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  #201  
Old 15-11-2004, 11:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by LLCOOLSTEVE
I should add that the reason we split was because she feels she needs time to live a bit, and be single for a bit, not always having to think of me before going out etc etc. She is young so its understandable that she wants some time to be her own person, she also wants to concentrate on her work and college as she is in the last year of a specialised cheffing course at a big hotel, she say's who knows what will happen in few months time between us and where we will go, so there is no actual closure of the relationship which makes it worse.
Forget her. The sooner you do the better it will be for your health and future. It may sound harsh and you may not have an answer at the momnet on how to go about this so here is some radical advice which I know helped me:

Find your friends. Even if you don't have a best buddie go out of your way to make him feel like one. Go drink with him and drown your sorrows with him. If he is single it's even better as you can both get back on the game sooner. There are thousands, in fact millions of beautiful girls out there just waiting for you to fall right back in love and all it needs is a nice shirt, some aftershave and a decent haircut
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  #202  
Old 15-11-2004, 11:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by greybot
Forget her. The sooner you do the better it will be for your health and future. It may sound harsh and you may not have an answer at the momnet on how to go about this so here is some radical advice which I know helped me:

Find your friends. Even if you don't have a best buddie go out of your way to make him feel like one. Go drink with him and drown your sorrows with him. If he is single it's even better as you can both get back on the game sooner. There are thousands, in fact millions of beautiful girls out there just waiting for you to fall right back in love and all it needs is a nice shirt, some aftershave and a decent haircut
ARRHHH that Old Spice gives me the edge
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  #203  
Old 15-11-2004, 11:31 PM
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Originally posted by greybot
all it needs is a nice shirt, some aftershave and a decent haircut
Dammit
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  #204  
Old 15-11-2004, 11:36 PM
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Im not going to forget her, I dont want to. But I am going to give her space and time to find her feet and grow as a person, she means the world to me and it hurts like hell but thses things take time i know.
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  #205  
Old 15-11-2004, 11:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by LLCOOLSTEVE
Im not going to forget her, I dont want to. But I am going to give her space and time to find her feet and grow as a person, she means the world to me and it hurts like hell but thses things take time i know.
S
U
C
K
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R

So go and let her sleep around. Trust me, she wont feel anybetter after that. I have seen it with my friends. A girl i know was in exactly the same situatution as you. She went single and sleeping about but all she wanted was someone close to her in the end. They all bloody want that, or they're a dirt bag. Now if you gave me that option i would sleep with everything insight and my gf when i wanted it. Why would she want to come back to you. You need to offer her something else than what she can have being single. If you want her back.
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  #206  
Old 15-11-2004, 11:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Stavros 69
S
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R

So go and let her sleep around. Trust me, she wont feel anybetter after that. I have seen it with my friends. A girl i know was in exactly the same situatution as you. She went single and sleeping about but all she wanted was someone close to her in the end. They all bloody want that, or they're a dirt bag. Now if you gave me that option i would sleep with everything insight and my gf when i wanted it. Why would she want to come back to you. You need to offer her something else than what she can have being single. If you want her back.
Sound advice. Steve, you need to find another girl and make sure you are seen by your ex with her. Also put up a front that you are really happy with this new bird of yours and the ex will come crawling back.
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  #207  
Old 15-11-2004, 11:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Stavros 69
S
U
C
K
E
R

So go and let her sleep around. Trust me, she wont feel anybetter after that. I have seen it with my friends. A girl i know was in exactly the same situatution as you. She went single and sleeping about but all she wanted was someone close to her in the end. They all bloody want that, or they're a dirt bag. Now if you gave me that option i would sleep with everything insight and my gf when i wanted it. Why would she want to come back to you. You need to offer her something else than what she can have being single. If you want her back.
Sorry mate, but she really isnt like that, well id like to think i know her well enough and her saying that its not why she wants a break is good enough for me.

She does have some issues and I truly love the girl so if she has to sort herself out and look at the bigger picture without me at the moment then fine, if she is truly meant to be part of my life then she will be in the future, if she isnt then so be it.

