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  #5241  
Old 22-01-2018, 05:41 PM
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Originally Posted by civil eagle View Post
Dear I'm heading down the hill once again.
I hate my job I received temporary promotion but the funding for the project was withdrawn and I'm back on the hamster wheel again. I also disagree with the organisation I work for and feel dirty knowing I'm working for a government that I not only fundamentally disagree with but are incompetent.
I can't leave my job as I have a family to support.
Feel utterly trapped and want to run away but know where ever I end up I will still wake up as myself and that's the person I really need to get away from.
It's been a long time since so felt like this but I'm begining to think that guy at East Croydon on Monday had the right idea
Only just seen this Ian, hope you're ok mate. Stay strong.
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  #5242  
Old 22-01-2018, 05:47 PM
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Originally Posted by gilesy14 View Post
I've not posted on here before & I really struggle to talk about stuff like this - whether it be a chat in person or something like this. But I've been struggling a bit of late. Have been up & down for about a year. Has recently culminated in me handing in my notice at work as it's been making me so miserable - there's a whole host of reasons why. It was a good job & I have nothing lined up immediately, but I just needed to get out of there. Sleepless nights & panic attacks (which are completely new to me) due to work aren't right.

Anyway, goes without saying but being unemployed isn't ideal. I'm confident I'll get a new job quite soon, but reading your post Jasper really rings true. Money isn't everything. I'm really looking forward to getting out of this poisonous job, recuperating for a few weeks & then starting afresh. Have been trying to drink less booze as well as things were coming out in the wrong way after a few too many to people I genuinely care about & I'd wake up the next day consumed with anxiety - is a grim feeling & is why I'm trying to be abit more open about how I'm feeling.
The fact youíve made a stand in your job is a positive move. Many years ago I never talked about my issues, and suffered as a result. Panic attacks are horrendous, as they can be triggered when you least expect it and can be debilitating. They were the main reason I stopped working in London (14 years ago) and had to find work locally as a result. It took me almost 2 years to get a role back in London, and even then I occasionally struggled and was probably somewhat in denial. Another key aspect was also my lifestyle, some people can cope with alcohol some people canít. I was always a binge drinker, and I found it always used to cloud my mindset and bugger up my moods (coupled with broken sleep) I still enjoy a drink here or there but I generally have to plan around it. Where I live now is pretty remote and I donít really have the opportunity "to get on it" but I think as you get older your life style choices differ.

I think the move down here, emulated from seeing good friends have breakdowns, I now work for myself (iím fortunate where my old boss wanted to retain me so I could you that to my advantage and get subcontracted from working at home) Youíve always struck me as someone who is articulate and probably has enough savvy to create opportunities for yourself. Good luck
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  #5243  
Old 22-01-2018, 06:56 PM
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not a regular but a depressive watcher ... and Bryan I done both the volunteering and the art classes when I was (am) in a bad way, both helped me honest, the volunteering has led me back to college to study for a year (and i'm not young) and i keep up one volunteering long term now ..... so good look luck with it all I do know its fckn desperate .... that suicide thing is true unfortunately, middle aged or over 40 men, the stats are not nice ... oh and not kidding but life drawing is good if you like art
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  #5244  
Old 22-01-2018, 07:19 PM
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I've been a bit down, its just this time of year really, cold, miserable weather and work stresses. But have resolved to drink less and dare I say it, exercise more, as it does me the power of good.

It used to be taboo for blokes to talk about this, because it was a seen as a sign of weakness, on the contrary, its a strength
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  #5245  
Old 22-01-2018, 07:42 PM
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Originally Posted by gold76 View Post
I've been a bit down, its just this time of year really, cold, miserable weather and work stresses. But have resolved to drink less and dare I say it, exercise more, as it does me the power of good.

It used to be taboo for blokes to talk about this, because it was a seen as a sign of weakness, on the contrary, its a strength
There are some really simple, practical steps we can all take to combat the effects of Seasonally Affected Disorder and other Circadian issues.

- calcium and vitamin d supplements
- wake up early, and get up
- a morning walk
- regular exercise
- low gi diet
- oily fish
- get to bed before 11
- no screens in the bedroom.

And yes, reduced alcohol consumption.

A couple of weeks of the above and I find the clouds roll back pretty quickly. Unfortunately, for me, that just lays the foundations for manic behaviour that tends to be more destructive than the depression.
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  #5246  
Old 22-01-2018, 10:06 PM
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Originally Posted by hong_kong_hg View Post
Only just seen this Ian, hope you're ok mate. Stay strong.
I am doing much better thanks.

