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  #61  
Old 28-02-2005, 11:48 AM
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timmy heald timmy heald is offline
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Watching the last world cup with a female work colleague, she noticed that Beckham was wearing a 'band' around his arm. She asked me why he was playing if he was injured!! Oh dear.......
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  #62  
Old 28-02-2005, 11:49 AM
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Originally posted by Brett


"Oh right. Are you playing or watching?"

Brilliant.
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  #63  
Old 28-02-2005, 11:57 AM
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Joeymaz comes from Venezuela and drinks in the Jolly SailorJoeymaz comes from Venezuela and drinks in the Jolly SailorJoeymaz comes from Venezuela and drinks in the Jolly SailorJoeymaz comes from Venezuela and drinks in the Jolly SailorJoeymaz comes from Venezuela and drinks in the Jolly SailorJoeymaz comes from Venezuela and drinks in the Jolly SailorJoeymaz comes from Venezuela and drinks in the Jolly SailorJoeymaz comes from Venezuela and drinks in the Jolly SailorJoeymaz comes from Venezuela and drinks in the Jolly SailorJoeymaz comes from Venezuela and drinks in the Jolly SailorJoeymaz comes from Venezuela and drinks in the Jolly Sailor
Watching an Arsenal game one day, a team the missus hates.
When Thierry Henry scored she got a bit angry and said
"Why doesn't that Thierry Henry **** off back to those renault adverts to practice his french"
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  #64  
Old 28-02-2005, 12:01 PM
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I've posted this a few times on other threads but is always worth a repeat.

Not what women say but what a guy I used to work with used to say.

Some are classics...

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  #65  
Old 28-02-2005, 12:02 PM
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lilmissSIKO is playing for a contract
may not be much but my mum's classic "do you want a smack?"




er...no!!
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  #66  
Old 28-02-2005, 12:23 PM
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rokko is AJ vs the 'weedrokko is AJ vs the 'weedrokko is AJ vs the 'weedrokko is AJ vs the 'weedrokko is AJ vs the 'weedrokko is AJ vs the 'weedrokko is AJ vs the 'weedrokko is AJ vs the 'weedrokko is AJ vs the 'weedrokko is AJ vs the 'weedrokko is AJ vs the 'weed
told my gf that before they put ice cream on wooden sticks, they used to use chicken leg bones.

My all time fav has to be when my mum went " you know, ken*ucky tried chicken"

telling a joke with the punch line " i was having a w*nk and shot the cat"
my mum went "do you mean masturbation ?"
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  #67  
Old 28-02-2005, 12:27 PM
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Il Padrino Il Padrino is offline
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Watching boxing years ago and my ex heard them say something about Lennox Lewis's 17 inch neck.

"Well, your neck is much longer than his, you should take up boxing"
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  #68  
Old 28-02-2005, 12:28 PM
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A friend of my wife's made a ring for her husband in a jewellery class but it was too small for his finger. When I told her my dad does silversmithing for a hobby and could resize it for him, she said at the top of her voice (in a crowded restaurant): 'Darling, his father is going to stretch your ring!'. Brought the house down. She honestly did not know it had a double meaning.
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  #69  
Old 28-02-2005, 12:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by daz_eagle
whilst watching bayern munich and arsenal in the champions league.

"why are you watching it if you don't support them?"

oh dear.
I get that all the time when watching non Palace games on TV
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  #70  
Old 28-02-2005, 12:36 PM
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When I was in bed ill a few years back an ex girlfriend of mine went out to get me a few bits. As I was bored in bed I said "Can you get me a copy of the currant bun" When she arrived home she said "I couldn't find any currant buns so got you some apple cakes instead!"

Bless!

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  #71  
Old 28-02-2005, 12:38 PM
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thanks to me my ex will now confirm that Christiano Ronaldo turned pro at the age of 4
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  #72  
Old 28-02-2005, 12:46 PM
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think the best one for me has to be going to see The Day After Tomorrow - after watching the trailers and adverts, showing scenes of total devestation in the States, the World turned upside down by freak weather conditions, etc.... we sat down in the cinema and as the film started I get a whisper in my ear, "so is this a true story then?" Needless to say I just shook my head and turned back to watch the film.

Also remember my nan saying once (commenting on the all hours shopping in some holiday resort she'd been to) that it was great that the stores were open 48 hours a day!
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  #73  
Old 28-02-2005, 12:55 PM
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Funniest thing I remember was a bird I worked with who miss understood the meaning of Territorial Army. She thought TA stood for 'The Army' and said "why do people say The TA - its like saying 'the The Army'"
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  #74  
Old 28-02-2005, 01:00 PM
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Oddjob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietOddjob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietOddjob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietOddjob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietOddjob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietOddjob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietOddjob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietOddjob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietOddjob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietOddjob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietOddjob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
Whilst watching the cricket last year, the commentator announced that the water cart was coming on, my wife then queried who 'Walter Cart' played for...................
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  #75  
Old 28-02-2005, 01:04 PM
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On holiday we had a Dutch family next door, our 5 year old son kept trying to talk to their young daughter, my (ex) girlfriend explained to him that she couldnt understand him as "she was German" the family looked p**sed off and said "WE ARE NOT GERMAN! WE ARE FROM HOLLAND" my ex then said sorry, turned back to our son and said............""she cant understand you, she's Danish"

She also done the classic, while looking at a map, she pointed to the M25 and said "I never knew there was a river around London"
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  #76  
Old 28-02-2005, 01:08 PM
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Micky Droy Micky Droy is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Radders
When I was in bed ill a few years back an ex girlfriend of mine went out to get me a few bits. As I was bored in bed I said "Can you get me a copy of the currant bun" When she arrived home she said "I couldn't find any currant buns so got you some apple cakes instead!"
I'm impressed you can get your ex-girlfriends to look after you when you're sick! I find it hard to get my current gf to do that.
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  #77  
Old 28-02-2005, 03:49 PM
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Jim Cannon Jim Cannon is offline
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I once knew a girl who thought Sweden was a place in Germany!
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  #78  
Old 28-02-2005, 04:04 PM
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My mate's wife on FA cup final v Manure

'you must be so proud - your team is finally at Wimbledon!'
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  #79  
Old 28-02-2005, 04:06 PM
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Yesterday at the pub, the pub owner told me that he had to take his car into the shop because of engine knocks. The waitress passing by asked what an engine knock was, and why the car needed to have work done.

The pub owner asked her to imagine what it was like to be shagged with her head too close to the headboard - it was kind of the same thing.

That answer completely satisfied the waitress.
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Old 28-02-2005, 04:13 PM
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PalaceMonkey PalaceMonkey is offline
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talking to a female friend.

me : I might be going to amsterdam on business
her : that's nice, I'd love to go to Holland.
me : you've been. loads of times. to rotterdam?
her : oh I thought that was the netherlands, and amsterdam was holland?
me : oh....
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