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  #81  
Old 17-01-2010, 06:47 PM
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jookbeard jookbeard is offline
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jookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very dark
women weightlifter goes into the doctors and says
"doctor,I've started taking steroids and grown a cock"
"Anabolic?"
"no just a cock"
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  #82  
Old 18-01-2010, 06:20 PM
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peagle peagle is offline
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peagle : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minepeagle : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minepeagle : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minepeagle : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minepeagle : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minepeagle : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minepeagle : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minepeagle : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minepeagle : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minepeagle : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of minepeagle : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mine
Apologies in advance, don't read if not amused by horrible things, or are ginger, I know I shouldn't find them funny!

Do you reckon we got any money from TV for the Plymouth game? Apparently they showed it live all over Haiti to show the locals that there is always someone worse off than them!

According to statistics, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

What do fat girls and mopeds have in common? They're both fun to ride but you don't want your mates to see you on them.

What's the difference between a scouser and a battery? There's a positive side to the battery!

The man u scouts have been scouring the country to find some home grown talent, but they cant seem to find anyone. They finally find someone who they think is a real talent. For the youth team he puts on an astonishing display, then says that he loves the club and will play for no wages. Later that day he gets called into the gaffa's office, 'hey your jewish aren't you' the boy nods his head 'then you can't play for us' he then asked the gaffa why?
The gaffa replies 'sorry mate but you have to be a complete dick to play 4 us'

A man was travelling alone through the desert for many months when he suddenly started to feel awfully horny. He turned to his camel but it saw the look in his eyes and ran away. He caught up to it and rode it on for a couple of days, until he felt even hornier. He turned to his camel but before he could get close to it it had run away. He caught up with it and rode on for a couple of days. Again though, he inevitably got horny again and turned to the camel who ran away again. Once he'd caught it up and ridden for a couple of days, he came across three beautiful girls in a broken down car. He asks them if they need any help. 'If you can get our car to start, we will do anything for you!' one woman replies. Luckily, he knows a bit about cars and sets about fixing it. When he's done the girl starts the car and turns to him, smiling gorgeously. 'Oh my GOD!' she says, 'thank you so much. But what can we do for you in return?' So the man, still horny thinks a bit but the answer is obvious to him... 'Can you hold my camel still for me?'

A new mother is lying in bed and spots a doctor walking past, 'Doctor, Doctor! Is my baby alright?' she cries. 'Well maddame,' he replies seriously, 'there's some good news and bad news.' She starts crying and he carries on, 'The bad news is, the baby's ginger. The good news is, it's dead.'

The best way to get a woman to have sex with you is to compliment her, so I usually use: 'Wow you'r a fast runner! You almost got away!'

What's the difference between a scouser father and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four!

What should you do with 365 used condoms? Melt them down and call it a goodyear!
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  #83  
Old 21-01-2010, 02:16 PM
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BB Bob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBB Bob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBB Bob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBB Bob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBB Bob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBB Bob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBB Bob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBB Bob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBB Bob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBB Bob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBB Bob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
I've just discovered Twitter

It's my wife's sensitive area betweeen the twat and the shitter
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  #84  
Old 22-01-2010, 02:18 PM
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GrayP41ace GrayP41ace is offline
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Three scaffolders, Steve, Dave and Bruce are working at the top of a high rise building. All of a sudden Steve slips and falls to his death. The other two have to decide who will break the news to his wife. Dave decides that he will do it as he's good at all the caring sentimental stuff and off he goes.

3 hours later he comes back with a crate of Stella under his arm.

"Where'd you get that mate?" asks Bruce

"Steves missus gave it to me."

"So you told her that her husbands dead and she gave you a crate of Stella?"

"Well not exactly. When she opened the door I said "Hi, you must be Steves widow?" She replied that she wasn't a widow. I said I bet you a crate of Stella that you ******* are!"
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  #85  
Old 22-01-2010, 11:37 PM
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jookbeard jookbeard is offline
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jookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very dark
2 newly weds check into their hotel on the first night of their honeymoon, the receptionist asks " do you have any reservations?" the bride replies" I'm a bit worried about taking it up the arse"
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  #86  
Old 22-01-2010, 11:42 PM
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jookbeard jookbeard is offline
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jookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very dark
shagged a girl with eczema last week,cracking tits
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  #87  
Old 23-01-2010, 12:22 AM
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ukjay_29 : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineukjay_29 : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineukjay_29 : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineukjay_29 : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineukjay_29 : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineukjay_29 : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineukjay_29 : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineukjay_29 : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineukjay_29 : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineukjay_29 : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineukjay_29 : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mine
Quote:
Originally Posted by BB Bob
I've just discovered Twitter

It's my wife's sensitive area betweeen the twat and the shitter
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  #88  
Old 02-02-2010, 04:12 PM
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BB Bob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBB Bob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBB Bob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBB Bob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBB Bob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBB Bob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBB Bob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBB Bob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBB Bob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBB Bob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBB Bob came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being pay-day, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay.

When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him.

"How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
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  #89  
Old 02-02-2010, 05:14 PM
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little al little al is offline
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little al Sam the man is herelittle al Sam the man is herelittle al Sam the man is herelittle al Sam the man is herelittle al Sam the man is herelittle al Sam the man is herelittle al Sam the man is herelittle al Sam the man is herelittle al Sam the man is herelittle al Sam the man is herelittle al Sam the man is here
Fabio Capello phoned Wayne Bridge.

FC- John Terry has lost the England captains armband.
WB- Thats great!
FC- Do you mind having a look under your bed for it?
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  #90  
Old 06-03-2010, 11:57 PM
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leicester1 came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietleicester1 came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietleicester1 came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietleicester1 came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietleicester1 came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietleicester1 came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietleicester1 came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietleicester1 came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietleicester1 came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietleicester1 came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietleicester1 came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
Elderly lady walks into the Dentists surgery,hops on the raised couch,hotches up her skirt and kicks her knickers off.

