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  #21  
Old 29-06-2012, 03:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SE5eagle
Oh Jebus...

Civlization V Gods & Kings DLC has been released and nudges this game into the 'oh dear I'm going to f'k up my real actual life, career, all nascent creative endeavours & familial responsibilities' levels of brilliance.

Have fallen deeply in love with the game again; it's just incredible.

Includes religion and new playable civs. Have been banging it from the opening credits of Newsnight til stupid o'clock in the morning over the last few days.

My Hindu Celts were bumbling around a peaceful utopia, building universities, temples and Wonders, tickling the fairies in the woods -Celts need the woods in the game, keeps 'em in the sweet spot and is useful for cultivating those all important mushrooms- and becoming besties with the city-state of Tyre. Then at about 1am this morning -on my my seventy-third 'one last turn' of the session- that motherfudger, Montezuma, turns up on the outskirts of Dublin with all of his mental Aztecs and feathers and sh't fronting up to take my ends. Proper BC style, old school; headed for borstal after steaming a William Hill. The unmitigated, illiterate, tube.

Having previously spent all our dosh in Poundland on twee Celtic Twilight light-fittings, 'magical' turnips and stupid stuff like schools universities -I was haphazardly and belatedly trying to produce an army to repel the legions at my gates.

Enter TOTAL WAR, eyeball to eyeball:

-Dudes getting fudged up right, left & centre in the jungle
-My tinkers, in the quest to militarise, on the brink of bankruptcy; it turns out that 'magical' turnips are highly flammable and nothing to write home about in the theatre of war...
-Tyre turning out to be no fudging use whatsoever in a knuckle; the arseholes!
-The revelation that my neighbours, the Arabs, the Indians, the Mayans and the Ethiopians, can do all the happy-clappy, Jesus in a pepperpot, Inbetweeners 'friends' bit in diplomacy, but will happily stand by whilst some wild-eyed psycho in a dress is trampling my truffles and waving knives, genitals and God-knows-what at my horrifed locals.

The upshot of this conflagration for me, dear eagles, was ghastly, red-eyed, hopeless desperation, interspersed with waves of -albeit turn based - momentous epiphanies. The sea foam always popped that inevitable question, delivered to myself with raised eyebrows: 'what the fudge is a father of two doing fretting about the fate of imaginary midgets, when he has to get up in four hours and secure the fate of two real ones... Seriously, cop on, what are you doing with your life?'

Then the levee broke.

Montezuma came to the realisation that unless you're Croatian, Spanish, Italian, or are even passably good at kicking an inflatable pig's bladder to someone wearing the same colour as you, then you'll never beat the fudging Irish.

Having entered into his own personal Vietnam War, having been unexpectedly (just) out-loonied in the bushes, with our civilisations on the brink of mutual annihilation, Montezuma sued for peace.

It was smashing.

In order to secure a ten year truce, he gave me all of his Aztec gold. By golly it was a lot. Almost felt sorry for the guy, not quite though. In truth I was immersed in the cool lake of relief, floating on my back, wiggling my toes, betwixt the undisturbed surface and the softening moonlight.

The cherry on the top was that his returning forces infected his populace with our Hinduism, boys oh boys are they doing a bit of soul searching now. As well they might. As well they might.

Managed to drag myself away just as the ten year truce drew to a close. Have spunked an enormous sum of crazy man's gold on more celestial root vegetables and on amassing an army of neds from Edinburgh.

Being a bit wiser now though, I have kept back just enough to install a government and build a giant statue of David Bowie in his capital. Because, my friends, having just reiterated to the largely disinterested world that Montezuma still a right knob, tonight I'm going to paint Tenochtitlan green.

Then I'll get back to the celery until some other clown tries it on...


I always did hate Montezuma.

Having not touched Civ V for months, I am now going to have to download the DLC and lose my entire weekend. I might send a pre-emptive apology to the other half, but more likely I'll be too busy choosing a new city site.
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  #22  
Old 30-06-2012, 08:11 AM
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Aztecs are gone, now Selassie & Ghandi are behaving like I'm the party-goer who pissed in the pool. Both have declared war on me, having been all smiles during the war.

Mayans are too quiet altogether; suspect they're behind it all.

I see them, waving their Buddha balls up and down the peninsula. Don't think I don't.

