of the grass roots game in England, would be all too easy to jump on the Arsenal/Chelsea/Man U bandwagon.
Alex De Large
05-01-2005, 12:05 PM
Despite the name "American Football" the game is actually a peanut thrown with the hand.
CanveyEagle
05-01-2005, 12:06 PM
The disabled kids competing in 'We Are The Champions with Ron Pickering in the 1980's were not actually disabled, they just pretended so they could do easier challenges, and not have to jump in the pool at the end when Ron hollered ' Away You Go!!'
E.X Moontoad
05-01-2005, 12:07 PM
Chat show host Richard Madeley is said to be close to completing his 800 page epic biography of 80's one hit wonders Jimmy The Hoover.
u8mygoat
05-01-2005, 12:12 PM
At around 5pm today a rare intra-planetal eclipse will occur. This is where the sun is blocked out as the other side of the earth passes in front of it.
Micky Droy
05-01-2005, 12:30 PM
Originally posted by u8mygoat
At around 5pm today a rare intra-planetal eclipse will occur. This is where the sun is blocked out as the other side of the earth passes in front of it.
Brilliant!
u8mygoat
05-01-2005, 12:31 PM
Telepathy is the desire to destroy televisions.
u8mygoat
05-01-2005, 12:39 PM
The smallest continent in the world is in fact only 3 square feet in area and is in a rural area of Germany. Wewundawara is only classified as a continent due to it's high content of sodium.
CanveyEagle
05-01-2005, 12:43 PM
Pate was actually named after Dutch Table tennis sensation, Nellie Van Der Pate, who used to smear her bat with congealed animal fat before each game, to help aid spin when serving.
elliott
05-01-2005, 12:54 PM
1f7f
Originally posted by u8mygoat
At around 5pm today a rare intra-planetal eclipse will occur. This is where the sun is blocked out as the other side of the earth passes in front of it.
Only just realised quite what you're on about:D
Wales was so called because in 1984 a whale was sighted in Welshpool (central Wales). Since then, the name has stuck. The h was dropped, however, because in Welsh they seriously struggle to pronounce the h in "whales", and found it far easier just to call it Wales.
The same is true for Scotland, although instead of sighting a person called Scott, someone called Dougall was seen in Dundee city centre.
Good Fry! (as Tom Baker would say...)
u8mygoat
05-01-2005, 12:54 PM
Somersaults are still legal in winter.
CanveyEagle
05-01-2005, 12:56 PM
If you play Bucks Fizz ' Land of Make Believe' backwards, you will find it is actually subliminal messaging telling all who listen to go and attempt to break the world record for the pole vault............
CanveyEagle
05-01-2005, 12:59 PM
In the UK, females who work in offices are legally entitled to make at least 80 minutes worth of personal phone calls per day, and also still be first out the door at 5pm.
u8mygoat
05-01-2005, 01:02 PM
Originally posted by CanveyEagle
In the UK, females who work in offices are legally entitled to make at least 80 minutes worth of personal phone calls per day, and also still be first out the door at 5pm.
Do I detect that some of these females work with you? :p
PalaceMonkey
05-01-2005, 01:03 PM
in the UK all dogs are predominantly right footed, however in Australia they prefer their left feet...
u8mygoat
05-01-2005, 01:04 PM
In a technology breakthrough the Japanese have designed a TV that weighs only 1 gram! The new "Telegram" is being touted as the next big thing.
CanveyEagle
05-01-2005, 01:04 PM
Originally posted by u8mygoat
Do I detect that some of these females work with you? :p
You detect correctly
Furthermore, if you go to the gym at lunch, you are entitled to take as long as you want, then come back and still take half an hour to eat your lunch at your desk!
DANCOO
05-01-2005, 01:09 PM
On December 12th 2003, Sidney Barker became famous for insisting that the BP corporation cash in his ten million 0.0000001p ( nominal value ) bonus point vouchers for 1p cash. After a two year legal battle, the Courts sided with Sidney, and he left the Courtroom with with his 1p payout from BP.