Im trying to convice myself here, yes i know, but as there is no closure yet im not just going to forget her. Yes there will be minimal contact, if any at all, and i wont be seeing her but for the good of our relationship and as human beings its the right thing to do, although these first few days have been awful.
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  #208  
Old 15-11-2004, 11:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by greybot
Sound advice. Steve, you need to find another girl and make sure you are seen by your ex with her. Also put up a front that you are really happy with this new bird of yours and the ex will come crawling back.
Again it isnt like that, I have no need to make her jealous, I am really not into that, she lives 30 miles away from me so it isnt like i could just stumble across her with another girl anyway! But there is no way i could start seeing someone else until i have complete closure, and even after then it will be hard. Im not the sort of guy to just have fun on the rebound, this was a serious relationship for me and being with someone else just wont happen.
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  #209  
Old 16-11-2004, 12:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by LLCOOLSTEVE
Sorry mate, but she really isnt like that, well id like to think i know her well enough and her saying that its not why she wants a break is good enough for me.

She does have some issues and I truly love the girl so if she has to sort herself out and look at the bigger picture without me at the moment then fine, if she is truly meant to be part of my life then she will be in the future, if she isnt then so be it.

Im trying to convice myself here, yes i know, but as there is no closure yet im not just going to forget her. Yes there will be minimal contact, if any at all, and i wont be seeing her but for the good of our relationship and as human beings its the right thing to do, although these first few days have been awful.
I think its a terrible situation to be in. Its seems to me like she's using you as some kind of safety net, and thats not a position anybody should be put in. So what happens when she decides that it is you she wants to be with? You'll be back together with her, but there'll be doubts as to how she really feels, what went on whilst you were appart and whom she was with. It might not affect you now, but it could certainly do so later.

You have to look out for yourself first, you can't spend your life looking out for her. Ending things would make things harder short-term but alot easier in the long term.

Good luck Steve.
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  #210  
Old 16-11-2004, 12:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by greybot
Sound advice. Steve, you need to find another girl and make sure you are seen by your ex with her. Also put up a front that you are really happy with this new bird of yours and the ex will come crawling back.
I'm not too sure i would even do that. More like, get into work, achieve a few goals you have always wanted to do. I want to run a marathon one day. Treat yourself, get a new car or Tv or whatever you like to buy. Show her that being with you is better. Think of all the money you'll save by not being with her. You dont want a girl who is always thinking "what if ?"

You should make her think "Wow i did that with him!"

I had never met my gf's best mate and she really wanted to see her but she lives miles away. Instead of paying for her to go down on a train and stay with her, so she will get wasted and i'll worry about her i booked for us to stay in the hotel she worked in. I cleared it with her mum and that morning i woke up at 7 am and said "right lets go, pack a bag for 2 nights"
She didnt have a clue where we were going, she asked me questions all the way down there and we had a great time. SHe saw her friend, we spent time together and i was in her good books. It was a win win for all. Thats the kind of stuff she'll rememeber not the fact you bought her KFC 15 times. Go get suited and booted and take her out you muppet.
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  #211  
Old 16-11-2004, 12:08 AM
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Originally posted by Stavros 69
Go get suited and booted and take her out you muppet.
Are you talking to me? Well i dont think that would be happening Stav, it just wouldnt be the right thing to do, for one she is in France at the moment, see thats another thing, we were hoping to go to France sometime soon for a weekend, maybe valentines or even before xmas but she had the opportunity to go with a good friend of her's to Disneyland Paris, she text me on Saturday night as she left, so i said 'have a great time, and i only wish it was us going' to which she replied, 'maybe we can one day'. Again its confusing and the closure isnt there.

I really want to initiate the no contact thing as i think it would be for the best, but im really unsure.
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  #212  
Old 16-11-2004, 12:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by LLCOOLSTEVE
Are you talking to me? Well i dont think that would be happening Stav, it just wouldnt be the right thing to do, for one she is in France at the moment, see thats another thing, we were hoping to go to France sometime soon for a weekend, maybe valentines or even before xmas but she had the opportunity to go with a good friend of her's to Disneyland Paris, she text me on Saturday night as she left, so i said 'have a great time, and i only wish it was us going' to which she replied, 'maybe we can one day'. Again its confusing and the closure isnt there.

I really want to initiate the no contact thing as i think it would be for the best, but im really unsure.
Bottom line LL is that you have to choose either way. Either go for it and hopes she loves you or ditch the bitch and use your trusty right.
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  #213  
Old 16-11-2004, 12:10 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by LLCOOLSTEVE
Are you talking to me? Well i dont think that would be happening Stav, it just wouldnt be the right thing to do, for one she is in France at the moment, see thats another thing, we were hoping to go to France sometime soon for a weekend, maybe valentines or even before xmas but she had the opportunity to go with a good friend of her's to Disneyland Paris, she text me on Saturday night as she left, so i said 'have a great time, and i only wish it was us going' to which she replied, 'maybe we can one day'. Again its confusing and the closure isnt there.

