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A place to test things out Please use this forum to test stuff out - like VBcode or testing your avatar. This forum is not CCG and posts made here will not count in posters totals. If you abuse this forum you will be banned.

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  #81  
Old 29-08-2005, 12:49 PM
biggus mickus biggus mickus is offline
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Oh dear. I was drunk. Thats all I can say about it.
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  #82  
Old 29-08-2005, 01:14 PM
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Big girly boy !
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  #83  
Old 29-08-2005, 01:25 PM
biggus mickus biggus mickus is offline
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Note to self. Avoid Rum and the BBS.

Some of those lyrics are funny, if a tad rude.
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  #84  
Old 29-08-2005, 10:05 PM
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MicksSis : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineMicksSis : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineMicksSis : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineMicksSis : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineMicksSis : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineMicksSis : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineMicksSis : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineMicksSis : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineMicksSis : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineMicksSis : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineMicksSis : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mine

I thought this had gone for ever.
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  #85  
Old 28-09-2005, 02:55 PM
biggus mickus biggus mickus is offline
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Derek & Clive -
"Parking Offence"
[ from the album "Come Again" (1977) ]

CLIVE:
I had, er, another bad day yesterday 'cause I got, erm, I got nicked for speeding in the toilet. Er, I's cumming at about forty miles an hour 'cause, you know, I's dyin' for a piss.
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
And this attendant nicked me for speeding.
DEREK:
Tch!
CLIVE:
So I told him, you know, that, er, the reason I was going so fast was that I 'ad, er, I had a, er, metallic penis and that th-, there was-, there was a magnet on the urinal which drew me towards it at an un-, unnatural speed.
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
And he said, "All right then, where's the magnet?" So, naturally I had to, you know, grope around the urinal .....
DEREK:
But you found one, of course.
CLIVE:
Well, I had one in my pocket.
DEREK:
Oh, right.
CLIVE:
So I diverted his attention by hitting him in the eye with a toilet roll, and said, "Oh! There's the magnet!" You know, pulled it out from my pocket.
DEREK:
Right, right.
CLIVE:
Then he said, "O.K., where's your metallic knob?" I said, "Look, mate, I'm not a homosexual," I said .....
DEREK:
Right!
CLIVE:
..... "And the fact that my knob is made of bits of Meccano is none of your business." And so, you know, he let the whole thing, er, pass, but it was, it, it was a narrow-, a narrow miss.
DEREK:
Well I was, er, a-hem, I was out in, er, in the, err, in the road- ..... -my car, you know.
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
And, er, I-, I had it on this meter for about four days, you know.
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
And the warden came up to me, said, "I'm giving you a ticket." I said, "You can't give me a ticket, mate."
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
I said, "You jus-, you can't give me a ticket," I said, er, "I'm blind."
CLIVE:
Oh, yeah!
DEREK:
You know.
CLIVE:
That, that, that's good.
DEREK:
So, errr, I-, he said, "Well, that's neither here nor there." I said, "What do you mean? It's right here with me." So he sai-, I sai-, I said, "I don't know what you said anyway, I'm deaf."
CLIVE:
Ahhh!
DEREK:
You know.
CLIVE:
You said you were deaf and blind?
DEREK:
Right, so .....
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
..... that got him a bit puzzled. Then he said, er, he said, "Well," he said, "how come you're driving a car and you're blind and deaf?" I said, "I can't answer that, I'm dumb."
CLIVE:
Ah, that put him his place, yeah.
DEREK:
Put him in his ••••••• place, he walked off with his head bowed.