Sidney is now busily collecting more vouchers in an attempt to re-pay his £275,00 court fees.
Jasper
05-01-2005, 01:12 PM
Originally posted by CanveyEagle
In the UK, females who work in offices are legally entitled to make at least 80 minutes worth of personal phone calls per day, and also still be first out the door at 5pm.
The girl next to me has clocked up about 4 hours of personal phone calls today. thats not a lie.
Contrary to popular belief 'Ice Ice Baby' by Vanilla ice is not the national anthem of Iceland.
lazy
u8mygoat
05-01-2005, 01:17 PM
If you piled all the monkeys in the world one on top of the other the bottom 3 would die.
u8mygoat
05-01-2005, 01:19 PM
Contrary to popular belief the number pi is exactly 3.
CanveyEagle
05-01-2005, 01:23 PM
The same Andrex dog has been used for all the commercials, and is now the first labrador to reach the age of 41............
DANCOO
05-01-2005, 01:24 PM
"The camera never lies".
Nor does it swear, drink black coffee or gamble.
u8mygoat
05-01-2005, 01:26 PM
Originally posted by DANCOO
"The camera never lies".
Nor does it swear, drink black coffee or gamble.
However it has been caught flashing! (I'm sorry, I promise I won't do it again. I just couldn't resist)
u8mygoat
05-01-2005, 01:30 PM
Andy Johnson is the twin brother of Magic Johnson.
E.X Moontoad
05-01-2005, 01:32 PM
When 'Santa' was taken ill in the Harrods Christmas Grotto in December, England soccer boss Sven Goran Eriksson, who was in the store at the time volunteered to step into the the red and white robes.
Nobody recognised him, and it's rumoured that Harrods bosses are considering offering him the job on a full time basis this year!
Jasper
05-01-2005, 01:37 PM
Former Scotland Manager Craig Brown has recently started dating Missy Elliot.
mentalbarter
05-01-2005, 01:40 PM
The best thing before sliced bread was mashed potato
PalaceMonkey
05-01-2005, 01:40 PM
Cliff Richard isn't actually one person.
There are 5 identical quintuplets all "blessed" with the same talent.
Thus they preserve their youthful appearance by performing in rotation, so as not to tire themselves out.
postscript
there are only 4 of the brothers left after a bizarre stapling accident left Cliff Two dead :(
u8mygoat
05-01-2005, 01:52 PM
Shoplifting is a new event in the "World's Strongest Man" competition.
CanveyEagle
05-01-2005, 01:54 PM
2058
Star Bars are used as currency in prisons in the North East
Faithless
05-01-2005, 02:03 PM
If you perform the sum 1 x 2 x 3 x 4 x 5 x 6 x 7 x 8 x 9 x 10 x 11 x 12 on your calculator and flip it upside down, you get a rather rude word!
u8mygoat
05-01-2005, 02:10 PM
The moon is the only 8 dimensional object in the solar system.
DANCOO
05-01-2005, 02:11 PM
Originally posted by u8mygoat
However it has been caught flashing! (I'm sorry, I promise I won't do it again. I just couldn't resist)
:hmph: ;)
CanveyEagle
05-01-2005, 02:13 PM
The most popular name for Plumbers in East Coast America is Mario, closely followed by Luigi
Furthermore there are no hedgehogs in the world called Sonic, however 82,346 are called Raymond.
Shamone
05-01-2005, 02:13 PM
Monkeys taste better with raspberry jam and not strawberry as originally thought.
Shamone
05-01-2005, 02:17 PM
Left clicking your mouse for 16 years, 3 months, 2 weeks, 5 days, 4 hours, 27 minutes and 16 seconds creates enough energy to warm a penguin for 4 seconds.
Shamone
05-01-2005, 02:22 PM
If you were to speak English to a spaniard who 'no understandy de english' constantly whilst obviously getting louder and slower in the process, he would be fluent in English before you slowed right down to a stop.
u8mygoat
05-01-2005, 02:22 PM
Wednesday is the illegitimate love child of Darren Day.
