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  #61  
Old 22-01-2022, 11:48 AM
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Can’t really help you with advice or anything but wish you the all the best. Hope to still see you regularly in the F1 thread this season as we have a common interest in the sport and it wouldn’t be the same without us butting heads most weekends.
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  #62  
Old 22-01-2022, 12:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Jonboy View Post
In Canada we have family lawyers who specialize in using mediation services to resolve separations in an amicable manner. Better and cheaper than using the courts to decide things in a confrontational manner. Are there similar in the UK?
Yes there are. Itís also called mediation services.
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  #63  
Old 22-01-2022, 12:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe85 View Post
Thank you for this.

So to be clear, i'm currently on a repayment, have 22 years left. and 41% LTV. By going down to interest only (and not changing the term) i see the repayment has dropped from £1200 to £250 on the comparison sites, which is inline with your point about the term, so may just go with this.

Totally fine with the Interest only, once i leave the house i have absolutely no intention of paying it off, instead just servicing the debt until the kids have moved out, and we can sell/split the capital - or she can just have the ******* lot. I don't really care.
Only slight issue I can see with this is I think the bank have to have a recorded plan for how you are going to service the debt to go interest only these days. Been that way since the credit crunch. If you go part repayment I believe this is less of an issue.

If you want to speak to an FA PM me and Iíll send you some details.
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  #64  
Old 22-01-2022, 12:30 PM
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Joe seems to me you are prematurely narrowing the options.
Eg - your stbex is a grown woman who can get a job and support herself.
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  #65  
Old 22-01-2022, 12:42 PM
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I can only echo the good wishes extended by others Joe. Chin up mate.
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  #66  
Old 22-01-2022, 01:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe85 View Post
Does anyone know what bills i'll be liable for - expecting Council Tax, Gas, Elec, Broadband, TV Licence. Anything else?

Child support i worked out to be around £1200 a month. WithInterest-free mortgage at £250, Council Tax £200, Gas/Elec £200 and say £100 for TV Licence/Broadband that around £2k already.

******* hell.
Also Joe see here

ď Child maintenance is an arrangement between you and the other parent of your child. It covers how your childís living costs will be paid for when one of the parents no longer lives with them. Itís made when youíve separated from the other parent (or if youíve never been in a relationship).Ē

Both parents are responsible for the costs of raising their children, even if they do not see them. ď

To view the link you have to Register or Login

If you are paying all the costs of accommodation and monthly bills you will probably find the child maintenance costs will come down as the purpose of child maintenance is to cover the costs, not the costs plus a windfall. It is clear you are willing to be overly generous and hopefully a decent mediator will get that across before solicitors get involved.
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  #67  
Old 22-01-2022, 02:12 PM
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Joe are you legally married?
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  #68  
Old 22-01-2022, 02:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe85 View Post
Just to provide a bit more depth. The current situation is this:

Sole income, 4 kids together, 2 cars, one paid up the other on finance.

Put a large deposit on the financed car (only a year old now) so think, that at the very worst case, i'll break even. She can keep her car.

Largish mortgage, around 4q% LTV so i get the lowest interest rates when remortgaging. Currently, i have around 22 years left, with the consequence being higher repayments. Now the renewal has come round (i believe) by doubling the repayment period and going interest only i can get the payments down from around £1200 a month to about £250-300. I have no intention of paying the house off any longer. I intend to service the debt until the kids are old enough and then sell and split 50/50 with her, which i think is fair.

That's the extent of my debts. No other loans or Credit.

To be close enough to work to cycle, i'm looking at 1 bed/studio's in SE London, expecting unfurnished to be about £750 (low end).

Pension isn't worth a wank, really. I only joined the company this year, and if i stick it out it;'ll e decent when i retire, but i think if it's to be split then i'll just bin it off, and she can have 50% of **** all.

Plenty of small sacrificial expenses - Virgin TV, Spotify, BG Homecare, HOme/Contents insurances, Life insurance, Netflix etc. could sell my Motorbike
Also do not sacrifice home insurance. You will be in breach of your mortgage terms. It’s a must have and not optional unless you own your house outright. Even then I would consider it a must have and not really optional.
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  #69  
Old 22-01-2022, 02:31 PM
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Like everyone else Joe, we all know you are a good guy.

Splitting up doesnt change that or you qualities of strength, intelligence and kindness. Those qualities will see you through any situation, even when the circumstances of that situation are out of your control.

