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  #41  
Old 23-10-2001, 05:32 PM
Teaser Teaser is offline
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Teaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroni
A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as President Clinton appeared on the television. After a few sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled, "Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen." A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him.

A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Hillary Clinton appeared on the television. "She's a horse's ass too," the man. This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and knocked him off his stool. "Damn it!" the man said, climbing back up to the bar. "This must be Clinton country!"

"Nope," the bartender replied. "Horse country!"
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  #42  
Old 23-10-2001, 05:34 PM
Teaser Teaser is offline
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Teaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroni
One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.

"Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.

Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.

Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have a parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped. The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane."

The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry, pop. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack."


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  #43  
Old 23-10-2001, 05:35 PM
Teaser Teaser is offline
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Teaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroni
Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God...

"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!"

Bill replied, "Well, thanks, God. What's the difference between the two?"

God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision." "Fine, but where should I go first?" God said, "I'm going to leave that up to you." Bill said, "OK, then, let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell.

It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased. "This is great!" he told God, "If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!" "Fine," said God and off they went.

Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision. "Hmm, I think I prefer Hell" he told God. "Fine," retorted God, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell.

Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. "How's everything going, Bill?" God asked.

Bill responded - his voice full of anguish and disappointment, "This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can't believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?"

God says, "That was the screen saver".


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  #44  
Old 23-10-2001, 05:37 PM
Teaser Teaser is offline
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Teaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroni
Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's ******* goofy!"
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  #45  
Old 23-10-2001, 05:39 PM
Teaser Teaser is offline
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Teaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroni
Michael Jackson is walking out from the operating room after his wife gave birth to their son. Michael says "Hey Doc how long till we can have sex?" The Doctor says "At least wait till he is walking Michael!!"
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  #46  
Old 23-10-2001, 05:41 PM
Teaser Teaser is offline
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Teaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroni
Two of Clinton's sperm are swimming around in Monica, when one of the sperm looks at the other and says," Hey I think we are coming close to the ovaries"... the other looks at the other sperm and says," Hey relax we just passed the tonsils."
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  #47  
Old 23-10-2001, 05:43 PM
Teaser Teaser is offline
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Teaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroni
One day three midgets decided they wanted to be in the record books the fist one says "I have pretty short arms", so he goes and succeeds. The second one says "I have pretty short legs," so he goes and succeeds.The third one says "I have a very small penis," and when he comes back he says "Who the hell is Leonardo DiCaprio?"
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  #48  
Old 23-10-2001, 05:46 PM
Teaser Teaser is offline
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Teaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroni
A man was walking in the woods and came to a cottage where the walls were covered with clocks. He asked the woman who owned the cottage what all the clocks were for. She replied that everyone in the world had a clock, and every time you told a lie your clock advanced a second. He saw a clock that was hardly moving and when he remarked about it he was told that it was Mother Terisia's. He then asked where Bill Clinton's clock was. The woman replied "It's in the kitchen, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
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  #49  
Old 23-10-2001, 05:47 PM
Teaser Teaser is offline
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Teaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroni
Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room. "Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. "I've always been a big fan of Chopin," said Bruce. "I'll play him." "And you, Sylvester?" asked Spielberg. "Mozart's the one for me!" said Sly. "And what about you?" Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger. "I'll be Bach," said Arnie.
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  #50  
Old 23-10-2001, 05:49 PM
Teaser Teaser is offline
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Teaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroni
Superman is flying around one day and he's feeling kinda horny. So he finds Batman sitting on top of a building and drops down to ask him where the best place to get laid is. Batman proceeds to tell him that Wonder Woman is a great lay. Superman then tells him that he couldn't do that to her because they have been friends for too long and he flies away. Superman then sees Spider-man swinging around and flies next to him while he's swinging and asks him who the best piece of ass is. Spider-man tells him that he hears Wonder Woman is good and tells him to look her up. Disgruntled Superman takes to the air and flies about. He then notices Wonder Woman lying in a field naked and spread Eagle. He thinks I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I can be in and out of that so fast she'll never know what hit her. So, he flies down does his business and id 4 seconds he's back in the air flying away. Wonder Woman looks up and says "What was that?" Invisible Man says: "I don't know but my ass hurts!"