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
You know.
CLIVE:
With his tail between his knees.
DEREK:
Right. And, .....
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
Yeah. He gave me a ticket though.
CLIVE:
Oh, ••••in' .....
DEREK:
••••••• ••••. They try it on, don't they?
CLIVE:
People try so much on! Don't they? Don't they?
DEREK:
Yeah, yeah, ••••••• try it on, mate.
CLIVE:
I ran over a woman the other day .....
DEREK:
Oh yeah?
CLIVE:
..... and, er, on the mo- motorcycle actually.
DEREK:
Oh, nice.
CLIVE:
And in doing-, ye-, she-, I mean, it was her fault .....
DEREK:
W'th' f- .....
CLIVE:
..... 'cause she was just attracting attention 'cause she .....
DEREK:
Walking across the road, right?
CLIVE:
No, er, er, no, she .....
DEREK:
With a stick?
CLIVE:
A pedestrian crossing, with a stick, yeah.
DEREK:
Aaa- ••••••• stick, ••••.
CLIVE:
She was lit up .....
DEREK:
Yea-h-h-h-h.
CLIVE:
..... in the glow of the Belisha beacon.
DEREK:
Right, you're bound to hit her, 'int you? Seeing as-
CLIVE:
Could scarcely miss her!
DEREK:
See as- bright as that.
CLIVE:
's-, a-, bright as that. And, er, motorcycle ripped straight up her and the, er, the exhaust caught her knickers and, er, burned them, you know, and charred her round the, you know, the doo-dah .....
DEREK:
Round the toilet area
CLIVE:
..... round th-, er-, er- toilet area.
DEREK:
••••, right.
CLIVE:
So naturally I stooped down to rape her.
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
And this, er, policeman came up and said, "'ere! Er, stop that! .....
DEREK:
No-o-o
CLIVE:
..... What are you doing?"
DEREK:
What a ••••!
CLIVE:
I said, "I-, I am a war veteran .....
DEREK:
Right.
CLIVE:
..... I'm trying to, er, gain some publicity for the deprived."
DEREK:
Yeah, I ran over, er-er, maybe it was the same lady .....
CLIVE:
What-, wh-, sh- .....
DEREK:
She was-, she was just coming out of the hospital .....
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
..... with a lot of bandages on, going across the pedestrian crossing.
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
Er, I think it must have been the same lady.
CLIVE:
'b- 'bout seventy-five?
DEREK:
That's right, yeah.
CLIVE:
White hair?
DEREK:
That's right, big tits. And, er, I ripped right through her with the 'cycle, you know.
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
So-o, and she gave me the same trouble.
CLIVE:
What?
DEREK:
You know, ••••••• exhaust, I don't know how it got in her knickers but, you know, er, it got there, exhaust. And, erm, er, I's, you know, policeman came up, probably the same bloke. He said, "I-," he said, "Er-r-r, couple of days ago some bloke ran this woman down and, er, started to try and rape her, just the way you're doing."
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
I said, "Well, aren't y-." I said, "Are you getting the ••••••• message then??" I said, "Aren't you getting some, I-, er-, aren't you twigging something here, officer?"
CLIVE:
Yeah. "Can't you see what's afoot?"
DEREK:
"Can't you see what's going on here officer?" I said, "If you can't-, if you, if you haven't got the gumption to see what's going on," I said, "then you can •••• off out the force."
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
So, he, err, he took my point. And, er, led me by the point to the police station. Put it on the table. They finger-printed it, of course, all their hands all over my knob .....
CLIVE:
Oh, gawd help us!
DEREK:
..... for about four hours.
CLIVE:
Shocking.
DEREK:
And, err-
CLIVE:
Look. I used to think this country .....
DEREK:
(clears throat)
CLIVE:
..... was a land of opportunity.
DEREK:
Oh, •••• that, mate! No!
CLIVE:
And now, .....
DEREK:
No.
CLIVE:
..... it is turned into a, a Gestapo khasi.
DEREK:
Right.
CLIVE:
One officer come up to me and he said, "Look! Your motor's weaving all over the k-, all over the road!" I said, "What d'you expect? I'm pissed out of me head!" I said, "•••• me! Can't you see that? I've got four empty bottles of scotch in the ••••••• motor .....
DEREK:
What you've-
CLIVE:
..... I'm swigging a bottle scotch now, .....
DEREK:
Right.
CLIVE:
..... can't you understand why I'm swerving about?"
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
'c'se I'm ••••••• drunk, y' ••••!
DEREK:
Yeah! What a ••••, eh?
CLIVE:
He arrested me. Do you what technicality he got me on?
DEREK:
What?
CLIVE:
Murder.
DEREK:
Oh, ••••••• hell.
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The party on the left, are now the party on the right.