There are two aspects to deal with, the practical and the emotional of course they are connected but best to try and seperate them and have two seperate strategies for dealing with each of them.

But whether you are married or not is important. Let us know

Most of all everyone here is here for you
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  #70  
Old 22-01-2022, 02:49 PM
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Joe are you legally married?
Can one be 'illegally married' as such?
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  #71  
Old 22-01-2022, 02:55 PM
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Can one be 'illegally married' as such?
Bigamy?
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  #72  
Old 22-01-2022, 03:00 PM
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Originally Posted by palacemetros View Post
Bigamy?
Thats a requirement up in Stropsy land...also incest.
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  #73  
Old 22-01-2022, 03:04 PM
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Thats a requirement up in Stropsy land...also incest.
I had all on getting one bird to marry me
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  #74  
Old 22-01-2022, 03:18 PM
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Just to say good luck

I've recently moved hundreds of miles away, from where I was living, but for me, whilst scary it's a positive step.

I've found running helps and (I'm not one to give advice on this) but cutting down on the booze too..
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  #75  
Old 22-01-2022, 03:22 PM
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So, worst case (webuyanycar) i have around £9.5k equity in the DS, more than i thought. Any recommended routes for selling a newish car? Or are Webuyanycar any good?

Also saved myself £820 a month just binning Virgin Media, Netflix, Prime, Spotify, Car Insurance/petrol/road tax (when it actually goes). *IF* i can get the mortgage down to £200-300 a month, i've saved around £1800pm straight off the bat. Pleased with that.

Looking at house shares in and around SE London. £5-600pcm seems to be the going rate keeping within a commutable distance by bicycle, so that's always an option.
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Last edited by Joe85; 22-01-2022 at 03:24 PM.
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  #76  
Old 22-01-2022, 03:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hpalace View Post
Also do not sacrifice home insurance. You will be in breach of your mortgage terms. Itís a must have and not optional unless you own your house outright. Even then I would consider it a must have and not really optional.
Yeh, fair point. Although, contents and life insurance can get in the bin. At least for now.
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  #77  
Old 22-01-2022, 03:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by adrenalin john View Post
Joe are you legally married?
No, mate.
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  #78  
Old 22-01-2022, 03:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adlerhorst View Post
Second hand car values are still high, so you may have more equity in the car than you realise if you go down the cycling route.

If your work do it, then make use of the cycle to work scheme. Saves on tax and NI as the repayments come out of your gross salary. Cycling (and fitness in general) is supposed to be good for mental well-being.

I have a spare bike you can borrow if you need something in the short term.
That's a very generous offer, thank you, but i have a bike ready to go thankfully. Appreciate it nonetheless.
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  #79  
Old 22-01-2022, 03:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Wolfnipplechips View Post
The BBS is magic sometimes.
It is. Overwhelmed with the advice received thus far Eternally grateful, even for just the well-wishes, which have genuinely raised my spirit today.

Thank you.
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  #80  
Old 22-01-2022, 03:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnybegood View Post
Sorry to read this Joe
I regularly speak to a mate of mine who went through similar a few years back.
He tells me now that he now really regrets not putting everything into counselling. He went along to sessions in defensive mode, thinking that it was his opportunity to get his point across and for people to hear his side, that he was v.stressed with work and the Financial commitments they had taken on, had overburdened him and he was not being appreciated.

He said he wished he went along primarily to listen, to remain unemotional and to try to view things from his wife's perspective. Instead he says he let his ego get in the way and wanted to win the argument.

Work and families cause so much stress in modern life ( I can't even get my kids into the car for the school run without them tearing the arse out of each other) that we become hardwired to put up armoury ...but a few years down the line my mate tells me that he can see now that his wife was v.stressed as well with young kids, suffering sleeplessness and depression, had money worries all of which were made acutely worse when he moved out.

He reckons she still will not listen to him, he will never do right and they argue every time they see each other. I wonder if in a few years he may look back and say again "I wished I had listened and understood what she was going through etc etc"

As others have said you are one of the genuine good guys on here, in a sea of good guys, so hope it works out but from my mates experience I would really try to be as conciliatory as possible even if it is a lost cause as it will make other things easier
A very poignant post, and it actually hits closer to home than i realised. However, things have truly crossed the point of no return in terms of the relationship.

I'm sure there's some give on my side to try and mediate the situation so that it's less toxic, i just don't want to at this point. We're strangers - different interests, different lives; we find each other's company unbearable.
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