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thomo12345
11-05-2017, 03:35 PM
My favourite has to be - " your daughters a slag, your daughters a slag, oh David Moyes, your daughters a slag. 😂

Any other crackers you've heard?

Oddjob
11-05-2017, 03:39 PM
That's the best one, ever?

Zohar's Penalty
11-05-2017, 03:39 PM
I always liked "You're shit, and your Dad's a ****" sang to Alex Bruce.

Malarkey
11-05-2017, 03:41 PM
Leicester singing "You should've gone Christmas shopping" when they beat us 3-0 a few years ago was decent...ahh, the days where their fans had hands and voices :D

fioreuk
11-05-2017, 03:42 PM
I always liked "You're shit, and your Dad's a ****" sang to Alex Bruce.

Most definitely one of the best :p

Dave
11-05-2017, 03:42 PM
we've got di canio
you've got our stereo

Dave
11-05-2017, 03:43 PM
http://www.cpfc.org/forums/showthread.php?t=44362

srh
11-05-2017, 03:44 PM
There's only 2 Dougie Freedmas..a legend up front, the other's a ****. Walking in a freedman wonderland

nash84
11-05-2017, 03:56 PM
Man City away at Maine Road between 00 & 02, we lost 2-1 but there was some stewards who absolutely got it that day. "have you ever seen your cock" "did you eat your family" "how did you fit through the turnstile" went on for 20 minutes with everything coming out, probably the funniest abuse I have heard live.

the girl at I think Birmingham was also hilarious "girlfriend from Matalan"

Simonro
11-05-2017, 04:05 PM
I have two:

Swansea at home, their rather plump female Physio runs on the pitch to a chorus of "that's why you shag sheep, that's why...."

Gillingham away, one of their supporters runs towards the Palace fans waving a mobile....."have you ever seen a Pikey with a phone, have you ever.........thief, thief"

trufan
11-05-2017, 04:22 PM
Still a fan of the gently ironic "We can't see you sneaking out" after the lights went off, causing the match to be abandoned at Upton Park.

thomo12345
11-05-2017, 04:26 PM
Millwall away - 13 and 14 year olds giving it the cut throat signs. "school in the morning, you got school in the morning.

Charlton away - where's your caravan, where's your caravan

Gillingham away pre season friendly, ex palace player, fish - got a good amount of friendly abuse. "your like a fish out of water"

Se9 eagles
11-05-2017, 04:29 PM
Taunting a Derick Trotter lookalike complete with beige crombie and cap in the Dockers Stand at Millwall with 'Del boy,Del boy give us a song'.The bloke went mental until he saw the funny side and grudgingly clapped us.Whole upper tier singing it and we won!

crenoleagle
11-05-2017, 04:30 PM
'Girlfriend from Matalan' up at Birmingham a few years back. More because of her reaction than the actual chant.

bubbs11
11-05-2017, 04:32 PM
Away at a Northern club (can't recall who) late 80's. At half time they paraded on the pitch a group of, shall we say not so glamorous older ladies I would say nearing pension age. Think they were lottery ticket sellers or something. Palace fans started singing, 'Keep your tits in for the lads.'

Shamelessly sexist and ageist but it made me chuckle.

Nicebitofgreen
11-05-2017, 04:34 PM
Had my stag do at that Birmingham game, great fun. The football was poor though.

chrisophiex
11-05-2017, 04:39 PM
Funny one aimed at Gary Neville when they played Fulham....

They sang to him "You're just a s*** Phil Neville".

Se9 eagles
11-05-2017, 04:39 PM
Mark Bright was injured for a game away at the old Wimbledon ground and was sitting with the very good looking tennis player Zara Long.Brighty tried to stop us but the rabble standing in front of him started singing 'Does she take it up the arse'!?We were crying with laughter.Great day with a fantastic Ian Wright hat trick...

Baffled Bob 2
11-05-2017, 04:40 PM
For the "Funniest Chant You've Ever Heard" thread, some of these are not funny at all.

OriginalNutter
11-05-2017, 04:43 PM
I went to a pre season friendly between Fulham and India back in 2000.
There must have been a good 500 indian fans watching. After a coulple of bad decisions by the ref, all the Indian fans started singing very loudly...

The referee's a P*ki, the referee's a P*ki.

It carried on for the rest of the match.

Kevlon
11-05-2017, 04:45 PM
'Girlfriend from Matalan' up at Birmingham a few years back. More because of her reaction than the actual chant.

That was brilliant. The way she charged towards us was hilarious!

Se9 eagles
11-05-2017, 04:45 PM
At the end of the 9-0 defeat at Anfield Palace fans singing 'We can see you sneaking out'to the bemused scouters leaving the ground!

I H8 CWEED
11-05-2017, 04:45 PM
Dover away in the FA Cup... "Two Lionel Ritchies, there's only two Lionel Ritchies"

Se9 eagles
11-05-2017, 04:47 PM
The Arsenal Wenger chant wasn't bad!

Se9 eagles
11-05-2017, 04:50 PM
'Hes shot,he's come,all over Mullerys bum Peter Ward,Peter Ward'!

Nigel_Scarfer
11-05-2017, 04:50 PM
I remember Villa fans singing "Alan Shearer is a Football Genius" after he had been given the Newcastle job and was taking them down due to being completely out of his depth.

Not the funniest chant as such and certainly not original, but pure comic timing given how the Toon Army and half the national press had clamoured for Wor Alan to be given the job despite him having no previous managerial experience on the basis that he was a good player for them, so ergo he would also be the man to save them from relegation.

Nigel_Scarfer
11-05-2017, 04:54 PM
Least funny chant has to be "you're just a small town in........"

I remember people singing "you're just a small town in nowhere" to Gillingham a few years back. WTF does that even mean?!

Se9 eagles
11-05-2017, 04:57 PM
Anyone remember the 80s rap chant 'Red,white and blue,n-e-w,s-t-a-n-d,new stand army rule ok,I say we go everywhere Sunderland,Leicester,Newcastle too,we are the New Stand who are you ?ooh ooh ooh'.

Scotland's No9
11-05-2017, 04:58 PM
Your own ******* safety, it's for your own ****in safety

Not funny but it makes me laugh.

Oct 26 2002

davech
11-05-2017, 05:00 PM
"Your wife's got all your money" to Paul Merson in his Portsmouth days back in 2002? 2003?

Well, it made me chuckle...

Se9 eagles
11-05-2017, 05:01 PM
'Oh Tony Pulis,we've got your house'.

Se9 eagles
11-05-2017, 05:03 PM
Arsenal fans to Peter Shilton after he had been caught playing away 'Does your missus know you're here'?

Se9 eagles
11-05-2017, 05:04 PM
'You're just a shit Victor Moses'...

crowboro eagle
11-05-2017, 05:06 PM
He's got a pineapple on his head!!!

fang
11-05-2017, 05:08 PM
"The wheels on your house go round and round" sung at Charlton.

Coastal Palace
11-05-2017, 05:14 PM
Newcastle fans to Sunderland a few years ago.....going down going down going down...

Sunderland fans reply...so are we so are we so are we...

Heath eagle
11-05-2017, 05:17 PM
He's got a pineapple on his head!!!

To Jason LEE , did make me chuckle

in-exile
11-05-2017, 05:27 PM
Negged...some of us have Daughters....piss poor from OP!

Seba
11-05-2017, 05:35 PM
Colchester away 2007.

Keeper Dean Gerken drops a cross from which I think Morrison scores the winner.

Palace fans immediately start singing "Gerken's in a pickle, Gerken's in a pickle, La La La La"

Jaserob
11-05-2017, 05:40 PM
Forest Green's owner is a vegan and they do not sell any meat products at the ground.

Wrexham visited there last year and their chant was, "we brought our own pies, we brought our own pies, we are Wrexham FC and we brought our own pies"

wedgetail
11-05-2017, 05:40 PM
Pompey to the Wombles
Where were you when you were good.

Ruskin Old Boy
11-05-2017, 05:41 PM
Colchester away 2007.

Keeper Dean Gerken drops a cross from which I think Morrison scores the winner.

Palace fans immediately start singing "Gerken's in a pickle, Gerken's in a pickle, La La La La"

Poor old Gerken.

There was also "Shit in a burger, you're just the shit in a burger, shit in a burger" and so on ad nauseam.

