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  #321  
Old 14-10-2017, 12:28 PM
Kipungu Kipungu is offline
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Originally Posted by Blind_Eagle View Post
Itís all about Biggin on here for some of you.

Are you still a mod?
Hadn't posted in a while. Felt the urge.

Like dropping a load in the loo after a long day. Or a bout of week long anaesthesia induced constipation.

Feeling better now. Until next time.
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  #322  
Old 14-10-2017, 03:22 PM
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Il Padrino Il Padrino is offline
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Il Padrino came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietIl Padrino came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietIl Padrino came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietIl Padrino came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietIl Padrino came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietIl Padrino came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietIl Padrino came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietIl Padrino came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietIl Padrino came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietIl Padrino came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietIl Padrino came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
My new girlfriend has just kicked me out for being addicted to Only Fools and Horses. "Pack your things and get out!" she screamed.

"Ok" I replied "I'll fetch the suitcase from the van"
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  #323  
Old 14-10-2017, 04:21 PM
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Billy Rhino Billy Rhino is online now
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Chelsea
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  #324  
Old 26-10-2017, 02:08 PM
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Guy with testicular cancer was admitted to hospital to have the tumor removed. When he woke from surgery, he asked the doc how it went. Well, said the doc, I have good and bad news. The good news is we saved your testicles....the bad news is they're under your pillow.
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  #325  
Old 26-10-2017, 02:14 PM
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A lecturer was giving a talk on religion and dying. He asked a man in the audience what his religion was and what he would like said at his funeral. The man said" I'm a Catholic and I'd like it said that I was a good man, a good husband and father, and that I'd be sorely missed"
Very good, said the lecturer, and how about you sir, in the back row?
Well said the second man, as he thought for a moment, "I'm an atheist so I think what I'd like someone to say at my funeral is....LOOK...HES MOVING!
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  #326  
Old 26-10-2017, 03:29 PM
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When I heard there was a potential cure for premature ejaculation I nearly came in my pants
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  #327  
Old 26-10-2017, 03:32 PM
Worksop Palace Worksop Palace is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave View Post
When I heard there was a potential cure for premature ejaculation I nearly came in my pants
Memory problems ?
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  #328  
Old 28-10-2017, 10:16 AM
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What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

a Lickalottapuss.
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  #329  
Old 28-10-2017, 10:27 AM
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There's a new TV show on tonight about origami.

It's paper view.
-------------------

My wife gets annoyed if I mess with her red wine, so I've added fruit and lemonade to it and now she's sangria than ever.
-----------
Went to the sperm clinic earlier.
The lady asked if I'd like to masturbate in the cup?

I said 'I'm good but not ready for competition yet'
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  #330  
Old 28-10-2017, 05:13 PM
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I worked for an origami company until it folded.
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I thought it would be like that every week.....
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  #331  
Old 28-10-2017, 05:20 PM
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St.Francois St.Francois is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StonePenge View Post
I worked for an origami company until it folded.
Thanks David .
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  #332  
Old 01-11-2017, 08:50 PM
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lanepe lanepe is online now
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lanepe : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minelanepe : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minelanepe : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minelanepe : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minelanepe : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minelanepe : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minelanepe : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minelanepe : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minelanepe : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minelanepe : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minelanepe : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mine
I've just found out that the guy who stole my diary has passed away.

My thoughts are with his family.
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  #333  
Old 02-11-2017, 01:57 PM
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waddoneagle waddoneagle is offline
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Trying to comfort my baby son and explain its ok and perfectly natural to shit yourself while plotted up on the sofa watching Pepa pig.
It's just a way of your body getting rid of all the waste products it don't want etc.

But he is still looking at me as if to say " why didn't you just make a mad dash for the toilet Dad ?"
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  #334  
Old 03-11-2017, 02:10 PM
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MY wife has never had orgasm so we went to the doctor.

After tests the doctor suggested my wife may be overheating during sex.

I refused to buy a fan and decided to get my mate Dave 'round to waft a towel over us during sex.

After 20 minutes of wafting still no orgasm, so I suggested a
swap - "You make love to her and I'll waft the towel".

Dave agreed and within seconds my wife is screaming in pleasure and has the best orgasm ever.

I slowly turn to Dave "....and that, my friend, is how you waft a towel...!"
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  #335  
Old 03-11-2017, 02:31 PM
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I was surprised to learn that the Flintstones is are still very popular in the Middle East but there are some interesting national variations. Apparently audiences in Kuwait don't get the humour, whilst those in Abu Dhabi do.
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  #336  
Old 03-11-2017, 07:52 PM
Worksop Palace Worksop Palace is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by waddoneagle View Post
MY wife has never had orgasm so we went to the doctor.

After tests the doctor suggested my wife may be overheating during sex.

I refused to buy a fan and decided to get my mate Dave 'round to waft a towel over us during sex.

After 20 minutes of wafting still no orgasm, so I suggested a
swap - "You make love to her and I'll waft the towel".

Dave agreed and within seconds my wife is screaming in pleasure and has the best orgasm ever.

I slowly turn to Dave "....and that, my friend, is how you waft a towel...!"
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  #337  
Old 04-11-2017, 09:23 PM
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lanepe lanepe is online now
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It wasn't just me involved in the sandwich shop robbery.

But it was me that took the wrap.
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  #338  
Old 18-11-2017, 04:34 PM
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rhiannapaul rhiannapaul is offline
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rhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

'Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more! ...
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.'

The lady can't take this anymore, "You foul- mouthed sex obsessed pig!", she retorted indignantly. 'In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!"

'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man, 'Whooza talkin ' about sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi.'

£5.00 says you're gonna read this again!
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  #339  
Old 18-11-2017, 04:59 PM
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Wolfnipplechips Wolfnipplechips is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rhiannapaul View Post
A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

'Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more! ...
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.'

The lady can't take this anymore, "You foul- mouthed sex obsessed pig!", she retorted indignantly. 'In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!"

'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man, 'Whooza talkin ' about sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi.'

£5.00 says you're gonna read this again!
and £10 says youíll wish you hadnít bothered.
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