I'm about to change jobs I'll still be a civil servant but in a different dept. Plus I've really cut down on the booze
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  #5247  
Old 22-01-2018, 10:09 PM
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Originally Posted by gold76 View Post
I've been a bit down, its just this time of year really, cold, miserable weather and work stresses. But have resolved to drink less and dare I say it, exercise more, as it does me the power of good.

It used to be taboo for blokes to talk about this, because it was a seen as a sign of weakness, on the contrary, its a strength
Drinking less is a very good idea Gold. Plus exercise, I can't run at the moment because I'm injured but I try and walk my 10,000 steps a day and get some fresh air
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  #5248  
Old 22-01-2018, 10:09 PM
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Have only just seen some of the replies to my post before Christmas and really appreciate them. I decided to go for the straight forward job whilst I sort my head out.

Like others, I feel so down in January and worse than previous years. No confidence anymore and just feel so low. Eating loads of crap and just generally not caring.

I do need to stop with the alcohol and excercise more but I just can't get any energy. Living of bloody Lucozade at the moment. Doesn't help that I wake up in the night thinking about death....just messed up.

Some great posts on here and lots of understanding people. I feel life to be so negative these days and everything from social media to day to day meeting of people just depresses me. Everyone has something negative to say and go to extremes. Hope Gilsey, Cival, The Digger etc start feeling better soon, mental health is horrible. One thing leads to another.

You worry
You worry some more
You get palpitations
You worry about that
Etc etc

All I can say is, keep talking and there are some decent people out there.
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  #5249  
Old 22-01-2018, 10:42 PM
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Just one word on stopping alcohol. In experience I get a horrible withdrawal symptom about 1-2 weeks in that my anger becomes very prominent and difficult to contain. Just watch out for that. I’m actually scared to start drinking again to have to go through it which helps in a way.

Also generally wondering how many of you suffer from this? (Anger in general) Seems to be my main phsychological symptom tbh.
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  #5250  
Old 22-01-2018, 10:42 PM
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Dreams are also bad. Lots of executions and gore for some reason (just more anger I think).
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  #5251  
Old 23-01-2018, 08:47 AM
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Finally went to see my GP on Friday and have been referred for psychiatric assessment regarding possible bipolar 2.
All my life I have battled my way out of depression only to throw the good/hard work away with failed projects and marriages. This feels like it will offer some insight into that and, hopefully, practical help preventing it happening again.
All the best with this. If you go the drugs route be patient, once you have the right balance it is, in my experience, worth it. Obviously everyone is different.
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  #5252  
Old 23-01-2018, 07:08 PM
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Dreams are also bad. Lots of executions and gore for some reason (just more anger I think).
I get "dark" dreams too, full of death and gore!

Don't dwell on these of course..
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  #5253  
Old 23-01-2018, 07:24 PM
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I haven't been back to this thread for a while as I've either been head in the clouds (or in the sand), and I've been far too busy with work/life/nonsense. I too am finding myself in danger of struggling to find the joy in life which, on the placid surface, makes no sense to me or anyone else. It's hard to share, but I've learned that it really helps when you do.

There are some truly wonderful people on this thread and on this board who have made a real difference to me. If any of you need to chat to someone, feel free to PM me.

The BBS really is a great place sometimes. Love to you all.
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  #5254  
Old 23-01-2018, 08:00 PM
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Originally Posted by civil eagle View Post
Drinking less is a very good idea Gold. Plus exercise, I can't run at the moment because I'm injured but I try and walk my 10,000 steps a day and get some fresh air
nice one mate
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  #5255  
Old 23-01-2018, 09:28 PM
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Originally Posted by gold76 View Post
I get "dark" dreams too, full of death and gore!

Don't dwell on these of course..
Same. Not nice.

Good supportive thread at this shitty time of year though.
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  #5256  
Old 24-01-2018, 11:18 AM
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Quote:
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Dear I'm heading down the hill once again.
I hate my job I received temporary promotion but the funding for the project was withdrawn and I'm back on the hamster wheel again. I also disagree with the organisation I work for and feel dirty knowing I'm working for a government that I not only fundamentally disagree with but are incompetent.
I can't leave my job as I have a family to support.
Feel utterly trapped and want to run away but know where ever I end up I will still wake up as myself and that's the person I really need to get away from.
It's been a long time since so felt like this but I'm begining to think that guy at East Croydon on Monday had the right idea
Seek out professional help. Its been 18 years since I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression, and the one thing I've learned in all that time, is that I alone cannot always cope - and that professionals in the medical community know what they're doing, and can benefit me greatly. The meds are only a part of the solution, in that they gave me the building blocks to cope more or less with life.

