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  #5701  
Old 15-06-2019, 12:57 PM
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Twat doesn’t get stopped by the swear filter so I think we should give him his full title

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  #5702  
Old 15-06-2019, 01:59 PM
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Twat doesn’t get stopped by the swear filter so I think we should give him his full title

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  #5703  
Old 15-06-2019, 02:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Les Butler View Post
No benefit of the doubt....Plain and simple,you are taking the piss Remmer....You have had your piss take, now leave this thread alone please or you will lose access to Gen Chit Chat.

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  #5704  
Old 15-06-2019, 02:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bomboyno View Post
I am suffering at the moment, my girlfriend of 2 years split up with me last Friday, she initially wanted to call it quits on the bank holiday weekend when she called me on her way back to here after a weekend at mine (she lives a couple of hours away).
On that weekend she said she couldn't be with me anymore. She has had a lot of stuff on her plate recently, she changed a job role, does a degree through work as well which includes essays and such. The biggest problem is her grandpa passed away 5 weeks ago from demetia and her mum and Dad were living with him and caring for him. Due to his passing they have to sort his house out within 8weeks and leave and find somewhere else to live ie with my girlfriend due to a clause in the contract with another family member.
So she has all that on her plate. I could hear on that bank holiday Sunday she was anxious and balling her eyes out. This weekend was 2 weeks after her grandpa's death. She said she felt guilty about seeing me that weekend when she felt she should be with her mum helping comfort her which is understandable.
She said she needed time and space to help her through grieving which I totally understand.
I calmed her down and we carried on texting from then onwards but the texts were colder and short and I could tell she was different. I said to my family last Wednesday that it seemed she was just texting me to avoid upsetting me again as I think I scared her the first time by saying I had to go to a quiet spot to be alone.
Last Friday she rang me and said again she couldn't give me what I wanted in the relationship, she couldn't take on my kids, I said she doesn't need to as they live with their mum and also she needed to reconnect with her friends as she spent every weekend with me. I never insisted she saw me every weekend and never stopped her seeing friends anyway as she lives miles away anyway. We had always talked about the future and moving in together.
She is the kind of person who always likes to please everyone and the stress of the death, sorting of the house, work, uni and seeing me sounds like it has gone on top of her. She actually said to me last Friday (7th) that if we wanted to text her next weekend ie the week just gone then I could. I asked her why and she said "to see how I am" I said to her I would put the onus on her to text me if she felt differently like she missed me as she knows how I feel about her. She said she doesn't love me and I said how long had she felt like this and it coincides with when her grandpa passed. I never met her family in that 2 years as she said it wouldn't be pleasant for me as with his dementia he could get violent and a new face may confuse him.

I am really down, I did bite the bullet on Tuesday and texted her, I miss her so much for those 2 years we texted everyday and talked on the phone. I had to ring her as I gave her my address so she could send her season ticket back to me as we travelled to home and away games together. I went to Samaritans on Monday to speak to someone, it helped a little.
On Wednesday I thought I was ok and strong but when Thursday came and something silly like the football fixtures came out I took it hard as that's what we did together going to Palace. Yesterday was horrible at work, and I can't concentrate on anything. I am upset nowwriting this. People have told me to try and move on but it's so damn hard.
I just keep having this thought of seeing her at an away game in the future with someone else.

I am sorry for rambling on but thought this might help

Thanks
Sorry to hear this, have you considered the 'Time to Talk' service in this area, they helped me, the one in Shoreham was really good. The doctor referred me, glad he did.

You have my number. Take care.
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  #5705  
Old 15-06-2019, 02:35 PM
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Another tough week for the old anxiety and stress levels.

3 days after my 'wife' (separated for nearly 9 months now) texted to say she was stopping child maintenance - I am the lone parent earning a less than a third of what she does - I saw her holding hands with another man from a distance this lunchtime. I really don't like the person she has turned into these last 12 months but it still felt like a dagger in the heart.