Coastal Palace
11-05-2017, 05:46 PM
Kilmarnock fans to Andy Goram when he played for Rangers and had just been diagnosed with minor schizophrenia.... 2 Andy Gorams...there's only 2 Andy Gorams...

Wolfnipplechips
11-05-2017, 05:51 PM
Horrible I know, but I quite enjoyed our rendition of "oh Jimmy Saville he's one of your own" to Leeds Utd. Circa 2012.

brighton_eagle
11-05-2017, 06:03 PM
Five Nil, and you can't go home
Coppell is a Palace fan
It's for your own safety

All from the Brighton 5-0 game

brighton_eagle
11-05-2017, 06:03 PM
Did the Doctor kill your Mum.

To Stockport (I think) fans.

brighton_eagle
11-05-2017, 06:04 PM
I did quite like the Brighton fans in the play off semi at Selhurst

"You burnt your own town, you burnt your own town, you stupid bastards you burnt your own town."

Jim Cannon
11-05-2017, 06:10 PM
'Girlfriend from Matalan' up at Birmingham a few years back. More because of her reaction than the actual chant.

Yes, and it raised the spirits during a dreadful performance. An amusing memory, from a shite afternoon:supergrin:

Bryan
11-05-2017, 06:22 PM
The Pulis one was classic

thomo12345
11-05-2017, 06:35 PM
Negged...some of us have Daughters....piss poor from OP!
Lighten up, its a harmless bit of banter.

Dario_G
11-05-2017, 06:40 PM
"We've got that Terry Phelan...." :D

Se9 eagles
11-05-2017, 06:42 PM
Graffiti not the same but I remember special trains in the late 70s being adorned with 'God saves but Swindlehurst nets the rebound'...

leicester1
11-05-2017, 07:02 PM
Malarkey.....don't believe the hype.....some of us wouldn't touch those clacker things with a bargepole.....they are banned from L1 section to the left of the away end anyway.

Best reply...i'll give that to Southampton despite what happened a short while later.

Leicester.....''Champions of England,you'll never sing that''

Southampton....''Johnstones paint trophy,you''ll never win that''...:D

Pubface
11-05-2017, 07:04 PM
Poor old Gerken.

There was also "Shit in a burger, you're just the shit in a burger, shit in a burger" and so on ad nauseam.

I work with his uncle and cousin. Might be a few choruses of this in the office tomo.

Coastal Palace
11-05-2017, 07:04 PM
5 ft 2, eyes of blue, he's gonna f**king kill you....

steveholmesdale
11-05-2017, 07:09 PM
Coventry away, Clinton Morrison was playing for Coventry, Fans kept singing Clinton give us a wave, when he finally did and with a great big smile, the fans then continued to sing Clinton is a palace fan, poor old Clinton wished he had never waived

Jim Cannon
11-05-2017, 07:10 PM
Malarkey.....don't believe the hype.....some of us wouldn't touch those clacker things with a bargepole.....they are banned from L1 section to the left of the away end anyway.

Best reply...i'll give that to Southampton despite what happened a short while later.

Leicester.....''Champions of England,you'll never sing that''

Southampton....''Johnstones paint trophy,you''ll never win that''...:D

Zenith Data Systems Cup, you'll never win that just doesn't work:sob:

leicester1
11-05-2017, 07:15 PM
Shorten it Jim...it works.:p

postman plod
11-05-2017, 07:32 PM
Away to Leeds mid 80's I think.
Gavin Nebbeling was eyeing up some gorgeous women parading around the pitch during the warm up.
Suddenly the Palace fans belted out a rendition of Gavins got a hard on.
Poor old Gavin's chances evaporated in a flash.

cranesparkeagle
11-05-2017, 07:40 PM
From us after Villa had a player had a player sent off in a league cup tie

'ten men you've only got ten men'

From Villa fans when they scored the first goal in the game a few minutes later

[I]'ten men We've only got ten men'

To Lee Bowyer at Charlton

'Get your gloves off for the lads''
"

cranesparkeagle
11-05-2017, 07:43 PM
Your own ******* safety, it's for your own ****in safety

Not funny but it makes me laugh.

Oct 26 2002
Better was 5-0 and you cant go home to Brighton fans when AJ did a number on them

Gollum
11-05-2017, 07:48 PM
The Plymouth fans singing to us "You dirty Northern bastards"....

milky87
11-05-2017, 07:52 PM
'Girlfriend from Matalan' up at Birmingham a few years back. More because of her reaction than the actual chant.

It was similar when we played Port Vale at home on the last day and a fat bird was giving it the biggun and the whole of blocks a, b and c were singing

Sit down you fat bitch

She was fuming which made it funnier

milky87
11-05-2017, 07:56 PM
We want 1 in response to the scousers singing we want 10 made me laugh at the ripe old age of 8

Coastal Palace
11-05-2017, 08:01 PM
We also sang 'we're gonna score in a minute' about half an hour after the final whistle.

Se9 eagles
11-05-2017, 08:25 PM
Vaguely remember from the early 70s a terrace chant 'Tip toe through the Holmesdale with your boots on,get your head kicked in and tip toe through the Holmesdale with me'(to the tune of tip toe through the tulips).

BAZZA!
11-05-2017, 08:48 PM
Horrible I know, but I quite enjoyed our rendition of "oh Jimmy Saville he's one of your own" to Leeds Utd. Circa 2012.

they sang back "he left us alone, he left us alone, coz were so ugly, he left us alone" the most exciting part of a boring nil nil draw as I recall!

vegas78
11-05-2017, 08:59 PM
It was similar when we played Port Vale at home on the last day and a fat bird was giving it the biggun and the whole of blocks a, b and c were singing

Sit down you fat bitch

She was fuming which made it funnier

Remember that, even there stewards were laughing.

the digger
11-05-2017, 09:03 PM
Dundee:
He snorts the white,
He's f***ing dynamite,
Caniggia, Caniggia

WLYWLYAWYPWF
11-05-2017, 09:10 PM
At Anfield.
He comes from Serbia,
He'll traffic your daughter
Oh Luka wooooahhh.............

Skiddo
11-05-2017, 09:35 PM
"Oh Jimmy Saville, he ****ed Alan Dunne"

Sang to that two bob nobody that used to play for Millwall and was giving it the biggun in the press before our game with them at Selhurst about 5 years ago.

Skiddo
11-05-2017, 09:37 PM
I have two:

Swansea at home, their rather plump female Physio runs on the pitch to a chorus of "that's why you shag sheep, that's why...."


"Who let the moose out?! Who?! Who?! Who?!"

Hadham Eagle
11-05-2017, 09:47 PM
At Carrow Road in 2005 after Darren took a dive and got booked.

Palace fans (to the tune of the conga) "Lets all do the Huckerby, lets all do the Huckerby, lala lala...... (with dive actions too) cracked me up!

CP-RJW
11-05-2017, 09:51 PM
It was similar when we played Port Vale at home on the last day and a fat bird was giving it the biggun and the whole of blocks a, b and c were singing

Sit down you fat bitch

She was fuming which made it funnier
There was a fuming fat fella when we beat West Ham 3-1 at Upton Park under Pardew, completely lost it at "get your tits out for the lads."

Terrace Bickle
11-05-2017, 09:57 PM
Sorry I haven't checked the whole thread. I can't remember much about the game, other than it was an unexpected, embarrassing dull home defeat during Dougie's playing years, but there was a host of fog related songs due to the weather and our desperation for the game to be abandoned. 'We want fog', and 'bring on the fog' were the most basic. But the songs got pretty creative. Unfortunately the game ran it's course.

cappuccinoeagle
11-05-2017, 10:19 PM
To the Forest fans in a Championship game "You not famous anymore!"

chandlem68
11-05-2017, 10:20 PM
Colchester away 2007.

Keeper Dean Gerken drops a cross from which I think Morrison scores the winner.

Palace fans immediately start singing "Gerken's in a pickle, Gerken's in a pickle, La La La La"


Palace fans to him when playing for Bristol City

"shit in a burger. You're just the shit in a burger..."

mcmean
11-05-2017, 10:27 PM
'Girlfriend from Matalan' up at Birmingham a few years back. More because of her reaction than the actual chant.

