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  #361  
Old 16-01-2018, 07:41 AM
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ExiledStirling ExiledStirling is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Worksop Palace View Post
Thatís the one Iíd get - thatís the one eyed get. Cyclops. One eyed get.

Jokes arenít funny when you have to explain them
tbf Rich it did need explaining and once you did it deserves a small chuckle, which if I had got it first time I may have simply let out a groan instead.
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  #362  
Old 16-01-2018, 07:46 AM
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Worksop Palace Worksop Palace is offline
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Originally Posted by ExiledStirling View Post
tbf Rich it did need explaining and once you did it deserves a small chuckle, which if I had got it first time I may have simply let out a groan instead.
It was indeed a groaner

But then it was posted by SC so what is one to expect ?
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  #363  
Old 16-01-2018, 01:34 PM
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URGENT:
JOB OFFER
I need 8 people to work in a large event, on the 29th, 30th and 31st of February !!!
8 Hours per day - £ 400.00 per day.
£ 1,200 for the 3 days.
Anyone available?
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  #364  
Old 16-01-2018, 03:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hibernator View Post
URGENT:
JOB OFFER
I need 8 people to work in a large event, on the 29th, 30th and 31st of February !!!
8 Hours per day - £ 400.00 per day.
£ 1,200 for the 3 days.
Anyone available?
Ha Ha, you don't fool me - there are 31 days in March.
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  #365  
Old 01-02-2018, 09:51 PM
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rhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
Trump has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Trump thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell.
"No!" Trump said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented Trump.

The Devil opened a third door. In it, Trump saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Trump looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!"
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  #366  
Old 01-02-2018, 10:01 PM
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Coastal Palace came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietCoastal Palace came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietCoastal Palace came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietCoastal Palace came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietCoastal Palace came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietCoastal Palace came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietCoastal Palace came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietCoastal Palace came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietCoastal Palace came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietCoastal Palace came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietCoastal Palace came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
A little girl has lost her mum in Tesco and is crying.
A security guard goes up to her to see what's wrong.
'I can't find my mum' she sobs.
'What's she like?' asks the guard.
'Big cocks and vodka' replies the girl
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  #367  
Old 23-03-2018, 03:04 PM
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The International Poetry Contest had come down to two semi-finalists: an Oxford University graduate and a redneck from Texas. They were given a word, then allowed one minute to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu".

First to recite his poem was the Oxford graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination- Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
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