I have been in touch with the CSM and they are case building and part of me pities him. She will be only showing him her pleasant side but won't be able to do it long term.
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  #5706  
Old 15-06-2019, 02:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bomboyno View Post
I am suffering at the moment, my girlfriend of 2 years split up with me last Friday, she initially wanted to call it quits on the bank holiday weekend when she called me on her way back to here after a weekend at mine (she lives a couple of hours away).
On that weekend she said she couldn't be with me anymore. She has had a lot of stuff on her plate recently, she changed a job role, does a degree through work as well which includes essays and such. The biggest problem is her grandpa passed away 5 weeks ago from demetia and her mum and Dad were living with him and caring for him. Due to his passing they have to sort his house out within 8weeks and leave and find somewhere else to live ie with my girlfriend due to a clause in the contract with another family member.
So she has all that on her plate. I could hear on that bank holiday Sunday she was anxious and balling her eyes out. This weekend was 2 weeks after her grandpa's death. She said she felt guilty about seeing me that weekend when she felt she should be with her mum helping comfort her which is understandable.
She said she needed time and space to help her through grieving which I totally understand.
I calmed her down and we carried on texting from then onwards but the texts were colder and short and I could tell she was different. I said to my family last Wednesday that it seemed she was just texting me to avoid upsetting me again as I think I scared her the first time by saying I had to go to a quiet spot to be alone.
Last Friday she rang me and said again she couldn't give me what I wanted in the relationship, she couldn't take on my kids, I said she doesn't need to as they live with their mum and also she needed to reconnect with her friends as she spent every weekend with me. I never insisted she saw me every weekend and never stopped her seeing friends anyway as she lives miles away anyway. We had always talked about the future and moving in together.
She is the kind of person who always likes to please everyone and the stress of the death, sorting of the house, work, uni and seeing me sounds like it has gone on top of her. She actually said to me last Friday (7th) that if we wanted to text her next weekend ie the week just gone then I could. I asked her why and she said "to see how I am" I said to her I would put the onus on her to text me if she felt differently like she missed me as she knows how I feel about her. She said she doesn't love me and I said how long had she felt like this and it coincides with when her grandpa passed. I never met her family in that 2 years as she said it wouldn't be pleasant for me as with his dementia he could get violent and a new face may confuse him.

I am really down, I did bite the bullet on Tuesday and texted her, I miss her so much for those 2 years we texted everyday and talked on the phone. I had to ring her as I gave her my address so she could send her season ticket back to me as we travelled to home and away games together. I went to Samaritans on Monday to speak to someone, it helped a little.
On Wednesday I thought I was ok and strong but when Thursday came and something silly like the football fixtures came out I took it hard as that's what we did together going to Palace. Yesterday was horrible at work, and I can't concentrate on anything. I am upset nowwriting this. People have told me to try and move on but it's so damn hard.
I just keep having this thought of seeing her at an away game in the future with someone else.

I am sorry for rambling on but thought this might help

Thanks
Mate you are grieving big time - as I am having lost my wife of 17 years 9 months ago to her wanting to reinvent her life and giving up on me and the family. The only advice I can give is that the grieving is a huge part of the healing process so you let yourself take as long as it takes until the old emotional batteries feel recharged.

Lost my long term perfectly fantastic Aussie g/friend whom I loved to a 'Dear John' letter many many years ago - around 1991 - and it took a good two and a half years to be ready again for another girlfriend. Didn't rush it. Kept busy and accepted that I was going to be emotionally screwed up for a while.

In that boat again. We both are. Believe it will get better even if it never feels like it will. Because the truth is it will. Heal first and it will.
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  #5707  
Old 15-06-2019, 02:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Penstone Eagle View Post
Sorry to hear this, have you considered the 'Time to Talk' service in this area, they helped me, the one in Shoreham was really good. The doctor referred me, glad he did.

You have my number. Take care.
Thanks Neil, appreciate it. Like I said went to Samaritans the other day, may have to go and see a doctor if I carry on
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  #5708  
Old 15-06-2019, 03:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Am Phibian View Post
Mate you are grieving big time - as I am having lost my wife of 17 years 9 months ago to her wanting to reinvent her life and giving up on me and the family. The only advice I can give is that the grieving is a huge part of the healing process so you let yourself take as long as it takes until the old emotional batteries feel recharged.

Lost my long term perfectly fantastic Aussie g/friend whom I loved to a 'Dear John' letter many many years ago - around 1991 - and it took a good two and a half years to be ready again for another girlfriend. Didn't rush it. Kept busy and accepted that I was going to be emotionally screwed up for a while.

