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  #1301  
Old 03-10-2019, 09:49 AM
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Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and
loving wives, however, they got a bit carried away with the Prosecco.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the
cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.

She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a
ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.

The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst, my wife came home with no panties!!"

"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to
her arse that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.'".
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  #1302  
Old 03-10-2019, 09:52 AM
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  #1303  
Old 03-10-2019, 10:04 AM
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Like that one Bob
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  #1304  
Old 03-10-2019, 12:55 PM
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big bad John came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietbig bad John came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietbig bad John came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietbig bad John came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietbig bad John came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietbig bad John came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietbig bad John came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietbig bad John came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietbig bad John came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietbig bad John came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietbig bad John came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
The past, the present and the future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
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  #1305  
Old 03-10-2019, 01:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BB Bob View Post
Who are the coolest blokes at the hospital?

The ultrasound guys
They're almost as cool as the hip replacement guys......
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  #1306  
Old 03-10-2019, 01:25 PM
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big bad John came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietbig bad John came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietbig bad John came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietbig bad John came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietbig bad John came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietbig bad John came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietbig bad John came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietbig bad John came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietbig bad John came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietbig bad John came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietbig bad John came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards."

Me: "And?"
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  #1307  
Old 07-10-2019, 11:16 PM
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rhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
My mate gets confused between different cuts of bacon & ham.

I think he's pig ignorant..
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  #1308  
Old 07-10-2019, 11:22 PM
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rhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
Reports have emerged of a man found dead in his kitchen wearing a corset, stockings, suspenders, and with a cable around his neck from what looked like a botched asphyxiation session.

His friends only found him wearing an Arsenal shirt, but they changed him into this other stuff to lessen the embarrassment.
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  #1309  
Old 08-10-2019, 12:22 AM
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Reports have emerged of a prominent Tory found dead in his kitchen wearing an Arsenal shirt with a cable around his neck from what looked like a botched asphyxiation session.

His friends changed him into a corset, stockings, and suspenders to lessen the embarrassment.
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  #1310  
Old 08-10-2019, 02:14 AM
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Madden : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineMadden : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineMadden : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineMadden : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineMadden : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineMadden : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineMadden : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineMadden : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineMadden : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineMadden : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineMadden : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mine
Quote:
Originally Posted by hughff View Post
Reports have emerged of a prominent Tory found dead in his kitchen wearing an Arsenal shirt with a cable around his neck from what looked like a botched asphyxiation session.

His friends changed him into a corset, stockings, and suspenders to lessen the embarrassment.
That one never gets old but probably using ManU, Everton or Spurs may make it work!
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  #1311  
Old 08-10-2019, 03:14 AM
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hughff Sam the man is herehughff Sam the man is herehughff Sam the man is herehughff Sam the man is herehughff Sam the man is herehughff Sam the man is herehughff Sam the man is herehughff Sam the man is herehughff Sam the man is herehughff Sam the man is herehughff Sam the man is here
Or Brighton.
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Crystal Ball Champion 2013/14.

If you wish to follow a football club based on their success then you could not view yourself as a supporter ... you are merely a customer. - Mat ov CPFC.

Don't let anybody make you think that God chose America as his divine messianic force to be a sort of policeman of the whole world. God has a way of standing before the nations with judgement and it seems to me that I can hear God saying to America, "You are too arrogant." - Martin Luther King
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  #1312  
Old 08-10-2019, 03:15 AM
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hughff hughff is offline
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hughff Sam the man is herehughff Sam the man is herehughff Sam the man is herehughff Sam the man is herehughff Sam the man is herehughff Sam the man is herehughff Sam the man is herehughff Sam the man is herehughff Sam the man is herehughff Sam the man is herehughff Sam the man is here
Or Millwall.
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Crystal Ball Champion 2013/14.

If you wish to follow a football club based on their success then you could not view yourself as a supporter ... you are merely a customer. - Mat ov CPFC.

Don't let anybody make you think that God chose America as his divine messianic force to be a sort of policeman of the whole world. God has a way of standing before the nations with judgement and it seems to me that I can hear God saying to America, "You are too arrogant." - Martin Luther King
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  #1313  
Old 08-10-2019, 08:36 AM
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Or Charlton
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  #1314  
Old 16-10-2019, 03:51 PM
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rhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
A Scotsman walks into a bar
There is usually a Irishman and Englishman there too


But they are still at the world cup
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  #1315  
Old 17-10-2019, 10:43 AM
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How does Harry Potter get down a hill?

Walking......

..jk rolling
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  #1316  
Old 17-10-2019, 10:44 AM
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double post
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  #1317  
Old 20-10-2019, 12:27 PM
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What's white and goes through the air at 1000 mph?
The cumming of the Lord.
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EE site palacecomrades com
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  #1318  
Old 20-10-2019, 09:57 PM
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rhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietrhiannapaul came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
NASA had to rearrange the first all-female space walk after they refused to leave the rocket wearing the same outfit.
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  #1319  
Old 20-10-2019, 10:02 PM
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Why was the bra lying in the gutter?

- It was off its tits
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  #1320  
Old 22-10-2019, 09:02 AM
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The Fireman
A fireman is polishing his fire engine outside the fire station when he
notices a little girl next door in a little red cart with little ladders
hung on the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The little girl is wearing a fireman's helmet and has the cart tied to a
dog and a cat.

The fire-fighter walks over to take a closer look: 'That's a lovely fire
engine,' he says admiringly.

'Thanks,' says the little girl. The fireman looks closer and notices the
little girl has tied one of the cart's strings to the dog's collar and one
to the cat's testicles.

'Little colleague,' says the fire-fighter, 'I don't want to tell you how to
run your fire engine, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's
collar, I think you could probably go a lot faster.'

The little girl pauses for a moment, looks at the wagon, at the dog and at
the cat, then shyly looks into the fireman's eyes and says:

'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren, would I?
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