And the bloke that lost his shit too. Too funny

New LP
11-05-2017, 10:29 PM
Been mentioned on here before but Birmingham away a few years ago to some Brum chavs near the away end;
'Tracksuits from Matalan' then to one of the chav's girlfriend who is sitting next to him 'girlfriends from Matalan' she goes mental and starts offering out the whole away end and then storms out of the ground dragging him with her which led to 'they've gone to Matalan'
Made me laugh during a 3-0 defeat.

herts_palace
11-05-2017, 10:43 PM
Sheff United used to sing "Ship Shipperley ship ship sherou, We want Ronaldo but F**k it you'll do"

I do like the "stayed in a burger chant" which we sung to Dean Gherkin and the "wheels on your house go round and round" chant to Charlton fans

"When you're sat in Row z and the ball hits your head that's Zamora"

Surprised no one came up with "It ain't Christian it's his brother" when Jonathan made his debut at Boro

thefox
12-05-2017, 03:32 AM
Mark Bright was injured for a game away at the old Wimbledon ground and was sitting with the very good looking tennis player Zara Long.Brighty tried to stop us but the rabble standing in front of him started singing 'Does she take it up the arse'!?We were crying with laughter.Great day with a fantastic Ian Wright hat trick...

Swimmer.

Snikt5
12-05-2017, 05:22 AM
You're teeth are offside, you're teeth are offsiiiide oh Luis Suarez you're teeth are offside

Skin Up
12-05-2017, 05:24 AM
To Gillingham fans: "you live in a caravan"

They replied: "you live in a tower block"

Straight back at them: "you dream of a tower block"

Was quite impressed with how both sets of fans came up with a quick retort.

mojoeagle
12-05-2017, 05:29 AM
Colchester away 2007.

Keeper Dean Gerken drops a cross from which I think Morrison scores the winner.

Palace fans immediately start singing "Gerken's in a pickle, Gerken's in a pickle, La La La La"

I remember this. Also sang. Your just the sh*t in a burger..

Lombardo 888
12-05-2017, 06:13 AM
Taunting a Derick Trotter lookalike complete with beige crombie and cap in the Dockers Stand at Millwall with 'Del boy,Del boy give us a song'.The bloke went mental until he saw the funny side and grudgingly clapped us.Whole upper tier singing it and we won!

Was at that game. That bloke loved it. He was milking all the attention he could get. We thrashed them that day.

Eaglesfan1
12-05-2017, 06:18 AM
Gillingham pre season friendly a few years ago when they had a player called Fish on their team brought a few funny chants

'Leap like a salmon, he's gonna leap like a salmon'
Chants of 'sign him up' quickly becoming 'reel him in'
And when he got subbed 'we want our fishy back'

Eaglesfan1
12-05-2017, 06:22 AM
Also not quite a chant but Nelson Muntz subjected Watford's keeper Scott Loach to an entire half of very vocal stick when we thrashed them at Selhurst in 2012.

Loach has steadily declined as a footballer ever since that day :D

Eastern Boy
12-05-2017, 06:47 AM
The ladder song at Southend away.

Skate, skate,skate shaggers- Grimsby away

And I admit to having a soft spot for "the bouncy"

All time favourite has to be the 20 minute + non stop renditions of "Stevie Coppells red n blue army" would often fade to just a few before returning to a loud deafening crescendo".

SE5eagle
12-05-2017, 07:10 AM
'Mar-lon King,
When a girl says 'no!'
Molest her!'

Replete with jazz hands at the 'molest her'.

Sick, but sent him potty.

NRM the 2nd
12-05-2017, 07:22 AM
5 0 and we're on the piss following try announcement that our bars had been restocked against the weed is up there.

My personal favourite though was "we've got a surprise for you" to the Cardiff fans as the riot police congregated at the top of the Arthur steps near the Holmesdale

Ridcully
12-05-2017, 07:28 AM
Gillingham pre season friendly a few years ago when they had a player called Fish on their team brought a few funny chants

'Leap like a salmon, he's gonna leap like a salmon'
Chants of 'sign him up' quickly becoming 'reel him in'
And when he got subbed 'we want our fishy back'

Was there, that was good.

BaldEagle96
12-05-2017, 07:39 AM
Colchester away to their keeper - "You're just the shit in the burger".

That game at home - "5 0 and you can't go home".

Langers
12-05-2017, 07:53 AM
To the Forest fans in a Championship game "You not famous anymore!"

And "where's you Stanley gone" on the day Collymore signed for the Scousers

art malice
12-05-2017, 07:57 AM
And "where's you Stanley gone" on the day Collymore signed for the Scousers

They got 8.5million for him. We got 80 grand.

Not sure what tune it's to.

elgin eagle
12-05-2017, 08:01 AM
I have two:

Swansea at home, their rather plump female Physio runs on the pitch to a chorus of "that's why you shag sheep, that's why...."



That was harsh but funny.

'What the fecking hell was that?' when she had left the pitch was also very amusing. Kind of thing you had to be there for though.

November85
12-05-2017, 08:03 AM
"No one hates you, no one hates you..." to Charlton.

HOL_Beagle
12-05-2017, 08:15 AM
"You're not fit to run the line"

Sung by the holmesdale to the injured lino who pulled his hamstring and was being helped to the tunnel. To give him his due, he did grin and give a thumbs up to the chant.

nellis
12-05-2017, 08:15 AM
I have two:

Swansea at home, their rather plump female Physio runs on the pitch to a chorus of "that's why you shag sheep, that's why...."



Was this not the "Kuqi's mum, Kuqi's mum, Kuqi's mum..." match?

Langers
12-05-2017, 08:25 AM
They got 8.5million for him. We got 80 grand.

Not sure what tune it's to.

Ay6CIDryEAQ

laboxers
12-05-2017, 08:29 AM
'You're just a shit Victor Moses'...

The cup game against Villa To Ashley Young? When Nathan Delfouneso came on we also started singing 'You're just a shit Sean Scannell' I guess because he also had dreadlocks.

laboxers
12-05-2017, 08:31 AM
I also enjoy the "If Fraizer scores we're on the pitch"

Eagle's Away
12-05-2017, 08:33 AM
I know it has already been mentioned but this year at West Brom, 2,000-3,000 Palace fans absolutely belting out 'Oh Tony Pulis, we havin' your house' was wonderful. The whole ground went quiet as they tried to work out what we were on about and then you saw grins everywhere. All the police and stewards too.
Plus Pulis on the touchline trying desperately to pretend he could not hear it and Steve Parish & Brighty in the Directors Box, trying desperately not to laugh.

Palace Bear
12-05-2017, 09:18 AM
Shit Ground Golf Stands....

Brighton Away, McAnuff in the last minute.
Me and my mate started it but only got about 10 people singing as we were back row and the noise just evaporated into the air! We thought it was funny.

Palace Bear
12-05-2017, 09:20 AM
Oh Andy Carroll, he's got hair like your Mum.

Upton Park, 1-0 Jedi pen to guarantee premier league status

Palace Bear
12-05-2017, 09:21 AM
Where the **** is Speroni (tune of 7 nation army).

Away at Watford in thick fog.

cpfc4evandeva
12-05-2017, 09:22 AM
The Gherkin chants at Colchester away were amusing.

'Shit cucumber, you're just a shit cucumber'

mushroom
12-05-2017, 09:25 AM
I always like the chants directed at a opposing fan. I remember one gobby away fan giving it large in a Noel Edmunds style jumper... and someone started a chant of "jumper from Matalan" I think they then started on his bird with a "Girlfriend from Matalan" chant.
I also recall a obese away fan walking up the stairs to leave early, and a chant of "will you make it to the top?"

Random*
12-05-2017, 09:29 AM
'Girlfriend from Matalan' up at Birmingham a few years back. More because of her reaction than the actual chant.

Away at Birmingham April 2012. My recollection of it was that some of their fans were giving it some, a couple of them are picked out with:

"Chinos from Matalan..."

... and then to one particular guy for a while "Tracksuit from Matalan..."

Tracksuited guy doesn't stop, and appears to be with his missus, so...

"GIRLFRIEND from Matalan..."

Cue her going absolutely ballistic, running down the aisle towards Palace fans, screaming abuse. Stewards cart her out...

....

"SHE'S GONE TO MATALAN...."

mushroom
12-05-2017, 09:29 AM
I remember Swansea had a fat female physio, a player went down injured, she ran/fast walked on to treat the player and a chant started "what the fvckin hell is that?" And "is that the reason you shag sheep?"