In that boat again. We both are. Believe it will get better even if it never feels like it will. Because the truth is it will. Heal first and it will.
Thanks mate, like i said before I understood if she binned me due to me being an idiot and cheating but i haven't., she said I didn't do anything wrong. It just happened so quickly and unexpected, i understood during the 8 week period where they need to sort her grandpas house out and move out it would be hard and she wpuld have to be there for her mum but never thought she would end it.
I said to her aswell that I was sorry if all the times during the week I said I missed her put pressure on her aswell to see me at weekends.
I know she was seeing a counsellor as her anxiety and level of upset on the phone was nothing I had heard her been like and all the times she said she had to be there for her mum, but now I think it might be her who is worse. I texted her yesterday and said for her to message me next month just to let me know she is ok.
Was hoping but not raising my hopes too much that after the whole issue and stress of finding her mum and dad somewhere to live has subsided then she might get some feeling back
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  #5709  
Old 15-06-2019, 05:16 PM
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Am Phibian Am Phibian is offline
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Originally Posted by bomboyno View Post
Thanks mate, like i said before I understood if she binned me due to me being an idiot and cheating but i haven't., she said I didn't do anything wrong. It just happened so quickly and unexpected, i understood during the 8 week period where they need to sort her grandpas house out and move out it would be hard and she wpuld have to be there for her mum but never thought she would end it.
I said to her aswell that I was sorry if all the times during the week I said I missed her put pressure on her aswell to see me at weekends.
I know she was seeing a counsellor as her anxiety and level of upset on the phone was nothing I had heard her been like and all the times she said she had to be there for her mum, but now I think it might be her who is worse. I texted her yesterday and said for her to message me next month just to let me know she is ok.
Was hoping but not raising my hopes too much that after the whole issue and stress of finding her mum and dad somewhere to live has subsided then she might get some feeling back
It's horrible and upsetting and bewildering. Trying to rationalise everything is natural in order to process but it can just keep going round and round in circles in one's head so maybe try to realise too that it may never make proper sense. Just take each day as it comes. Keep busy. Really important. Exhaust yourself thru' running or whatever. I'm on valerian tea every night to assist sleep and it does help. A couple of St John's Wort capsules too. Not sure if they help or not but they are supposed to aid low mood so if having a down day I do take one in morning and afternoon. Stay strong, cry, be upset, grieve, talk to friends and family. We are here for you and for each other.
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  #5710  
Old 15-06-2019, 05:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Am Phibian View Post
It's horrible and upsetting and bewildering. Trying to rationalise everything is natural in order to process but it can just keep going round and round in circles in one's head so maybe try to realise too that it may never make proper sense. Just take each day as it comes. Keep busy. Really important. Exhaust yourself thru' running or whatever. I'm on valerian tea every night to assist sleep and it does help. A couple of St John's Wort capsules too. Not sure if they help or not but they are supposed to aid low mood so if having a down day I do take one in morning and afternoon. Stay strong, cry, be upset, grieve, talk to friends and family. We are here for you and for each other.

Thanks pal and sorry to hear about your situation. Things do go round your head and stuff even like ' has she found someone else' is worrying me. She said she never had time to see me let alone anyone else what with her other issues and she isn't that kind of person. I always said to her that she is too good for me but she always called me silly and said I would be the one most likely to split with her.
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  #5711  
Old 15-06-2019, 05:59 PM
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Originally Posted by bomboyno View Post
Thanks pal and sorry to hear about your situation. Things do go round your head and stuff even like ' has she found someone else' is worrying me. She said she never had time to see me let alone anyone else what with her other issues and she isn't that kind of person. I always said to her that she is too good for me but she always called me silly and said I would be the one most likely to split with her.
It's a way off but whatever happens you will find 'the right one' again and next time it will feel even more right as will I. Believe. But yeah be sad and grieve for now as that'll help overall even tho' it won't feel like it. I don't think I will be ready for at least a year and a half from now to entertain the idea of actually moving on with a new relationship but who knows? It could happen sooner if Carole Kirkwood moves in next door.
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  #5712  
Old 15-06-2019, 06:19 PM
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Just gen chit chat???
Yep,always get a warning and a few chances,bit harsh calling for a complete ban from what I can see for putting his foot in his mouth once and sensibly now staying away,most posters have their moments and learn by it....If we banned people on here for being a twat once in a while there would be not that many left posting(including me ).
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  #5713  
Old 16-06-2019, 10:36 AM
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Originally Posted by Am Phibian View Post
It's a way off but whatever happens you will find 'the right one' again and next time it will feel even more right as will I. Believe. But yeah be sad and grieve for now as that'll help overall even tho' it won't feel like it. I don't think I will be ready for at least a year and a half from now to entertain the idea of actually moving on with a new relationship but who knows? It could happen sooner if Carole Kirkwood moves in next door.
Thanks again, hoping it goes ok with you.
Went out last night to my local with my mum and her other half and friends. Had a few drinks but still not myself, its where my ex would come with us aswell so it was strange her not being there. People asking where she was last night was hard aswell.
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  #5714  
Old 16-06-2019, 08:58 PM
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Originally Posted by bomboyno View Post
Thanks again, hoping it goes ok with you.
Went out last night to my local with my mum and her other half and friends. Had a few drinks but still not myself, its where my ex would come with us aswell so it was strange her not being there. People asking where she was last night was hard aswell.
Alcohol and low mood don't go well together so have been pretty much teetotal this last 9 months. Looking forward to the day I can enjoy drinking every weekend again.
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Old 16-06-2019, 09:06 PM
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Alcohol and low mood don't go well together so have been pretty much teetotal this last 9 months. Looking forward to the day I can enjoy drinking every weekend again.
Echo this.
I find I always have broken sleep after a session and generally feel rubbish the following day. I knocked drink on the head for almost 2 years for this very reason back in 2004. I didn't have a good relationship with alcohol, and would invariably binge drink to block out other issues which were bringing me down. In the finish I replaced a weekend session with a workout, meal out or fishing etc.
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Old 16-06-2019, 09:31 PM
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Feel pretty flat myself (to be honest). Wife has a mental illness that she has never acknowledged nor managed properly. Started 7 years ago and during that time she's had several relapses; and the most recent of which started again around December last year.

