depression

[Spender]

Great thread.

Life can feel like a struggle sometimes.

Nice to see such warmth and understanding on the BBS.

Good luck to those guys who are at a low ebb at the moment.

[Glaws Eagle]

Had severe depression in 1992/93. On a scale of 0 to -10, I was on minus -7. Desperatre, desperate times.

Splitting up from long term girlfriend, working 70 hours a week and trying to buy a house!

I just couldnt take it all. I had a chemical imbalance in the brain and one night took enough pills to kill two people. But because I had played rugby earlier my body was purged and I was able to survive.

I know it is easy for me to say, 12 years on, but life will get better. I realise at times it is difficult to face even the easiest tasks, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if the tunnel is a long •••••••.

One day at a time. Lay off the drink and try to look for good things in life. Again it isnt easy and no one can help you but .......

......... IT WILL GET BETTER. EVENTUALLY.

[Al From Bromley]

The feelings of despair when you are the victim of a terminated relationship are bloody awful, but I don't know anyone who didn't look back a few years later and think "what the bloody hell was I putting myself through such misery for"? Life's a learning experience and one of the toughest things to learn is living with those sort of feelings you get when you've been dumped. Get through that stage though and you come out the other side a stronger person who realises that we all go through it at some stage rather than thinking that you are the only one who has ever experienced hurt like it.

[Gatecrasher]

Originally posted by Al From Bromley
Life's a learning experience and one of the toughest things to learn is living with those sort of feelings you get when you've been dumped.

••••••• tell me about it!

Beginning to finally accept it; no more phone calls, no further contact (except via solicitors).

[Al From Bromley]

Well done Rob. I know it hurts like hell but you will benefit from it in the long run even though you can't see that now. Remember I told you about the girl that dumped me and then I had to sit across an office from her for the next few months listening to her organising her social life whilst I was dying inside? Well I can look back today and wonder why the feck I ever let myself get so low over that girl, and the reason is we're all only human and break ups hurt like hell. But there is life after them as well. Things will get better for you if you stick with your current course of action.

[crockett]

Originally posted by LLCOOLSTEVE
Are you talking to me? Well i dont think that would be happening Stav, it just wouldnt be the right thing to do, for one she is in France at the moment, see thats another thing, we were hoping to go to France sometime soon for a weekend, maybe valentines or even before xmas but she had the opportunity to go with a good friend of her's to Disneyland Paris, she text me on Saturday night as she left, so i said 'have a great time, and i only wish it was us going' to which she replied, 'maybe we can one day'. Again its confusing and the closure isnt there.

I really want to initiate the no contact thing as i think it would be for the best, but im really unsure.

I know you probably want to think that your relationship is different but I'm afraid what she's doing is classic in this situation. She thinks she wants to be free to go out with her mates & be single but she's not 100% sure & wants the reassurance of knowing that you are still there as a fallback. Human nature.
Having seen this many times, my advice would be you've got to say no contact at all,mean it(or at least sound like you do!) and force the issue. It may not get the result that you want but it's got a darn site better chance than just having it drifting on on her terms whilst she knows that you are there if she changes her mind at any time. That will end up being counter productive and certainly at times get on her nerves. It's going to be hard but it will whatever anyway.

Best of Luck

[Crate]

Originally posted by Al From Bromley
break ups hurt like hell. But there is life after them as well.

Obviously right, but some of the advice Steve has received here in the last few days don't seem to recognise this. The ending of a relationship - especially a long-lasting, serious, one - is a bereavement. Not literally, of course, but you're bereft of all the good things that the relationship brought, all the plans for the future together and so on. You can't just snap out of the feelings this produces, and I don't think it would be right if you could. You have to give it time. In Steve's case it's made even worse by the fact that he doesn't know for certain whether the situation is final or not. FWIW, even though I'm sure it's not what you want to do, Steve, I think the best thing would be for the two of you to agree a total "non-contact" period. Then you wouldn't be spending all the time wondering if she's going to get in touch, and you might be able to begin to put the pieces together again. But whatever happens, it's an awful situation, and even though most of us have probably been there at some time or another, that knowledge doesn't make it any easier when it happens to you. Hang on in there.

[LLCOOLSTEVE]

Originally posted by Crate
The ending of a relationship - especially a long-lasting, serious, one - is a bereavement.

Certainly feels that way

[Eddie McGoldrick's tash]

Originally posted by Stavros 69
Call up a mate (bloke) and go for a drink. Dont be one of these poofs who calls up a bird and crys to her.