^ they were vindictive and not in the least bit funny at all... I didn't even laugh... dunno why I even remembered them, probably because they were so unfunny.

mushroom
12-05-2017, 09:30 AM
Away at Birmingham April 2012. My recollection of it was that some of their fans were giving it some, a couple of them are picked out with:



"Chinos from Matalan..."



... and then to one particular guy for a while "Tracksuit from Matalan..."



Tracksuited guy doesn't stop, and appears to be with his missus, so...



"GIRLFRIEND from Matalan..."



Cue her going absolutely ballistic, running down the aisle towards Palace fans, screaming abuse. Stewards cart her out...



....



"SHE'S GONE TO MATALAN...."


That was it!

OldPeanutSeller
12-05-2017, 09:36 AM
When Steve Howie played for Newcastle and Lee Howie played for Sunderland, the Newcastle fans sung to the tune of A hunting we will go:

Steve Howie, Steve Howie, Steve Howie,
Your brother is a C**t.

Plymouth fans at Selhurst Park many years back after one of their players had been "done": You dirty northern bastards

cpfc4evandeva
12-05-2017, 09:43 AM
I always like the chants directed at a opposing fan. I remember one gobby away fan giving it large in a Noel Edmunds style jumper... and someone started a chant of "jumper from Matalan" I think they then started on his bird with a "Girlfriend from Matalan" chant.
I also recall a obese away fan walking up the stairs to leave early, and a chant of "will you make it to the top?"

The Matalan chants were at Birmingham away, but you missed out the best bit...

The bloke got a tonne of abuse, then when it started on his girlfriend she warmth crackers. Ran down the stairs to confront the Palace fans (all of us by this point were pissing ourselves laughing) and was then carried off by police/stewards. All of them were laughing too :D

We then started signing 'We all ship at Waitrose, We all shop at Waitrose!'

cpfc4evandeva
12-05-2017, 09:44 AM
Away at Birmingham April 2012. My recollection of it was that some of their fans were giving it some, a couple of them are picked out with:

"Chinos from Matalan..."

... and then to one particular guy for a while "Tracksuit from Matalan..."

Tracksuited guy doesn't stop, and appears to be with his missus, so...

"GIRLFRIEND from Matalan..."

Cue her going absolutely ballistic, running down the aisle towards Palace fans, screaming abuse. Stewards cart her out...

....

"SHE'S GONE TO MATALAN...."

:lux:

It certainly made the 3-1 defeat a little easier to take.

Se9 eagles
12-05-2017, 09:46 AM
Isn't there a song about one of our ex manager visiting the papacy in Italy?An old chairman's wife gets a fleeting mention....

MFBias
12-05-2017, 09:52 AM
"Who's a fat bastard? Who's son is ******* Dead, He hasnt got a passport... his name is Al Fayed"

Fulham away early 2000's

"FREAK" at Peter Crouch when he played for QPR and no-one knew who he was yet.

Singing up the fog in Kit Symons reign with a loss against Crewe on a very foggy night.



Then in general when the away fans used to sit near the Holmesdale, there would always be chants back and forth... that has been lost now. Best one when supporter would get picked out and they would get angry. I remember a Birmingham away game early 2000's (not matalan) someone getting picked out for wearing a V-neck tanktop :D

cpfc4evandeva
12-05-2017, 09:54 AM
"Who's a fat bastard? Who's son is ******* Dead, He hasnt got a passport... his name is Al Fayed"


That's a bit ****ed up.

Coastal Palace
12-05-2017, 09:59 AM
In the 80's, mainly away, when Harry Enfield's loadsamoney character was popular we used to get out our wallets and wave them at mainly fans of northern clubs singing 'loads and loads of money'.
Really used to angry up their blood.

delboy01
12-05-2017, 10:32 AM
When Ex palace goalkeeper Kevin Miller, he of the thrown game at QPR, came back with Barnsley on a Tuesday night. Barnsley had about 30 fans in the stand.

Palace sang 'who ate all your fans, who ate all your fans, kevin miller, kevin miller he ate all your fans!'

He got the right hump. :D

MFBias
12-05-2017, 10:46 AM
That's a bit ****ed up.

Yeah... its a Football Chant.

I would agree the son part is fairly dark but football chants arnt generally sung for making friends. The way it was sung wasnt aggressive more amusing.

thomo12345
12-05-2017, 10:54 AM
I got neg rep for my opening post �� timid compared to some on here ��

MikeyBaby
12-05-2017, 11:01 AM
"We've got a surprise for you" when the entire Holmesdale could see the fully armoured old bill coming down to the (then) away section in the AW to say hello to Millwall - none of whom could see anything because of the wall.

Ash
12-05-2017, 11:08 AM
When Ex palace goalkeeper Kevin Miller, he of the thrown game at QPR, came back with Barnsley on a Tuesday night. Barnsley had about 30 fans in the stand.

Palace sang 'who ate all your fans, who ate all your fans, kevin miller, kevin miller he ate all your fans!'

He got the right hump. :D

Never great when your own fans are pelting you with pies

Pawel Lis
12-05-2017, 11:11 AM
Back in the day when the away fans were in the Holmesdale end of the Arthur. Home game vs Spurs, I think we were 3-0 up.

Sung to the tune of "Volare"

Santini, Oh Oh, Santini, Oh Oh Oh Oh, (away fans ears prick up)
You knew that Spurs were shit,
That's why you F*****g quit,
Santini ..........

orp pisshead1
12-05-2017, 11:17 AM
Forest Green's owner is a vegan and they do not sell any meat products at the ground.

Wrexham visited there last year and their chant was, "we brought our own pies, we brought our own pies, we are Wrexham FC and we brought our own pies"

:)

orp pisshead1
12-05-2017, 11:22 AM
We want 1 in response to the scousers singing we want 10 made me laugh at the ripe old age of 8

Best away game despite score :D.

milky87
12-05-2017, 11:24 AM
At Anfield.
He comes from Serbia,
He'll traffic your daughter
Oh Luka wooooahhh.............

I take full credit for that version :afro:

MFBias
12-05-2017, 11:24 AM
I got neg rep for my opening post �� timid compared to some on here ��

That's really lame, if you can't hack football humour you shouldnt be in the stadium.

ExiledStirling
12-05-2017, 11:33 AM
That's really lame, if you can't hack football humour you shouldnt be in the stadium.

Dont think I would ever want to 'hack' this;

"Who's a fat bastard? Who's son is ******* Dead, He hasnt got a passport... his name is Al Fayed"



Not sure on what basis you find it acceptable.

MikeyBaby
12-05-2017, 11:45 AM
That's really lame, if you can't hack football humour you shouldnt be in the stadium.

"Yeah, it wast just banter".

Bo11ox.

ForzaPalace
12-05-2017, 11:50 AM
"We are staying up" - Palace fans this season :D

Nigel_Scarfer
12-05-2017, 11:51 AM
I remember people in the old Holmesdale compound 2 coming to blows over singing Ohh Georgie, Georgie Leukaemia when Gary Lineker's son was diagnosed with it.

stevek
12-05-2017, 12:00 PM
"FREAK" at Peter Crouch when he played for QPR and no-one knew who he was yet.

I went to that game with Mik59. Mik is taller than Crouch. He wasn't amused!

davech
12-05-2017, 12:29 PM
When Ex palace goalkeeper Kevin Miller, he of the thrown game at QPR, came back with Barnsley on a Tuesday night. Barnsley had about 30 fans in the stand.

Palace sang 'who ate all your fans, who ate all your fans, kevin miller, kevin miller he ate all your fans!'

He got the right hump. :D

Didn't really work, though. Inspired him to a clean sheet and we lost iirc :(

Kirby
12-05-2017, 12:33 PM
I'm sure the GERRRRRRRRRRRRKEN ones have already been mentioned so I'll go with Sheffield United away in our Dowie promotion season (I think we won 0-3).

Not a chant as such, but as Paddy Kenny was lining up a goal-kick the bloke behind us was doing the old 'WOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH.........' then stood up and randomly shouted (amongst complete silence) 'HE LIKES IT IN THE MOUTH!'.