Just wanted to settle down on the oysters, now you can scoop the atmosphere with a spoon.

War is Hell, but the peace thereafter is a special class of purgatory...
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  #23  
Old 30-06-2012, 08:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SE5eagle
Oh Jebus...

Civlization V Gods & Kings DLC has been released and nudges this game into the 'oh dear I'm going to f'k up my real actual life, career, all nascent creative endeavours & familial responsibilities' levels of brilliance.

Have fallen deeply in love with the game again; it's just incredible.

Includes religion and new playable civs. Have been banging it from the opening credits of Newsnight til stupid o'clock in the morning over the last few days.

My Hindu Celts were bumbling around a peaceful utopia, building universities, temples and Wonders, tickling the fairies in the woods -Celts need the woods in the game, keeps 'em in the sweet spot and is useful for cultivating those all important mushrooms- and becoming besties with the city-state of Tyre. Then at about 1am this morning -on my my seventy-third 'one last turn' of the session- that motherfudger, Montezuma, turns up on the outskirts of Dublin with all of his mental Aztecs and feathers and sh't fronting up to take my ends. Proper BC style, old school; headed for borstal after steaming a William Hill. The unmitigated, illiterate, tube.

Having previously spent all our dosh in Poundland on twee Celtic Twilight light-fittings, 'magical' turnips and stupid stuff like schools universities -I was haphazardly and belatedly trying to produce an army to repel the legions at my gates.

Enter TOTAL WAR, eyeball to eyeball:

-Dudes getting fudged up right, left & centre in the jungle
-My tinkers, in the quest to militarise, on the brink of bankruptcy; it turns out that 'magical' turnips are highly flammable and nothing to write home about in the theatre of war...
-Tyre turning out to be no fudging use whatsoever in a knuckle; the arseholes!
-The revelation that my neighbours, the Arabs, the Indians, the Mayans and the Ethiopians, can do all the happy-clappy, Jesus in a pepperpot, Inbetweeners 'friends' bit in diplomacy, but will happily stand by whilst some wild-eyed psycho in a dress is trampling my truffles and waving knives, genitals and God-knows-what at my horrifed locals.

The upshot of this conflagration for me, dear eagles, was ghastly, red-eyed, hopeless desperation, interspersed with waves of -albeit turn based - momentous epiphanies. The sea foam always popped that inevitable question, delivered to myself with raised eyebrows: 'what the fudge is a father of two doing fretting about the fate of imaginary midgets, when he has to get up in four hours and secure the fate of two real ones... Seriously, cop on, what are you doing with your life?'

Then the levee broke.

Montezuma came to the realisation that unless you're Croatian, Spanish, Italian, or are even passably good at kicking an inflatable pig's bladder to someone wearing the same colour as you, then you'll never beat the fudging Irish.

Having entered into his own personal Vietnam War, having been unexpectedly (just) out-loonied in the bushes, with our civilisations on the brink of mutual annihilation, Montezuma sued for peace.

It was smashing.

In order to secure a ten year truce, he gave me all of his Aztec gold. By golly it was a lot. Almost felt sorry for the guy, not quite though. In truth I was immersed in the cool lake of relief, floating on my back, wiggling my toes, betwixt the undisturbed surface and the softening moonlight.

The cherry on the top was that his returning forces infected his populace with our Hinduism, boys oh boys are they doing a bit of soul searching now. As well they might. As well they might.

Managed to drag myself away just as the ten year truce drew to a close. Have spunked an enormous sum of crazy man's gold on more celestial root vegetables and on amassing an army of neds from Edinburgh.

Being a bit wiser now though, I have kept back just enough to install a government and build a giant statue of David Bowie in his capital. Because, my friends, having just reiterated to the largely disinterested world that Montezuma still a right knob, tonight I'm going to paint Tenochtitlan green.

Then I'll get back to the celery until some other clown tries it on...
Possibly post of the year...creased me up
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"The wise are instructed by reason; ordinary minds by experience; the stupid, by necessity; and brutes by instinct."
"To be ignorant of what occurred before you were born is to remain always a child."
"Victory has a hundred fathers and defeat is an orphan."
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  #24  
Old 30-06-2012, 10:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SE5eagle
Aztecs are gone, now Selassie & Ghandi are behaving like I'm the party-goer who pissed in the pool. Both have declared war on me, having been all smiles during the war.