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  #86  
Old 28-09-2005, 03:04 PM
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Maidstoned Eagle Maidstoned Eagle is offline
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How about a classic;
The Ballad of Eskimo Nell

Gather 'round, all you whorey,
Gather 'round, and hear my story.


When a man grows old and his balls grow cold,
And the tip of his prick turns blue;
When it bends in the middle like a one-string fiddle,
He can tell you a tale or two.
So pull up a chair and stand me a drink,
And a tale to you I'll tell
About Dead-Eye Dick and Mexican Pete
And a harlot named Eskimo Nell.


When Dead-Eye Dick and Mexican Pete
Go forth in search of fun,
It's Dead-Eye Dick that swings the prick,
And Mexican Pete the gun.
When Dead-Eye Dick and Mexican Pete
Are sore, depressed and sad,
It's always a •••• that bears the brunt,
But the shooting's not so bad.


Now Dead-Eye Dick and Mexican Pete
Lived down by Dead Man's Creek,
And such was their luck that they'd had no ••••
For nigh on half a week.
Oh, a moose or two, and a caribou,
And a bison cow or so,
But for Dead-Eye Dick with his kingly prick,
This ••••••• was mighty slow.


Dick pound on his cock with a huge piece of rock,
And he said, "I want to play!,
It's been almost a week at this ••••••• creek,
With no •••• coming my way!"
So, do or dare, this horny pair
Set off for the Rio Grande:
Dead-Eye Dick with his kingly prick,
And Pete with his gun in hand.


Then, as they blazed their noisy trail,
No man, their path withstood.
Many a bride, her husband's pride,
A pregnant widow stood.
They reached the strand of the Rio Grand
At the height of a blazing noon.
To slake their thirst, and do their worst,
They sought Black Mike's saloon.


The swinging doors they pushed back wide,
Both prick and gun flashed free.
"According to sex, you bleeding wrecks,
You'll drink or you'll •••• with me!"
Now, they'd heard of the prick of Dead-Eye Dick,
From the Yukon to Panama,
So, with scarcely worse than a muttered curse,
The fellows all sought the bar.


When Dick walked in to a house of sin,
The whores all cursed their luck,
Not even a tart dared let out a fart,
When he said - "I want to ••••!"
The girls they knew of his playful ways
Down on the Rio Grande,
And forty whores pulled down their drawers
At Dead-eye Dick's command.


For they saw the finger of Mexican Pete
Move on the trigger grip,
So they didn't wait and at a fearful rate
Those whores began to strip.
Now, Dead-Eye Dick was breathing quick
With lecherous snorts and grunts,
So forty butts were bared to view,
And likewise forty •••••.


Now, forty butts and forty •••••,
If you can use your wits,
And if you're slick, at arithmetic,
Makes exactly eighty tits.
Sure, eighty tits are a gladsome sight
For a man with a raging stand.
It may be rare in Berkeley Square,
But not on the Rio Grande!


Now Dead-Eye Dick had ••••ed a few
On the last preceding night,
This he had done just to have some fun
And to whet his appetite.
His phallic limb was in ••••••• trim.
As he backed and took a run,
He made a dart at the nearest tart,
and scored a hole in one.


The lady he bore to the dusty floor,
And there he filled her fine,
And though she grinned, it put the wind
Up the other thirty-nine.
When Dead-Eye Dick lets loose his prick,
He has no time to spare,
With speed and strength, combined with length,
He fairly singes hair.


He had made a dart at the next fair tart,
When into that harlot's hell
Strode a gentle maid who was unfraid:
Her name was Eskimo Nell.
But Dead-Eye Dick had got his prick
Well into number two,
When Eskimo Nell let out a yell.
She bawled to him, "Hey, you!"


Dick gave a flick of his muscular prick,
And the girl flew over his head,
He then wheeled about with an angry shout;
His face and his balls were red.
Nell glanced our hero up and down,
His looks she seemed to decry.
With utter scorn, she sneered at the horn
Which rose from his hairy thigh.