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  #51  
Old 23-10-2001, 05:50 PM
Teaser Teaser is offline
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Teaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroni
If any of these describe you, you're a redneck!

You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.

There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

Fewer than half of your cars run.

Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.

The primary color of your car is "bondo".

You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.

You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

Your family tree doesn't fork.

Your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.

Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.

You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.

Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.

You've ever used lard in bed.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.

The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.

Your brother-in-law is your uncle.

Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.

The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.

You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.

You prominently display a gifts bought at Graceland.

You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month.

The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".

Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.

You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.

Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

You think that Don Perignon is a Mafia leader.

The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are you looking at, Shithead?"

You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.

You've ever used a weed eater indoors.

You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).

You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'.

You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

Your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels.

You've ever financed a tattoo.

Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six-pack.

You go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.

You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.

You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.

Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

You think that the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

You've been too drunk to fish.

You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".

Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.

You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.

You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.

Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people".

Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to "Georgia on My Mind".

You call your boss "Buddy", on a regular basis.

You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

After making love you ask your date to roll down the window.

The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.

Someone in your family says "Cum'n here an' lookit this afore I flush it."

Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.

You mow your lawn and find a car.

If going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.

Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.

You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.

You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.

You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.

Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.

You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.

You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".

You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.

You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

You think the Mountain Men in deliverance were just "Misunderstood".

You've ever made change in the offering plate.

If the fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year".

You consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve...

You own at least 20 baseball hats.

You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.

You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank!

Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on them.

You have 5 cars that are immobile and a house that isn't!

Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end".

Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

You'd rather catch bass than get some (if you can't guess...)

You have a Hefty bag for a Car/Truck convertible top.

You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.

You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.

You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.

You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.

You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.

There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

The theme song at your high school prom was `Friends in Low Places'.

It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.

Your idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"

Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job, primer red and primer gray.

The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.

Ya have to check in the bottom yer shoe for change so you can get grandma a new plug of tobacco.

Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle.

Ya can't get married to your sweetheart cause there is a law against it.

You celebrate groundhog day (cause ya believe in it!!)

You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.

You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something!

When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!" reminds you to pull up your jeans.

Helping your cousin, Billy-Bob, move into his new place consists of taking the wheels off his doublewide.

Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

You wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.

Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

"Buck Naked Line Dancing" isn't a videotape, it's "Ladies Night" at the local bar.

Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.

You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.

You're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You".

Dolly Parton reminds you of the `Grand Tetons'.

Your Momma would rather go to the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.

The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.

You actually made a pyramid of cans in the pale moonlight with Alan Jackson.

You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

You've ever hit a deer with your car... on purpose!

You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.

You've ever parked a Camero in a tree.

Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

Your dad is also your favorite uncle.

You own more than three shirts with the sleeves cut off.

You've ever yelled "Rock the house Bubba!" during a piano recital.

You were taught to put your underwear on yellow in front, brown behind.

You buy two CB radios so you can talk to yourself.
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  #52  
Old 23-10-2001, 05:52 PM
Teaser Teaser is offline
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Teaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroni
TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR FAMILY IS STRESSED...

10. Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk".

9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial.

8. The cat is on Valium.

7. People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.

6. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaffeinated.

5. The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.

4. No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.

3. "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials.

2. You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.

1. Maxwell House gives you industrial rates.


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  #53  
Old 23-10-2001, 05:53 PM
Teaser Teaser is offline
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Teaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroni
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. "Wow, this is great," he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight: lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.

Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?"

"Yes. Come and join us," they cried. Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. "What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked. "Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them." This he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful. Later, he asked them again, "What else do you do?"

"You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well." The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full. "Is there anything else you guys do?" he asked. One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly. "There's one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there," he said, pointing to the far corner of the field. "They're girls. We shag them. Go and try it." Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning screwing his little heart out until, completely knackered, he staggered back over to the guys. "That was fantastic," he panted. "So are you going to live with us then?" one of them asked. "I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't." The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. "Why? We thought you liked it here."