I don't know why but it absolutely cracked me up and I snigger every time I think of it :)

Son of Ron
12-05-2017, 12:35 PM
Its not a Palace one but I always smile at the Rangers fans singing to their GK recently diagnosed with bi-polar disorder...."there's only 2 Andy Goram's".....

Nugg
12-05-2017, 12:44 PM
AFC Wimbledon fans to MK Dons fans ... "Where were you when you were us"

Very clever.

bubbs11
12-05-2017, 01:05 PM
The chant at Anfield during Gerrard's farewell match that we ruined by beating them:

'You must be sick of us!'

MFBias
12-05-2017, 01:05 PM
Dont think I would ever want to 'hack' this;



Not sure on what basis you find it acceptable.

It wasnt posted through his letter box, it was sung at a football match by afew hundred Palace supporters which he probably wasnt at.

There is dark humour mixed with football, not saying I condone it but its there but this was one that actually was amusing... maybe you had to be there as its sounds much darker written down than sung.

Its ok to ruin Jason Lee's career by ruining his confidence with likening him to a pineapple? Im sure Fayed has thick skin, if you are involved with football and dont I wonder how you would survive.

Which has reminded me about lots of Palace winding up Robbie Savage at Filbert street in the late 90's at a league cup game, with shouting 'Robbie, Robbie' in a high pitched voice amoung songs about his hair, he finally lost it at the whistle at halftime and gave us all two fingers and didnt come out the 2nd half. That is still a fond memory for my Dad and I even though he stopped going.

MikeyBaby
12-05-2017, 01:14 PM
Inot saying I condone it

Oh.

stevek
12-05-2017, 01:42 PM
It wasnt posted through his letter box, it was sung at a football match by afew hundred Palace supporters which he probably wasnt at.

There is dark humour mixed with football, not saying I condone it but its there but this was one that actually was amusing... maybe you had to be there as its sounds much darker written down than sung.

Its ok to ruin Jason Lee's career by ruining his confidence with likening him to a pineapple? Im sure Fayed has thick skin, if you are involved with football and dont I wonder how you would survive.

Which has reminded me about lots of Palace winding up Robbie Savage at Filbert street in the late 90's at a league cup game, with shouting 'Robbie, Robbie' in a high pitched voice amoung songs about his hair, he finally lost it at the whistle at halftime and gave us all two fingers and didnt come out the 2nd half. That is still a fond memory for my Dad and I even though he stopped going.

Jason Lee's career wasn't ruined by that chant. He was always rubbish (as said to me by a Forest supporting mate at the time).

stevek
12-05-2017, 01:43 PM
The chant at Anfield during Gerrard's farewell match that we ruined by beating them:

'You must be sick of us!'

Repeated this year 😀

cp98
12-05-2017, 01:43 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftJvoOJOc54

Sidney Kickit
12-05-2017, 02:14 PM
In 2012/13 when Andre Moritz was on the bench for a few games, the chant went up in the last 10 minutes to Ian Holloway "Get Moritz out for the boys"

orp pisshead1
12-05-2017, 02:44 PM
I remember people in the old Holmesdale compound 2 coming to blows over singing Ohh Georgie, Georgie Leukaemia when Gary Lineker's son was diagnosed with it.

I don't recall that but obviously not near us( by the floodlight pylon next to the away fans)

SOUTHGATE EAGLE
12-05-2017, 03:13 PM
I still laugh remembering the classic 'sign on, sign on, no hope in your hearts and you'll never get a job..' chant for the scouse louse.

thomo12345
12-05-2017, 03:18 PM
You are a scouser

A dirty scouser

Your only happy on giro day

Your mums out stealing your dads drug dealing

And please don't take my hubcaps away

laboxers
12-05-2017, 03:22 PM
When we made Ryan Shawcross flip out with chants of "you'll never play for England"

Cant remember exactly what it was, but think we helped get David Marshall sent off against Hull

bestperch
12-05-2017, 03:38 PM
Newcastle fans to Sunderland a few years ago.....going down going down going down...

Sunderland fans reply...so are we so are we so are we...

Remember us singing "You're going down with the Palace" to the Newcastle fans at St James Park in 98. To be fair most of them near us applauded and nodded in agreement. Later on as we were leaving the ground they was a mini riot over the chairman's comments about them which may have helped !

Coastal Palace
12-05-2017, 03:49 PM
I still laugh remembering the classic 'sign on, sign on, no hope in your hearts and you'll never get a job..' chant for the scouse louse.

Hate to be pedantic but it's 'sign on with pen in your hand and you'll never work again...'

Coastal Palace
12-05-2017, 03:52 PM
The other one sung to scousers to the tune of 'in my Liverpool home'...
In your Liverpool slum
You look in the dustbin for something to eat
You find a dead rat and you think it's a treat
In your Liverpool slum...

HRS
12-05-2017, 03:54 PM
Brighton fans singing about going to Wembley during the play off semi certainly made me laugh!

AddoWolz
12-05-2017, 03:59 PM
You are a scouser

A dirty scouser

Your only happy on giro day

Your mums out stealing your dads drug dealing

And please don't take my hubcaps away

:D :p

CPFC 3:16
12-05-2017, 04:02 PM
Hardly hilarious but made me chuckle. Away at Hull in 2013, not long after Hull was announced as City of Culture. We were singing "City of Culture, you're having a laugh". Immediate response from Hull fans, "here for the culture, you're only here for the culture"

Palace Bear
12-05-2017, 04:06 PM
You are a scouser

A dirty scouser

Your only happy on giro day

Your mums out stealing your dads drug dealing

And please don't take my hubcaps away

You are Kelvin McKenzie and I claim my 5.

MFBias
12-05-2017, 04:09 PM
Jason Lee's career wasn't ruined by that chant. He was always rubbish (as said to me by a Forest supporting mate at the time).

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/n/notts_county/6356963.stm

"I'd be a liar if I said it didn't affect me. It coincided with a lack of form, which any player can have, and it grew to the extent where it was affecting people around me.

I had a little bit of a stigma attached and it's hard to get rid of that, it's difficult to shake off a label like that.

Fantasy Football presenters David Baddiel (left) and Frank Skinner
Baddiel (left) and Skinner made jokes about Lee's hair and finishing
When it started I wasn't too bothered but then I got dropped by Forest boss Frank Clark and, yes, it was partly down to a loss of form but also maybe it became a little bit embarrassing for the club for people to have to deal with the situation.

That annoyed me because I wasn't being judged on my football alone and, let's face it, you don't get to play in the Premiership if you can't play.

Ok, so I had a haircut some people didn't like or thought was silly or whatever and I've got a sense of humour and I can laugh and joke but they were knocking my ability and they were messing with my career in the end.

It started to feel personal. I can take a joke but I've got family and friends who got defensive and it was hard for them to come to games to listen to it and I felt bad for them"

smileysmith
12-05-2017, 04:12 PM
Gillingham away, one of their supporters runs towards the Palace fans waving a mobile....."have you ever seen a Pikey with a phone, have you ever.........thief, thief"
That's one of my favourites. End of season game wasn't it?

Coventry away, Clinton Morrison was playing for Coventry, Fans kept singing Clinton give us a wave, when he finally did and with a great big smile, the fans then continued to sing Clinton is a palace fan, poor old Clinton wished he had never waived
This also was classic. I think it was a Boxing Day game wasn't it?

I H8 CWEED
12-05-2017, 04:18 PM
The other one sung to scousers to the tune of 'in my Liverpool home'...
In your Liverpool slum
You look in the dustbin for something to eat
You find a dead rat and you think it's a treat
In your Liverpool slum...

In your Monaco slums
In your Monaco slums
You look in a dustbin for something to eat
You find a dead lobster and think it's a treat
In your Monaco slums

elgin eagle
12-05-2017, 04:57 PM
You're gonna run out of fingers (to narwich when we beat them 5-1)

Malaga Eagle
12-05-2017, 04:57 PM
Remember years ago on the Holmesdale terrace a couple or three Palace fans singing
"There's a pigeon in my loft" Didn't have a clue then and still don't!!

CPFC.1990
12-05-2017, 04:57 PM
The Port Vale town cryer one was hilarious. Especially when she tried to get the entire Holmesdale thrown out.

IanH
12-05-2017, 05:00 PM
Tracksuit from Matalan/Girlfriend from Matalan/She's gone to Matalan for me. When the other side's fans are all wetting themselves laughing (apart from the small group of tracksuit wearers at the back) then you know it's very funny.