She blew the smoke of her cigarette
All over his steaming knob.
So utterly beat was Mexican Pete
That he failed to do his job.
It was Eskimo Nell who broke the spell
In accents clear and cool:
"You ••••-struck shrimp of a Yankee pimp!
You call that thing a tool?


"If this here town can't take that down,"
She said to those cowering whores,
"There's another •••• that can do the stunt,
But it Eskimo Nell's, not yours."
She dropped her garments one by one
With an air of consumate pride,
And as she stood in her womanhood,
They saw the Great Divide.


She seated herself on a table top,
Where someone had left a glass.
With a twitch of her tits, she crushed it to bits
Between the cheeks of her ass.
She flexed her knees with supple ease,
And spread her thighs apart.
With a friendly nod to the mangy sod,
She gave him the cue to start.


Now, Dead-Eye Dick knew more than one trick,
And he meant to take his time,
For a woman like this was orgasmic bliss,
So he played the pantomime.
He flexed his asshole to and fro,
And made his balls inflate,
Until they looked like the granite knobs
On the top of a palace gate.


He blew his anus inside out,
His balls increased in size,
His mighty prick grew twice as thick
And reached almost to his eyes.
He polished his dick with alcohol,
Then, to make it steaming hot,
He finished the job, when he sprinkled his knob
With a cayenne pepperpot.


Then he did neither start to run
Nor did he take a leap,
Nor did he stoop, but with a swoop
Began a steady, forward creep.
As a marksman might, he took a sight
Along his mighty tool,
And his steady grin as he pushed it in
Showed a calculated cool.


Have you ever seen the pistons
On the mighty C.P.R.,
With the driving force of a thousand horse?
Well, then you know what pistons are.
Or, you think you do, but you've yet to see
The ins and outs of the trick
Of the work that's done on a non-stop run
By a fellow like Dead-Eye Dick.


But Eskimo Nell was no infidel,
As good as a whole harem
With the strength of ten in her abdomen
And the Rock of Ages between.
With nary a scream, she could take the stream
Like the flush of a watercloset.
Now, she gripped his cock like a Chatswood Lock
On the National Safe Deposit.


But Dead-Eye Dick would not come quick,
He meant to conserve his powers,
For if he'd a mind, he'd grind and grind
For sixteen solid hours.
Nell lay a while with a subtle smile,
Then the grip of her •••• grew keener,
And a squeeze of her thigh then sucked him dry
With the ease of a vacuum cleaner.


She performed this trick in a way so slick
As to set in complete defiance
The principal cause and basic laws
That govern sexual science.
She calmly rode through the phallic code
Which for years had withstood the test,
And the ancient rules of the classic schools
In a moment or two, went west.


Right here, my friend, we come to the end
Of copulation's classic:
The effect on Dick was sudden and quick
And akin to an anaesthetic.
He fell to the floor, and he knew no more,
His passions extinct and dead,
Nor did he shout as his cock fell out,
Though 'twas stripped right down to a thread.


Then, Mexican Pete did leap to his feet
To avenge his pal's affront,
With a jarring jolt of his blue-nosed Colt,
He rammed it up Nellie's ••••.
He rammed it hard to the trigger guard,
Then fired two times three,
But to his surprise, Nell closed her eyes
And smiled in ecstacy.


She rose to her feet with a smile so sweet,
Then "Bully," she said, "for you.
Though I might have guessed that that was the best
That you two poor pimps could do.
"When next, my friend, that you intend
To sally forth for fun,
Buy Dead-Eye Dick a sugar stick,
And yourself an elephant gun.


"I'm going forth to the frozen North
Where the peckers are hard and strong,
Back to the land of the frozen stand
Where the nights are six months long.
"It's hard as tin when they put it in
In the land where spunk is spunk.
Not a trickling stream of lukewarm cream,
But a solid, frozen chunk.


