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  #1321  
Old 23-10-2019, 08:58 AM
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My Nan always buys us raisins
raisins for Christmas
raisins for Easter
raisins for our birthdays
We call her Peshwari Nan
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  #1322  
Old 24-10-2019, 09:26 PM
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I drew £30 out of a cash machine & now I can hear ‘Nessun Dorma’ coming out of my wallet.

Must be one of those three tenners...
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  #1323  
Old 24-10-2019, 09:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by colonel View Post
My Nan always buys us raisins
raisins for Christmas
raisins for Easter
raisins for our birthdays
We call her Peshwari Nan
Maybe I don't understand it, but isn't a Peshwari Naan made with coconut?
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  #1324  
Old 24-10-2019, 10:06 PM
chateauferret chateauferret is offline
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Originally Posted by rhino_mik View Post
Maybe I don't understand it, but isn't a Peshwari Naan made with coconut?
Yes but also raisins.
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  #1325  
Old 24-10-2019, 10:07 PM
chateauferret chateauferret is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rhiannapaul View Post
I drew £30 out of a cash machine & now I can hear ‘Nessun Dorma’ coming out of my wallet.

Must be one of those three tenners...
On what do you bass that conclusion?
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  #1326  
Old 24-10-2019, 10:50 PM
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Last edited by MFBias; 25-10-2019 at 08:11 AM.
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  #1327  
Old 24-10-2019, 10:59 PM
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Away came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietAway came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietAway came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietAway came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietAway came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietAway came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietAway came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietAway came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietAway came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietAway came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietAway came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
Meanwhile on the Jokes thread ...


Quote:
Originally Posted by BB Bob View Post
A man goes to his psychiatrist.



"Doctor, you've got to help me," he says. "I keep thinking that I'm a well-known psychoanalyst."



"How long has this been going on?" asks the shrink.



"Well," the man replies, "it all started when I was Jung..."
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  #1328  
Old 25-10-2019, 01:03 PM
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My family has a genetic predisposition for diarrhoea.
It runs in our jeans.
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  #1329  
Old 25-10-2019, 01:06 PM
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Palace Dan came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietPalace Dan came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietPalace Dan came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietPalace Dan came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietPalace Dan came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietPalace Dan came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietPalace Dan came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietPalace Dan came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietPalace Dan came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietPalace Dan came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietPalace Dan came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
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Originally Posted by BB Bob View Post
My family has a genetic predisposition for diarrhoea.
It runs in our jeans.
Noses run in our family
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  #1330  
Old 25-10-2019, 04:44 PM
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ceeby came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietceeby came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietceeby came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietceeby came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietceeby came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietceeby came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietceeby came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietceeby came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietceeby came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietceeby came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietceeby came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
Quote:
Originally Posted by colonel View Post
My Nan always buys us raisins
raisins for Christmas
raisins for Easter
raisins for our birthdays
We call her Peshwari Nan
Not a joke but my nan genuinely lived in Keymer.
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  #1331  
Old 25-10-2019, 07:19 PM
justjuice justjuice is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chateauferret View Post
Yes but also raisins.
Might have been better if the nan had bought raisins at xmas and coconut for birthdays.

But not much better.
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  #1332  
Old 26-10-2019, 08:47 AM
BERT'S HEAD BERT'S HEAD is offline
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Nuns are in the front row watching a darts match.

Player puts his first dart in treble 20, second a 20 and the last dart hits the wire and rebounds into the Sister's eye killing her instantly.

The scorer announces "One nun dead and 80."
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  #1333  
Old 16-11-2019, 02:07 AM
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SOUTHGATE EAGLE SOUTHGATE EAGLE is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BERT'S HEAD View Post
Nuns are in the front row watching a darts match.

Player puts his first dart in treble 20, second a 20 and the last dart hits the wire and rebounds into the Sister's eye killing her instantly.

The scorer announces "One nun dead and 80."
My Dad told me that in Butlins in 1978. Thank you for making me feel young.
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  #1334  
Old 10-12-2019, 09:01 AM
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An Englishman, Frenchman, Italian and German are all standing watching a street performer do some juggling. The juggler notices that the men have a rather poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"

"Yes."
"Oui."
"Si."
"Ja."
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  #1335  
Old 10-12-2019, 12:29 PM
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A bedraggled and starving Tarzan arrives at Hackney Social Services.

"I am Tarzan, lord of the jungle, but I have endured a horrendous journey and need your help."

"OK Tarzan, tell me how you survive in a typical week."

"On Monday I was so hungry I had to kill my beloved Cheeta and ate his arms.

"By Wednesday I was still starving so had to eat my beloved Cheeta's legs.

"On Friday and Saturday I had to feast on my beloved Cheeta's stomach and on Sunday I feasted on his brains."

The officer pondered for a moment and said: "Well Tarzan, lord of the jungle, if you can't survive on a monkey a week you can feck off."
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  #1336  
Old 11-12-2019, 10:40 AM
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Not a joke but this is

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  #1337  
Old 12-12-2019, 10:18 AM
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Labour will be winning the election until 5pm when the conservatives finish work
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  #1338  
Old 12-12-2019, 10:20 AM
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Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by rhiannapaul View Post
Labour will be winning the election until 5pm when the conservatives finish work


I’m sure your betters will pat you on the head for that one.

Good boy.
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  #1339  
Old 12-12-2019, 11:06 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rhiannapaul View Post
Labour will be winning the election until 5pm when the conservatives finish work
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  #1340  
Old 12-12-2019, 11:17 AM
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Vote The Errol Flynn party for a well hung Parliament
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