100% Palace
12-05-2017, 05:02 PM
Many, many years ago at Portman Road we were "treated" to a pre match or half time display of radio controlled helicopters. Can't quite remember the songs but I was almost in tears of laughter.

orp pisshead1
12-05-2017, 05:17 PM
Remember years ago on the Holmesdale terrace a couple or three Palace fans singing
"There's a pigeon in my loft" Didn't have a clue then and still don't!!

Nor do we and we sang it with the pigeon lads:D
Pallet eagle should be able answer it. Good old days:p.

jamieb73
12-05-2017, 07:05 PM
I swear Ive just heard on Sky just now baggies fans singing "we've got tony pulis" in the form of glad all over......have a look out now on their game v Chelsea now....

Oli28
12-05-2017, 07:33 PM
I swear Ive just heard on Sky just now baggies fans singing "we've got tony pulis" in the form of glad all over......have a look out now on their game v Chelsea now....
Yeah they've been doing that all year, like city with guardiola

PT109
12-05-2017, 08:11 PM
Siddown you fat bitch

ee-ay-ee-ay-ee-ay-o
12-05-2017, 08:33 PM
Sorry not a chant..but years ago..only one sub allowed..and "the smurf"..Jerry Murphy warming up..some wag behind shouts "sit down Murphy you c*nt".
At the time it was so funny..still makes me chuckle.
Clearly before Jerry became established.

Kuqi32
12-05-2017, 08:35 PM
Get Moritz out for the lads was a classic.

Granada allover
12-05-2017, 08:43 PM
Get Moritz out for the lads was a classic.

Thanks! That was mine :sunglasses:

CPFC_Fan
12-05-2017, 08:53 PM
Tracksuit from Matalan/Girlfriend from Matalan/She's gone to Matalan for me. When the other side's fans are all wetting themselves laughing (apart from the small group of tracksuit wearers at the back) then you know it's very funny.

This day was fantastic. That girl was genuinely fuming and we just continued even after she was escorted out. So so good.

EmmerGreenEagle
12-05-2017, 08:56 PM
This day was fantastic. That girl was genuinely fuming and we just continued even after she was escorted out. So so good.

Think that was Birmingham away. Really funny. The girl totally lost it

Funk Butter
12-05-2017, 08:58 PM
"NIALL QUINN'S DISCO PANTS"

CPFC.1990
12-05-2017, 09:27 PM
Many, many years ago at Portman Road we were "treated" to a pre match or half time display of radio controlled helicopters. Can't quite remember the songs but I was almost in tears of laughter.

I remember that.:D

EmmerGreenEagle
12-05-2017, 09:30 PM
Stick your ******* Russian up your arse to Ipswich fans. They had just signed Sergei Baltacha.

Mad Raschic Ken
12-05-2017, 10:08 PM
I liked "Is there a meat raffle?" just before half time at Bolton this season.

Also - "Shall we write a song for you?" at Leicester in response to them nicking all of ours.

thereichstuff
12-05-2017, 10:16 PM
Get Moritz out for the lads was a classic.

It was :p

Mad Raschic Ken
12-05-2017, 10:20 PM
"Nice ground, shit fans" at Wolves instead of the old classic of "Shit ground, no fans".

New LP
12-05-2017, 11:26 PM
Many, many years ago at Portman Road we were "treated" to a pre match or half time display of radio controlled helicopters. Can't quite remember the songs but I was almost in tears of laughter.


I think the song was 'you're sad, and you know you are'

I also enjoyed the baiting of Ryan Shawcross last season 'you'll never play for England (incorrect of course) which finished up with 'Ryan Ryan Ryan' sang ironically in the way tennis fans sing. Classic example of a player completely overreacting to a bit of banter and making it far worse for himself.

Scoring goals for Palace John Terry was also enjoyable and got a second outing this season for Troy Deeney.

New LP
12-05-2017, 11:28 PM
This day was fantastic. That girl was genuinely fuming and we just continued even after she was escorted out. So so good.


As the guy above remembered, it started with Chinos from Matalan. Brilliant.

WhitehorseN76
12-05-2017, 11:45 PM
Gillingham pre season friendly a few years ago when they had a player called Fish on their team brought a few funny chants

'Leap like a salmon, he's gonna leap like a salmon'
Chants of 'sign him up' quickly becoming 'reel him in'
And when he got subbed 'we want our fishy back'

My favourite was 'skinned like a kipper' when he got done for pace by one of our trialists that day (can't be asked to try spell his name).

smithfieldeagle
13-05-2017, 03:33 AM
"You sad bastards". Independent newspaper had it as chant of the week. Only remember because I started it

gold76
13-05-2017, 06:40 AM
Did the doctor get your mum? Stockport home

Oi Salmon, your mums a fish.. Charlton away

Does she take it up the arse? Holmesdale to Jordan, when he appeared on the big screen with lady in tow

Eagle's Away
13-05-2017, 06:52 AM
Last season at Watford when their hornet mascot picked up a drum and started banging it to get their crowd to join in. He was met with a rousing chorus of 'That's just embarrassing, That's just embarrassing' The few Watford fans that had joined in quickly stopped and the mascot slunk away.

Sam Spade
13-05-2017, 07:14 AM
Malarkey.....don't believe the hype.....some of us wouldn't touch those clacker things with a bargepole.....they are banned from L1 section to the left of the away end anyway.

Best reply...i'll give that to Southampton despite what happened a short while later.

Leicester.....''Champions of England,you'll never sing that''

Southampton....''Johnstones paint trophy,you''ll never win that''...:D

Good one. However the "Champions of England" one was sung at Goodison to Everton fans who responded with their own anthem of "Grand Old Team" which includes the line " and if, you know, your history"
You'll be singing it at Old Trafford next.:supergrin:

TAK
13-05-2017, 11:05 PM
Not the funniest but probably sums Derby up.

We are Derby, super Derby, from Derby.

A Wooden Fish On Wheels
13-05-2017, 11:19 PM
Jaime Rednapp playing for Liverpool was going out with Croydon girl Louise Nurding. He comes up for a corner in front of the old Holmesdale terrace, 10,000 all fire up with highly imaginative "does she take it up the bum" chant.

Instead of throwing a strop he just turned to the Holmesdale and gave a big wink and a thumbs up. Bastard. Talk about take the wind out of our sails :D He got a massive round of applause... fair play you f**ker :)

A Wooden Fish On Wheels
13-05-2017, 11:22 PM
We were thrashing Grimsby at home (5 nil?) and we fired up with 'Sing when you're fishing... you only sing...". They came back with "we piss on your fish, yes we do, yes we do"

Coastal Palace
13-05-2017, 11:24 PM
I've heard great Palace chants over the years but it has to be 5 nil and you can't go home followed by 5 nil and we've got the beer.

strolling bones
14-05-2017, 09:35 AM
I remember when we were playing a rampant notts forest side when were struggling to string two passes together at their place and we made it to half time 0-0 .some of the palace biys were singing along to one step beyond and replacing one step beyond with no goals behind ..It caught on for a while after that .

9Freedman9
23-05-2017, 01:42 PM
Sorry I haven't checked the whole thread. I can't remember much about the game, other than it was an unexpected, embarrassing dull home defeat during Dougie's playing years, but there was a host of fog related songs due to the weather and our desperation for the game to be abandoned. 'We want fog', and 'bring on the fog' were the most basic. But the songs got pretty creative. Unfortunately the game ran it's course.

Jordan's got a fog machine, Jordan's got a fog machine!

leslie
23-05-2017, 03:20 PM
Watford away last year on the train
"Elton John's Black and Blue a***ole", to the tune of Red and Blue Army, apologies, a bit rude but made the entire carriage laugh (including non football people)

Johnny Byrne
23-05-2017, 03:31 PM
I still laugh at "Where the f**k is Speroni?" when we played Watford at Vicarage Road in The Championship a few seasons ago in thick fog. Genius!

Buglebob
24-05-2017, 06:18 PM
"We can't see you sneaking out" when the floodlights failed at Upton Park.

"Your Dad is a cucumber" to Bristol City goalkeeper Mr Gherkin or something similar.

"Have you got a ginger minge?" sung to a ginger haired policewoman at Loftus Road, much to the amusement of her colleagues.