I had a recent break up and have spent loads of time drinking with mates but I also found crying to a couple of girl mates very helpful too!
It all helps

[Stavros 69]

Originally posted by Eddie McGoldrick's tash
I had a recent break up and have spent loads of time drinking with mates but I also found crying to a couple of girl mates very helpful too!
It all helps

FAG, the last thing you need is another woman confusing you. They dont make any sence. My GF for example knows i dont really like things being bought for me. But she insists on buying me crappy presents. So i thought i would drop a hint so i could get something useful. I dropped the hint for a Palace mug, cheap and at least i can use it in work. What did i get when she came over, a small robot !!!!

I mean WTF am i going to do with that. and no batteries !!! WOMEN

[greybot]

HAHA I can picture it now. You with your stavbot making you a cup of tea and all you wanted was a bleeding palace mug

[Stavros 69]

Originally posted by greybot
HAHA I can picture it now. You with your stavbot making you a cup of tea and all you wanted was a bleeding palace mug

I mean what the hell am i going to do with it, and she expects me to bring it back to England when i m ove back. Well i know where it's going, in the bloody swimming pool. Lets see if they made you water proof.

I think a Palace mug is a fair enough gift, i buy her flowers and teddy bears and crap like that (just to keep her off my back) but a bloody Robot !!

[Eddie McGoldrick's tash]

Originally posted by Stavros 69
FAG, the last thing you need is another woman confusing you. They dont make any sence. My GF for example knows i dont really like things being bought for me. But she insists on buying me crappy presents. So i thought i would drop a hint so i could get something useful. I dropped the hint for a Palace mug, cheap and at least i can use it in work. What did i get when she came over, a small robot !!!!

I mean WTF am i going to do with that. and no batteries !!! WOMEN

LMFAO!!! Stav strikes again!

[Stavros 69]

Robot update:

Well i came in last night from a club opening out here. Got in retty wasted, and this robot can supposedly pick up things. Well i trieed to get it to pick up my drink, knocking it all over my cream carpet. So i threw the robot against the wall, and it now cant stand up straight. What am i going to tell the mrs, not that i;m scared of her

[celery stick]

Dont know how in depth or how good it'll be, but 5Live are discussing depression between 10 and 11 tonight, . . . in a minute.
When the host has stopped waffling about bollix that could make you depressed.

[Men At Work]

There's been TV ads on here for a month or so about depression, which is the first time I can remember it being done. There's an associated site - To view the link you have to Register or Login - which has some information including a checklist used by doctors to diagnose cases. I've had a brief look at the forums on there and most seem similar to this thread - the greatest benefit coming from finally realising they're not the only ones going through it.

[palace_crystal]

Just been diagnosed myself.

Just seems none of my mates seem to understand, what have i got to be depressed about they ask me, the sad thing is i haven't got an answer.

[Chief Brody]

palace_crystal - People not understanding depression is a problem even though many people do suffer from a form of mental illness. There still seems to be a "pull yourself together" attitude (especially with blokes) and one of the reasons for this is that people cannot see anything physically wrong with the sufferer, hence there is nothing tangible for them to sympathise with.

Do you have anyone who you feel comfortable enough with to talk to? I mean really comfortable as you will probably be saying things that are very sensitive to you. In my experience it can be a help, along with being patient about how long it takes for you to sort yourself out. I have not suffered myself (touch wood), but have had two very close people ill with it. It's not easy but it certainly is beatable.

Best of luck mate.

[palace_crystal]

Originally posted by Chief Brody
palace_crystal - People not understanding depression is a problem even though many people do suffer from a form of mental illness. There still seems to be a "pull yourself together" attitude (especially with blokes) and one of the reasons for this is that people cannot see anything physically wrong with the sufferer, hence there is nothing tangible for them to sympathise with.

Do you have anyone who you feel comfortable enough with to talk to? I mean really comfortable as you will probably be saying things that are very sensitive to you. In my experience it can be a help, along with being patient about how long it takes for you to sort yourself out. I have not suffered myself (touch wood), but have had two very close people ill with it. It's not easy but it certainly is beatable.

Best of luck mate.

Thanks, no don't have anyone i'd feel comfortable talking with, hence the reason its been bottled up for 6 months.

Tried talking to a mate but he told me to 'Stop being a Larry'
The rest of my 'mates' are all stoners who don't give two shits about anyone but themselves and would give me the same response.

I can't even open up to my g/f which hurts me the most, because my feelings are so messed up i don't wan't to put her through anything.

[sydney eagle]

I recently went through my worst period since I started this thread all that time ago.It got very scary this time because not only was I depressed,I felt extremely angry at the same time.I guess it was just a little phase this time as I seem to have got past it but I hope that never comes back again.