Mayans are too quiet altogether; suspect they're behind it all.

I see them, waving their Buddha balls up and down the peninsula. Don't think I don't.

Just wanted to settle down on the oysters, now you can scoop the atmosphere with a spoon.

War is Hell, but the peace thereafter is a special class of purgatory...
Are yo perhaps taking this all a bit personally?
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  #25  
Old 30-06-2012, 01:41 PM
Alexc26 Alexc26 is offline
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Civ 5 is awesome, I do want to get the expansion/DLC at some point, but for now I'm happy with the normal game.
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  #26  
Old 30-06-2012, 03:58 PM
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SE5eagle SE5eagle is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maz
Are yo perhaps taking this all a bit personally?
Et tu Maz?

It's worse than I suspected, if you are also taking the Mayan Shilling.

I have instructed Mick McCarthy to investigate such sympathies upon these boards. You shall perhaps be unsurprised that others have testified to the effect that you are indeed embroiled in this nefarious Mayan enterprise...
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  #27  
Old 01-07-2012, 07:18 AM
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Well I never, Maz, you're right. There is a position for you in our Civil Service should you ever find yourself so disposed.

The Mayans are sweeties, simply divine; we've been breaking carrots.

The tempest of paranoia has been dispersed on the four winds, along with the most senior political advisors. The upshot of this is that Mick McBarnsley has been relieved of his investigatory powers, his wand and his regal rhubarb. In the early hours of this morning Boadicea's chief apothecarist was gifted a pair of concrete dunlop greenflash at a ceremony on the shore; it appears that woods had begun to move and she's no fan of the Scottish play.

The paranoia has instead been charged to a certain Mr Quinn, a spy in our fledgling espionage department.

Yes, we are still at war, but it is a most peaceful affair; the Ethiopians have given up and India's military is as pathetic as my hopes of ever being even vaguely competent at this game.

Raise high your root beers (don't forget to spill a bit for the fairies) and join me in proclaiming,"Asparagus!"
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  #28  
Old 01-07-2012, 10:34 AM
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started a game yesterday as Sellasie and was peacfully going about my business (3 cities up already and rastafarianisim up and running) when the usually nice guy from Polynesia decided that i was too close to his borders and the best course of action was to decalre war on me.

i immediately tried to negotiate peace, but he was having none of it. he marched his forces onto my capital and done his best to topple my empire but i mananged to repel the Polynesians and sent them packing.

now Polynesia wanted to negoatiate peace as his forces took a bit of a battering but i said no and decided to turn the screw on him until his peace offereing was too good to refuse......sucker

not 100% sure on how the religion works at the moment, i have had city states requesting my religion but not sure how to give it to them.
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  #29  
Old 01-07-2012, 11:07 AM
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Good work!

Go to the faith screen (birdy at top) select missionary as your next purchase, when he appear send him to next to the city you want to influence and get him to spread the word (he can do this twice before he evaporates.)
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  #30  
Old 01-07-2012, 11:15 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alexc26
Civ 5 is awesome, I do want to get the expansion/DLC at some point, but for now I'm happy with the normal game.
Nearly purchased it yesterday based on the comments from this thread... but the comments on Amazon put me off. Who to believe?
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  #31  
Old 01-07-2012, 11:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by humpo
started a game yesterday as Sellasie and was peacfully going about my business (3 cities up already and rastafarianisim up and running) when the usually nice guy from Polynesia decided that i was too close to his borders and the best course of action was to decalre war on me.

i immediately tried to negotiate peace, but he was having none of it. he marched his forces onto my capital and done his best to topple my empire but i mananged to repel the Polynesians and sent them packing.

now Polynesia wanted to negoatiate peace as his forces took a bit of a battering but i said no and decided to turn the screw on him until his peace offereing was too good to refuse......sucker

not 100% sure on how the religion works at the moment, i have had city states requesting my religion but not sure how to give it to them.
My laptop can't handle the game. Do you get to grow some herbal smokes in the game?
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  #32  
Old 01-07-2012, 11:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Omen
Nearly purchased it yesterday based on the comments from this thread... but the comments on Amazon put me off. Who to believe?
I bought it yesterday based on these comments.

never played Civ before but love straegy games.