PT109
24-05-2017, 08:18 PM
I've heard great Palace chants over the years but it has to be 5 nil and you can't go home followed by 5 nil and we've got the beer.

brighton, know your place, brighton brighton know your place (continues until humiliation is complete)

blanksight
24-05-2017, 09:36 PM
"Oh Mikey Dorans, he's a wanker, sleeps in his car. He has to sleep with Perry cus he lost his ******* wife, he lost his ******* kids he's got a ******* shitty life"
repeat

Hibernator
24-05-2017, 11:44 PM
Mid or late nineties V Norwich at home. Sat in front of AWM to the tune of 'The Adams Family' -

Your sister is your mother,
Your Father is your Brother.
You all love one another..
The Norwich family -

Diddly dum - Inbreds
Diddly dum - Inbreds

Diddly dum, Diddly dum, Diddly dum INBREDS!

Even my 70 year old dad was in stitches!

Slimbloke'H'
25-05-2017, 02:01 AM
Jaime Rednapp playing for Liverpool was going out with Croydon girl Louise Nurding. He comes up for a corner in front of the old Holmesdale terrace, 10,000 all fire up with highly imaginative "does she take it up the bum" chant.

Instead of throwing a strop he just turned to the Holmesdale and gave a big wink and a thumbs up. Bastard. Talk about take the wind out of our sails :D He got a massive round of applause... fair play you f**ker :)

In a similar vein, I remember being at a non Palace game where Paul Merson got absolute dogs about his (then) lifestyle whilst defend an Arsenal corner.

Instead of biting, he just looked up at the fans behind the goal, gave a little smile and made out like he was sniffing the six yard line - which got absolute respect. :)

Slimbloke'H'
25-05-2017, 02:10 AM
Another that sticks in the mind (again, not Palace and an individual shout rather than a chant):

'Oi Beardsley, is it true your Missus irons your shirts in a wok?'

leicester1
25-05-2017, 04:35 AM
Sam.....the songs not referring to History...its referring to the future...a pisstake but a good one as it rattles cages so I hope we sing it to everyone...obviously not Chelsea.....they are the only ones to win it since us.

As for Everton away this season...it was one of those away games we sang through practically the whole game...and the ''you'll never walk alone'' near the end upset them more than anything else.:p

GeeTee
25-05-2017, 09:39 AM
Remember years ago on the Holmesdale terrace a couple or three Palace fans singing
"There's a pigeon in my loft" Didn't have a clue then and still don't!!

If it was to the tune of Nessun Dorma then it would have been from a Hale & Pace sketch, taking the p!ss out of northerners.

MikeyBaby
25-05-2017, 09:47 AM
In a similar vein, I remember being at a non Palace game where Paul Merson got absolute dogs about his (then) lifestyle whilst defend an Arsenal corner.

Instead of biting, he just looked up at the fans behind the goal, gave a little smile and made out like he was sniffing the six yard line - which got absolute respect. :)

Wasn't that Robbie Fowler?

WorthingEagle
25-05-2017, 10:14 AM
Sam.....the songs not referring to History...its referring to the future...a pisstake but a good one as it rattles cages so I hope we sing it to everyone...obviously not Chelsea.....they are the only ones to win it since us.



I'd leave that kind of classless gloating to the likes of Chelsea.

Plus it doesn't make much sense, of course us or West Brom are never going to win the league. What Leicester did is a 1-in-500 season occurrence given the conditions of modern football, I'd think you'd be thanking your lucky stars than rubbing it in the face of opposition fans, most of whom were pleased that you won it.

blanksight
25-05-2017, 05:47 PM
Sam.....the songs not referring to History...its referring to the future...a pisstake but a good one as it rattles cages so I hope we sing it to everyone...obviously not Chelsea.....they are the only ones to win it since us.

As for Everton away this season...it was one of those away games we sang through practically the whole game...and the ''you'll never walk alone'' near the end upset them more than anything else.:p

The chant says 'you'll never sing that' which doesn't make sense if they have already won the title. if the chant was 'you'll never sing that again' or 'you won't sing that in the future' you'd have a point.

leicester1
25-05-2017, 08:03 PM
ok I won't press the point....but the songs gotta be singable.

Bubble Wrap
26-05-2017, 10:55 AM
Sung about JI SUNG PARK.

Park, Park wherever you may be
You eat dogs in your own country
could be worse, you could have been a scouse
eating rats in your council house.

jimmy the gent
26-05-2017, 11:28 AM
Jaime Rednapp playing for Liverpool was going out with Croydon girl Louise Nurding. He comes up for a corner in front of the old Holmesdale terrace, 10,000 all fire up with highly imaginative "does she take it up the bum" chant.

Instead of throwing a strop he just turned to the Holmesdale and gave a big wink and a thumbs up. Bastard. Talk about take the wind out of our sails :D He got a massive round of applause... fair play you f**ker :)

I remember Beckham getting irate about the very same song at Selhurst in the 97 season.

strawberry mivi
26-05-2017, 11:35 AM
Crewe, sometime during the mid-2000's.
One of their defenders was wearing a headscarf.
'He's got a tea-towel on his head, he's got a tea-towel on his head'

Nigel_Scarfer
26-05-2017, 11:48 AM
Wasn't that Robbie Fowler?
Yes it was - Merseyside derby as well?!

MikeyBaby
26-05-2017, 11:50 AM
Yes it was - Merseyside derby as well?!

Either that r some Arsenal game with Paul Merson ;-)

civil eagle
26-05-2017, 12:12 PM
Oo ER Barrymore

Sung In response to Br*ghton singing Oh Ah Cantona

OLD BASING EAGLE
26-05-2017, 12:59 PM
Jaime Rednapp playing for Liverpool was going out with Croydon girl Louise Nurding. He comes up for a corner in front of the old Holmesdale terrace, 10,000 all fire up with highly imaginative "does she take it up the bum" chant.

Instead of throwing a strop he just turned to the Holmesdale and gave a big wink and a thumbs up. Bastard. Talk about take the wind out of our sails :D He got a massive round of applause... fair play you f**ker :)

Yep, remember that. also remember at the dell when Grobelaar came to the away end we waved fivers and tenners at him and he took of his baseball cap and held it out as if to say fill it up.

Not too many characters left in the game these days.

YASSA the PALACETINIAN
26-05-2017, 04:10 PM
COLIN WANKER....IS A WARNOCK......IS A WARNOCK.
When he was at Sheff Utd

leicester1
26-05-2017, 04:52 PM
A couple of weeks ago at Man City........man city sang...''ranieri oooh oooh ooh...you stabbed him in the back...you dirty f##kin rats''...........so obviously we responded by changing Ranieri for Mancini.......sort of shut them up pretty quick that did......

loz
26-05-2017, 04:56 PM
When we had Terry Phelan on loan for a short while, to the tune of Loving feeling we sung. We've go that Terry phelan we've got that Terry phelan his on loan loan loan whay hay hay. Which amused me somewhat.

Selhurst Celtic
26-05-2017, 06:07 PM
COLIN WANKER....IS A WARNOCK......IS A WARNOCK.
When he was at Sheff Utd

That was loud at their gaff when we won 0-3 under Dowie. 10 a ticket as well if I recall correctly.

Sweet revenge for his div behaviour at Selhurst earlier on that season.

Selhurst Celtic
26-05-2017, 06:08 PM
When we had Terry Phelan on loan for a short while, to the tune of Loving feeling we sung. We've go that Terry phelan we've got that Terry phelan his on loan loan loan whay hay hay. Which amused me somewhat.

We stole it from Man City.

chrisophiex
26-05-2017, 06:10 PM
We stole it from Man City.


Like their sash

OLD BASING EAGLE
28-05-2017, 07:53 PM
Not a football chant. But heard at the Rose Bowl England verses SA. Get De Kock out for the lads.

elgin eagle
28-05-2017, 07:59 PM
2 Bentekes. There's only 2 Bentekes :) (At Boro this season).

pardew's shorts
28-05-2017, 08:28 PM
Terrace wit is a myth.

mikeb
28-05-2017, 08:50 PM
2 Bentekes. There's only 2 Bentekes :) (At Boro this season).