"I do," our friend replied. "But I must get back to the laboratory. I'm dying for a cigarette."
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  #54  
Old 23-10-2001, 05:54 PM
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MARKOFBLOCKB MARKOFBLOCKB is offline
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MARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fine
Snow white, superman and quazimodo are all out on the piss when snow white said i have a mirror in my house that answers your questions and never lies why don't we go and use it. they all walk back to snow whites house and she says i'll go first i want to see who the prettiest girl in the world is. she comes out the house a few minutes later and said i am the prettiest girl in the world. Superman said i'll go next i want to find out who the strongest man in the world is. a few minutes later superman appears and says i am the strongest man in the world. Quazimodo then said i want to find out who the ugliest man in the world is. a few minutes later he comes out and said Who the f**k is teaser


Teaser you have possibly the worst jokes in the world but thanks for trying.
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  #55  
Old 23-10-2001, 05:54 PM
Teaser Teaser is offline
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Teaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroni
Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."
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  #56  
Old 23-10-2001, 05:55 PM
Teaser Teaser is offline
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Teaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroniTeaser is the cheese to my macaroni
The class assignment in composition was to write about something unusual that happened during the past week. Little Irving got up to read his. "Papa fell in the well last week - " he began. "Good heavens," shrieked Mrs. Kroop, the teacher. "Is he all right now?" "He must be," said little Irving. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."
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Old 23-10-2001, 05:57 PM
Teaser Teaser is offline
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A man went to his doctor seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars. The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy. "When you go to bed tonight, take one of your cigars, unwrap it, and stick it completely up your asshole. Then remove it, rewrap it, and place it back with all the others in such a fashion as you can't tell which one it is. The aversion is obvious: you won't dare smoke any of them, not knowing which is the treated cigar." "Thanks doc, I'll try it." And he did. But three weeks later he came back and saw the doctor again. "What? My recommendation didn't work? It was supposed to be effective even in the most addictive of cases, such as yours is!" "Well, it kind of worked, doc. At least I was able to transfer my addiction," said the patient. "What in the hell is that supposed to mean?" "Well, I don't smoke cigars anymore, but now I can't go to sleep at night unless I have a cigar shoved up my ass..."
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Old 23-10-2001, 05:58 PM
Teaser Teaser is offline
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Teaser you have possibly the worst jokes in the world but thanks for trying. [/B][/QUOTE]

Thank you - I try
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  #59  
Old 23-10-2001, 06:03 PM
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MARKOFBLOCKB MARKOFBLOCKB is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Teaser
A man went to his doctor seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars. The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy. "When you go to bed tonight, take one of your cigars, unwrap it, and stick it completely up your asshole. Then remove it, rewrap it, and place it back with all the others in such a fashion as you can't tell which one it is. The aversion is obvious: you won't dare smoke any of them, not knowing which is the treated cigar." "Thanks doc, I'll try it." And he did. But three weeks later he came back and saw the doctor again. "What? My recommendation didn't work? It was supposed to be effective even in the most addictive of cases, such as yours is!" "Well, it kind of worked, doc. At least I was able to transfer my addiction," said the patient. "What in the hell is that supposed to mean?" "Well, I don't smoke cigars anymore, but now I can't go to sleep at night unless I have a cigar shoved up my ass..."

That one is not too bad
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Old 23-10-2001, 06:04 PM
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Thin on Top Thin on Top is offline
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Thin on Top : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineThin on Top : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineThin on Top : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineThin on Top : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineThin on Top : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineThin on Top : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineThin on Top : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineThin on Top : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineThin on Top : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineThin on Top : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mineThin on Top : if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind, come round, you can take a piece of mine
A farmer wakes one morning to discover snow has covered all his farm. He races down to the barn to find all his cattle frozen stiff. "Oh no" says the farmer "there's a 1m worth of beef in there, I've lost it all !!" In a panic, he call's the vet. The vet arrives, checks out the frozen cattle and says "well, there's not much I can do here, although I do know someone who may be able to help". After an hour the vet arrives with a little old lady, "I believe you have a problem" crows the old timer before opening the barn door. "Mmmm....this is a tricky one, but give me an hour and I'll see what I can do". An hour passes before the barn doors open and out pops the old lady. The farmer looks into the barn and sees all his cows swishing their tails and moo-ing. "That's amazing" says the farmer, "You've really earned your money, old lady, who do I make the cheque out to ? "

"Oh just me" says the old lady "Thora Hird" !!
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Bong !!!! I wish they wouldn't do that. Rank stupidity.
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