Dentist stands stock still,flabbergasted......he says.. you silly moo,i'm a Dental Surgeon not a Gynocologist.

Lady says....i know that smartarse,i want you to get my husbands false teeth out.
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  #91  
Old 07-03-2010, 12:58 AM
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A man walks into a fish and chip shop with a fish under his arm. "Do you have any fishcakes?" he asks. "Yes, of course," says the fish shop owner. "Great," replies the man, nodding at the fish under his arm, "It's his birthday."

Arf arf
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  #92  
Old 07-03-2010, 01:27 AM
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Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
 
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Beatleboy came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBeatleboy came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBeatleboy came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBeatleboy came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBeatleboy came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBeatleboy came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBeatleboy came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBeatleboy came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBeatleboy came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBeatleboy came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietBeatleboy came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
I went into a pet shop and said, "Can I buy a wasp please?"

The Pet Shop Owner replied, " I am sorry sir, we don't sell wasps"

I said, " Well you've got one in the window!"
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  #93  
Old 07-03-2010, 04:15 AM
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jookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very dark
whats the definition of a shuttlecock?
Jade Goody in a wedding dress
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  #94  
Old 07-03-2010, 08:36 AM
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Oh shit im back
 
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holysheet-espan lets the band keep playing on and on and on, til the break of dawnholysheet-espan lets the band keep playing on and on and on, til the break of dawnholysheet-espan lets the band keep playing on and on and on, til the break of dawnholysheet-espan lets the band keep playing on and on and on, til the break of dawnholysheet-espan lets the band keep playing on and on and on, til the break of dawnholysheet-espan lets the band keep playing on and on and on, til the break of dawnholysheet-espan lets the band keep playing on and on and on, til the break of dawnholysheet-espan lets the band keep playing on and on and on, til the break of dawnholysheet-espan lets the band keep playing on and on and on, til the break of dawnholysheet-espan lets the band keep playing on and on and on, til the break of dawnholysheet-espan lets the band keep playing on and on and on, til the break of dawn
mavis and ethel were chatting one day when mavis said i haven't had a man for 20 yrs ...20 yrs ? said ethel ...yeah 20 yrs..she said..kin ell mavis i tell you what ...go and see this little chinese fella he is amazing he will tell whats wrong and cure you ...so mavis goes to chinese doctor and he says to her ...take off clothes, and get on hands and knees and crawl form this side of room to other...so she did ..then he said now crawl back...when she got halfway he said STOP..I KNOW WHAT PROBREM IS .. YOU HAVE ED ZACCARY DISEASE ...whats that..? said mavis ...YOUR FACE EDZACCARY LIKE YOUR ARSE !!!....
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  #95  
Old 11-03-2010, 01:12 PM
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Il Padrino Il Padrino is offline
It's a goat Don
 
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Il Padrino came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietIl Padrino came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietIl Padrino came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietIl Padrino came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietIl Padrino came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietIl Padrino came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietIl Padrino came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietIl Padrino came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietIl Padrino came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietIl Padrino came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietIl Padrino came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
I was dancing with this woman but she had no sense of direction and kept bumping into everybody.

******* women jivers.
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  #96  
Old 11-03-2010, 02:09 PM
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Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery..

Mick say "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"

Paddy says "What's his name ?"

Mick replies "Miles, from London !"
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Old 12-03-2010, 06:28 PM
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leicester1 came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietleicester1 came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietleicester1 came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietleicester1 came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietleicester1 came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietleicester1 came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietleicester1 came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietleicester1 came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietleicester1 came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietleicester1 came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietleicester1 came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
Recent Mastermind winner,Forest Freefall from West Bridgeford is upstairs with his wife preparing to go to bed,

His missus goes to attend her toilet at the same instant her mobile phone goes off,so Forest answers for her,

Shes sitting on the toilet when she hears her husbands voice.......You've got a nerve ringing at this time of the night,pizz off and ring the Met office yer thick Twat.

His wife emerges from the bathroom to ask who had rang her........Forest replied....just some div asking if The Coast was Clear.
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Old 14-03-2010, 04:48 PM
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jookbeard jookbeard is offline
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jookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very darkjookbeard sings up the sun in a dawn so very dark
2 poofters Tom and Jeff spent all weekend having sex, on Sunday morning Tom jumps out of bed to go to the shops as he leaves he tells Jeff "dont you be wanking while I'm away", when he came back there was spunk all over the walls and ceiling Tom says "I told you not to wank while I was away" Jeff says"I didn't I just farted"
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Old 16-03-2010, 06:07 PM
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YASSA the PALACETINIAN YASSA the PALACETINIAN is offline
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YASSA the PALACETINIAN : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineYASSA the PALACETINIAN : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineYASSA the PALACETINIAN : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineYASSA the PALACETINIAN : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineYASSA the PALACETINIAN : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineYASSA the PALACETINIAN : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineYASSA the PALACETINIAN : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineYASSA the PALACETINIAN : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineYASSA the PALACETINIAN : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineYASSA the PALACETINIAN : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineYASSA the PALACETINIAN : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mine

How the Taliban hide from the Americans !!


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Old 16-03-2010, 06:27 PM
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Barbara4003 Barbara4003 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CommercialStone
Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery..

Mick say "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"

Paddy says "What's his name ?"

Mick replies "Miles, from London !"
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Woke up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head, found my way downstairs and drank a cup, and looking up I noticed I was late.
Found my coat and grabbed my hat, made the bus in seconds flat, found my way upstairs and had a smoke, and Somebody spoke and I went into a dream
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