Lost 6 hours of my life last night, as we as two hours of full on Civilisation dreams too!

I love my red indian tribe!
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  #33  
Old 01-07-2012, 12:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by evvo111
My laptop can't handle the game. Do you get to grow some herbal smokes in the game?
unfortunately not.
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  #34  
Old 01-07-2012, 12:57 PM
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Is this coming out on Xbox? Loved civ rev
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  #35  
Old 01-07-2012, 04:30 PM
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I genuinely have no idea what anyone on this thread is talking about, and I'd never have the time to play it, but I love SE5eagle's posts so much I might just buy it so I don't feel like I'm missing something.
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  #36  
Old 02-07-2012, 07:36 AM
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humpo : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minehumpo : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minehumpo : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minehumpo : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minehumpo : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minehumpo : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minehumpo : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minehumpo : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minehumpo : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minehumpo : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minehumpo : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mine
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alan Key
I genuinely have no idea what anyone on this thread is talking about, and I'd never have the time to play it, but I love SE5eagle's posts so much I might just buy it so I don't feel like I'm missing something.
You should get it and then you could create a religion call Alan Leeism and promote it to the masses
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  #37  
Old 03-07-2012, 10:00 AM
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StudentEagle StudentEagle is offline
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StudentEagle : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineStudentEagle : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineStudentEagle : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineStudentEagle : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineStudentEagle : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineStudentEagle : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineStudentEagle : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineStudentEagle : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineStudentEagle : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineStudentEagle : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineStudentEagle : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mine
Played Gods and Kings over the weekend.

Glad to have religion back. It used to really annoy me in previous Civ games, but I like the way it's been implemented this time round. All surrounding Civs are now happily converted to the Byzantian Buddhist cause and I seem to be getting on swimmingly with all bar the Christian Mayans and the Islamic Russians. And they're both pathetically weak, with all but their holy cities converting to the Buddhist way of life anyway.

Napoleon is looking set to be his usual nuisance, mind...
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  #38  
Old 04-07-2012, 08:59 AM
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SE5eagle SE5eagle is offline
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SE5eagle Sam the man is hereSE5eagle Sam the man is hereSE5eagle Sam the man is hereSE5eagle Sam the man is hereSE5eagle Sam the man is hereSE5eagle Sam the man is hereSE5eagle Sam the man is hereSE5eagle Sam the man is hereSE5eagle Sam the man is hereSE5eagle Sam the man is hereSE5eagle Sam the man is here
I've nearly wiped my nearest neighbour, India, off of the map, they kept declaring war on me and I decided enough was enough.

Am turning in to quite the tyrannical war mongerer.

What is it they say about absolute power corrupting...

:/
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Old 06-07-2012, 11:54 PM
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Bah.

Have stolen away in the shame of night to exile. I took my leave in the 1860's.

At the ignominious end I was sweating like a paedophile in Mothercare.

Every fudger was having a pop. There stood I, Boy George, finger-clicking my way through Karma Chameleon on Southend Pier.

Even the Mayans decided I needed a slap.

Ugh.

I'm the Eddie 'The Eagle' Edwards of Civ.

At the beginning of every fudging game, this ushering cusp of summit, where only good humour and camera flashes illuminate my earnest, loveable, albeit vacant, face; there is nought but goodwill.

We all wish me well. We all want it to be right. Yes. It's going to be terrific. Isn't it?

But there is not one sentient being -including, deep fudging fathoms down, the scamp on the planks - who doesn't know how this is going to end.

Face down, at the pit of some sonorous ravine, bewildered, with Pampers bulging.

Every fudging time. It's like the cocking labours of Sisyphus. Or Asda on the Old Kent Road. SOMEBODY MAKE IT F'KING STOP!

Have cooled and decided to have one more pop at the Celts, then I'm giving up and going Greek.

Polaroids to follow.
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Old 10-07-2012, 04:17 PM
Mat ov CPFC Mat ov CPFC is offline
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Mat ov CPFC came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietMat ov CPFC came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietMat ov CPFC came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietMat ov CPFC came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietMat ov CPFC came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietMat ov CPFC came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietMat ov CPFC came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietMat ov CPFC came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietMat ov CPFC came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietMat ov CPFC came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietMat ov CPFC came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
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