Have tried to help her by contacting her GP to get the help I feel she needs but to no evail. They offered her talking therapy but she hasn't taken it; yet her delusions continue.

On top of this, we have a special needs daughter who is home for weekends and holidays (she went into term-time residential in April) and she is complex and needs a lot of help and support. All in all, it's been a bloody hard and stressful struggle for a while now.

Only person I feel for in all of this is our younger daughter.
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Old 17-06-2019, 10:40 AM
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Originally Posted by CPFC85 View Post
Feel pretty flat myself (to be honest). Wife has a mental illness that she has never acknowledged nor managed properly. Started 7 years ago and during that time she's had several relapses; and the most recent of which started again around December last year.

Have tried to help her by contacting her GP to get the help I feel she needs but to no evail. They offered her talking therapy but she hasn't taken it; yet her delusions continue.

On top of this, we have a special needs daughter who is home for weekends and holidays (she went into term-time residential in April) and she is complex and needs a lot of help and support. All in all, it's been a bloody hard and stressful struggle for a while now.

Only person I feel for in all of this is our younger daughter.
Hard to know what to say to help, beyond recognising this must be a really hard set of circumstances, and you'd be doing well to feel anything other than flat.

Can talking therapies do much for delusions in any case? Or are we talking about OCD type stuff?
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Old 17-06-2019, 03:53 PM
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Hard to know what to say to help, beyond recognising this must be a really hard set of circumstances, and you'd be doing well to feel anything other than flat.

Can talking therapies do much for delusions in any case? Or are we talking about OCD type stuff?
Thanks.

It is more of a counselling service that has been offered; and I feel this would help as much of her challenges these last 7 years are linked to a lot of childhood/early adulthood trauma.

I have offered as much emotional support as I can but I am not qualified to deal with the things she has been through.
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Old 17-06-2019, 03:57 PM
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Alcohol and low mood don't go well together so have been pretty much teetotal this last 9 months. Looking forward to the day I can enjoy drinking every weekend again.
Managed to get myself off to sleep pretty easy after going out but I am not a big drinker really anyway, just pop out to a local social club sometimes on a Saturday evening. Finding it hard and its been 10 days since I split with ex, text her in Friday just to ask her whether she could message me next month to let me know how she is.
By mid July the whole issue with her grandpas house (see my first post on last page) should be completed and that will be one problem off her mind. Hoping that maybe does miss me aswell but not raising hopes at all.
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Old 17-06-2019, 07:15 PM
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Managed to get myself off to sleep pretty easy after going out but I am not a big drinker really anyway, just pop out to a local social club sometimes on a Saturday evening. Finding it hard and its been 10 days since I split with ex, text her in Friday just to ask her whether she could message me next month to let me know how she is.
By mid July the whole issue with her grandpas house (see my first post on last page) should be completed and that will be one problem off her mind. Hoping that maybe does miss me aswell but not raising hopes at all.
She'll find her way back to you if that's what she wants and her feelings are still there somewhere. Best to give her space, she knows she can contact you, and for you to focus on looking after yourself. In a year or less we'll both be feeling a lot better and more positive I promise you.
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