I really want to initiate the no contact thing as i think it would be for the best, but im really unsure.
Who did she go to France with??
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  #214  
Old 16-11-2004, 12:10 AM
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Also im scared, no contact will equal a loss of feelings towards me.
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  #215  
Old 16-11-2004, 12:11 AM
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Right i'm off home, had enough of work. Steve you really need to pull it together.
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  #216  
Old 16-11-2004, 12:13 AM
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Right i'm off home, had enough of work. Steve you really need to pull it together.

Are you still with your girlfriend from Blighty or have you found a texan goddess?
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  #217  
Old 16-11-2004, 12:46 AM
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First safety First safety First safety First safety First safety First safety First safety First safety First safety First safety First safety
I am curious to know how many of the contributors to this thread would consider themselves to be caring,sentimental and gentle of nature in a masculine sense,how many are natural worriers.

I suffered for years suffering anxiety and panic attacks,for years I was on medication which kept me going.I had a Senior position working to strict deadlines and several people working for me which meant that I could not talk openly about my feelings.

I had to take notice of my Doctor and come off the dreaded pills,I am sure that he felt some guilt for the time that he had allowed me to have repeat prescriptions.

Eventually I met up with some marvelous people who helped me and led me through the fight and flight/Glass half full half empty syndromes.

The key to most of my problems or difficulties was apparently in my childhood.without boring you with all the bits and pieces.I was encouraged to go backwards into my life as far back as I coud go and write notes as 'things' came up.

I claimed to be fine and said that I had had a happy childhood,super wife and family etc..Because I had written some notes the kind lady said to me that I had encountered lot of stress in my early years such as Mr. Hitler bombing seven shades of woopsie out of us,evacuation and the not to be forgotten sight of the old man that put the next game fixture boards out at the shrine dropped dead in front of me.

Largactil tablets in hindsight did me a lot of damage because they had side affects and meant that I became scared to go out in hot weather.

My difficulties became even more pronounced when the fine young arsehole who lived next to us played music ? so loudly that we could never escape from it,even ended up walking the streets and going out even when we did'nt want to.

Solution move home and live quietly/Loss is that I now live a distance from my wonderful son.

I must close this now-but suggest that the above worked for me and if you have close friends or family share your aches and joys with them.

Last edited by First safety; 16-11-2004 at 12:49 AM.
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  #218  
Old 16-11-2004, 12:55 AM
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Who did she go to France with??
A girl mate....
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  #219  
Old 16-11-2004, 12:56 AM
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Originally posted by Stavros 69
Bottom line LL is that you have to choose either way. Either go for it and hopes she loves you or ditch the bitch and use your trusty right.
But im in no state of mind right now to make that decision, thats why its good to talk

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  #220  
Old 16-11-2004, 03:38 AM
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Originally posted by greybot
Are you still with your girlfriend from Blighty or have you found a texan goddess?
Well Mr Bot, it's been a bloody hard time. I'm still with my gf, been with her for over a year now which is amazing because usually they start talking about commitment and i kick them off. But with this one i havent felt the squeeze...................untill this week

She came over from the UK to stay with me, i took abit of time off but i had to work somedays because i've got alot on. But it was really nice coming back to someone in my flat, having my washing done for me, these are the things you forget about when your living by yourself. It's amazing how good a home cooked meal tastes after 6 months of eating frozen cr@p. Well we were in bed one night and boom out of nowhere out it comes. "Where do you see yourself 5 years down the road"

Oh no, oh no dont think i'm walking into that one. My resonse
"Well to be honest i think i'll be living in my penthouse driving my M3, lying in silk sheet, you ?"

"Well we'll be together OF COURSE (leans over and stares) and be happy i guess"

Well i got away from it for a year i guess, then she started going on about spending the rest of her life with me Blah blah blah. To be honest my priorites lie like this
1. M3 and Porche
2. Home (flat/house)
3. woman.

But i work my balls off and want nice things. I have no idea where we're going to end up but i'm man enough to admit i was gutted and really sad taking her back to the airport. But the women out here are just like putty, but you have to be rich. Slight problem for me as i hate gold diggers
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