In terms of jobs, start applying. It feels better to do something, even if it comes to nothing in terms of changing jobs. Things don't change immediately, the change in a sequence of small steps, taken one at a time.
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  #5257  
Old 24-01-2018, 11:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SeanPalace84 View Post
Have only just seen some of the replies to my post before Christmas and really appreciate them. I decided to go for the straight forward job whilst I sort my head out.

Like others, I feel so down in January and worse than previous years. No confidence anymore and just feel so low. Eating loads of crap and just generally not caring.

I do need to stop with the alcohol and excercise more but I just can't get any energy. Living of bloody Lucozade at the moment. Doesn't help that I wake up in the night thinking about death....just messed up.

Some great posts on here and lots of understanding people. I feel life to be so negative these days and everything from social media to day to day meeting of people just depresses me. Everyone has something negative to say and go to extremes. Hope Gilsey, Cival, The Digger etc start feeling better soon, mental health is horrible. One thing leads to another.
I totally understand about social media. Seeing everyone posting about how fantastic their lives are all the time, it's a shitty feeling questioning yourself as to why my life isn't like that. I've just started viewing most of it as an act and just try to focus on my own happiness rather than comparing myself to what others are doing or where they are at in life.

Hope the new job is treating you well buddy
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  #5258  
Old 24-01-2018, 11:40 AM
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Originally Posted by JamTheEagle View Post
I totally understand about social media. Seeing everyone posting about how fantastic their lives are all the time, it's a shitty feeling questioning yourself as to why my life isn't like that. I've just started viewing most of it as an act and just try to focus on my own happiness rather than comparing myself to what others are doing or where they are at in life.

Hope the new job is treating you well buddy
Happiness is not really achievable imo. Humans are just too up and down and daily life is a chore sometimes for everyone. Contentment with facets of life is though. Eating well not just healthily, knowing decent people, enough exercise to keep the body half-decent, reading, travel, music, etc. Chasing some impossible dream is a bit masochistic.
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Old 26-01-2018, 06:47 AM
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I get "dark" dreams too, full of death and gore!

Don't dwell on these of course..
Funny you mention this because for the first time Iíve been having dark dreams every night this week. Iím getting more sleep. Falling asleep at around 9:30-10:30 and waking up at 5:30 so Iím getting plenty of sleep but every dream Iím having is someone killing me but I wake up just before I do die. Last nights was 2 policemen shooting me in the stomach and I could ďfeelĒ the shots and remember laying on the ground about to ďdieĒ then I woke up just before I sealed my fate. Night before someone broke in to the house and tried to kill me with some chemicals. What the hell is all that about?

Also my depression has got better since I last posted on the thread although Iíve come off a prescription recently (not for mental health) and Iíve put so much weight on due to the pains muscle pains I was getting on the medication it stopped me from exercising so now Iíve gotta get back on the treadmill and get back in to shape!
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Old 01-02-2018, 01:34 PM
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carter Sam the man is herecarter Sam the man is herecarter Sam the man is herecarter Sam the man is herecarter Sam the man is herecarter Sam the man is herecarter Sam the man is herecarter Sam the man is herecarter Sam the man is herecarter Sam the man is herecarter Sam the man is here
Those bad dreams about death.. one of them was about my dog but didnít want to tempt fate. Sadly, I found out this morning our beautiful German Shepherd died this morning. Havenít stopped crying today. If you havenít had a dog in your life then itís hard for you to understand but they really are the best species on this planet. They are the only ones that will love you more than they love themselves. Woke up to a text this morning tell me that Jake had died. Mum lives in France now and Iím back in Croydon after we left Sussex 2 years ago. All I know is, is that heís died and sheís got to dig a hole for him on the land. So so sad. So upsetting.

Dealt with my demons quite well recently. Definitely havenít been having any negative thoughts or wanted to harm myself. Iíve just dusted myself off and tried to get on with life. I really hope this wonít be the start of the negativity all over again. I think Iím gonna have to go over to France to see Mum and the other dogs who give me such great comfort. Like I said it may sound daft to others as itís ďjust an animalĒ but dogs are such a great part in a family and if youíve never had a dog you really should welcome one in to your family. I didnít want to start a new thread about my dog and I know this doesnít compare to depression but itís all the same with me if thatís alright. This is a place where I can get shit off my chest. It hurts as well as I havenít been able to go to France to see Mum and the dogs for probably about a year and I was planning to go 2/3 weeks ago purely cos I miss the gang. Now I wonít be able to see him again.

Hope everyone is ok that comes on to this thread.

Love you Jake x
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