"Back to the land where they understand
What it means to fornicate,
Where even the dead sleep two in a bed
And the babies masturbate.
"Back to the land of the grinding gland,
Where the walrus plays with his prong,
Where the polar bear wanks off in his lair,
That's where they'll sing this song.


"They'll tell this tale on the Arctic trail
Where the nights are sixty below,
Where it's so damn cold the jonnies are sold
Wrapped up in a ball of snow.
"In the Valley of Death with baited breath,
That's where they'll sing it too,
Where the skeletons rattle in sexual battle
And the rotting corpses screw.


"Back to the land where men are Men,
I'll say 'Terra Bellicum,'
And there I'll spend my worthy end,
For the North is calling: 'Come!'"
Then Dead-Eye Dick and Mexican Pete
Slunk away from the Rio Grande,
Dead-Eye Dick with his useless prick,
And Pete with no gun in his hand.


When a man grows old and his balls grow cold,
And the tip of his prick turns blue,
And the hole in the middle refuses to piddle,
I'd say he was ••••ed, wouldn't you?
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  #87  
Old 10-10-2005, 10:02 PM
biggus mickus biggus mickus is offline
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No mods online again. Filled with rum, I shall be a good boy.
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The party on the left, are now the party on the right.

Only people with their own hair, need to apply.


Hell is coming to breakfast.
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  #88  
Old 22-10-2005, 07:18 PM
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glad all over
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by biggus mickus
No mods online again. Filled with rum, I shall be a good boy.
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  #89  
Old 25-11-2005, 02:28 PM
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Maidstoned Eagle Maidstoned Eagle is offline
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BUMS!
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  #90  
Old 14-04-2008, 05:46 PM
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embryo eagle embryo eagle is offline
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I just did a search of "Mick Me Mate The Master Farter" and this was the only hit. Splendid.
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Old 07-10-2008, 10:33 AM
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Guest browsing has its advantages, you get to see much further. This thread made me smile, not so much the content itself but more the image of maniacal demented Chocky slaving away at the keyboard too pissed to be coherent but with cut and paste still working....just
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  #92  
Old 26-10-2010, 07:46 PM
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biggus mickus Sam the man is herebiggus mickus Sam the man is herebiggus mickus Sam the man is herebiggus mickus Sam the man is herebiggus mickus Sam the man is herebiggus mickus Sam the man is herebiggus mickus Sam the man is herebiggus mickus Sam the man is herebiggus mickus Sam the man is herebiggus mickus Sam the man is herebiggus mickus Sam the man is here
I just tripped over this. In the days when I was allowed to stay up late.
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  #93  
Old 26-10-2010, 08:12 PM
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Ah.....the good old days.
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Old 26-10-2010, 08:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by biggus mickus
Hi Phil. You got rid of those spots on your scrotum yet?
I wonder if PfiA still has a spotty scrotum?
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Old 26-10-2010, 08:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by embryo eagle
I just did a search of "Mick Me Mate The Master Farter" and this was the only hit. Splendid.

This made me chuckle.

I will text Phil and find out Pete.
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Old 27-10-2010, 07:44 PM
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This is the most interesting thread I have ever seen in here
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Old 23-09-2019, 02:45 AM
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Forgot about this thread
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Old 23-09-2019, 05:43 AM
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biggus mickus Sam the man is herebiggus mickus Sam the man is herebiggus mickus Sam the man is herebiggus mickus Sam the man is herebiggus mickus Sam the man is herebiggus mickus Sam the man is herebiggus mickus Sam the man is herebiggus mickus Sam the man is herebiggus mickus Sam the man is herebiggus mickus Sam the man is herebiggus mickus Sam the man is here
I see what you mean now Don Butler.
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Old 23-09-2019, 08:36 AM
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Neil the Eagle came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietNeil the Eagle came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietNeil the Eagle came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietNeil the Eagle came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietNeil the Eagle came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietNeil the Eagle came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietNeil the Eagle came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietNeil the Eagle came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietNeil the Eagle came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietNeil the Eagle came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietNeil the Eagle came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
Misty watercolour memories of the way we were.
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Old 23-09-2019, 11:17 AM
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Mollywois
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