George W Bush and Kate Bush are in fact cousins
E.X Moontoad
05-01-2005, 02:35 PM
The Brazilian branch of the Shakin' Stevens fan club has dwindled to just three members in recent years, one of whom is none other than Football legend Pele!
Table Tennis was invented by Welsh Immigrants in Venezuala in 1947
DANCOO
05-01-2005, 02:40 PM
The only Zoid never to make it into production was the Trapezoid.
Moonbeam
05-01-2005, 02:41 PM
The Titanic only sank because a first class passenger insisted on more ice in their Gin and Tonic
Billy Butlin got his idea for his chain of holiday resorts whilst serving a ten year sentence in Wormwood Scrubs prison in 1933
the digger
05-01-2005, 02:46 PM
in columbia, cocaine is known as "english standing in the corner and looking moody powder"
PalaceMonkey
05-01-2005, 02:48 PM
Originally posted by the digger
in columbia, cocaine is known as "english standing in the corner and looking moody powder"
:D
Spanish and Italian are the same language
DANCOO
05-01-2005, 03:13 PM
Ants are actually Dwarf Spiders with leprosy.
E.X Moontoad
05-01-2005, 03:15 PM
Val Doonican and Des O'Connor once came to fisticuffs following a dispute over a parking space in the BBC carpark.
They were eventually pulled apart by John Noakes and Bernard Cribbins.
CanveyEagle
05-01-2005, 03:15 PM
Contrary to popular belief, it is in fact what you do, rather than the way you do it, that gets results.
DANCOO
05-01-2005, 03:16 PM
Limbless people can't draw curtains.
RickyB
05-01-2005, 03:40 PM
A little know fact; the average badger has more and sharper teeth than ten sharks.
bern5161
05-01-2005, 03:44 PM
The old music hall comedian Charlie Chuckles, whose catchphrase was " Oi missus, do these chickens come in a size 10" invented the microwave oven.
Croydon Exile
05-01-2005, 03:45 PM
Originally posted by Kevan Woz Awful
98% of BBS'ers don't read previous threads before posting a reply.
Nonsense. This is a clear lie. The true answer, as Dave will admit, can be shown by browsing pattern analysis to be closer to 99%...
Originally posted by CanveyEagle
Contrary to popular belief, it is in fact what you do, rather than the way you do it, that gets results.
Likewise, scientists have managed to prove that in certain atmospheric conditions, two wrongs do make a right...
Moonbeam
05-01-2005, 03:47 PM
Originally posted by Maz
Likewise, scientists have managed to prove that in certain atmospheric conditions, two wrongs do make a right... Doing 3 wrongs gets you elected as President AGAIN!!
CanveyEagle
05-01-2005, 03:50 PM
Originally posted by Maz
Likewise, scientists have managed to prove that in certain atmospheric conditions, two wrongs do make a right...
I think they also did a study where it was proved that too many cooks actually IMPROVE the Broth, and that many a fine Broth has been produced by gangs of chefs intent on culinary genius........
762
Despite the famous lyric of the song n-n-n- nineeteen by Paul Hardcastle the average age of a combat soldier in Vietnam was in fact 61.
Paul later admitted that the book about the conflict he was reading at the time that inspired his seminal piece was in fact upside down...
DANCOO
05-01-2005, 03:52 PM
The stamen of a Geranium, outlives the rest of the plant by six hours.
CanveyEagle
05-01-2005, 03:54 PM
Its statistically proven that people who put 'jedi' as their religion on the last census have never had sex.
Dorking .Eagle
05-01-2005, 03:55 PM
Brighton beach used to be entirely sandy, but the Council sold the sand to St. Lucia in the 1960's to clear it's huge debts.
Dorking .Eagle
05-01-2005, 03:57 PM
There are an average of 1600 sightings of the Loch Ness Monster reported to Inverness Police Force every year.
CanveyEagle
05-01-2005, 03:58 PM
The sun always shines on Canvey Island.............
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