Sung at the Ryder Cup

There's only 2 molinaries

Mictor Voses
28-05-2017, 09:46 PM
Marlon King got some savage abuse when we played Birmingham away in our promotion season. It was around the time he had just been released from jail for sexual assault and everything about Jimmy Saville had been revealed....

emeraldpalace
28-05-2017, 10:28 PM
Not a chant but a very funny moment at a game. Must have been mid 90's home game v Liverpool. Jamie Redknapp was warming up along the touch line in front of the main stand. Some bloke kept shouting out 'Jamie' 'Jamie' every time he passed by for about 10 minutes. Eventually Redknapp turned around to look up towards where this bloke was heckling from. The guy then shouts out 'You'll look like your dad one day' everyone pissed themselves!

Dogburger
29-05-2017, 08:57 AM
Palace fans to half a coachload of Grimsby fans on a wet Tuesday at Selhurst. We were well winning and we hadn't heard a peep from them all night

'Shall we sing a song for you , shall we sing a song for you ............

Followed by a good effort giving the numbers of

We only sing when were fishing , sing when were fishing ...........

BB Bob
29-05-2017, 09:05 AM
Palace fans to half a coachload of Grimsby fans on a wet Tuesday at Selhurst. We were well winning and we hadn't heard a peep from them all night

'Shall we sing a song for you , shall we sing a song for you ............

Followed by a good effort giving the numbers of

We only sing when were fishing , sing when were fishing ...........

At an away game at Grimsby, we had

"What's it like to smell of fish"

Ron Dogers
29-05-2017, 09:13 AM
Surely the Swansea rotund lady physio in a tight tracksuit here a few years back - started with What the F&^%ing hell is that f-- ollowed by Thats why youre shagging sheep!

hatter8142
29-05-2017, 10:02 AM
Surely the Swansea rotund lady physio in a tight tracksuit here a few years back - started with What the F&^%ing hell is that f-- ollowed by Thats why youre shagging sheep!

And then as she was escorted past the Homesdale by a steward she was greeted with Keep your tits in for the lads.

Big-Griff
30-05-2017, 08:43 AM
Sung to Gillingham

You have only got one eye,you have only got one eye, your sister is your mother and you've only got one eye , Pikey,Pikey,Pikey

eagle mart
30-05-2017, 09:37 AM
Barnsley mid-nineties

"We closed all your mines, we closed all your mines, northern bastards, northern bastards, we closed all your mines"

prizesucker
30-05-2017, 09:45 AM
I remember Roman Bednar getting a fair bit of stick after his off field activities became public knowledge

"he takes it up the nose, takes it up the nose, Roman Bednar, Roman Bednar, takes it up those nose......."

Doesn't top telling Pulis that we were going to take his house though :D

eagle mart
30-05-2017, 09:52 AM
btw, most of these chants were just funny for 2mins at the time. Not one I've read and laughed uncontrollably at my desk. The worst one of the lot is probably the opening one. I wondered whether the thread was ironic.

Suffolkeagle
30-05-2017, 04:39 PM
Derby away palace on tour day to a fat steward
"You're gonna die when you're 40, die when your 40!"
Steward: "I'm 41!"
"He's gonna die in a minute, die in a minutee"

Palace Bear
30-05-2017, 05:31 PM
btw, most of these chants were just funny for 2mins at the time. Not one I've read and laughed uncontrollably at my desk. The worst one of the lot is probably the opening one. I wondered whether the thread was ironic.

What tune's that one to?

PeckhamSpring
30-05-2017, 07:05 PM
We know your shagging Will young. To Brighton
Jimmy Saville he ****ed Alan Dunne. To millwall
Just the shit in a burge. To Chris Gerkan
Ian Wright is illegitimate can't remember exactly how it went.

IanH
30-05-2017, 07:49 PM
btw, most of these chants were just funny for 2mins at the time. Not one I've read and laughed uncontrollably at my desk. The worst one of the lot is probably the opening one. I wondered whether the thread was ironic.


The Birmingham away stuff still makes me chuckle even now. Tracksuit from Matalan etc.

blanksight
31-05-2017, 06:28 PM
We know your shagging Will young. To Brighton
Jimmy Saville he ****ed Alan Dunne. To millwall
Just the shit in a burge. To Chris Gerkan
Ian Wright is illegitimate can't remember exactly how it went.

Ian Wright is illegitimate
He ain't got no birth certificate
He's got aids and he can't get rid of it
He's an Arsenal bastard

James Calder
31-05-2017, 07:12 PM
2004 at home to West Brom (who had a Welsh midfielder called Andy Johnson). After our AJ scored one of his two goals that day:

Wrong Andy Johnson
You've got the wrong Andy Johnson
Wrong Andy Johhhnnnnson...

Selhurst Celtic
01-06-2017, 09:45 AM
Ian Wright is illegitimate
He ain't got no birth certificate
He's got aids and he can't get rid of it
He's an Arsenal bastard

Ian Wright will never shine again
Since his Palace shirt went in the bin
Chrissy Armstrong shits all over him
He's an Arsenal bastard

There was a 3rd verse as well I think. It was in One More Point or whatever the fanzine was called in those days.

sydnsteve
01-06-2017, 09:47 AM
I liked the Steve Gerrard Gerrard one sung to Que sera sera. Very funny.

the digger
01-06-2017, 10:25 AM
I liked the Steve Gerrard Gerrard one sung to Que sera sera. Very funny.

Similarly,

Shaun Derry, Derry,
He's better than Stevie G,
More faithful than John Terry,
Shaun Derry

sydnsteve
01-06-2017, 10:33 AM
Where is Shaun nowadays? Can't he be the next manager! (Cambridge, just checked. Not setting the world alight though).

Grim Reaper
02-06-2017, 10:03 PM
Most venomous chant has to be one partly referenced earlier in this thread.

Fat woman in the front row of the Port Vale fans, last day of the 97 season.

Palace go 1-0 up......Fat slag, Fat slag, what's the score!? Can't remember if she'd done something to wind Palace up before that or whether it was simply her obesity that caught the Holmesdale's attention

She was there with her son - can only assumed they were both scarred for life!

dim
02-06-2017, 10:15 PM
Did they sing 1 nil to the Albion..... at the AMEX.....?

New LP
03-06-2017, 05:28 AM
Similarly,



Shaun Derry, Derry,

He's better than Stevie G,

More faithful than John Terry,

Shaun Derry


Was a very popular song at the time.

New LP
03-06-2017, 05:30 AM
Ian Wright will never shine again

Since his Palace shirt went in the bin

Chrissy Armstrong shits all over him

He's an Arsenal bastard



There was a 3rd verse as well I think. It was in One More Point or whatever the fanzine was called in those days.


I think the first two verses were sometimes sung;

Ian Wright's not what he used to be

Since he went and he played at Highbury

New LP
03-06-2017, 05:32 AM
Gillingham fans singing 'no one likes us we don't care' for some weird reason.

Palace fans singing 'no one knows you, you're a joke.

Although we were losing 4-1 at the time .

Grim Reaper
03-06-2017, 05:15 PM
December 1992. We'd lost 5-0 at Anfield in the league on the Saturday and just four days later, we were putting out a much younger, weaker side (due to players being cup-tied) for a Coca Cola Cup tie. Greame Souness had not long recovered from a heart attack but as he had been slating Palace around this time he was seen as fair game. Truly great Selhurst night and the ground was rocking to

Who's that lying in the dugout
Who's that laying on the floor
It's Souness on his back
Cos he's had a heart attack
And he won't be slagging Palace any more

Every time he got up on the touchline we were off again singing it. Great night

Grim Reaper
03-06-2017, 06:00 PM
The various ladder related songs at Southend away in April 1994 were pretty funny.

A few Palace fans climbed the ladder leading to the TV gantry to get a better vantage point from the back of a very packed terrace. The stewards then tried to get them down. Two of them stayed up there for quite a while and hilarity ensued as the stewards got more and more irate.

Ladder Firm
Ladder Aggro
Ladder is our hero

Seemed to be a new ladder-related chant springing up every 20 seconds. :D

Grim Reaper
03-06-2017, 06:02 PM
Palace scored after 9 seconds v Barnsley, just three days after San MArino had scored v England after 7 seconds.

"Are you England in disguise?"

Genius!

Palestinian
03-06-2017, 06:08 PM
"Freedman, you can't even foul properly."

From a woman that used to sit a few rows behind us and had a bizarre hatred of Dougie.